More Than Lies (30 page)

“Come here, little brother, it’s time you man up and learn.”

I walk toward him. That’ll never happen. Suits and ties aren’t for me. No woman will ever get me down an aisle in a monkey suit so why bother learning. While Shane jerks on the material, pulling me closer toward him, my mind flashes to Tara and impossible things that will never happen. I shove it away. No need to let a mind want things it won’t ever get.

“Taralynn.” Her tone is a command from behind me that freezes my feet to the ground. I slowly twist around to face her, but not wanting to deal with whatever she’s going to throw my way now. She’s been impossible to deal with for the last three days. The morning Shane, followed by Pam and Bill showed up, I came home that afternoon or was brought home rather.

The problem is, I don’t have my car. I’ve been stuck at home with my mother since Saturday. I’ve tried to help with arrangements and things, but everything I do is wrong. Everything I’ve always done is wrong so why would now be any different?

“Yes, Mother?”

Her eyes criticize me from head to toe. I can already tell she’s found something wrong with my choice of attire, although I haven’t the faintest idea how. I’m dressed in a solid black, sleeveless A-line dress that covers my chest and stops above my knees. I’m wearing the appropriate tan pantyhose and the black patent leather, closed toe Jimmy Choo pumps she bought me for Christmas. My hair is curled to perfection with a half up do and the length sitting past my shoulders. I’ve topped it off with black diamond studs in my ears. The only thing I can imagine is that I’m not wearing the black pull over jacket that goes with my dress to cover my arms.

My mother tells me often, my arms aren’t slim enough to wear anything sleeveless. You would think, being as we are at my brother’s funeral, what I look like would be the last thing on her mind. I got hot in the jacket earlier and accidentally left it on my old bed at my parents’ house. I’m sure she’ll be happy to know that I’ve already regretted my error. I’m cold and nothing seems to warm the chill from my body.

“Do you need something, Mother?” I ask again, drawing her eyes up to mine, finally. There isn’t one crack in her armor. You would never guess this is the mother of the man lying in a casket in the next room. How can she look so put together when I’m a wreck? The person I love the most is gone. I’ll never see Trent again. How am I supposed to be okay with that because I’m not?

“Yes, I do.” She takes a deep breath, bringing air in through her mouth and exhaling the same way. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe she does feel, but is trying hard to remain strong. I stopped trying to understand my Mother years ago. “I need you to tell Shane he’s needed as a pallbearer.”

Has she lost her damn mind?

“No, I won’t.” Shane is a mess right now. How could she fathom he could do that? She was supposed to arrange everyone needed for that. She knows plenty of people and my dad has a lot of relatives that can do that.

“You will. I don’t have time for an argument with you today. Go.” She waves her hand, dismissing me.

Not today.

“I said, no, Mother.” I’ve never came right out and denied one of my Mother’s requests and I know my voice was much louder than I really intended. I don’t care though. This is the most absurd thing she’s ever asked. Shane was my brother’s best friend. She can’t expect this of him and I will not allow it. If that means standing up to the evil queen, then so be it.

“Taralynn, keep your voice down,” I glance away from her, to see my father walking up next to her. “I do not need any extra stress today. Whatever it is your Katherine asked of you, please do it.” He always takes her side no matter what. Rarely does he ask what’s going on. He doesn’t even care and never has.

“No, Dad, I won’t. And she can’t make me.” I cross my arms across my chest and stare my mother down. She’s livid. I can tell by the way her eyes are trained on me. They’re hard and her jaw is locked as if she’s trying to stop herself from saying something.

“Tara?” His voice is questioning. “You okay?” Shawn’s hands land on my hips as his front meets my back. My body relaxes into his as if on reflex. I’m not stupid enough to think Shawn is doing this for any more reason that offering friendly comfort. I know, our one night together, the night of Trent’s death was a one-time deal. It’ll never happen again, but I’ll seek comfort of his arms as long as he’ll allow me.

When I glance over toward my dad to make certain he understands my stance on his wife’s request, if I didn’t know better, I’d think my dad’s eyes were wrecked with panic. He’s no longer looking me in the eyes. He’s glancing back and forth between Shawn’s face and where he’s palms are resting on my body. My dad knows how I feel about Shawn. If I’m honest with myself, everyone, including Shawn himself knows I’m attracted to him and have been for as long as I can remember. But I also know, just as my father does, that I’m not Shawn’s type. I’ve always been too much of a good girl and Shawn doesn’t believe for a second that I can handle him long term. Not that Shawn does long term, because he doesn’t. The look my dad is giving us though, is throwing me off. I push that to the back of my mind.

“She wants Shane to carry the casket after the service and I told her no.” My father’s jaw locks and Shawn’s hands tighten. He doesn’t like the idea any more than I do.

“Stop acting like a child Taralynn.” My mother scolds. Why does she have to be such a bitch, all the time? “I’m burying my son today and I need his friend to step up to the plate today and do this.”

“Katherine.”

“I won’t—” My dad and I both speak at the same time, but I’m not able to finish because Shawn cuts me off.

“I’ll do it.” He bites out the words. “Tara is right. My brother is in no shape to handle that. I’ll do it in his place.” His voice softens, but I can tell he’s angry with my mother for even wanting Shane to take on that responsibility. Shane’s barely holding it together as it is. He’s trying his damnedest to be strong for Kylie, but he’s only hanging on by a thread.

“Thank you, Shawn.” It’s my dad who speaks it. “Katherine, we need to head to the chapel.” My father turns, walking away without my mother. She glances at Shawn before peering back at me.

“I expect you to be in the chapel within fifteen minutes for the service. Until then, please take yourself to the ladies room and sort out your face. Show you brother and everyone that came to show him respect, some decency and make yourself presentable.” With her harsh words, she turns and stalks after my father. And I bolt, yanking myself from Shawn’s grip.

I’m out the door from the main lobby within seconds. The blast of cold wind hits me in the face with a smack, but I don’t care. I don’t know where I’m headed. I just know I can’t do this; not today, not ever. Trent is gone and I feel utterly lost. He didn’t do anything to deserve to die.

“Tara.” At the same time Shawn says my name, his arms wrap around my waist, halting my movements away from the funeral home. I twist in his arms, bring my own up and wrapping them around his shoulders. I’m holding on for dear life, I know it and I’m sure he feels it too.

“I can’t do this.” My words are mumbled as my face is buried into his neck. With my four-inch heels on, I’m just an inch below Shawn’s six foot two stature.

“You have to and you will.” He snakes his hand further around my waist as the palm on his other hand glides up my back, stopping at the nap of neck. “For Trent, you can.” He squeezes the area of my neck reassuringly and I pull back, sniffling the snot that wants to roll down my nose back up.

I nod my agreement. He’s right. I have no choice and this is my last moment to see my brother. Even if he is lying in a box that will seal shut and never open again.

“I got you. I promise.” His words are like a balm on my shattered soul.

About the time that I’m going to release Shawn, a soft hands lands down on my shoulder and squeezes. I disconnect myself from him and twist taking in Eve and Chance.

“Hey, baby girl.” I practically leap onto her. I’m a few inches taller than Eve Matthews, but she isn’t your ordinary petite woman. Like Kylie, Eve makes up for her size in attitude and spunk, not to mention color. Eve is a lot to take in the first time you meet her. Chance calls her his living breathing canvas. Colorful ink is adorned all over her body. She really is a beautiful sight.

“You came.” It’s the only words I can get out. The tears are starting to pour. The harder I try to hold them in, the more intense they seem to want to flow. I pull back from her and nod to Chance. He and Eve are best friends and practically connected at the hip. They both grew up with my brother. They were all really great friends, but Chance and Eve dropped out of high school early on; Eve in ninth grade and Chance left in tenth. Eventually, they left Mississippi and moved to Las Vegas, Nevada. Chance is a tattoo artist like Shawn and Eve a photographer. They’re both very talented. I know Chance has tried to get Shawn to move out west. I’m not sure why he never took the opportunity. Sure, the studio is doing great, but Shawn would get a lot more exposure in a big city like Vegas.

Eve’s voice brings me out of my thoughts.

“There aren’t many things that could get me to come back to this state, but I could never forgive myself if I didn’t come to say goodbye to him.” Eve is strong. I’ve often said she seems bigger than life. Emotions I’ve never seen her display are written loud and clear on her face. Her eyes are rimmed with red and her lip has a slight trimmer when she breathes out.

Chance latches onto my wrist and pulls me into his warm arms for a brief hug.

“Hey sweetheart.” Chance cups my face, applying a small amount of reassuring pressure, and then looks deep into my eyes briefly. He’s equally as striking as Eve with all the ink. Most are covered with the dark suit he’s wearing, but dragon’s claw is peeking out of his collar. Chance has jet-black hair, warm tanned skin and a pair of stunning diamond blue eyes. He belongs on the cover of one of those tattoo magazines…or maybe on a billboard. “He got you?” He gestures in Shawn’s direction and I nod. Chance does the same and then releases me seconds later. “We are going to head in.”

Shawn pulls my back into his front once again and I soak up every ounce he gives me. “We need to do the same. Please go see him one last time.”

Trent.

My head bobs. It’s the best I can do. I need to do this.

Lord, please give me strength.

And he does.

Within minutes I’m standing in front of the shiny black casket, peering down at the body inside. It’s not him, not really, I know that, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing he would open his eyes and this would all be a cruel joke.

This reality blows.

I can’t bring myself to touch his body. I don’t want to remember him as being cold and stiff; that was the opposite of who my brother was. My earliest memory is of my brother. He used to take me everywhere he went. He never left me behind when I was a small kid.

“You were the greatest brother a girl could ever have. I hope you know that. I’m sorry if I never told you. I love you so much, Trent and I miss you. It shouldn’t have been you. You shouldn’t be gone. It’s not fair!” The tears are falling hard now. So hard, the form in front of me is a blur. “You were always there for me when I needed you. It’s like you had this sixth sense or something when it came to me. You just knew and you were there. Now you’re not here and I’m all alone.” I don’t want to be alone.

Large hands wrap around my hips. Shawn’s been standing behind me this whole time. He steps into my space. His chest meets my back and I have to admit it’s helping having him here. It’s comforting and eases a fraction of the weight centered on my chest.

“You’re not alone, Tara. You’ll never be alone.” His voice is a whisper for my ears only. He’s wrong, but I don’t correct him on it. I’ve gotten closer to Shawn since he confided in me that he was buying Southern Ink, now named Wicked Ink, as of Monday. Even so, friends we might be now, but I know it’ll be nothing more. I don’t want to let being with him that night jeopardize that, but deep down I know being friends will never be enough. “It’s time to go into the chapel.”

I give Trent one last look before I let Shawn lead me away, away from my protection, away from the only love I’ve ever trusted, and away from my big brother.

I miss you, Trent.

We make it inside the large room that resembles a church. I guess technically it is, just inside a funeral home. Every pew is filled with bodies. Some I recognize. Most I don’t. I’m lead to the front row where my father and mother are seated.

“You were supposed to be in here ten minutes ago.” She whispers yells as we walk past.

“Katherine.” My father does the same to her. In warning it sounds like, but after earlier I know he’s back to taking her side. Everything he said on Christmas morning must not have meant jack.

My father doesn’t utter another word, but his eyes scrutinize us as we take our seats. I sit next to my dad and Shawn sits down next to me. He rests his arm on the back of the pew behind me and the other he takes my hand. Within a few seconds, the hand he has resting behind me moves closer. Shawn places his warm palm on the back of my neck, stroking softly. His touch allows me to breathe a little easier.