Mozart: A Life in Letters: A Life in Letters (56 page)

W. A. Mozart

Mon très cher Père
,

You’re looking forward to seeing me again, my dearest father! – That’s the only thing that can decide me to leave Vienna – I’m writing all this in plain German
as the whole world must know that it’s you alone, my most beloved father, whom the archbishop of Salzburg must thankfor the fact that he didn’t lose me yesterday for ever – I mean, as far as he personally is concerned
– we had a big concert here yesterday
¹
– probably the last one; – it turned out very well, and in spite of all the obstacles put in my way by His Archiepiscopal Grace, I had a better orchestra than Brunetti, as Ceccarelli will tell you; – I had so much trouble arranging all this – it’s better if I tell you about it in person, rather than in writing; if anything like it were to happen again, which I hope it won’t, I can assure you that I shall lose all patience, and you’ll surely forgive me for doing so – and I would ask you, dearest father, to allow me to return to Vienna next Lent, towards the end of carnival – this depends only on you, not on the
archbishop – for if he won’t allow me, I’ll still go, it won’t be to my disadvantage, it certainly won’t! – Oh, if only he could read this, how happy I’d be; – but in your next letter you must promise me this, for it’s only on this condition that I’ll come to Salzburg; –
a definite promise
, so that I can give my word to the ladies here – Stephanie will be giving me a German opera to write
²
– and so I await your reply. –

To date, Gilowsky still hasn’t brought me an apron – if he does bring one, I’ll not fail to lay it flat among the linen in the trunk, so that it’s not creased or ruined. I shan’t forget the ribbons either –

I still can’t tell you when and how I’ll be leaving – it’s sad that these gentlemen never tell you anything – and then suddenly we’re told
allons
, we’re off! – One moment we’re told that a carriage is being prepared so that the
contrôleur
, Ceccarelli and I can return home, and the next moment it’s by diligence, only for us then to be told that each of us will be given our fare for the diligence and can travel in whatever way we like – which is in fact my preferred solution. One moment we’re told we’ll be leaving in a week, then in 2 weeks, then in 3 – and then even sooner – God! – We really don’t know where we are, and there’s nothing we can do about it; – but I hope to be able to let you know by next post day –
à peu près
–

I must stop now as I’m off to see Countess Schönborn
³
– after yesterday’s concert the ladies kept me at the keyboard for a whole hour – I think I’d still be sitting there if I’d not stolen away – I thought I’d played enough
for nothing
–

Adieu – I kiss your hands 1000 times and embrace my sister with all my heart. I remain ever your obedient son

W. A. Mozart

P. S. Best wishes to all our friends – I embrace young Marchand
⁴
with all my heart. –
Please ask my sister to do me a favour: if she happens to write to Mlle Hepp, could she give her 1000 good wishes and explain that the reason why I’ve not written to her for so long is that I’d have to write and tell her not to reply to me until she’s received another letter from me – as I couldn’t say anything else to her in my second letter, I should never – as I’m in such a state of uncertainty – never receive another letter from her in Vienna – and that would be intolerable to me – but as things now stand, I’ve no right to expect one – I’ll write to her before I leave.
Adieu.

Mon très cher Père
,

I’m still seething with rage! – And you, my most beloved, dearest father, will undoubtedly be as well. – My patience has been tried for so long that it’s finally given out. I’m no longer so unfortunate as to be in the service of the Salzburg court – today has been a happy day for me; listen; –

Twice that – I really don’t know what to call him
¹
– has said to my face the silliest and most impertinent things, which I’ve not told you about in my letters as I wanted to spare your feelings, and it was only because I kept thinking of you, my dearest father, that I didn’t avenge them there and then. – He called me a knave and a dissolute fellow – and told me I should leave – and I – I put up with it all – although I felt that not only my own honour but yours as well was under attack – but – you wanted it so – so I said nothing; – now listen; – a week ago the footman arrived unexpectedly and told me to leave that instant; – the others had all been given their date of departure, but not me; – so I quickly shoved everything into my trunk and – old Madame Weber
²
was kind enough to offer me her
house, where I now have a nice room and where I’m with obliging people who’ve provided me with all the things that you often need in a hurry and that you can’t have when you’re on your own. –

I arranged to return home by the
ordinaire
on Wednesday the 9th, in other words, today – but I didn’t have time to collect the money still due to me, so I delayed my journey till Saturday – when I turned up today, the valets told me that the archbishop wanted me to take a parcel for him – I asked if it was urgent; they said yes, it was of great importance. – Then I’m sorry that I can’t have the privilege of serving His Grace as I can’t leave before Saturday – for the reason given above; – I’m no longer staying here but have to live at my own expense – so I naturally can’t leave until I’m in a position to do so – no one will expect me to ruin myself. – Kleinmayr, Moll, Bönike and the 2 valets agreed with me. – When I went in to see him – by the way, I should have said that Schlauka
³
advised me to make the excuse that the
ordinaire
was already full – he said this would carry more weight; – well, when I went in to see him, the first thing he said was:
arch
: Well, my
lad
, when are you leaving? –
I
: I wanted to leave tonight but there’s no room. He didn’t stop to draw breath. – Iwas the most dissolute lad that he knew – no one served him as badly as I did – he advised me to leave today, otherwise he’d write home and have my pay stopped – it was impossible to get a word in edgeways, it was like a fire out of control – I listened to it all calmly – he lied to my face that I was on 500 florins
⁴
– he called me a scoundrel, a scurvy rogue and a cretin – oh, I’d prefer not to tell you all he said – finally, my blood began to boil, so I said – so Your Grace isn’t satisfied with me? – What, are you threatening me, you cretin, O you cretin! – Look, there’s the door, I want nothing more to do with such a miserable knave – finally I said – Nor I with you – Well, go then –
and I
, as I was leaving – so be it; you’ll have it in writing tomorrow. – Tell me, dearest father, didn’t I say this too late rather than too soon? – – Listen; – my honour means more to me than anything else, and I know that it’s the same with you. –
Don’t worry about me; – I’m so sure of my position here that I’d have resigned for no reason at all – but now that I have a reason – and, indeed, thrice over – I can gain nothing by waiting;
au contraire
, I twice behaved shabbily and couldn’t do so for a third time; –

As long as the archbishop is here, I shan’t give a concert. But you’re completely wrong if you think that I’ll get a bad name with the nobility and the emperor himself – the archbishop is hated here, and by the emperor most of all – he’s angry that the emperor didn’t invite him to Laxenburg – by the next mail coach I’ll send you some money to prove that I’m not starving.

For the rest, I would ask you to be cheerful – my good luck is now beginning, and I hope that my good luck will be yours too. – Write to me in secret and let me know that you’re pleased, which you’ve good reason to be – but publicly rebuke me so that people don’t blame you – but if, in spite of this, the archbishop is in any way rude to you, you must come at once with my sister to Vienna – all 3 of us can live here, I give you my word of honour on this point – but I’d prefer it if you can hold out for another year – don’t send any more letters to the Deutsches Haus
⁵
or with the archbishop’s parcel service – I don’t want to hear another word about Salzburg – I hate the archbishop so much it drives me mad just to think about it. Adieu – I kiss your hands 1000 times and I embrace my dear sister with all my heart. I am ever your obedient son

W. A. Mozart

Just write ‘To be delivered Auf dem Peter im Auge Gottes 2nd floor’.
⁶

Let me know soon that you’re pleased, as this is the only thing missing from my present happiness.
Adieu
.

Mon très cher Père
,

I really don’t know what to say, my dearest father, as I can’t get over my astonishment and shall never be able to do so as long as you continue to think and write as you do; – I must confess that there isn’t a single line in your letter by which I recognize my father! – I see a father, of course, but not that most beloved and most loving father who cares for his own honour and that of his children – in a word, not
my
father; but it was all just a dream – you’ve now woken up and have no need of any reply from me to your points in order to convince yourself that –
now more than ever
– I cannot give up my resolve. – But I must reply to some of your points as your letter contains a number of passages in which my honour and character have been most grievously impugned. – You can never approve of the fact that I resigned in Vienna; – I think that if one wants to do a thing – although at the time I had no desire to do so, otherwise I’d have done so at the first available opportunity – it would be most sensible to do so in a place where one has a good standing and the best prospects in the world. – That you can’t approve of this in the presence of the archbishop is entirely possible, but to me you must surely approve of it; I can salvage my honour only by abandoning my resolve? – How can you be so self-contradictory? – When you wrote this, you evidently didn’t think that for me to go back on my word in this way would make me the most contemptible creature in the world. – The whole of Vienna knows that I’ve left the archbishop – and knows why! – knows that it was because my honour was impugned – and, moreover, that it was impugned three times – and you expect me publicly to prove the opposite? – Am I to make myself out to be a coward and the archbishop a fine upstanding prince? – No one can do the former, I myself least of all, and the latter is something that God alone can do if He elects to enlighten him. –

So I’ve never shown you any love? – So I have to show it now for the first time? – Can you really say that? –

I won’t sacrifice any of my pleasures for your sake?–––

What sort of pleasures do I have here? – That I have to think of ways of filling my purse, with all the effort and worry that that involves? – You seem to think I’m living a life of pleasure and amusement. – Oh, how you deceive yourself! – That is, at present! – At present I’ve only as much as I need – the subscription for my 6 sonatas is now under way and I’ll be receiving some money from this – things are working out with the opera, too – and during Advent I’m giving a concert, after which things will continue to get better and better
¹
– in winter it’s possible to earn quite a lot here. – If you can call it pleasure to be rid of a prince who doesn’t pay you and who bullies you to death, then it’s true, I’m pleased; – if I had to do nothing but think and work from early morning till late at night, I’d gladly do so in order not to depend on the grace and favour of a – I prefer not to call him by his rightful name. – I was forced to take this step – and so I can no longer stray from this course by so much as a hair’s breadth – it’s impossible – all I can say to you is this, that because of you – and solely because of you, my father, – I’m very sorry that I was driven to such lengths and I wish the archbishop had acted more prudently, if only to have enabled me to devote my whole life to you. – To please you, dearest father, I’d sacrifice my happiness, health and life – but my honour – that means more to me than anything else, just as it should to you. – Let Count Arco and the whole of Salzburg read this. – After this insult – after this threefold insult – I wouldn’t accept the archbishop’s money even if he offered me 1200 florins in person – I’m not a lad or a knave – and if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have waited for him to say
clear off
three times before taking him at his word; what am I saying: waited!? – I, I should have said it, and not he! – I’m only surprised that the archbishop could have acted so thoughtlessly in a place like Vienna, that he could have been so thoughtless! – Well, he’ll see that he’s been deluding himself; – Prince Breuner and Count Arco need the archbishop, whereas I don’t. – And if it comes to the worst and he
forgets all the obligations of a prince – a
spiritual prince
– then come and join me in Vienna; you’ll have 400 florins wherever you are – if he were to do that, how do you think he’d disgrace himself in the eyes of the emperor, who already hates him! –

My sister, too, would be much better off here than in Salzburg – there are many houses where the gentry have misgivings about engaging a man but who would pay a woman very well. –

All this may still happen. –

As soon as I have a chance – perhaps if Herr Kleinmayr, Bönike or Zetti travels to Salzburg – I’ll send you something towards the you know what – the
contrôleur
is leaving today and will be bringing the fine woollen fabric for my sister. –