More Than Her (28 page)

He glared, squaring his shoulders.

I did the same.

"I kind of want to punch you," he said.

I nodded.

"Why did you even tell me?"

"Because I wanted to. And because you needed to know. So that when I asked you
—
no
—
told you
—
that I couldn't
not
be with her
—
then at least you'd know the truth."

"Fine," he muttered.

And that was that.

Amanda

He drove to a strip of stores near campus and parked on the side of the road. I got out and made it two steps before I felt his hand on mine, linking our fingers.

"So, have you checked out this area much? The stores and stuff?" he asked, his hand squeezing a little tighter.

I shook my head. "Not really. It's kind of hard with the one car."

"Good." He stopped in the middle of the footpath, and then moved us to the side so we were out of people
’
s way. "I want to show you something. If that's okay?"

I nodded.

His grip on my hand got tighter as he led me down a few streets and into a sketchy alleyway. It was a dead end with no signs and barely any stores.

"Are you going to murder me?" I asked, only half joking.

He chuckled, pulling me to the end of the alley, and into a doorway.

When we walked inside, I froze.

I looked up at Logan who was smiling at me.

"Smell it," he deadpanned.

So I did.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.

It's that familiar smell of books that I loved so much.

"How did you find this place?"

I wanted to ask him how he remembered, but he's made it clear he remembers a lot from that night.

"I'll tell you later," he said. But I'd already tuned him out as I looked around. It was shelves upon shelves of books, magazines, comics, everything. He squeezed my hand to get my attention. "There's a coffee spot hidden in the corner there," he pointed, but all I could see were shelves of books. "Go play." He smiled at me. "I'll be waiting."

So I did.

Like a frickin kid in a candy store I walked down the aisles, as slow as I could, taking everything in.

I had a handful of books before I got to where he was sitting, drinking a coffee, head in a biology textbook.

I dropped the books on the table, causing him to look up. He saw my pile and smiled up at me. "That was quick."

"That was two aisles, Logan. I'll be back."

No shit
—
two hours later
—
I ordered a drink and sat at the table with him, with a basket full of books I couldn
’
t afford and a huge goofy grin on my face.

He stared at me, smiling.

"What?" I asked, staring back.

"Nothing." He shook his head, licking his lips. We couldn't take our eyes off each other.

The barista brought over my drink, smiling like the Cheshire cat. I didn't know why. Then she looked over at Logan. "So this is her?" she said.

Logan smiled and nodded once.

"Hi Amanda," she said to me, her hand out waiting.

I shook it, confused. I looked from her to Logan and back again.

"I've waited a long time to meet you." She giggled to herself before walking away.

"What was that about?" I looked at Logan, bug eyed. "How does she know me? What does she mean about waiting?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it almost instantly.

"What?" I asked again.

"You're going to think I'm the worlds biggest creeper." He laughed to himself, shaking his head.

I laughed, too. "I won't. Promise. Tell me."

"Okay," he said, leaning forward in his chair a little. He blew out a breath. "I hadn't forgotten you, Amanda. Some stuff happened after our date, but I never forgot you. I wanted to see you. I wanted to speak to you. To apologize or whatever. But then I saw you at that bonfire party, and you were with that guy and I just couldn't. I figured that you'd moved on, or didn't care
—
"

I wanted to interrupt him but he put his hand up to stop me. "Just let me finish, please. I need to get this out."

"Okay,"

"I knew you were coming here, well, I thought you were. So I looked up all the places where I thought I might run into you. I went to all the cafes and diners you might be working. Basically, anywhere I thought you might be." He paused. "See? I told you you'd think I was a creeper."

I stayed silent, afraid of what he might be saying. For the year and I half I tried to forget him, he did everything he could to try not to remember.

"Finally," he continued, "I started scoping out book stores, because I knew how much you loved them. It wasn't so bad, there are only four around this area, but when I came into this one. I just
—
I don't know. I just felt like it was
you.
I just felt this connection with you the minute I walked in. And I know it sounds stupid, like one night together could give me that feeling
—
that
pull
feeling
—
but it did. And so every chance I got, I came here. Eventually, Chantal
—
the owner," he nodded his head to the woman behind the coffee machine, who was still smiling at me, "she asked me to leave. She said that if I wasn't buying anything and was just coming in for the coffee, then I should go sit at a coffee shop. Honestly though, I think I just creeped her out
—
the way my head would whip up every time I heard someone walk in. Or the way I'd just sit here for hours.
Hours
, Amanda. I'd sit here for fucking
hours
and just think about
you."

I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. I knew I was two seconds away from crying and when I did, it would be worth every single fucking tear.

"So I told her," he said. "I told her
everything
. I told her all about you. About our date. And about how I fucked it up. I told her that I came here all the time because I was just hoping that one day, the girl of my dreams was going to walk through those doors and forgive me for being an asshole. That
you
we're going to come in and tell me that it was okay. That you'd give me another chance to make it right. Because I
needed
that. I needed
you.
And I sat here, in this exact chair, for
hours
, and poured my heart out to her. Because no one else would get it, Amanda. No one else would understand how one fucking night with a virtual stranger
changed
me. How I never wanted to be close to
anybody
my entire life
.
Not until I met
you."

I knew the tears were flowing, I could feel the wetness on my face but I couldn't move a muscle. I couldn't breathe through the ache in my heart. And I still couldn't tear my eyes away from his.

"How long?" I asked him.

"What?"

"How long were you coming in here, waiting for me to show up?"

"Every day until the day I saw you at the library."

Logan

She didn't speak to me the rest of the day, or night. She hadn’t even spoken to me at all since we left the bookstore. Chantal
—
the owner of the store, gave me this sad, pathetic smile when we left. That was yesterday.

The team doc said that I had to rest my hand for a few days, so when Nathan called to tell me he was back from whatever business he had to attend out of town
—
I figured it was the perfect opportunity for me to go and see him.

I opened the bedroom door and practically walked into her. She was lugging a huge gear bag behind her. It looked heavy as hell. I stepped forward and took it from her hands. She resisted, but only for a second. "Where do you want it?"

She laughed. "The bus stop." It came out as a question.

"What?" I chuckled. "Where the hell are you going with this thing?"

"Uh." She hesitated for a second, "Home."

She's leaving? "What? Why?" I rushed out. I don't want her to leave. If anyone was moving out it was me.

My emotion must've been evident because her eyes widened slightly, "No, Logan. Just uh, just for the night."

"Oh." My shoulders relaxed. Then a grin took over my face.

An hour later she was in the passenger seat, and we were driving home. It was awkward. She was on her phone, a concentrated look on her face. She wore those short denim cut offs she always wore. My eyes kept drifting to her legs. I couldn
’
t help it. They're that fucking amazing.

Without warning, a crack of thunder sounded and rain started bucketing down. She sat up, putting the phone away.

"You want me to pull over?"

"Um, no. You don't have to. I'm sure you have things you need to do at home."

I pulled the car over on the side of the road. You could barely see anything around. Her knee started bouncing, most likely from nerves. She bit her thumb, looking around.

I leaned over to adjust her seat to laying position; we may as well get comfortable. She tensed when my body covered hers. When she was settled, I did the same with mine.

Then we lay there, on our sides, in silence, facing each other.

"It's funny," she whispered, loud enough to hear over the sound of the rain pounding against the metal. "It's like we're in our own little bubble."

She closed her eyes, her lips trembling.

She was afraid.

My hand reached out and touched the side of her face. She leaned into it, her eyes still closed.

"Logan," she whispered, quieter this time.

She opened her eyes.

Then I felt it
—
that ache in my chest
—
but it was different this time.

And this
—
this is
the
moment.

The moment I let myself fall completely in love with her.

I let out all the air in my lungs, "I didn't call you because I thought I was in love with Mikayla."

"What?" she squeaked out, sitting up a little.

I swallowed. My heart thud against my chest. This could make or break us.

I knew I could lose her forever.

I shifted and lay on my back. My arm covered my eyes. I couldn't watch her face when I told her the reason why she had to experience all that pain. All the pain
I
caused.

So I told her.

I told her about running into Micky at the store on the way to see her. I told her about the pregnancy scare and taking her to see Dad. I told her about the next day, when I was so fucking excited to see her, but when I opened the door to leave, Micky was there. I told her how she cried about missing her family.
 
About how I held her as she did. I even told her the exact moment I thought I felt something.

She stayed quiet, even when I was done speaking. I was shit scared to face her, so for minutes, we just sat there, silence filling our own little bubble.

Then she cleared her throat.

I finally moved my arm and opened one eye to look at her.

She was watching me.

I turned to my side and faced her again. "I'm sorry, Amanda."

She faced the roof. "Ethan was hit by a car." She spoke so quietly, I almost didn't hear her. "Actually, he pushed me out of the way, and got hit by a car. We were twelve. I was stupid. I didn't even look. It was raining. Just like this." Her voice was strained. She sniffed once. "That's why I'm scared of the rain. Everyone has their reasons. It may seem stupid, Logan, but to me, it's enough." Her eyes lifted to meet mine. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

I stupidly nodded.

Her face changed.

"Not like that," I said quickly. "Not in that way. I never did, Amanda. I was just stupid, and confused. But no
—
I never had those types of feelings for her."

A huge gust of wind caused the car to shake. She reached her hand out to grip my arm. Her eyes snapped shut. "Come here,"
 
I said, helping her move until her body was on top of mine, my arms around her. Exactly where she belonged.

Another gust of wind.

She tensed.

I held her tighter.