Moonshine (14 page)

22

Shine

Thursday March 9
th

Dear Shine Baby,

              Let me tell you about the fucking night I had. You aren’t going to believe it. We had the meeting over dad’s will and it was crazy. Turns out I have a fifteen year old little sister who lives in Little Rock. I know it’s crazy, right? I mean all of these year s I knew my dad was a cheating bastard but another kid. I guess I never thought it was possible and now it’s like a big slap in the face. It’s sunk in but it hasn’t. Does that make sense? We found out that her mother died recently too so she stays with her grandma. It’s weird when I think that all of this time I have had a sister. Last night when I was sleeping I wondered what she was like. Maybe she’s nice you know? Maybe she would like to meet me sometime. Who knows? Her name is Valerie. That sounds like a nice name. Don’t you think?

             
Anyways, that’s what went down yesterday. I was a little worried about Momma but she actually seems okay. She took the news better than I did. I swear, you should have seen her. She is a serious scrapper. It was awesome. Those prick lawyers tried to play a fast one on her and she threw them all out on their asses. It was funniest shit ever. The first few months after Dad died she was like a rock. I could barely get her to react to anything, but slowly she has come around. You wouldn’t believe the difference. She is so strong. Now I know that I won’t have to worry if I leave for college. Yes I said college. I’m seriously considering it and with the money that dad left I won’t have to worry about a thing.

             
My plans have always been that the two of us would get a place together. I never pictured our worlds being apart, and things with us are so rocky right now that I put off making plans. I’m still holding onto this very thin string wishing everyday that you will let me back in. Since I started writing you these letters I have felt better. Although, getting one back would be like getting to the gum in my Blow Pop. You know how I love the gum in Blow Pops. I used to have you eat the sucker all the way down to the gum and then I would take the gum. Do you remember that?  It was my favorite gum. But I think I just liked watching you lick the sucker for hours. In case you didn’t know. It was HOT!! That is your juicy fact for the day.

             
Miss you so much right now; you don’t even understand. Your parents said that you were doing really well, but I wish that I could hear it from you. I’ll be here when you’re ready.

                                                                                                                              Love,

             
                                                                                                                Moon

              I read the letter over and over, replaying the thought in my head. I was picturing what it must have felt like for him to learn he had a sister he didn’t know about who was fifteen years old.  He has a sister. I can’t believe it. I mean I guess I can, but it’s so shocking to hear it from him. No matter what he says I can tell he is excited. There is probably a thought in his mind that he shouldn’t be happy, but he is. I know it. I can’t help but think about Lisa. She put up with so much all of these years from that rat bastard. She may love him, but no amount of love was worth his crap.

             
Johnny read the letter over supper that evening. You should see the smile on his face every time I get a new letter. He gets so excited. No one ever sends mail for him, so it’s like Christmas every day. Each day when the letter arrives I read it first and once I have laughed and cried or puked, whichever is necessary, I pass it on to Johnny to read. There are critics of music and movies, but I never knew there were letter critics until John Boy. I swear he has some kind of over analytical thing to say about every word in it. Mostly it comes down too him saying that he believes Moon loves me so much and I need to write him back, which I have no plan of doing anytime soon.

             
“I get it, seriously. You can shut up now.”

             
He rolled his eyes at me. “Come on let’s go. We have work to do.”

             
“I have to start my school work tonight. They finally sent over my school work and I have to stay on top of it, if I plan to graduate.”

             
“Are you serious right now? You will have plenty of free time to work on that shit. We have more important things to work on. Let’s go.”

             
I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I liked hanging out with him way more than homework, but not knowing what he has up his sleeve well, it frightens me. He closed my bedroom door and waited for me to at least pretend to look comfortable.

             
“I have a plan but, you need to close your eyes and trust me.”

             
“I can tell you right now that you started that whole damn sentence wrong. I’m freaking serious when I say this too you. Look into my eyes. The fact that you have a plan is bad enough, but now you want me to shut my eyes, oh and that’s not all. You also want me to trust you. Seriously, trust you. The fact that we are both in a nut house speaks volumes.”

             
“And the Oscar goes to Sunshine, for an unbeatable performance. Enough with the dramatics, we have work to do. Have I given you any reason not to trust me?” I just rolled my eyes. I swear if he wasn’t so dang cute I would probably punch him in the nose right now.  “Are you ready?”

             
“Fine,” I stood up from the edge of the bed and closed my eyes. “Be gentle Johnny because I’m truly nervous.”

             
“You think I don’t know that? I can see your hands shaking from way over here. Just listen to my voice. It will be fine. Do you hear my voice getting closer? Good, now keep your eyes closed and just listen.”

             
With each word he spoke I could hear him coming closer into my space, but he would say comforting things and would always tell me to take a deep breath. That helped because I could smell him. His cologne always smelled sexy and it would mask the other bad smells that I would think I smelled. He was my reality.

             
“I’m really close now.”

             
“I know. I smell you.” I smiled big.

             
His laugh was so cute. I even heard him sniffing loudly and pictured him smelling his own pits; that made me giggle. “So you think I stink, huh?”

             
“No,” I was trying not to laugh. “Actually, you smell really good. I love the way you smell.”

             
“Really,” he stepped closer. I only knew this because I could feel his breathe on my face. My heart picked up a serious marathon pace. There was no stopping it, I mean not that I wanted it to stop, but a slower pace would have been helpful. It wasn’t my normal panicked heart race it was something totally different. His closeness was doing all sorts of things to me. “I’m really close now, but I won’t hurt you. Do you hear me?” I nodded, unable to speak.

             
His hand touched my face and I gasped really loud. It was an instinct and it caused me to try and back away, but I didn’t get far because the bed was right behind me. His hand came back to my face, and somehow through it all my eyes remained closed. “Listen to my voice, Sunshine. I will not do anything to hurt you.  My touch is meant to be soft and loving. Take a deep breath.” I did what he said and felt his hand move slowly down my cheek. I was allowing him more trust than I have ever allowed anyone. “I know how hard this is for you, but I’m not leaving your side. It is just you and me here, nobody else.” 

             
I swallowed the lump in my throat, when his other hand touched my cheek as well. Now my face was cradled in both his hands. They were so big that they nearly swallowed me up. His breath was so close and it felt warm as it blew across my face. He lightly tilted my head up and placed the softest kiss on my lips. It wasn’t demanding, it was sweet and I shuddered under his touch. My knees were shaking so hard I could feel them knocking. “Shine,” he spoke to my lips but I didn’t respond. Was he waiting for me to say stop, because I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I’m not sure I wanted him too either. Not now anyway. After having felt something so sweet I wished that this had been my real first time. My face was so warm and I couldn’t believe that he made me feel again. I felt it all the way to my toes and it was so amazing that I was overwhelmed with emotion. The tears rolled from under the lashes of my closed eyes.

             
“Shine, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to cry.”

             
I opened my eyes to see that his eyes were filled with emotion too. “I’m not crying for the reasons you think. I was scared, but that was amazing. I have never been kissed like that before. You, Bradley Jonathan James were my very first kiss or at least the first one I gave permission to anyway.”

             
His eyes were as big as saucers and I was sure that he understood my hidden message there. I couldn’t give him details but if I trusted him enough to touch me I at least owed him some kind of an explanation and that’s the best he’s getting. “You did so well with this. You didn’t pass out or have a panic attack. I’m so proud of you that I could kiss you again.”

             
“Okay,” I closed my eyes and tilted my head back up to him. He laughed and then kissed me again. This time it was a little different. The sweetness was still there, but there was so much more behind it. My mouth opened slightly and I could feel his tongue very gently brush against my bottom lip. The sensation between my legs could not go unnoticed. It was begging to be touched. My whole body was alive and the tingling sensations proved it. Without over thinking it, I pushed my tongue into his mouth and he didn’t back away. He kissed me back and it felt amazing. It sent shivers down my spine. He was an amazing kisser. I think. I didn’t really have anything to compare it with. When his body came in closer to mine, I felt his arousal pressed against the zipper of his jeans. I broke the kiss quickly and stood there trying to catch my breath.

             
“I thought you said that you were gay.” I was beginning to freak out a little.

             
“I am gay. What’s wrong with you?”

             
I couldn’t say it out loud so I just pointed at his pants.

             
“I’m sorry.” He adjusted himself. “It’s not what you think. I mean it is. My dick is hard, but I can’t help it. When I get aroused it happens, no matter who I’m with. My body responds to sex and I can get just as worked up as the next man. It doesn’t mean that I like you that way. My brain and my body are two different things. The kiss was hot, I’m not gonna lie. I could feel your body responding to me and it just happened. I’m sorry about this.” He pointed to his crotch. “I am not sorry about the kiss though. You were really starting to trust me. It was awesome to feel you let go like that. I only wanted you to know that you could be touched without being scared, and you can.”

             
“Thanks to you,” I smiled.

             
“Hey, I didn’t do anything except be your friend, and I will always be your friend. I love you Sunshine.”

             
“I love you too,” I nearly tackled him to the floor with the biggest bear hug I could give him.

             
“Goodnight,” he kissed my forehead before he left for his room.

             
“Goodnight.”

22

And a half

Bradley aka “Johnny”

             
I could punch anything that walks into this damn room right now. I cannot believe that I didn’t put all the signs together before. Some psycho nut bag put his damn hands on that sweet and innocent girl and every time I think about it I just want to bash something.

             
“Ugh,” I slammed my fist onto the dresser. How could they? How could this boy of hers not see that something was seriously wrong with her? I want to punch his face in too. I have read every letter that he has written her and I never once saw any sign that he knew what was going on. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him that someone has done something like this to her, and maybe then he will come and rescue her. Maybe he will treat her with all the true love and compassion that she longs for. There was a longing there. I saw it in her eyes. I know how much she was turned on by me and I couldn’t believe that someone had taken that away from her. They had made her experience so treacherous that she never wanted to be touched by a man again. Even after her past she is not broken. She can easily be loved and love someone back as long as she trusts them. I know that she loves this boy Moon, and I will find some way to get through to him. There has to be some way. I just hope that Shine will forgive me for butting in or maybe she won’t even have to know at all.

23

Moon

              “There is a letter here for you today.”

             
“Seriously, Mrs. Gerry,” she waved the envelope in front of my face.

             
“Now you know I don’t have no reason to be tellin no lies. Now get outta here boy. It’s graduation day.” She handed me my letter and kissed my cheek before I left. I couldn’t believe it. There was actually a letter for me after all this time. Shine had been there for seventy five days and this was the first time that I had got anything from her. This was the best present ever. It was also Graduation Day so I couldn’t be happier. I couldn’t wait to see what she wrote; even if she really just signed her name I would still be the happiest S.O.B ever.

             
There were no words on the outside of the envelope. I opened up and my heart sank to the floor. It wasn’t from her. This wasn’t her handwriting. It was a dude’s and when I flipped it over it was signed by some guy named Bradley. What the hell?  I took a deep breath and figured it was now or never. If she was trying to tell me to get lost I guess it was time I heard it. I just never expected it to come from another guy, and on Graduation Day. She had to know what day it was.

             
Do I read it now or do I wait?

  
              First I graduate. I’ll read it tonight. I slung the papers into the passenger floor board and headed for school. I would get my diploma today, and I’d be damned if anyone would take that away. I pushed the gas pedal to the floor.

             
I couldn’t believe it. It took three damn hours and lots of boring speeches, but I did it. I walked across that stage and got my diploma and school was over. It was by far the best day I have had in a long time. I even managed to get a D+ in French, Holy hell right?

             
Mom was waiting outside for me when I came out. I was ready to get out of these clothes and head out with Josh. He and I had plans to meet at the old mill for one last hoo-raw. A bonfire and a fifth of whiskey sounded like a pretty good idea to me.

             
“Hey Son, come and give your momma a hug.”

             
“Hey Momma,” I hugged her close to me. “Can you believe it?”

             
“Of course I can. I’m proud of you. What I can’t believe is that you managed to pass French. It’s a daggum miracle.”

             
I laughed at her. She was one of a kind. “Yes ma’am it is.”

             
“So what are your plans tonight?” She asked as we walked to my car.

             
“Me and Josh were planning on hanging out at the old mill. There may be a few other people coming to hang out. Why, what’s up?”

             
“I have supper on at home. I just wanted to make sure you were coming home to eat before you went out for the night. Plus, I got ya something at home.”

             
“Momma, you didn’t have to do that. I already told ya I didn’t want nothin, and I was serious. The damn diploma was all the present I needed.”

             
“You better watch your mouth boy,” she smiled.

             
“Yes ma’am.” I shut the door to my car and rolled down the window. “I’ll be right home. I need to change anyway, and you know I won’t miss supper.”

             
“I know little boy.” She leaned into the window and kissed my cheek. “I really am proud of you.”

             
“Thanks Momma.”

             
“She’d be proud of you too.” I knew who she was talking about. I could see it in her eyes. She never mentioned dad, and I was grateful for that. We all know just how proud of me he’d be. Maybe someday I would forgive him, but not today. Today was my day. “See ya at home, Son.”

             
I waved goodbye as she walked away to her car. I reached for the papers in passenger floor board. I was tired of waiting. I had to read what they said.

Dear Moon,

              I’m sure that you’ve already noticed that I am a guy and you’re wondering what the hell I’m doing writing you this letter. I will first start off by saying that I’m Gay, because I don’t want you thinking that I want your girl or anything. That’s not why I’m writing. Shine has become a very good friend of mine since we have been held up in this place together. She is one of a kind and I love her a lot, as a friend I mean. I know that you write her letters every day and I don’t want you to be mad but I have read them, or at least most of them I think. Don’t be mad at her, I bug the shit out of her until she caves and lets me read them. She says that you won’t mind because you are wonderful and la-di-da. Since I have no family, I get to pretend for a minute that you’re my friend too.

             
Anyway back to the reason I am writing. I wondered if you knew why Shine was acting the way she was. By reading your letters I am guessing not. I have been trying to write this letter to you for many weeks now and each time I stop myself because I don’t want her to be pissed off at me. I don’t want her to stop loving me and being my friend because she is the only one I have. When she first got here, she was a broken mess. She is still pretty fragile, but she has came miles since the last time you saw her. When she puts her mind to it she really tries hard and you won’t believe the change in her. The first time I ran into her she was panicking in the hall and would not let me near her for shit. She freaked out. She wouldn’t even let me shake her hand. At first I thought maybe she just had a fetish about people, and then I realized that it wasn’t all people. She didn’t want to be touched by any man, ever. Once she got comfortable enough around me and realized that I wouldn’t hurt her she wanted me to protect her from everyone else. I don’t know if you understand what I’m getting at, but someone has done something to this girl to scare the life out of her. She hasn’t told me in so many words, but she has beat around the bush. I know that you probably think I’m crazy because you don’t know me from Adam, but I’m serious. This girl would shake until she passed out if you so much as put a hand on her shoulder. So long as she kept you at a distance she was fine. It tears me up inside to think that something like this would happen to a girl like her, but I know it did. I thought that you should know. When I read your letters and realized that you didn’t know I wanted to beat your face in because I thought, how could you not know. How could you be her best friend and not realize? Now I understand that she only let you in so far, and that you couldn’t have known these things without being inside her walls. She told me she wouldn’t let you in. I’m sorry, because I know you must be heartbroken over it.

             
Don’t lose hope for her yet. She has gotten so much better and she has come so far. She doesn’t melt down when someone brushes her in the hall, and she will sit next to anyone in group although she prefers me of course. She even shakes hands with people, you just wouldn’t believe it. I’m so proud of her and I know that you would be proud too. I haven’t taken your place as her best friend. She just added me to the list.

             
I get out of here in three days and I have nowhere to go. She wants me to stick around here and wait for her to get out because she swears her family will give me a home, but I don’t know if I can. I will have nowhere to go while I wait. I haven’t mentioned this to her because she expects me here on her graduation day. She won’t take no for an answer. I trust that you will keep my secret because I don’t want to let her down just yet. If I don’t find a place to stay then I will have to move on. No way am I breaking her heart while she is in such good spirits.

             
She is an amazing girl and you are so lucky to have her in your life. Always know that, Okay? Take care of her and love her like I know that you do. You may be fooling her, but you ain’t fooling me. Don’t wait to tell her that you love her too much longer I know that she would love to hear it, and please don’t tell her anything that I told you because I can’t lose my only friend. You know what that’s like and she is all I got.

             
I am sorry that it took so long for me to write. Thanks for listening.

                                                                                                                Your Friend,

             
                                                                                                  Bradley aka “Johnny”

P.S. I no
longer want to kick your ass! We are cool now, bro!! Also, I’m not in here because I am mentally ill. This is serious!!

              Well, that was not what I was expecting. Was this dude for real
?
I mean, how can he be sure that these things really happened? God it makes me sick to think about. I don’t see how it’s possible. I saw her the day of the accident right after school and she was going to practice. After practice Dad picked her up and they were in the accident. So between practice and being picked up something happened to her. I don’t understand how or who would be there. That would have to mean that something would have happened at school. It’s just not right. Something is off about this, unless it happened after the accident. My mind was running a million miles a minute. I don’t want to believe him, but how could I not. Now that he brought it to my attention it makes sense. She wouldn’t let me touch her. She flinched even when I came close enough to breathe near her.

             
“FUCK!” How could I not notice that? What kind of a best friend am I? I slammed my hands onto the steering wheel three or four times. My chest was aching with every breathe I took. “Who would hurt that sweet girl?” The tears fell out of the corner of my eyes. She is my girl and I didn’t protect her. I haven’t been there for her this whole time. No wonder she won’t forgive me. No wonder she threw me out of that hospital the day that she woke up. He’s wrong. She may never forgive me. I wouldn’t blame her. I am horrible. I love her so much. How could I? “UGH!!!!” I screamed again. I am such a piece of shit. I held onto my chest as tight as I could because the hurt was unbearable. My chest felt like it was caving in. I had to breathe. I had to step out of the car and walk around and catch my breath. Mom couldn’t see me like this. She couldn’t know how big of an ass hat I was, because she wouldn’t forgive me either. All I had to do is get through Mom’s dinner and then I could drink my fucked up self into oblivion.

             
When I pulled into the drive I had finally calmed down. I rode home with the windows down so the fresh air would clear my face. Mom probably thought I wasn’t going to show. I opened the door and yelled into the kitchen like I always did. I could hear her banging around in there.

             
“I’m home, Momma. I’m just gonna run upstairs and change my clothes real fast.”

             
“Wait a minute, Ryker Baby. Come in here for just a minute.”

             
I put a smile on my face and tried to hide the shitty mood I was in. I walked into the kitchen and saw Momma at the stove stirring the food. “Hey Momma, what did you need?” I asked as I peeked around her at the food. It smelled so good.