Mother’s Only Child (52 page)

‘I’d expect her to be, but we will be here to reassure her and hold her when she cries. God, sometimes I think she hasn’t done enough of that. She is coiled up inside like a spring.’

And Deirdre was upset. After Sean left, she lay on her bed sobbing. Patsy crept upstairs to comfort her a little later. Deirdre had stopped crying, but still lay full stretch, her head buried in her folded arms.

Patsy spoke to her back. ‘Dad had to do this, you know,’ she said. ‘If he hadn’t, then Barney’s brother would have probably come here. That would be worse, wouldn’t it?’ There was no response and so she said again louder, ‘Well, wouldn’t it?’

‘I suppose,’ Deirdre said.

‘Don’t you see that this is almost the end?’ Patsy said. ‘Dad has to see Barney’s brother to discuss how he wants the funeral organised. He’s next of kin, but he hasn’t been able to do anything before because he was in prison.’

‘Huh. He’s not a very good man either then.’

‘I suppose not,’ Patsy conceded. ‘He was a thief, and while that is bad enough there is no suggestion that he would be up to doing the things Barney did. We can’t hold him responsible. I mean, what if I did something wrong and people said you were just as bad because you were my sister? That wouldn’t be very fair.’

‘No, it wouldn’t,’ Deirdre said, raising her head a little as Patsy sat beside her on the bed.

‘It’ll all be over soon and Barney will be buried six foot under, and he will never be able to harm any of us again. Tell you what, me and you will dance a jig on his grave. I’m sure you can teach me the steps.’

There was a tremulous smile on Deirdre’s face as she said, ‘I don’t think I would have a hope of teaching you. Dad says you have two left feet.’ And then she sat up and put her arms around her sister. ‘Thanks, Patsy,’ she said, and now it was Patsy’s eyes that were damp.

Maria was back in her own house by the time the letter came from Sean a few days later. She went to Martha’s to discuss it after delivering the girls at school.

‘I got a letter from Sean this morning,’ Martha said as she put the kettle on. ‘Did you?’

Maria laid the snuffling baby against her shoulder and nodded. ‘Seamus wants his brother buried in Ireland.’

‘Who’s Seamus?’ Jack piped up, and Maria raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Little pitchers have big ears,’ she said.

‘I know what that means,’ Jack cried. ‘Paul told me. It means—’

‘Jack,’ Martha said quickly, ‘would you like to play with Paul’s train set?’

Jack knew it would be laid out on a board in the boys’ room, and he had never been allowed to play with it on his own before.

‘By myself?’

‘Well, you are getting a big boy now,’ Martha said. ‘I’m sure you won’t damage it.’

Jack considered. He knew he was being got rid of,
but then a train set was still a train set. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘Can I have a biscuit and a drink, to take up?’

‘Jack, that is rude,’ Maria said sharply. ‘You mustn’t ask for things.’

‘Well, Auntie Martha won’t know unless I tell her.’

Before Maria could reply to this, Martha came from the kitchen with a mug and a couple of biscuits on the plate, trying in vain to hide her smile. ‘Here,’ she said handing it to him.

‘Thanks, Auntie Martha. Can I go now?’

‘Yes, go, for heaven’s sake,’ Maria said.

Not until they heard his feet scampering up the stairs did Martha say, ‘Won’t that cost a lot of money?’

‘Well, I suppose, but Seamus will bear the cost of it,’ Maria said. ‘Sean said he seems to have unlimited funds. Illegally earned, no doubt.’

‘Does that matter any more?’ Martha said. ‘At least then the man will be out of all our lives for good. There will not be even be a grave to remind us of how evil he was. And if his guard of honour at his funeral is made up of thieves, vagabonds and various other scoundrels, isn’t that a fitting finish for him in the end?’

‘Ah, yes, it is indeed,’ Maria said.

Sean stayed on to attend the Requiem Mass Seamus had arranged, which was five days after he had arrived in Dublin. As the drinks flowed, Seamus, who had undoubtedly been shocked and upset by his brother’s death, started asking questions about the police finding out who had killed his brother.

‘There was no love lost between you two,’ he had snarled at Sean.

‘No, and I’ll not pretend there was,’ Sean said. ‘The
police thought the same at one time and I was in for questioning, until they found out it wasn’t me.’

‘Then who was it?’ Seamus demanded. He grasped the lapels of Sean’s suit jacket and was almost spitting into his face as he went on, ‘I want them found and punished.’

Sean pushed him away. ‘Well, you will not find them by trying to intimidate me. You don’t know the manner of man your brother had become. If I were you, I would let sleeping dogs lie.’

‘What are you on about?’

Sean sighed. ‘Barney was heavily into gambling and he owed money left, right and centre. But there were other things about him—things so bad that, had he not been killed, he would likely have spent years behind bars. There is nothing now to be gained by raking all this up again.’

‘So what you are saying is, there were any number of people who’d have wanted Barney dead?’

‘That’s what I’m saying.’

‘And if I was to go on about getting justice for my brother, things might come to light that were better left covered.’

‘That’s it exactly.’

‘Did he accept that?’ Maria asked, when her uncle recounted this on his return.

‘He did.’ Sean said. ‘He seemed to know what I was intimating. Maybe he wouldn’t have left it there, but shortly after that conversation, he was too drunk to say anything much. Most of the people there were the same, and I could see that very soon there would be trouble. Some of them were fairly spoiling for a fight, so I left
and made for Dun Laoghaire where I hung about until the boat was ready to sail.’

‘I am really grateful to you,’ Maria said.

‘I am the only one who could have gone,’ Sean said. ‘There is no way I wanted you to get involved. Now you can put all this behind you and look forward.’

Maria was now able to do just that. The sewing machine was back in place. The pawn ticket had been found in the pocket of one of Barney’s jackets that Maria was packing up to get rid of. Her uncle insisted on redeeming it for her, and now business was thriving once more.

Her life was now free from menace or fear, and she looked forward to a rosy future where she would see her children grow and blossom. Only Deirdre seemed unable to shake off her despondency, and that in turn affected Sally.

Nothing had been told to Sally about Deirdre’s ordeal, only that Deirdre had been upset by what had happened to Patsy. But Sally thought her daft to carry on the way she was over it, because Patsy was all right now. Even before they returned home Sally had thought Deirdre a little strange, but after they began school again, Deirdre’s strangeness had got worse, especially when her dad went to Ireland for some funeral. Even when he came back she was little improved.

‘She ain’t no fun any more,’ Sally complained to Maria. ‘Even in the playground and that. She never wants to play anything. She just moons about by herself. She don’t want no one, not even me.’

Maria knew that would be hard for her daughter,
for she and Deirdre had always been as thick as thieves. ‘So who do you play with now?’

‘I didn’t have any one at first and then this new girl started and she d’ain’t know anyone. Miss asked me if I could keep an eye on her, like, and show her what to do and that.’

‘Is she nice?’

‘Yeah, dead nice,’ Sally said. ‘She comes from Aston. Deirdre would like her too if she would just let herself.’

‘Aston is where Martha came from originally.’

‘I know, Uncle Sean told me. I said that to Deirdre and she just looked at me as if I was talking double Dutch or summat. Anyway, it’s a real shame for this girl, Shirley, ‘cos her mom died three years ago.’

‘That is sad,’ Maria said. ‘Has she got a daddy?’

‘Oh, yeah,’ Sally said, and her voice was wistful as she went on, ‘She loves her dad. She is always talking about him.’

‘Do you wish you still had your daddy?’

Sally gave a shudder. ‘No fear. Not the one we had, anyway. I was scared of him, and he mustn’t have thought much of me or our Theresa because the only time he spoke to us was to shout. If I had another daddy, I’d want one like Uncle Sean.’

‘My daddy was very like him,’ Maria said with a smile at the memory. ‘When I was a little girl, growing up, I thought the sun shone out of him. The day was always brighter for me when he came through the door. I am just so sorry that you haven’t got such a memory.’

“S all right,’ Sally said. ‘Least I have got a mom, not like Shirley.’

‘Yes, and I am glad that you are being kind to her. But don’t give up on Deirdre altogether.’

‘You don’t know what she is like, Mom.’ Sally complained. ‘She is a dead loss.’

‘We must be a little patient,’ Maria said.

However, she hadn’t seen any improvement in Deirdre at all since she had remembered what had happened that terrible night. In fact, if anything, she was getting worse as each week passed. Little wonder Sally was frustrated by her behaviour. Maybe she should have a word with Patsy. She seemed to get through to Deirdre better than anyone else.

Patsy had been worried about her sister for some time, and when Maria voiced her concerns, she decided to take action. The following Saturday was a bright but brisk day in early April and Patsy took her sister to Erdington village and into Gardner’s Milk Bar, where she had a cup of tea and Deirdre a milkshake.

‘What is it, Deirdre?’ Patsy asked as they sat down. ‘Don’t say “nothing”, for it’s obvious that something is worrying the life out of you. And now I have a good look at you, you have bags under your eyes. Aren’t you sleeping?’

Deirdre shook her head, her voice little above a whisper. ‘I’m scared to, in case I have a nightmare.’

‘Do you get them often?’

Deirdre nodded. ‘Nearly every time I close my eyes.’

‘What do you see? What Barney did to you?’

Deirdre shuddered. ‘That first,’ she said. ‘And then what I did to him and then me in hell. ‘Cos that will be where I’m going, won’t it? ‘Cos I did the worst sin of all. I killed someone.’

‘Yes, to stop him killing you,’ Patsy said. ‘That was self-defence. That’s different.’

Deirdre shook her head. ‘Our teachers are always going on about the thought being as bad as the deed, and I wanted to kill Barney. I hit him over and over, and all the time I wanted him dead.’

Patsy saw this fear that Deirdre had was a deeprooted and her words of reassurance were not getting through. She had no authority to say everything would be all right. ‘Drink up your milkshake,’ she said, ‘and we’ll go along to the abbey and have a word with one of the priests.’

‘I can’t!’ Deirdre cried, aghast.

‘Yes, you can,’ Patsy said firmly. ‘Not in the confessional, just the church, and I will be right beside you.’ And then, as Deirdre still hesitated, she said, ‘Come on, this is one way to settle this once and for all. Don’t you want that?’

With a brief nod, Deirdre drained her drink and got to her feet.

Once at the abbey, Patsy asked if they could have a private word with Father Clancy. He took them into the sacristy. He had been aware, of course, that Sean had been released without charge, but knew no more than that. When Patsy told her tale and that of her young sister, he was shocked to the core. With Patsy beside her, Deirdre felt confident enough to put in little snippets herself.

Father Clancy saw the suffering on Deirdre’s face. He took one of her small hands in his and looked deeply into her eyes ‘You, Deirdre, you are not the sinner here and you must reproach yourself no more.
As I see it, no other course of action was open to you and the Good Lord will understand that.’

Deirdre felt as if a heavy weight had dropped from between her shoulders. She smiled as she got to her feet. ‘Thank you, Father.’

‘Our Deirdre is almost back to the way she was and she has even returned to her dancing, thank God,’ Martha was able to report to Maria a few days later.

Maria knew that Deirdre was all for never going near the hall again and she had spoken to her about it. ‘If you let Barney stop you doing something you enjoy, and that you are good at, then he will have won,’ she’d said. ‘And you should never let a bullying pervert win.’

Deirdre could see how right that was and she had returned to the class, but she wasn’t as confident as she had been. Maria saw this and felt for the child.

‘Well, I want my two to start as well,’ she’d said. ‘And certainly at the beginning I will take and fetch them each Saturday. I can easily use the time up taking a dander around the village and doing a bit of shopping.’

‘Yes, and I might come with you a time or two,’ Martha said, and so it was established.

Patsy and Andrew’s wedding day turned out fine and warm, and the sun shone from a cornflower-blue sky with just the odd fluffy cloud wafting across now and then. Martha held baby Martin as Maria arranged Patsy’s dress in the porch after she emerged from the car.

She was breathtakingly lovely, Maria thought. She kissed her lightly on the cheek and told her so.

‘The dress helps,’ Patsy said. ‘And this minute I would love to give you a big hug in thanks.’

‘What, and crush all my hard work?’ Maria said in mock indignation.

‘I wouldn’t dare,’ Patsy said, with a smile. ‘That’s why I must use words, but thank you, Maria, from the bottom of my heart. It is the most beautiful dress I could ever have had.’

Maria’s face flamed with embarrassment and there was a sudden lump in her throat that made her voice husky as she said, ‘Be happy, Patsy. That is all the thanks I need.’

She was glad to see the second car pull up, for she had become dangerously near to tears, and she busied herself arranging the girls’ dresses of lilac satin, and pulling Jack’s dicky bow straight at the neck of his silk shirt, smoothing his plum-coloured velvet pageboy suit, and attempting to slick down his hair as she gave them all last-minute instructions.