More Than Her (9 page)

I fucked up.

I fucked up bad.

And I want her.

I want her so fucking bad.

The scare

I woke up mid morning the next day seedy and tired as fuck. I smiled to myself. So worth it.

Dad was in the kitchen reading the paper when I walked in. He lifted his head when he heard me come in. "Late night?" he asked, a knowing smirk on his face.

"Yeah, you could say that." I opened the fridge, and then closed it again. Stupid habit.

"Has she left?"

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "I took her home last night, or this morning actually."

He nodded once, not taking his eyes off me. "Do we need to talk about protection?"

"No!" I said quickly. Then calmed myself down. "No. I'm good with that
—
trust me. But that's not
—
I mean, we didn't last night."

His eyes went wide; he misunderstood.

"No, that's not what I meant, I mean, we didn't...do
that
. We didn't have sex." I clarified.

He exhaled, relieved, and then went back to reading the paper.

I watched him. He's always been quiet, never really wanting to get too involved in my business. He got that sometimes I just needed to do things my way. I understood it was hard for him, without a woman around, to deal with certain things. He really made an effort to be both for me, but I got that it can be awkward for him.

"I really like her. Amanda, that's her name," I told him. I wanted to tell someone.

He looked up with a smile on his face. He folded the paper and put it aside, then leaned forward on his elbows, giving me his full attention.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah, she's something else. I'm actually going to meet her at work on her break today. Do you think it's too soon? I mean last night was our first date."

"Date?" he said, eyebrows raised.

I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, date. It's strange, huh? Me going on a date."

"It's not strange, Logan. It's just about time. And no, I don't think it's too soon. If you both want to see each other then it doesn't matter, right?"

"I guess." I shrugged. "I feel like I need to do something, to tell her, or show her, that I liked being with her, you know?"

"Well, what does she like?"

I thought for a while. "Red Gummy Bears."

"Well, there you go." He smiled as he stood up and left the room.

***

I finally picked out two bags with the most red gummy bears and started walking to the checkout.

That's when I saw her.

She stood in the middle of the aisle, looking down at something in her hands.

"Micky!" I yelled.

She dropped what she was holding. It fell to the floor.

I walked over to her.

She looked up, her face pale, her eyes wide, shocked. She was frozen. She hadn't moved since she saw me. She hadn't blinked. I doubt she was even breathing.

I stopped a few feet from her. I looked from her, to the floor and then the shelf. She still hadn't moved. I picked up the item and look at it. My stomach dropped to the floor.
A pregnancy test.
I lifted my gaze. Our eyes locked. And before I could say anything, she folded over herself and as a sob overtook her.

I put the gummy bears on a shelf, brought into my arms and led her to my car.

There was a goddamn ache in my chest and I didn't know why.

I tried to talk through the lump in my throat but nothing came out.

She sat there sobbing and frantically wiping her tears. She was trying to breathe through it, to calm herself down. And eventually, it started to work.

I don't know how much more this girl could take. And I don't know if there was anything I could have done to make it better. So I said the only thing I could think of to say; "You're pregnant?"

"I don't know." She said it so quietly I almost didn't hear it.

"So you haven't taken the test yet?"

"No." She started crying again. "Please, Logan. You can't tell anybody about this. No one. Especially Jake, please." She didn't want Jake to know.
Why?
Either way, I wasn't going to say shit to anyone.

"Mikayla, I wouldn't. It's not my story to tell."

Silence.

I sat there watching her for what felt like forever. "My dad's a doctor, I can take you to him, just to be sure. It's all confidential. It's the law or some shit. No one will know. I promise."

She nodded her head, looking out the window. I started the car and drove to Dad's practice.

***

I told her to sit in the waiting room while I found my Dad.

She held on to my arm, stopping me from walking away.

I stopped and turned to face her.

She had tears in her eyes, waiting to fall. She looked up at me, and then suddenly her arms were around me, her face on my chest. She started crying again, and I don't know if she knew how loud she was, because the other people in the waiting room all looked up at her. Linda, the receptionist, saw what was going on, "Take her to your dad’s office, Logan."

So I did.

A few minutes later Dad came in. He closed the door behind him. Then looked from me, then to Micky, and back to me again. "What's going on, Logan?" He said this suspiciously. And then it hit me, what it must look like to him.
Me
, bringing in some random girl, who's in
tears
, to see
him
, a
doctor
.

"Dad," I greeted. "This is Mikayla, uh...
Jake's
Mikayla."

I could see him visibly relax, before a different emotion took over his features. He moved to squat in front of Micky, so they were eye to eye. "Hi, Mikayla," he started. "I'm Dr. Matthews, but you can call me Alan." He smiled at her. It was sympathetic, but it was also genuine. "What can I help you with today?"

She looked at him, then up at me. Our eyes locked for a second before tears started streaming down her face again. "I can't..." she trailed off.

I cleared my throat. Dad faced me.

"Micky needs a pregnancy test done." I told him.

He smiled at Micky. "That won't be a problem. I'll take you to see Michele, my assistant. She'll take care of everything for you, okay?"

Micky nodded again.

"Mikayla, whatever happens here, everything will be okay. I promise," he assured her.

Micky stood up and walked to the door, my dad led her with his hand on her back. She stopped next to me, took my hand in hers and squeezed once, looking me right in the eye, and then they left the room.

And there was that fucking ache in my chest
again.

Ten minutes later she came back smiling. I couldn't help but smile, too.

"Good news I take it?"

She was crying happy tears. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. Then she laughed. It was that nervous, relieved kind of laugh. "Oh my God, Logan. I was so frickin scared." Then her arms were around my neck as she bought me down to hug her. She's a lot shorter than me, so I had to bend down, my face landing on her shoulder. She wore perfume. It was flowery. Amanda's was fruity.

Amanda.

Shit!

As we headed back to my car I pulled out my phone. It was 3:15.

There was a text from her.

Amanda: ??

My fingers became anxious. I had to type the text over and over.

Logan: I'm so sorry! Something came up. I really want to see you though. I have a stupid thing I have to do tonight. Can I see you tomorrow? Please?

***

I ended up getting Julie from her friend's house, which happened to be the street down from mine. I dropped by the house to pick up my gear bag. I was meeting Jake at the cages after.

When we pulled up in the driveway, Jake's truck was already there. I saw him step out, and I knew instantly what he was thinking. Because I would, too.

I turned to Micky, her eyes were wide, questioning. "I didn't say a word. Swear it."

We both looked back to Jake.

His fists were balled at his sides.

Jaw tense.

Eyes filled with rage.

He was pissed.

Beyond pissed.

"You girls stay here, okay?" Micky nodded before I stepped out of the car.

***

The second I'm out of the car he was on me, pushing and shoving and yelling and I was two seconds from fucking punching him. But then I remembered that Julie was there.

I got why he was pissed, he loved Micky and he thought we were fucking around, but he wouldn't give me a chance to tell him what was going on, and I tried to calm him down but he wouldn't quit getting in my face. He was acting like an asshole, and I was about to shove him back when I heard Julie scream. I turned to see her in the middle of the road, standing inches away from a car that had almost hit her. I looked back to Jake and he was yelling at both of them. What the fuck was wrong with him? I'd never seen that side of Jake before and if I ever saw it again, we'd be done.

***

I spent the rest of the afternoon subconsciously glancing at my phone, waiting for a text from Amanda.

Jake called and wanted to know what happened. I told him to ask Micky. It wasn't my place to say, and if she wanted him to know, she had to be the one to tell him.

There was function on that night with some pharmaceutical company that Dad was involved with. I normally didn't have to go to those things, but he went on a few dates with one of the women from the company, and it didn't turn out so well. I was his buffer. If I didn't have to go with him, I'd definitely be going to see her, I was
sure
of it.

***

The dinner seemed to go forever, and I was constantly checking my phone. I hadn't heard from her since her text earlier. By the time we got home, it was nearing ten.

Still nothing.
 

I changed out of my suit and got into bed, but I was restless as fuck and I knew it was because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I picked up the phone from my nightstand and found her number. Then stared at it. I don't know how long I looked at it before I finally jumped out of bed and started pacing the room.

I took a few calming breaths and sat on the edge of the bed. Then I dialed her number.

My palms were sweaty. My heart pounded in my ears. It dialed for so long I was about to give up. I pulled the phone from my ear, and that's when I heard her voice, "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey!" I said, too loud. Too fast. "How...uh...how are you? Did you get my text?"

Silence.

Eventually I looked at my phone to see if she'd hung up, but she hadn't. "Amanda?"

"Yeah, Logan. I got it," she sighed out loud.

"Is something wrong? I mean...fuck. Are you pissed at me?" She had no right to be. I mean, I don't
think
she did. "Did I do something?"

"Uh, no," she said, but it came out as a question.

I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, thinking about my next words. "Amanda, I'm new to all of this, so if I've done something you need to tell me. Should I have called instead of texted? I mean, something really did come up. I'm not lying."

Silence. Again.

Followed by more silence.

Then finally she spoke, "Can I be honest with you, Logan?"

"No, I want you to lie to me." I tried to joke, but I don't think she got it.

The silence was unbearable.

"I feel like maybe you feel sorry for me or something," she started. "No, not sorry. I don't know what the right word is. Let me start again..." She was mumbling. "If last night was just that, just one night, then that's all good. I get it. For a second I thought that maybe it wasn't, but it's fine. Really. If you don't want to see me again, you don't have to-"

"I told you that I wanted to. I said in the text I wanted to see you tomorrow. What the hell?" I was being louder than I should be, but I couldn't help it. If this was what dealing with girls was like, I don't know how the fuck Dylan and Cam did it.

"You're right, I'm sorry," she said quietly.

And now I felt like a dick for kind of yelling.

"I guess I'm just a little wigged out by this. I mean
you
. By you. You scare me."

"
I
scare you? How?" I spat out.

"Because..." she said, her voice softening. "I'm just scared that I might like you..." I heard her sigh loudly. "Pick me up from work at five?" she finally asked.