Monza: Book 2 (3 page)

“
No! No, that’s not what I meant … Not exactly,” she nervously stuttered as she gave me a pleading look. “I’m sorry. This isn’t how I pictured how I’d have my first baby, but I feel as though … I feel that this baby will mean something to you, especially given the situation you’re in.”

It did, and of course she knew that. I was Italian through and through, and we lived for our families, our children. Since she had been living here in the very same country, getting to know the culture, she knew how much this information weighed on me.

“
What do you hope to gain with this charade? More money perhaps?” I fished. “How much do you need? I can write you a check now if you like.”

Her slap came out of nowhere, igniting the fire within me, stroking it to surface. It burned my skin, cementing the loathing and hatred I had kept in check as it boiled and seeped out of me, slowly, gradually.

Her audacity rendered me stupefied, leaving a mixture of shock and unchecked temper. Sending her a death stare, I gritted my teeth as I caught the fire that lit her eyes aglow.

“
I have been more than patient with you. I set my pride aside thinking that this—our baby—could really help you. I used to know you, Luca. What happened to that man who used to be happy, carefree, and so full of life? What the hell happened to the man I once adored?”

“
You.” I grunted, hating and loving her all at the same God-bloody-forsaken time. “
You
bloody well happened. Your selfishness robbed me of the life I reveled in. You drained me of all the beautiful things, all the happiness. Your selfishness destroyed me!”

The air between us crackled. Openly admitting I was destroyed somehow freed some of the heaviness in my heart. I knew nothing could heal it or piece it back together, though. I was broken forever.

Shaking her head as if she didn’t believe me, as if she was in denial about what she had done to me, Kimberly was on the verge of tears. They were threatening to spill down her face as she eyed me with the saddest look that tore at my heartstrings.

“
No—I—” she whispered, heavy with regret.

“
Yes! It was you. Your betrayal cut too fucking deep. How do you think I felt coming home to the news of you being married?” I viciously spat out, losing my control, my ground. My emotions seized me, my entirety, consuming me whole. “Do you know how it feels to think that your life is starting to really take meaning when all of a sudden you have it snatched from you?” I asked in a mere mumble.

“
I said I was sorry, Luca. Please, you must know…”

One word. That was all. And she thought this magical word would erase it all?

“
You think a stupid sorry would erase all the pain I went through? Well, that’s too unfortunate because it just won’t cut it, not anymore.”

She put gold-diggers to shame. At least those lot had some pride in their “craft” by admitting or showing what they wanted out of the relationship—be it more fame or status or more money. However, with her, she had to act coy and most likely pretended she didn’t know me, taking advantage of my moronic notion that there was a woman out there who didn’t recognize the fame and money that came attached to being with me. It was laughable to think how easily persuaded I had been with her innocence and enthusiasm for life. I had succumbed to her deception, and I hated myself for falling into her trap.

“
How does it feel to be such filth, Kimberly? To be married while carrying another man’s child? Does your husband even have a clue how conniving you are?”

She paled at my accusations, but she didn’t interject, so that fueled more into the burning fire gaining ground within me.

“
Better yet, how can you—if it is mine—let another man’s cock fuck you?”

“
That’s enough from you, Luca! I’m not going to stand here while you throw allegations,” she screeched, red from embarrassment and mortification.

“
Why, my sweet one? Does it hurt too much because it’s the goddamn truth?”

This was only a glimpse of the monster she had created. Gone was the adoring man who would do anything for her. Things had changed. She had tried my patience, and soon, she would see what I was really capable of.

Quattro

Kimberly

“
Why, my sweet one? It hurts too much because it’s the goddamn truth?” Luca slung the words at me, eyeing me as if I was the filth on the bottom of his shoe.

I shook my head, hurting beyond repair. “No …” I whispered.
I never looked at another man the way I did you
, I silently added, but refrained myself from voicing the words aloud.

It pained me to see him turn into this man, full of misery and loathing. It was a far cry from the sexy, carefree lothario who plagued my mind day in and day out. Sexy though he still was, the carefree persona was gone. I knew what had happened … It was all because of me, and despite trying to make amends in the only way I knew how, it still wasn’t enough. Even telling him about the baby we had made wasn’t enough to change his mind.

Before I met him, I had thought life was simple, that I could go on living the way I saw fit. However, that wasn’t the case, because little did I know that, the moment I stepped into Luca’s orbit, nothing was ever going to be the same.

Whatever he might think of me, I was never after his money. I didn’t even know who he was in the very beginning since I wasn’t familiar with racing or any European socialites, so his accusations were unfounded.

“
Does he know?”
he thundered like a possessed man. “Does your husband know it’s not his child?”

Anton …

Meekly nodding, I frowned slightly, knowing where he was going with this conversation. “Yes, Anton knows.”

Of course he did. It was something I had been upfront about from the very beginning.

My brusque response didn’t curtail his menacing anger. His nostrils flared as he looked at me as if he was about to implode from fury.

“
Anton,” he hissed disdainfully, his emerald eyes flashing at me before he closed in on my breathing space, resulting in my pulse escalating to new heights. “Were you fucking him, too, while you were with me, Kim? Is that how you work?”

His accusation stung, but I knew he was hurting and that he was out to hurt me in any way possible. To him, it was the ultimate betrayal. His Italian pride wouldn’t let it slide. Italian men didn’t take cheating lightly. They were possessive yet passionate creatures. Love and life came hand in hand, and above all, the men considered themselves mostly Alphas, so what I had done to Luca… Well, he would forever remain bitter about it. It was as if their manhood was put in question. Maybe it was the main reason he wasn’t over it. However, for him to lay all the blame on me was purely unjustified. I had every reason not to fight for him. I knew it. I saw it.

“
How dare you ask me that when it was you who had Grazia on your speed dial! You went to see her … You—you kissed her … I saw it.”

I recalled the video as though I had just watched it, and the pain he had caused me had cemented my decision. I was one of his side chicks, so losing me wouldn’t be a big deal, or so I had hoped then. I’d had no idea he would react this way. I was flabbergasted much more so after he kept chasing me. It was demented, and each time I turned him away, it chipped at my soul, at my heart, but everything was too late … much too late.

“
Che cosa?” Something shifted in him. “What do you mean you saw it?”

The past didn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.

Not breaking eye contact, I cleared my throat, hoping I wouldn’t break down before him. “I was merely stating that you had women on the side. It’s confusing for me because you’re acting as if I was the only at fault here. I was basically one of many, so for you to act as if I was the love of your life is ludicrous.”

“
You
were
the love of my life!” he roared, his eyes clashing against mine, penetrating into my soul, my existence. “You still are …” Green jewels sparkled before me, impassioned.

I remained unmoved as I drew in shallow breaths, taking in the powerful, beautiful man who had just declared how much he loved me.

“
You never gave me a chance. You could’ve confronted me about that kiss with Grazia, and I would’ve told you what happened, but instead, you chose to drop everything with me and marry someone else.” Everything he was feeling compounded into one look as he gazed into me with love in his eyes. “I’m not going to lie, my feelings for you were scaring me, but I had never once considered leaving you.”

No matter how much I tried to hide from the past, it still haunted me. Question after question remained unanswered as I recalled the early days between us, the final days culminating in our demise, and the few reasons that had made me decide to leave one of Italy’s beloved playboys behind.

“
What happened with her, Luca? What was that trip to Grazia about?”

“
She and I had a complicated relationship, but that trip was specifically for her to get some much needed help. Leaving you then was a hardship; however, I felt obligated to do something for her. She tends to always seek drugs and alcohol whenever she feels as though no one pays attention to her. I didn’t see her to go back to her in that sense; I was there to help. It was all platonic, but I suppose it doesn’t matter now. What happened in the past can’t be undone.”

There was something significant about his tone and stature that made my heart constrict to the point where it was becoming hard to breathe. He looked so lost, so hurt and broken, and I had no idea how to take the pain away.

I loved him, even after things had fallen apart between us. Regardless, bigger things were in play.

Sometimes, real life came knocking hard on your door and made you realize love wasn’t enough to survive on. Sometimes, you had to make life-altering choices for the benefit of everyone. At certain critical times, you had to stand by that decision, even when it tore at your soul, draining the life out of you.

Cinque

Luca

Glassy-eyed with unshed tears, Kimberly gave me the most heartbreaking of faces I had ever seen from her, stripped bare from all of her defenses, her resistance. It was full of immense fragility and innocence.

“
You must understand … everything that happened between us … It was real,” she uttered in an unsteady voice. “I’ll always cherish those memories … I will never forget it, nor will I be able to forget you, Luca.” She sniffed while using a melancholy tone. “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much, but there’s nothing I can do to remedy it, not in the way you want or picture.”

Something snapped inside of me. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt lethal, destructive, and utterly reckless. Her sad story gutted me alive, yet what she had done was far worse. Moreover, no matter how she painted it, no matter how she admitted guilt, nothing lessened the poison that had tainted my mind, my heart, my life. It was all ruined. Everything was shattered.

“
Shut the fuck up,” I said gruffly before shutting down my brain and letting everything go as my lips sought refuge in her kiss, her warmth, and the simple need to hold her in my arms for the time being.

Fuck the bloody world. Fuck the consequences. I was just going to live with right now, with this very moment. Her and I … and no one else in between.

“
I love you …” I cupped her face before once more kissing her senseless. “Forgive me …” My eyes scanned hers. Back and forth, they went.

Each breath I took, each thud of my heart, it all lived for her and the life growing inside of her stomach. Our child—my family.

Gazing at her fragile form, my eyes lingered on her lips before they travelled towards her tear-filled eyes. “But I can’t help myself …” I trailed off, feeling at a loss for words as my eyes relayed what I was feeling, how I was feeling. It vibrated off her, the connection so palpable. Undeniable.

Right then and there, I realized one thing: if there was something in this world that would make me a better man, it was her, the love of my life. Her laughter was my glimmer of hope. Her innocence gave me faith in the future. Her love brought light into the very lonely, guarded life I led. She was the cure in the maddening circus that was my life.

“
Luca …” she whispered hesitantly, heavily drugged by the kiss we had shared.

“
Per favore
… Don’t think … Stop thinking and let it happen,” I roughly demanded without leaving her lips because I was too afraid it might give her time to think. I simply wanted for us to feel each other and the type of magic we weaved together, beautiful and perfervid. “Let me love you, amore.”