Mother of the Bride (25 page)

She touched his handsome face, his dark hair now grey, wrinkles around his eyes.

‘I love you,' she said, kissing him.

‘And I love you, too.'

The weekend passed far too quickly, with the afternoon spent reading the papers and the evening enjoying another fine meal. As they packed up the next day and left their bedroom with its view of the lake they decided to come back to Glebe House before the summer's end.

Refreshed and re-energized, down at the desk in the hall they both thanked Eve for her wonderful hospitality and promised to return.

‘I want to see your roses in full bloom,' Helen said, taking a last glance around.

‘And I'll be back for more of those breakfast pancakes,' Paddy joked, taking their bags out to the car.

Amy's hopes had risen like a kite in the sky when Daniel phoned her when she was in the middle of Supervalu getting a few groceries.

‘We need to talk,' he said, keeping the conversation brief. ‘Do you want to meet in McSorley's tomorrow after work at about seven?'

She had hoped that he would suggest meeting at the apartment, where they would be back on familiar territory, and was surprised that he had opted instead for the local pub in Ranelagh.

‘Great,' she said, unable to keep the hope and excitement from her own voice despite his rather distant tone.

She blow-dried her hair and sprayed herself with Dan's favourite perfume. Pulling on her pale denim jeans she noticed that she had dropped a few kilos, not just from the stress and upset but because, despite the wedding being called off, Jess had still insisted on sticking to her new healthy eating regime, and wouldn't let a square of chocolate or a packet of biscuits or cheese and onion crisps past the hall door. No comfort eating allowed! The salads and fruit and crunchy nibbles in the fridge were working for them both, Amy thought, as she slipped into the pink chiffon top with the tie front that Daniel loved to play with, and her grey suede ankle boots. She
had worked all through lunch and finished up at 5 p.m. so that she could chase to Jess's place and get ready to see Dan again.

It was two weeks since they had seen each other, and she was dying to look at him and touch him. There was so much she wanted to say.

‘Amy, please don't go building it up in your mind too much!' warned Jess. ‘Daniel's hardly bothered to contact you. He might just want to sort out stuff about the apartment and things.'

‘I'm sure there's more to it than that,' Amy laughed. ‘Honestly, Jess, you are such a pessimist!'

‘Please, Amy, take it easy,' warned Jess, before disappearing to her weekly yoga class.

Dan was already sitting in the back section of McSorley's, nursing a Guinness, something he rarely drank. When he did he usually only took one or two pints.

‘Hi,' she smiled, resisting the urge to lean forward and kiss him or touch his hair.

‘What will you have?' he asked, jumping up to go to the bar.

‘A glass of white would be great.' Daniel knew the kind of wines she liked and hated and he returned a few seconds later with a wine glass and a small bottle of her favourite.

‘How have you been?' she asked.

‘Fine.'

‘Great.' She took a sip of wine and tried to control the hysteria she felt bubbling inside her.

‘I'm sorry about what has happened, Amy, really sorry, but I just couldn't go through with the wedding the way things were between us. It would have been like a big lie, pretending everything was OK when clearly it wasn't! We were taking such a big step and it was clear that we weren't ready for it . . . Well, I wasn't ready for it.'

‘I see,' she said, trying to focus on the French label of her wine bottle as the words swam in front of her eyes.

‘What have you been up to?'

‘Well, obviously I've been kind of busy getting in touch with everyone to cancel all the wedding arrangements.' She made no attempt to hide her sarcasm.

‘I'm sorry,' he apologized, embarrassed. ‘But is that all done?'

‘Yes,' she sighed. ‘Everything is done. Mum has been great. You've no idea how embarrassing it was phoning everyone and trying to explain. But all the arrangements we had made are totally sorted and wiped away. We returned some of the wedding gifts that had arrived early. And you'll be glad to know that another couple were delighted to get our date to get married in Castle Gregory!'

‘I see.'

She looked at his face. He was pale, with a few zits around his chin. His polo shirt hadn't been ironed, just folded over, Daniel-style, and flung on.

‘Let's hope it is a luckier day for them than for us!' she said bleakly.

‘I really am sorry, Amy. I can only imagine how hard it has been for you.'

‘Pretty shit!' she said bitterly. ‘But as they say, shit happens!'

‘I'm sorry.'

Stop it!' she found herself saying loudly. ‘I'm fed up of you saying sorry when you are the one that ruined everything.'

‘Amy, I still love and care for you,' he said, staring at her. ‘That hasn't changed!'

‘Then what is all this about, Dan? What in God's name is this all about? Please just tell me! Give me some explanation for the shit that has happened.'

‘Amy, I still want a relationship with you but one that is about us, and the things that are important to us. We got caught up in some kind of wedding frenzy. We both let it get out of hand. Maybe we were rushing things too quickly, and lost track of what is important to both of us. The only explanation I have is that we changed – we
both did,' he said sadly. ‘I didn't like what we were becoming. It was as if we were the least part of the wedding! It was meant to be about us loving each other but it became this big show! I didn't want to be part of it any more. I felt you didn't want me . . . didn't need me . . .'

‘But I did,' she whispered. ‘I do . . . And you were the one who proposed,' she reminded him.

‘I know. I know.'

Pensive, they both sat silent, staring at the table.

‘Do you want to move back in?' he said, the tips of his fingers touching hers; so intimate and yet so distant. ‘See how things go between us?'

‘What do you mean?'

‘Amy, I miss you. I want you to come back, and for things to be the way they were before!'

She held her breath. They were the words she had been waiting every day for the past few weeks for him to say. But he wasn't saying what she expected, hoped for! He wasn't saying that he was heartbroken without her, loved her madly and passionately and couldn't live without her in his life. She could tell that Dan just wanted things to go back to the way they were pre-engagement: easygoing and relaxed, having fun together, hanging out, just being a couple again and slipping back into the comfortable routine they had enjoyed for the past two years.

But everything had changed in the past few weeks,
everything
. Couldn't he see that? Nothing was the same. She certainly wasn't the same. He had broken her heart, turned her world upside down.

‘Daniel, I'm not ready to move back yet,' she found herself saying. ‘I need more time to think about things, to think about us and what we should do.'

She could see the disbelief register in his eyes.

‘I'm sorry, Dan.' She regretted the utter stupidity that had driven
them apart, but knew that moving back in together and pretending everything was back the way it was before would be a big mistake. ‘I'm staying with Jess at the moment, and she says that I can stay on there for a while longer if I need to. She's been great. Everyone's been great: Mum and Dad, Ciara and Ronan – even Norah in the office and Jackie and the crowd there.'

‘I see.'

‘But I do need to take some things from the apartment if that's OK with you, so maybe we can organize that.'

‘We can go over there now if you want,' he said, brightening up, hoping that proximity and familiarity would help her to change her mind.

‘No,' she said, determined not to weaken her resolve. ‘It's better if I go on my own. Are you still playing football tomorrow evening with Liam and the lads?'

‘Yeah,' he nodded.

‘Right. I'll go over to collect some stuff then.'

‘Listen, will you have another wine?' he asked.

She had already gone through two glasses. She didn't need a third, didn't want alcohol to fuzz her thinking. She was tempted, but didn't want to stay.

‘No, I'm fine, thanks,' she lied. ‘I've a big presentation tomorrow. So I'd better go.'

‘Christ, Amy, what have I done to us?' he said, looking forlorn as she stood up to go. ‘What have I done?'

Not trusting herself to speak, she managed to compose herself enough to get out of the bar and, turning left, began to walk along the familiar road towards the canal.

She had no intention of being over-dramatic and chucking herself in the water, but knew that a long fast walk along the deserted canal bank where she could scream at the seagulls and swans and the water would do her good!

‘Feck him!'

‘Feck you, Daniel Quinn, for ruining my life!'

She yelled and shouted as loud and as hard as she could, letting the dark muddy water claim her words.

‘I can't believe it, Amy!' Jess was incredulous when she returned from yoga in the parish hall to discover that Amy had been asked, but yet refused, to move back in with Daniel.

‘Do you think that I've gone mad?' Amy asked, in a quivering, small voice. ‘I don't know what possessed me, but I just knew that I couldn't move back the way things are now, with Daniel thinking everything is OK again, when it isn't.'

‘I can't believe that you didn't cave in,' Jess said, seeing a side to Amy she had never known existed.

‘I was tempted. I really was . . . I love Daniel, you know I do, but I'm not sure that he loves me enough,' Amy said in a small voice. ‘I couldn't bear that. Imagine how bad it would be if I went back and it didn't work out. Jess, I'm not sure that I could take it.'

Jess knew just how fragile Amy really was, but yet some kind of miracle had happened and she had managed to retain her composure around Daniel, and to think clearly.

‘I'm so proud of you,' Jess said, giving Amy a big hug.

‘Do you have any wine?' Amy asked. ‘I think I need a drink.'

‘Sure, there's a Prosecco in the fridge and a Shiraz in the press.'

‘Prosecco, please.'

They stayed up late talking, wrapped in the big brown rug. Finishing the Prosecco, they opened the Shiraz as Jess drunkenly demonstrated to Amy the two new yoga positions she had learned: the Cobra and the Bull Frog.

‘You have to stick your tongue up towards your nose and stretch it up and down like a snake!'

The two of them collapsed in a heap of giggles as they squatted on the floor.

‘Maybe I should take up yoga, too!' teased Amy.

‘No, you'd make me laugh too much.'

An hour later at 2 a.m., they went to bed, having talked and talked about Daniel and Amy's relationship from every angle.

‘I promise I'll try and get a place of my own,' slurred Amy.

‘You have a bed here for as long as you need it,' Jess insisted. Although she loved her own space in the cottage and the spare room was tiny, she didn't want Amy to go back to live with Daniel just because she felt she needed somewhere to stay.

Jess was suffering, totally hungover, the next morning, and even after a blasting hot shower to wake her up and revive her felt like she had been eating a bag of feathers all night. She felt ill when she opened the fridge, and just managed a cup of tea and two dry Ryvitas. She couldn't believe it when she checked in on Amy in the spare room and discovered that she was already up and gone to work. Her mug and plate were packed in the dishwasher.

Somehow Jess managed to drag herself to school. Second class would definitely be having Reading Time today, Art Time and anything quiet that she could think of. Trying to keep a bunch of eight-year-olds quiet was a nightmare even at the best of times, but today, with this constant feeling of nausea which made her think she was going to puke, it was essential. She prayed that Bernadette Carroll, the principal, gave her a wide berth today and didn't come near her class. Roll on three o'clock and home and her
leaba
. . . her
big comfy bed, which had cost a fortune but was well worth every penny.

Tonight she had no intention of going anywhere, and would be happy to veg out in front of
Friday Night with Jonathan Ross
or
The Late Late Show
on the TV. Tomorrow night Amy and she were heading out with the girls for drinks in town before hitting a nightclub. It had taken a bit of persuasion to get Amy to agree to going out without Daniel in tow, but a night with the girls was just what her best friend needed.

Amy pushed through Kehoe's, the packed bar on South Anne Street, trying to get a drink. Why was it that one of the city's hottest bars – which spilled on to the streets outside – was also one of the smallest?

‘I'll have a vodka and Coke,' yelled Tara to her. ‘Lisa wants a Bacardi and orange, and Aisling wants a Bacardi and Diet Coke.'

Amy shouted their order to the barman over the sea of heads and shoulders, and battled to get the glasses and pass the money towards him. Then she retreated to the place they had managed to find, standing in the middle of a gang of people.

‘Here, Jess, take your vino!'

How Jess was drinking tonight was beyond Amy. She had been dying yesterday, but had somehow rallied.

‘You OK?' asked Lisa.

‘I'll live.' Amy did her best to change the conversation. Tonight she just wanted to relax and have fun. She'd had enough of misery over the past few weeks.

‘Well, you are looking great,' whispered Aisling. ‘I love that skirt on you.'