Montana Wild (21 page)

“Jesus!” Kevin prayed out loud.

Jamie woke from a fitful sleep, her mind going a mile a minute. She had not figured out her Derrick dilemma yet, but knew she had to do something soon. He would not wait long for an answer. Working in the barn, she went through the motions without emotion. The morning passed in a daze and lunch was skipped as her appetite had vanished.

The weight of her troubles visibly slumped her shoulders as she sat at the drink station, eyes blank and staring. Needing to talk to someone about her troubles, she was leaning toward confiding in Kevin, but she had to be sure she was making the right decision. If she was wrong, Kevin could get hurt.

Needing some Jack time to soothe her soul, she headed back to the barn.

“Hector,
¿cómo estás?
” She paused to listen to his reply. The fire had upset him. He had voiced guilt because it occurred on his watch.

“I’m okay.
Gracias
.” He looked sad as he returned to his work, but Jamie had to concentrate on her own troubles, as selfish as that sounded. She saddled Jack up and took off. Immediately she began to come alive as she left all her troubles behind.

With Jack’s powerful spirit beneath her, she was flying above all her worries and feeling free. When they reached the turnaround point, Jamie dismounted and let Jack drink. As usual, she poured out her heart to him as he stared back and nuzzled her. Hugging his neck she felt his strength, physical and spiritual. She mounted the stallion for her ride back, which she took slowly, not wanting to re-enter the real world.

They entered the barn where Jamie unsaddled and brushed down Jack. She made sure he had his water and feed, then headed out toward her cabin. On her way she noticed Kevin, Ben, and Rick standing around Kevin’s truck which now had substantial damage.

Initially alarmed, Jamie put this in check since Kevin stood there unhurt. She ran over to the threesome.

“Kevin! What happened?”

“Everything’s okay. Just a little mishap.” He tried to downplay it but the damage was considerable.

“Are you all right?” she asked, looking him up and down for a quick assessment.

“Yeah, I’m fine. But my truck isn’t.” Kevin loved that truck and voiced anger about her damage rather than any injury to him.

“Seriously, have you been checked out? There aren’t any airbags in that old truck. You may need x-rays of your neck and back.”

“No, Jamie, I’m fine,” he said sternly, then softened the blow with, “but thank you for your concern.” He squeezed her hand.

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure. I was on my way to town and when I put on the brakes, they failed. I had to steer off the road so I didn’t run into oncoming traffic. Unfortunately it took a couple of trees to stop me. Rick towed me back here but I’ll have to get her into the shop.”

Was the cup half full or half empty? The accident was bad news, like the fire; but also like the fire, it could have been much worse. Kevin could have been seriously hurt. It was an old truck and even though he loved it, things were going to go out on it sooner or later.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Jamie caressed his arm and looked at him. She left the boys to mourn the injury to their beloved truck and make plans for her cosmetic recovery and mechanical repair.

Life sure hasn’t been dull around here lately
. Feeling some hunger pains, Jamie headed toward the mess hall although her appetite was not back to normal. She wanted to retire early; she had some serious thinking to do.

Once in her cabin, she decided a long hot bath would be good for problem solving. Lost in her weary thoughts, she dunked her head under the soapy water to help clear her head. She held her head under for a minute, not sure if she ever wanted to surface. Above the water, troubles were waiting; it was silent and peaceful here. Jamie popped up quickly . . . my god, she was sounding suicidal . . . reminding her of how her mother had ended her own emotional anguish. Jamie knew she would never let Derrick drive her to that. By the end of the bath, she decided she could not let Derrick run her life. She would not let him win. If the tables were turned, she would hope that Kevin would trust her enough to confide in her so she would tell him about the ultimatum Derrick had given her. They would have to involve the authorities if they thought Derrick’s threat was real.

Scrubbing herself, she imagined she was ridding herself completely of anything to do with Derrick.
I will survive this and be stronger because of it.
She would talk to Kevin tomorrow, she didn’t want to wait any longer.

Jamie put some soothing music on her CD player and changed into her pajamas. Sitting on her bed, her phone’s flashing voicemail alert caught her eye and she gasped out loud. She recognized the number and the last thing she wanted was to hear his voice, but she had to know what Derrick was up to.

Reluctantly she forced herself to listen to the voicemail. “Hello, sweetie.” His menacing voice stung like shards of glass in her gut. “Sounds like cowboy Kev had a run of bad luck lately. First, your favorite horse Jack narrowly misses being barbecue meat, and next, poor Kev’s brakes go out on his beloved truck. Good thing the steering didn’t go out too. That really could have been ugly. I hope his string of bad luck stops. Gosh, I’m so glad nobody got hurt . . . especially little Tommy . . . how cute is he? Or Ben, Consuelo, so many nice people there. Yep, so glad no one got hurt. Keep in touch sweetheart.”

For a second, the room went dark and the air was sucked from her lungs. As her body went limp she fell back onto the bed. Lying motionless, it all sunk in . . . Derrick had set the fire and sabotaged Kevin’s truck! Now it seemed so obvious.
Stupid! How could I be so stupid? Oh my God! Jack and Kevin could have been killed so easily, and all because of me. And now he’s threatening Tommy?
Derrick was insane. There would be no compromising with him, and he obviously had people on the inside here. He had to have hired out the work in both incidents. His evil tentacles were far reaching. He would know if she informed Kevin of his intentions and would hurt or kill him or someone else, and quickly. He was impatient.

Jamie’s long thought process and resulting decision while soaking in the tub had all been for naught. She knew what she had to do. She made the call.

“Okay, Derrick. You win. It’s over. No more accidents.”

“So good to hear your voice, sweetie, and even better to hear you’re coming back to me.”

“You have to give me a day or so to tie things up and make my excuses here so it doesn’t look so suspicious.”

“Of course Jamie, whatever you want.” His sickly sweet tone nauseated her.

“But no more accidents! Do you hear me?” She screamed into the phone.

“Yes, I hear you.”

“Promise? Promise me, Derrick, and I’ll go back to New York with you.”

“That’s music to my ears. Yes, I promise. I’ll call off the dogs.” He promised, but could she trust him? She had no choice.

“I’ll call you with the day and time, but I repeat, I need a day or two,” she restated her terms sternly.

“Okay, darlin’. I’ll anxiously await your call. You won’t be sorry, it’s gonna be great . . . like old times. But in the meantime, don’t get too cozy with the cowboy. The thought of it makes me crazy, and you know how I get when I get crazy.” She hung up.

What happened? What had she agreed to? She’d done what she had to do and that was all that mattered. Getting Derrick far from Kevin and the ranch was the goal. She could not chance anyone getting hurt or even killed. Once Derrick was back in New York, she could figure out her next move.

She tried to console herself. It was time for her to leave anyway. New York was her home, not Montana. This was not her life, not really. Yes, it had been wonderful and she had many new friends, almost family, but in truth she was a foreigner in this land. This was all a nice fairy tale but the carriage had turned back to a pumpkin and Cinderella had to return to her real life. She had been fooling herself. Her apartment, her job, her life were all waiting for her back in Brooklyn.

To be truthful though, she knew her heart and her spirit would remain here. The cost was worth the prize — the safety of the ranch and all who dwell here, especially Kevin. He may be hurt by her sudden departure, but that was a small price to pay for his safety and his life. He would get over her and probably pretty quickly. Her sadness deepened as she thought of all the good friends she had made—Ben, Rick, Tommy, Hector, Consuelo, Jack. Jack! Jamie would never see or ride him again.

Her eyes filled as she began to feel sorry for herself. For a split second she thought about calling Noah to confide in but she knew he would inform Kevin. Noah wouldn’t let Jamie deal with Derrick alone. Wiping away her tears, she scolded herself.
Be thankful for what you did have, albeit short lived. Many people never get a ride like you did.
Placing her sadness on the shelf for later, she began to plan an exit that wouldn’t make Kevin suspicious. If he figured any of this out, no doubt he would confront Derrick and the results could be tragic. Kevin had no idea of the depth of Derrick’s evil.

Lying in the darkness of her cabin, she feigned sleep. She could not face anybody at this point, she was afraid she would break down and spill her guts. Most of the permanent workers knew she was only temporary so she just needed to have a plausible reason for the suddenness of her departure.

Her mind and heart were going a mile a minute and she couldn’t sleep. Needing shelter from all the pain and unrest, she opened the cupboard of her bedside stand that housed some strong brandy and took a triple shot. Since she had not been eating much, it took effect quickly and sleep rescued her from her turmoil.

A distinct knock jolted her from a deep slumber.

“Jamie. Jamie.” Kevin called her name. Though she longed to see him, she dared not. Another softer knock sounded, then she heard his footsteps fade away. She lay face down in her pillow to muffle her sobs until sleep claimed her again.

Chapter 25

Kevin had seen little of Jamie lately with the fire and now the truck accident, but he needed her. She was his link to what was important in his life. Her cabin had been dark when he’d knocked. He hadn’t talked to her much since the Derrick incident. Was she truly asleep or had she heard him and not wanted to answer? He would never know and walked away, a little more beaten.

He awakened early to meet his music deadline. After lunch he drove to town to finish some business, then filed a fire report because he wanted it investigated. One of his workers had seen a stranger in the barn shortly before the fire erupted. Kevin had put it off, not wanting to believe it. But if it was arson, he needed to know. Who would do such a thing? The sheriff told Kevin he would send someone to the ranch.

By the time Kevin finished with the sheriff it was late afternoon. As he walked back to his car he spotted a black Jaguar parked a few doors away. The sight of the car set his blood boiling and he headed directly to it where he found Derrick in the driver’s seat smoking a cigar, looking amused.

“What the hell are you still doing in town?” Kevin was steps away from Derrick’s face.

“Now, now, cowboy. No reason to be a sore loser. You knew she wouldn’t stay forever.” Derrick’s snarly smirk and smugness pissed him off. He was in no mood for this bastard.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, she didn’t tell you yet? Sorry to break the news Kev, but you really should know. I’m disappointed that Jamie didn’t tell you herself. I always like to be direct with people, even if the news is unpleasant.”

“What news?” Kevin asked, taking the bait.

“Jamie’s going back to New York with me, but Kevin, you knew she's a city girl at heart. She could never survive out here with a country boy like you. You knew that deep down. She’s much too classy to spend a boring life out here in the sticks.” Derrick’s grin widened.

His words hit Kevin like a punch to the gut. It couldn’t be true.

“Go ask her.” Derrick urged. He expelled a smoke ring, smiled broadly and drove off.

Kevin stood paralyzed in disbelief.

Jamie awakened that morning, a little groggy from the triple slug of brandy. It took a moment to gather her thoughts and when she did, she felt sick. Running to the bathroom, she barely made it in time. Broken, she sat on the floor letting the coolness of the tile slowly revive her as she tried to comprehend her imminent sadness, and then got dressed. Everything took on new meaning with the finality of it all. She went to the mess hall for her morning tea, saw Consuelo and hugged her, nearly coming to tears.

“Jamie, are you okay?” Consuelo asked as she returned the hug.

“Yes. I’m fine. Sometimes we just need a hug, right?” She asked choking back her tears.

“
Sí, sí
. Hugs are always good.”

“Thank you for everything, Consuelo. You’ve been so kind and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” She didn’t want to let Consuelo go. She was the mother figure that Jamie so desperately needed right now, but she could not involve her for her own sake.
The less people that know my drama, the better
. Looking at Jamie for a prolonged moment with a furrowed brow, Consuelo opened her mouth ready to speak but Jamie had slipped out the door.

The reality of her last day weighed on her. Trying to savor every minute with Jack and the other horses, she had to concentrate on holding back her tears. When her chores were finished, she let herself into Jack’s stall. The big steed brought his head close to her face as if sensing her melancholy. Not her normal Chatty Cathy, their eyes locked as she felt her heart fracture. Jack stood motionless while she encircled his neck with both arms and held on tightly. Imprinting the bristle of his coarse coat against her cheek and the feel of his powerful musculature within her arms, she closed her eyes. Her strength waned as the depth of her sadness grew. Pulling him into her, she kissed his neck hard them released him quickly. Not looking back, she closed the stall door behind her and raced to her cabin. She needed an outlet for her anguish.

Once inside, she changed into her running gear then headed out to her favorite trail. Running long and hard, she wished she never had to stop. The tears flowed but she kept running, sobbing between gasps for air. She reached a pool of water formed by the union of two streams and rested on a large bolder, drew up her legs, wrapped her arms around them and buried her head on her knees.
Is this really happening?
She’d known it would be difficult to leave, but as the time neared, the pain was unbearable. Forcing herself to stay on task, she focused on the goal—to keep Kevin, Tommy, and everyone at the ranch safe from Derrick’s insanity and all that he might do.
Focus, girl, focus
.

Jamie was unsure how long she stayed in her upright fetal position, consumed with grief. There was no time, only her agonizing pain.

After Derrick left, Kevin stood there, letting his words sink in.
Could this be true? Could Jamie really be going back to New York with him? Was that why she hadn’t answered her door last night? Maybe seeing Derrick again did stir old feelings for her.
He had so many questions and he needed them answered now!

Kevin returned to his car and peeled out of the parking lot, with clouds of dust billowing behind him as he drove too fast back to the ranch and pulled his car in front of Jamie’s cabin.

“Jamie! Jamie, I need to talk to you.” Pounding on her cabin door there was no answer. He asked around if anyone had seen her and one of the hands said he saw her jogging out on the north trail. It was a long trail and Kevin was not a runner. Racing through the barn to Jack’s stall, the horse raised his head and snorted as Kevin rushed in. “Sorry to startle you, boy.” Kevin patted him on the neck but then reached for the saddle and quickly dressed him. Leading him out of the barn, Kevin mounted him.

“C’mon, Jack . . . find her.” They rode hard for a mile to where the trail split into east and west paths. Without hesitating, Kevin steered Jack east for a half mile until the trail ended at the river. Kevin’s eyes searched the area.

“Damn!” Slowing Jack down only enough to U turn, he raced the horse west as he began to lose the afternoon sun. “I know I’m working you hard Jack, but you can do it!”

Sweat began to glisten on the horse’s coat but he did not slow. Jack and Kevin’s bodies were in sync with the rhythm of his gallop. Finally they reached the pool of streams where the west trail ends. Sitting on a boulder with her head down on her knees was Jamie.

“Kevin! What are you doing here?” At the sound of Jack’s hooves she raised her head, emerging from her black hole of sorrow. She felt a chill as the sun’s earlier warmth waned with the day. Kevin dismounted and came closer, his normally kind eyes piercingly serious, his face tense. “I heard some news today and I had to get it straight from you before I could believe it.”

“What news?”

“I ran into Derrick in town.” Kevin paused as Jamie felt the blood drain from her face. “He told me that you’re going back to New York . . . with him.”

She hadn’t figured out how she was going to explain to him she was leaving, so perhaps Derrick had actually done her a favor.
Let Kevin think I’m going back to Derrick
. This was not pleasant news but it would keep him safe. Still, she wanted to ease the hurt.

“Kevin, you knew I couldn’t stay here forever. New York is my home. I’m a city girl.” She paused to summon her strength. “You knew I had to leave eventually.”

“You’re going back to Derrick?” He stumbled on the words.

“Derrick and I have a history. We hit a rocky patch, but he’s sorry for that.” Inhaling deeply she continued, “Seeing Derrick again brought back a lot of emotions and memories.” She failed to mention that the emotions were disgust and repulsion and the memories were ones she wanted to forget. Jamie was making herself sick listening to her own words, but she needed to convince him.

Kevin’s eyes went wide with disbelief; even Jamie didn’t recognize herself.

“Jamie, he’s been violent with you. What are you thinking?” He swallowed hard. “And what about us? I know what we have is new, but I thought there was a connection. I thought we had something . . . something deep and growing . . . something that had a future. And the other night . . .” He choked as he fell silent, his eyes searching hers. His questions hit home as he expressed what she had felt too, that what they’d shared was deep and had a future.

“What about me?” Kevin was pleading now, his eyes searching hers.

Those three words and the pain on his face sliced through her, making her bleed emotionally. She had to swallow the bile she felt rising up in her throat, a direct result of the putrid words that were erupting from deep within her.

“Kevin, we had some laughs, but we knew it was only temporary. You knew I had to go back.” It tore her up to downgrade what they’d shared.

Kevin’s jaw tightened and his head jerked back as if he had been slapped.

“Laughs? That’s what it was to you? Just laughs?” He looked at her as if he didn’t recognize the woman standing before him.

Jamie folded her arms around herself. She felt cold, but she did not attribute this to the setting sun. Instead it was directly due to their shared love that was being massacred by her own icy words.
Stay on task!
She reminder herself,
don’t look him in the eye
.

With the afternoon sun fading, dusk would soon be upon them. The temperature dropped quickly, and Jamie had dressed only in shorts and a sleeveless tee. Kevin took off his jean jacket and handed it to her. She started to protest but the stern look he gave caused her to stop. As she donned his jacket she inhaled his scent, sucking the last bit of life out of her. Her knees went weak.
Focus on the goal
.

“We need to head back, the sun’s almost down.” He mounted Jack and outstretched his hand to Jamie to climb up.

“I’ll run back.” She looked up at him.

“This is non-negotiable,” he said firmly, his jaw set in stone. “Grab my hand with your left hand. Put your left foot in the stirrup.” Jamie did what she was told and Kevin easily pulled her up. She sat behind Kevin, trying to make as little physical contact as possible, grabbing the back of the saddle.

“You are going to have to put your arms around me and hang on, otherwise you’ll end up on the ground. Don’t worry, Jamie, I won’t take it personally.” Kevin’s angry voice had a sharp edge to it and she certainly couldn’t blame him. As she put her arms around Kevin’s waist she held on, still trying to keep distance between them. He kept Jack at a steady, brisk pace and neither Kevin nor Jamie spoke. The beautiful scenery around her was invisible; her senses only registered the physical closeness of Kevin, which tortured her heart.

They came to a steep incline and Kevin turned his head to instruct her. “Hold on tight and lean forward.” Jamie followed his commands and leaned into him. Once she did this, she started to fall apart. Kevin nudged Jack’s side to quicken the climb uphill. They were up and over the incline but still she held on tight, leaning in to him, feeling the warmth of his body against hers. Having him in her arms once again and inhaling his scent was more than she could take.

Tightening her grip on him even more, she pressed her face into his back and began to cry. She needed to capture this moment and tuck it into her heart for later. She would never hold him again, never breathe his essence. Keeping her eyes closed tight, she inhaled, slowly and deeply, taking him into her lungs.

Her arms registered the rise and fall of his chest with each breath he took. Every nerve ending on her face was on high alert and she absorbed the warmth and feel of his firm back separated only by his thin cotton shirt. This was heaven and hell simultaneously, pleasure and pain
. I need to remember this moment forever!
Her body heaved against him with every sob. He halted Jack and put his hand over hers. He tried to turn his head to look at her.

“Jamie,” he whispered. “Jamie, oh, babe.”

She did not answer, she could not trust her voice. Afraid if she spoke she would blurt it all out, she used this time to compose herself.
I need to keep you safe, Kevin. Please don’t hate me.
She held tight and kept her face pressed into his back, unable to release him.

Interlacing their fingers on his waist, Kevin kept a firm grip on her. He kept Jack at a steady pace but did not rush the ride home and by the time they got back to the barn, it was dark. He halted Jack and they sat atop him without moving, neither letting go. Afraid they were being watched, she took him in with one last breath and slid off of Jack. Kevin followed.

“Jamie,” he started, and stood close facing her.

“Kevin.” She shushed his words with her fingertips on his lips. “This is for the best and you’re going to have to trust me.”

“Anything that separates us is not for the best. We need to talk this out.”

She looked at him, afraid to trust her voice. She whispered, “I need to go.”

“Jamie, please. Talk to me.”

“I’m exhausted, Kevin, I can barely stand.” So true, she was near collapse but it was from the thought of leaving him forever.

“Jamie, please.”

“Tomorrow, Kevin,” she lied.

“Tomorrow? We need to talk now.” His eyes pleaded along with his voice. He reached for her but she shook her head.

“I can’t. I’m physically not up to it.”