Mother’s Only Child (47 page)

Thanks to the lighting surrounding the clubhouse, he was easily able to see where he was. All the gardens ran straight up to the chain-link fence and then, as a sort of screen, the sports field had privet hedges set at intervals along the boundary. Barney slipped through one of the gaps in the privet. And then he was standing at the top of his garden, wondering why the whole place seemed to be in darkness.

He pulled at the link fence, surprised that it wasn’t
cemented in anywhere, or even sunken into the ground very far. It was easy to pull it up and make a sizeable hole he could scrabble through. He would need to keep a weather eye open for was the groundsman, though, if he tried this route in daylight.

Once he had cleared the fence, he would be at the top of his garden and protected from view by the mature gooseberry and blackcurrant bushes. The only place anyone could catch sight of him was as he skirted the lawn, though there was little danger at that time of night.

Barney couldn’t believe that his key didn’t fit the back door. Maria had changed the locks, he thought. The crafty sod. Just wait till he got his hands on her. Not that it mattered. The kitchen window had never fitted properly and he had asked Maria more than once to see about it, for the wind whistled through it shocking at times. However, Maria had never done so, and now he was glad. By inserting the blade of his penknife in the gap and wiggling it about, he was able to force the opening wide enough to get the penknife right in, then push up the catch, open the window and climb inside.

He knew straight away that the house was empty. He didn’t turn on any light at first, not wishing to advertise the fact that he was there until he had seen Maria, but used the torch he had knocked from the windowsill as he climbed in. In the living room someone had drawn across the bay window the thick velour curtain that Maria used to draw in the winter to make the room cosier. Barney knew then he could turn on the light because no light penetrated through that curtain. He surveyed the room. There was a light film of dust
over everything, but everywhere else was tidy and the grate cleared. Upstairs the children’s beds and cot had disappeared from the rooms, their cupboards were empty and a lot of bedding had disappeared from their bed.

He recalled what the governor had said in the hostel. Could it be the poor cow was still in hospital? He shrugged. Wherever she was, it suited his plans, for the house was a far more comfortable place to stay than the bloody hostel. He would stay there as long as he had to, come and go the same way as he had that night, and no one would ever know.

‘D’you think there is something wrong with Deirdre?’ Martha asked Sean the following Wednesday morning.

‘She’s quiet certainly,’ Sean said. ‘But maybe she’s just tired. It is coming up to the end of term.’

‘Maybe,’ Martha said. ‘And, of course, she’s doing a solo in the concert. I know she is excited and everything, but it would be natural to be a little nervous.’

‘Have you asked her if there is anything bothering her?’

‘Oh, yes. She says nothing, of course.’

‘What does Patsy say?’ Sean said. ‘Aren’t the two of them always as thick as thieves?’

Martha frowned. ‘Normally,’ she said. ‘But there is something up with her too. Course, that could be something to do with her and Andrew. She has been sharp with him a few times and I heard them having a real spat the other day.’

Sean groaned. ‘I hope whatever it is she’s soon over it before Christmas. I suppose he is still coming to us?’

‘As far as I know,’ Martha said. ‘And travelling to his parents the day after Boxing Day. I hope it is nothing serous between them. They’re probably tired too. It’s been a long term and, from what they both say, I don’t think teaching is an easy job.’

Sean chuckled. ‘Oh, no, indeed not.’

‘I’m glad that Maria is coming out of hospital at the weekend.’ Martha said. ‘With the Christmas holidays beginning on Friday, it would be difficult to find a minute to visit her. Anyway, she has been away from the little ones long enough.’

Sean agreed, but added, ‘She has, and it was kind of you to say she must come to us, but I don’t want you taking on too much yourself and becoming ill.’

‘Am I likely to?’ Martha said. ‘I am as strong a horse. You’ve always said so.’

‘Even horses need a rest now and then.’

‘Sean stop fussing,’ Martha chided. ‘How could I let Maria go back just now? She is scared stiff still, and little wonder. Anyway, she is still very weak. Remember the hospital weren’t that keen on her coming out yet until I said she could stay with me, and she is certainly not strong enough to look after three active children and a new baby on her own. By the New Year she will be stronger. Once the girls are back at school she’ll only have the new baby and Jack all day, and he is a grand little chap.’

‘He is that,’ Sean said, for the little boy always had a smile on his face. He was naturally very funny, and Sean knew he would miss him when they returned to Pype Hayes. He knew too Martha spoke the truth. Maria was nowhere near better yet. Her nerves were
so bad, often her hands shook uncontrollably, and even her speech was sometimes hesitant. So, despite his concern for Martha, he’d be glad to have Maria there for a bit so they could all keep their eyes on her and check that she wasn’t overtaxing herself.

‘Now are you sure that you will be all right coming home on your own after the extra dance practice?’ Martha asked, as she tucked the scarf around Deirdre’s neck a little later. ‘It will be black night, and it won’t take me a minute to fetch you.’

Oh, how Deirdre longed to fall against her mother and say yes, she did want collecting, because since that business with Barney the previous Saturday she was petrified of the dark. But she had just won the battle with her mother to allow her and Sally to come home from school by themselves, and in Sally’s case take Theresa too, and she didn’t want to miss out on her new-found independence. She knew as well that her mother has her hands full enough as it was.

Added to that, most of the dancers were much older than she, and many who were passed over for a solo spot were jealous of Deirdre. If she asked her mother to collect her, she was sure they would make fun of her afterwards. And so she said, ‘No, I’m fine. Anyway, Grainne O’Farrell lives in Orchard Road and we will walk down together.’

‘If you are sure?’

‘I’m sure.’

‘You are happy about this solo spot, aren’t you?’ Martha asked. ‘You’re not getting in a state and worrying about it, are you?’

‘No. Why?’

‘You seem…I don’t know, different somehow.’

Deirdre could have said anyone would have been different after the events of the previous Saturday, but she could say none of this.

Nor could Patsy, who was also trying to cope with a frustrated and confused fiancé. She was embarrassed with Andrew, feeling, however inadvertently, that she had betrayed him and so wasn’t keen to kiss him or show him how much she loved him. She also hurt too much and too extensively to allow Andrew to hold her tight, or even drape a heavy arm over her shoulder, and so she would push him away and hold his hand instead.

Andrew and Patsy had been controlled in their lovemaking, wanting their wedding night to be something special, and sometimes it had been hard to be that strong. Andrew, then, could be forgiven, when their engagement was open knowledge and the wedding date set, for thinking they might enjoy greater intimacy, not less. However, whenever he tried to press Patsy, she would say primly that you didn’t know what it might lead to. It was so unlike her and he was bloody sick of it and even began to wonder if she had gone off him entirely.

Patsy saw Andrew’s hurt and bewilderment and her heart bled for him, but she could do nothing to ease his pain.

On Tuesday morning Barney came down the stairs to find a letter from Seamus to say he was being released on Wednesday, 13 January, and could Barney be there?
Of course he could, and sod the lot of them here; it would be just him and Seamus again. He only wished he could pay Sean back properly before he went.

The following day, he’d lifted a bulging purse from a bag in the Bull Ring, with a packet in it. He’d taken it to the Lyndhust pub close to the top of Holly Lane, where he’d heard there was poker being played. There he had trebled the money in his pocket and he celebrated with gusto. Staggering out at afternoon closing time, he had bought and eaten fish and chips, and was on his way home to sleep off the beer and the food till the pubs should open again, when he saw two girls coming towards him. God, he thought, Deirdre was being handed to him like a gift from the Almighty, the icing on the cake, as far as he was concerned.

He melted into the shadows, the girls passed without noticing him and he slipped into step behind them. Barely had Deirdre bid good night to Grainne and the door closed behind her, when she sensed someone was following her closely. She turned cautiously and slowly, and came face to face with Barney, crouched down so that his face was inches from hers.

‘Hello, Deirdre.’

‘What do you want?’

‘Tch, tch. Where’s your manners? I only gave you a greeting, that’s all.’

Deirdre was so scared she was shaking inside, but she couldn’t stop the words tumbling from her mouth. ‘Well, don’t greet me. I don’t want you to and…and…I…I don’t have to have manners with you, ‘cos you’re horrible and disgusting.’

Barney laughed. ‘You’d better be careful. I chastise
naughty little girls,’ he said, and added menacingly, ‘You’d better watch out I don’t come for you one of these dark nights.’

‘Leave me alone!’ Deirdre shrieked. ‘If you don’t I will scream my head off.’

‘No need,’ Barney said nonchalantly. ‘I’ll leave you well alone…for now at least.’

And he was gone, melting into the darkness. Deirdre felt light-headed with relief. Her legs trembled so much, she wondered if they would give way before she reached home. Two or three times she turned swiftly, sure she had heard footsteps behind her, but she saw nothing. She was so exhausted by fear when she reached home she wasn’t sure she could mount the steps, and when eventually she reached the safety of her house, she burst into tears. But she knew she couldn’t say why.

Sean declared all these extra dancing lessons were too much for her, especially coming, as they did, at the very end of term. She was exhausted, that was all. No wonder she was tearful. He didn’t know if he shouldn’t have a word with Deirdre’s dancing teacher. No way did Deirdre want that, and Martha knew how Deirdre felt by the expression in her eyes.

‘Come on, Sean,’ Martha said. ‘This is the last time she will have to do this. On Friday they break up for two weeks and so it won’t be so bad for her, and you know the concert is the day after Boxing Day. I think it would be wrong to complain at this late date.’

‘Aye, maybe you are right,’ Sean conceded. ‘It’s just that I hate to see our wee girl so worn out.’

‘And so do I,’ Martha said. ‘But with a good night’s sleep she’ll be as right as rain, you’ll see.’

Deirdre hoped she would. She did feel totally exhausted, but once she reached her bed, she tossed and turned. When she fall into a fitful sleep, she was jerked out of it by an horrific nightmare, her screams loud enough to wake the dead. She shared a room with Sally and Teresa.

Later, when Deirdre had been comforted and all was quiet again, Sally said, ‘Crikey! You really put the willies up me then. What the hell did you dream about?’

‘Can’t remember,’ Deirdre said. But she did. She remembered everything to the last little detail.

Barney was waiting for her again on Saturday, and repeated what he had said to her the previous Wednesday, but by the next week he contented himself with a wave. She went home fearfully, expecting any minute to feel a hand on her shoulder, or worse, and she became jumpy and nervous.

Maria often looked at Deirdre and wondered what was the matter with the child. She had frequent nightmares, looked scared to death most of the time, and was often so locked in on herself, she didn’t hear if she was spoken to.

Patsy too was behaving strangely. She was almost withdrawn and would never sit with the family, but instead escape to her room or go for long solitary walks. Maria felt really sorry for Andrew the way Patsy treated him the time or two she had seen them together.

However, she hadn’t time to worry about it overmuch for her own children had missed her sorely and, now she was out of hospital, vied to have the lion’s
share of her attention. Then there was baby Martin to care for too—not that Maria got much of a look in there, with Sally and Theresa both trying to mother him. Normally, Deirdre would have been the same, but she was too bound up in misery and fear even to notice the baby. Sally couldn’t understand her and was annoyed that she took little notice of her baby brother.

‘Ain’t he lovely?’ she said one day, as she leant over the crib, watching him suck on his fingers.

Deirdre had been in a dream, wondering how Barney seemed to know all about the dancing classes, and hadn’t heard what Sally had said. ‘What?’

‘I said ain’t our Martin lovely?’

‘Yeah, I suppose.’

‘What’s up with you?’

‘Nothing.’

‘There flipping well is. You’re all posh and stuck up ‘cos you’re in that concert thing.’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Yes, you are.’

‘Girls,’ Martha chided. ‘Come on now. You rarely fight. What is all this about?’

‘Ask her,’ Deirdre snapped. ‘It’s all her fault, anyway.’ And she burst into tears and went flying upstairs.

Sally looked at her mother fearfully. ‘It weren’t my fault, Mom,’ she said. ‘I never done owt.’

‘It’s all right, Sally,’ Martha said. ‘Deirdre is just overwrought at the moment. I’ll go up to her in a minute. Tell you what though,’ she went on to Maria, ‘I will be glad when this blasted concert is over and we get our daughter back the way she was.’

It was the worst Christmas Maria could ever remember having in that house. Patsy and Andrew were so stiff with each other it was embarrassing, and Deirdre was jumpy and inclined to burst into tears for the slightest thing. She took no interest in anything, not even the wonderful doll’s house that Santa had brought, and Martha chided her for her lack of appreciation and said some children would be more grateful for half as much.