Monkey (25 page)

When Pigsy turned and saw Monkey with his sharp little teeth and grinning mouth, his fiery, steely eyes, his flat head and hairy cheeks, for all the world like a veritable thunder-demon, he was so startled that his hands fell limp beside him and his legs gave way. With a scream he tore himself free, leaving part of his coat in Monkey’s hand, and was gone like a whirlwind. Monkey struck out with his cudgel; but Pigsy had already begun to make for the cave he came from. Soon Monkey was after him, crying, ‘Where are you off to? If you go up to Heaven I will follow you to the summit of the Pole Star, and if you go down into the earth I will follow you to the deepest pit of hell.’

If you do not know how far he chased him or which of them won the fight, you must listen to what is told in the next chapter.

T
HE
monster fled with Monkey at his heels, till they came at last to a high mountain, and here the monster disappeared into a cave, and a moment later came back brandishing a nine-pronged muck-rake. They set to at once and battled all night long, from the second watch till dawn began to whiten in the sky. At last the monster could hold his ground no longer, and retreating into the cave bolted the door behind him. Standing outside the cave-door, Monkey saw that on a slab of rock was the inscription ‘Cloud-ladder Cave’. As the monster showed no sign of coming out again and it was now broad daylight, Monkey thought to himself, ‘The Master will be wondering what has happened to me. I had better go and see him and then come back and catch the monster.’ So tripping from cloud to cloud he made his way back to the farm.

Tripitaka was still sitting with the old man, talking of this and that. He had not slept all night. He was just wondering why Monkey did not return when Monkey alighted in the courtyard, and suddenly stood before them. ‘Master, here I am,’ he said. The old men all bowed down before him, and supposing that he had accomplished his task thanked him for all his trouble.

‘You must have had a long way to go, to catch the creature,’ said Tripitaka.

‘Master,’ said Monkey, ‘the monster is not a common incubus or elf. I have recognized him as a former inhabitant of Heaven, where he was in command of all the watery hosts. He was expelled to earth after an escapade with the daughter of the Moon Goddess, and though he was here re-incarnated with a pig-like form, he retains all “his magic powers. I chased him to his mountain-cave, where he fetched out a nine-pronged muck-rake, and we fought together all night. Just at dawn he gave up the fight, and locked himself up in his cave. I would have beaten down the door and forced
him to fight to a decision, but I was afraid the Mastet might be getting anxious, so I thought I had better come back first and report.’

‘Reverend Sir,’ said old Mr Kao to Monkey, ‘I am afraid this hasn’t helped matters much. True, you have driven him away; but after you have gone he’s certain to come back again, and where shall we be then ? We shall have to trouble you to catch him for us. That is the only way to pluck out our trouble by the root. I’ll see to it that you have no cause to regret the trouble you take. You shall have half of all that is ours, both land and goods. If you like, my friends and relations shall sign a document to this effect. It will be well worth their while, if only we can remove this shame from our home.’

‘I think you make too much of the whole affair,’ said Monkey. ‘The monster himself admits that his appetite is large; but he has done quite a lot of useful work. All the recent improvements in the estate are his work. He claims to be well worth what he costs in keep, and does not see why you should be so anxious to get rid of him. He is a divinity from Heaven, although condemned to live on earth, he helps to keep things going, and so far as I can see he hasn’t done any harm to your daughter.’

‘It may be true,’ said old Mr Kao, ‘that he’s had no influence upon her. But I stick to it that it’s very bad for our reputation. Wherever I go I hear people saying “Mr Kao has taken a monster as his son-in-law.” What is one to say to that?’

‘Now, Monkey,’ said Tripitaka, ‘don’t you think you had better go and have one more fight with him and see if you can’t settle the business once and for all ?’

‘As a matter of fact,’ said Monkey, ‘I was only having a little game with him, to see how things would go. This time I shall certainly catch him and bring him back for you to see. Don’t you worry! Look after my master,’ he cried to Mr Kao, ‘I’m off!’

So saying, he disappeared into the clouds and soon arrived at the cave. With one blow of his cudgel he beat the doors to bits, and standing at the entrance he cried,’ You noisome lout,
come out and fight with Old Monkey.’ Pigsy lay fast asleep within, snoring heavily. But when he heard the door being beaten down and heard himself called a noisome lout, he was so much enraged that he snatched up his rake, pulled himself together, and rushed out, crying, ‘You wretched stableman, if ever there was a rogue, you’re hel What have I to do with you, that you should come and knock down my door? Go and look at the Statute Book. You’ll find that “obtaining entry to premises by forcing a main door” is a Miscellaneous Capital Offence.’

‘You fool,’ said Monkey. ‘Haven’t I a perfectly good justification at law for forcing your door? Remember that you laid violent hands on a respectable girl, and lived with her without matchmaker or testimony, tea, scarlet, wine, or any other ceremony. Are you aware that heads are cut off for less than that?’

‘Stop that nonsense, and look at Old Pig’s rake,’ cried Pigsy.

He struck out, but Monkey warded off the blow, crying, ‘I suppose that’s the rake you used when you worked on the farm. Why should you expect me to be frightened of it?’

‘You are very much mistaken,’ said Pigsy. ‘This rake was given to me by the Jade Emperor himself.’

‘A lie!’ cried Monkey. ‘Here’s my head. Hit as hard as you please, and we’ll see!’

Pigsy raised the rake and brought it down with such force on Monkey’s head that the sparks flew. But there was not a bruise or scratch. Pigsy was so much taken aback, that his hands fell limp at his side. ‘What a headl’ he exclaimed.

‘You’ve still something to learn about me,’ said Monkey. ‘After I made havoc in Heaven and was caught by Erh-lang, all the deities of Heaven hacked me with their axes, hammered me with their mallets, slashed me with their swords, set fire to me, hurled thunderbolts at me, but not a hair of my body was hurt. Lao Tzu put me in his alchemic stove and cooked me with holy fire. But all that happened was that my eyes became fiery, my head and shoulders hard as steel. If you don’t believe it, try again, and see whether you can hurt me or not.’

‘I remember,’ said Pigsy, ‘that before you made havoc in Heaven, you lived in the Cave of the Water Curtain. Lately nothing has been heard of you. How did you get here ? Perhaps my father-in-law asked you to come and deal with me.’

‘Not at all,’ said Monkey, ‘I have been converted and am now a priest, and am going with a Chinese pilgrim called Tripitaka, who has been sent by the Emperor to fetch scriptures from India. On our way we happened to come past Mr Kao’s farm, and we asked for a night’s lodging. In the course of conversation Mr Kao asked for help about his daughter. That’s why I’m after you, you noisome lout!’

No sooner did Pigsy hear these words than the rake fell from his hand. ‘Where is that pilgrim?’ he gasped. ‘Take me to him.’

‘What do you want to see him for ?’ asked Monkey.

‘I’ve been converted,’ said Pigsy. ‘Didn’t you know? The Bodhisattva Kuan-yin converted me and put me here to prepare myself by fasting and abstention for going to India with a pilgrim to fetch scriptures; after which, I am to receive illumination. That all happened some years ago, and since then I have had no news of this pilgrim. If you are his disciple, what on earth possessed you not to mention this scripture-seeking business ? Why did you prefer to pick a quarrel and knock me about in front of my own door ?’

‘I suspect,’ said Monkey, ‘that you are just making all this up, in order to get away. If it’s really true that you want to escort my Master to India, you must make a solemn vow to Heaven that you’re telling the truth. Then I’ll take you to him.’ Pigsy flung himself upon his knees and, kow-towing at the void, up and down like a pestle in the mortar, he cried, ‘I swear before the Buddha Amitabha, praised be his name, that I am telling the truth; and if I am not, may I be condemned once more by the tribunals of Heaven and sliced into ten thousand pieces.’

When Monkey heard him make this solemn vow, ‘Very well then,’ he said. ‘First take a torch and burn down your lair, and then I will take you with me.’ Pigsy took some reeds and brambles, lit a fire and soon reduced the cave to the state of a burnt-out kiln.

‘You’ve nothing against me now,’ he said. ‘Take me along with you.’

‘You’d better give your rake to me’ said Monkey. When Pigsy had handed over the rake, Monkey took a hair, blew on it with magic breath, and changed it into a three-ply hemp cord. Pigsy put his hands behind his back and let himself be bound. Then Monkey caught hold of his ear and dragged him along, crying,’ Hurry up! Hurry up!’

‘Don’t be so rough,’ begged Pigsy. ‘You’re hurting my ear.’

‘Rough indeed I’ said Monkey. ‘I shouldn’t get far by being gentle with you. The proverb says, “The better the pig, the harder to hold.” Wait till you have seen the Master and shown that you are in earnest. Then we’ll let you go.’

When they reached the farm, Monkey twitched Pigsy’s ear, saying, ‘You see that old fellow sitting so solemnly up there? That’s my Master.’ Mr Kao and the other old men, seeing Monkey leading the monster by the ear, were delighted beyond measure, and came out into the courtyard to meet him. ‘Reverend Sir,’ they cried, ‘that’s the creature, sure enough, that married our master’s daughter.’ Pigsy fell upon his knees and with his hands still tied behind his back, kow-towed to Tripitaka, crying, ‘Master, forgive me for failing to give you a proper reception. If I had known that it was you who were staying with my father-in-law I would have come to pay my respects, and all these unpleasantnesses would never have happened.’

‘Monkey,’ said Tripitaka, ‘how did you manage to bring him to this state of mind?’ Monkey let go his ear, and giving him a knock with the handle of the rake, shouted, ‘Speak, fool!’ Pigsy then told how he had been commissioned by Kuan-yin. ‘Mr Kao,’ said Tripitaka, when he heard the story, ‘this is the occasion for a little incense.’ Mr Kao then brought out the incense tray, and Tripitaka washed his hands, and burning incense he turned towards the south and said, ‘I am much beholden, Bodhisattva!’ Then he went up into the hall and resumed his seat, bidding Monkey release Pigsy from his bonds. Monkey shook himself; the rope became a hair again and returned to his body. Pigsy
was free. He again did obeisance, and vowed that he would follow Tripitaka to the west. Then he bowed to Monkey, whom as the senior disciple he addressed as ‘Elder Brother and Teacher’.

‘Where’s my wife ?’ said Pigsy to Mr Kao. ‘I should like her to pay her respects to my Father and Brother in the Law.’ ‘Wife indeed!’ laughed Monkey. ‘You haven’t got a wife now. There are some sorts of Taoists that are family men; but who ever heard of a Buddhist priest calmly talking about his “wife”? Sit down and eat your supper, and early tomorrow we’ll all start out for India.’

After supper Mr Kao brought out a red lacquer bowl full of broken pieces of silver and gold, and offered the contents to the three priests, as a contribution towards their travelling expenses. He also offered them three pieces of fine silk to make clothes. Tripitaka said, ‘Travelling priests must beg their way as they go. We cannot accept money or silk.’ But Monkey came up and plunging his hand into the dish took out a handful of gold and silver, and called to the lad Kao Ts’ai, ‘You were kind enough yesterday to introduce my Master into the house and we owe it to you that we have found a new disciple. I have no other way of showing my thanks but giving you these broken pieces of gold and silver, which I hope you will use to buy yourself a pair of shoes. If you come across any more monsters, please bespeak them for me, and I shall be even further obliged to you.’

‘Reverend Sirs,’ said Mr Kao, ‘if I can’t persuade you to accept silver or gold, I hope that you will at least let me show my gratitude by giving you these few pieces of coarse stuff, to make into cassocks.’

‘A priest who accepts so much as a thread of silk,’ said Tripitaka, ‘must do penance for a thousand aeons to expiate his crime. All I ask is a few scraps left over from the household meal, to take with us as dry provisions.’

‘Wait a minute,’ cried Pigsy. ‘If I get my due for all I’ve done on this estate since I married into the family, I should carry away several tons of provisions. That’s by the way. But I think my father-in-law might in decency give me a new jacket. My old one was torn by Brother Monkey in the
fight last night. And my shoes are all in pieces; I should be glad of a new pair.’

Mr Kao acceded to his request, and Pigsy, delighted by his new finery, strutted up and down in front of the company, calling to Mr Kao, ‘Be so kind as to inform my mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law, and all my kinsmen by’marriage that I have become a priest and must ask their pardon for going off without saying good-bye to them in person. And father-in-law, I’ll trouble you to take good care of my bride. For if we don’t bring off this scripture business, I shall turn layman again and live with you as your son-in-law.’

‘Lout!’ cried Monkey. ‘Don’t talk rubbish.’

‘It’s not rubbish,’ said Pigsy. ‘Things may go wrong, and then I shall be in a pretty pass! No salvation, and no wife either.’