Mountains Wanted (14 page)

A few hours later she
received this:
Me too. Miss you.

***

    Every
year Sarah questioned why she let Rachel talk her into Black Friday shopping.
The
earliness, the crowds, the traffic, the headaches
, she reviewed the cons.
“What about this is supposed to be fun?” she asked her best friend as they
pulled out of her driveway at approximately 5:02 AM.

“It’s not supposed to be
fun,” Rachel educated her, “It’s the thrill of the chase. It’s about the hunt! The
sweet victory of bargains!”

Sarah rolled her eyes,
glad that it was still too dark for her friend to see. “I think I need more
coffee.”

“We’ll hit Starbucks
right after Target. That’s where we’re starting.” As always, Rachel had their
entire conquest mapped out, including coffee and bathroom breaks and
culminating in a victory lunch around one in the afternoon.
 If I last
that long,
Sarah thought after seeing the proposed itinerary.

The two managed to make
better time than Rachel had imagined. She was pushing for IKEA. “Are you nuts?
 IKEA on Black Friday?  It’s bad enough on a regular weekend,” Sarah
complained.  

“Thomas wants this stuff
for his bedroom,” Rachel explained, “And it won’t be so bad.  Besides,
we’re running ahead of schedule!”

“I’m starving though,”
Sarah argued. “Let’s eat lunch first and then we’ll go, okay?”

Rachel acquiesced and
soon the pair was sitting at a quaint little cafe ordering soup and sandwiches.
“So, how are things going with James?” Rachel questioned.

Sarah nearly blushed at
hearing his name.
How is it that he can
make me blush when I am not a blusher?
She was often surprised at the
physical response the mere thought of him elicited.  She couldn’t recall
any other lovers from her past having that sort of power over her. “Things
are going very well,” Sarah admitted. “I have thought about asking him if
he would like to meet the kids.”

“Whoa, really?” Rachel
seemed surprised. “I thought this was a casual thing! When did that
change?”

“I’m not really sure,”
Sarah replied. “It’s the weirdest thing. When we’re apart, we’re apart,
but when we’re together, it feels like we are together.
Together-together.
You
know?”

Rachel laughed.
 “Um, no, you’re gonna have to explain that to us non-sociology
professors.  Is that some sort of jargon?”
   
       
Sarah
smirked at her friend’s reaction. She took a deep breath before divulging this:
“When we have sex, Rachel...” She paused for effect, “it feels like we’re
making love.”

Rachel’s hazel eyes grew
wide.  “Oh my god, Sarah, you’re in love with him!”

Sarah was full on
blushing now, her brown eyes sparkling. “No, I wouldn’t say that. I just
feel something...deeper for him than I should considering how long I’ve known
him. I feel...almost a visceral connection to him.”

“Visceral?  What do
you mean by that?”  Rachel looked skeptical.

“Like beyond the
conscious, like on a molecular level,” Sarah responded. Gauging her
friend’s facial expressions, she quickly realized this required a more elaborate
explanation. “I don’t know, Rachel, I can’t even articulate it really. I still
feel like I’m getting to know him in many ways but I also can’t believe how
drawn I am to him. I want to discover him. I feel pulled. Like a
magnet.”

“Well, he’s fucking
hot,” Rachel laughed, “I want to discover him too!”  

Sarah joined in the
giggling. Rachel had this amazing way of diffusing serious conversations with
sexual interjections.
Although, this particular interjection has some merit
,
she realized as a new thought suddenly gripped her attention.

As usual, her friend was
reading her mind. “Alright, out with it, does he know about us?”

Sarah smiled, “Sorta.” She
let about two beats pass before broaching the topic: “So...do you think a
threesome would be possible? Wouldn’t that be the best Christmas present ever?”
she mused.

“I can’t think of a
better way to celebrate the holidays!” Rachel agreed. “Could we both wear
big red bows?”

“Why of course! What
else do you get for your Not Really Boyfriend?” Sarah exclaimed, laughing at
the image of her and Rachel totally nude save for two huge red bows. “Would
Jack mind?  I’m certainly willing to return the favor sometime for the two
of you!”

Rachel’s eyes grew a
little dark and her smile faded.  “Well, I’m not sure what’s going on with
me and Jack,” she admitted.

Uh oh
, Sarah thought,
I’ve struck a chord. How
did I miss that something was awry when I saw them yesterday?
“Oh no! What’s
wrong?”

Rachel shook her head. “I
don’t know, maybe nothing. I can’t decide what to do exactly.”

“Well, don’t be vague,”
Sarah admonished her. “What is the problem?”

Rachel’s voice grew
soft, which was extraordinarily out of character for her. Sarah could see that
she was gripped by internal conflict. “It’s actually a sexual matter,” she
finally confessed. She let Sarah process that admittance for a moment before
continuing. “He’s having some difficulties...reaching climax,” she explained
matter-of-factly.

Sarah considered that
for a moment. “You mean recently? Like before he was fine and now all of the
sudden there are issues?”

Rachel shook her head.
 “He’s always had some issues, and it’s weird, I mean, he’s only 34.
 Sometimes he has to do it himself, like it doesn’t matter how long we
fucked, he just can’t get over the edge.  But it seems like things have
gotten worse.”

“Well, stamina is nice,”
Sarah consoled her, not so sure she would be complaining if the shoe was on the
other foot.

“Of course, but come on,
I want my partner to get off on me, you know?” Rachel explained, and Sarah
nodded in agreement. “Now we’ll have sex two or three times over the course
of a day or two before he finally unloads...”  Her voice grew even smaller
then, “I’m afraid it’s me, Sarah.”

“What makes you think
that?” she asked. She reviewed her past and remembered a couple of similar
circumstances where there were issues and she felt she might be to blame.
Insecurity
,
she remembered. She’d been there.

“Well, maybe he’s bored
with me,” Rachel considered. “Maybe he isn’t really attracted to me. Maybe it
doesn’t feel that good to him.”

“Have you asked him what
he thinks the problem is?” Sarah saw how Rachel’s whole demeanor had changed
having delved into this topic. She looked so small and downtrodden, her
eyes filled with worry. Sarah was not used to seeing this side of her friend
who was ordinarily the most confident woman she knew.

“Sort of,” Rachel
admitted. “He thinks he watches too much porn. He thinks he’s a bit
desensitized.”

“Oh,” Sarah replied. “Well,
there is some research that supports that. Some studies show that porn, and
especially easily accessible and ubiquitous internet porn, can have a negative
impact on sexual performance and relationships.”

Rachel seemed a bit
relieved to hear that. “God, I should have known you’d be able to cite
some research about it,” she laughed before her prior seriousness re-emerged. “But
I still feel pretty shitty about it.”

“How much does he watch? The
studies show that porn stimulates the dopamine system in the brain. It
basically acts like a narcotic.”  Sarah was scanning her memory for a
citation to the most recent article she read on the subject. Rachel looked
half-relieved there might be an explanation that didn’t indict her appeal and
half-worried that this was too big of a problem to deal with. “How is he
with other partners?” Sarah questioned, continuing her analysis.

“I don’t know, it’s been
awhile since we’ve been with anyone else.” She picked at some food on her
plate. “It’s just weird because we haven’t even known each other that
long. It just seems like if there’s this big of a problem so early
on...then I don’t know what that says about our future...you know?  And I
don’t want to play with others if we can’t even get our own shit straight.”

She understood Rachel’s
reticence to add others to the mix.
 It is hard to surrender that
control and to trust that your partner is really “yours” when there are
unresolved issues,
she thought
, especially sexual issues. After
all, in many ways, a couple’s sexual relationship is a barometer for the rest
of their relationship.
   
       
“Ah,
well, maybe that is a problem. Or maybe he senses you’re stressed out by
it and that is in turn stressing him out?  Men are actually more perceptive
than we give them credit for sometimes,” Sarah noted.

“Yeah, maybe,” Rachel
responded, but she was still clearly upset by the situation.
   
       
“Well,
you aren’t considering dumping him over this, are you?” Sarah asked. She knew
her best friend all too well. She had broken up with lovers for less than this.
Sometimes it was easier for her to cut ties than to have to deal with the
emotions.  

Rachel smiled
sheepishly, “Well...I don’t know....I don’t want to...but...”

“Rachel,” Sarah said
seriously, “give him a chance. Take the pressure off. Enjoy the sensations and
worry about your own orgasms, not his. Just stay in the moment.”

“Alright, alright,” Rachel
conceded. “Although I will say it’s funny how you jumped all over my issue so
you could avoid discussing yours.”  

Sarah smirked, “True. It’s
just one of my many talents.”  They knew each other’s
modus operandi
all too well.

***

   
       
To
say that Pawel seemed both excited and nervous about their date would be an
understatement.
Tonight is the night,
Sarah realized.
That’s why he’s
being so crazy with all the plans.
 She couldn’t believe they had dated
for a month now and they had never consummated their relationship. He had
already called her three times throughout the course of the day to ask
questions about what kind of wine she preferred and whether or not she would
eat lamb or asparagus or a chocolate torte. “Pawel,” she finally assured him
during the third phone conversation, “Whatever you make will be wonderful, I
just know it. Relax! It’s all going to be fine!”

While Sarah thought it
was adorable how attentive Pawel was being, she also thought that in some ways
his behavior reeked of insecurity. Lack of confidence was a trait that she found
exceedingly unattractive. It took her years to realize that her ex-husband
compensated for his insecurity by being a pompous asshole...
Douchebag is
actually the word I prefer
, Sarah thought.
Asshole is too refined for
him.

Sarah donned her simple
black cleavage-baring gown again, the one she’d worn to dinner with James, Rachel
and Jack the weekend before.
 I need to go shopping
, she realized. 
If
I’m going to have two boyfriends, I need a nicer wardrobe for going on dates! 
Pawel
answered the door in jeans and a striped button down shirt, the cuffs rolled to
his elbows. This was the most casual she’d ever seen him and he was emitting
a very sexy erudite vibe. He pulled her close to him and his lips felt so
soft and delicious against hers. His skin was velvety smooth and his wavy
salt-and-pepper hair was still damp as she ran her fingers through it.

“You look absolutely
stunning tonight, Sarah,” he said as he closed the door behind her, his eyes
sparkling with excitement. “You’re simply breathtaking!” He had soft
jazz smoothly filling the air and candles were lit throughout his apartment, which
was very bookish and cozy. There were oriental rugs in every room and real
paintings on the walls, all abstract looking stuff, featuring geometric shapes
and designs. “My father was an artist,” he explained when he caught Sarah
studying the picture above the mantle.  

Her attention shifted to
the west wall where she found a picture collage of Pawel’s family. His wife was
older than he was, with wispy gray hair and kind looking eyes Her stature
appeared tall and willowy in a family portrait which also included Pawel and
two grown sons. “What a beautiful family!” she gushed and Pawel smiled without
saying a word.

He led her into the
dining room which featured a very traditional cherry dining room set, complete
with a sideboard and hutch and ornate chairs covered in an emerald green
chintz. Sarah was impressed with the way Pawel had combined old world looking
furniture with modern art throughout the house. She complimented him on his
good taste; then he made an admittance, that he was actually apartment sitting
for another faculty member who was on sabbatical. The furniture was hers and
the artwork was his. Sarah laughed and assured him that he’d brought it all
together flawlessly.

Pawel’s dinner was
exquisite. Sarah had dated a chef or two but Pawel’s meal rivaled the best
ones her former chef boyfriends had created. She couldn’t believe how relaxed
she felt, sitting in this beautiful space with this beautiful man, and thinking
of nothing else other than enjoying the moment. Her Auto Pilot was
definitely engaged as she didn’t waste a moment thinking of work or worrying
about the kids. She sipped her wine and relished the conversation and the
dessert, the most scrumptious chocolate torte to ever pass her lips.