Momentary Marriage (36 page)

Anything to help Kelsey.

Only then he’d gotten the data. A complete run-down of
Layton
’s activities since he’d divorced Kelsey’s mother twenty years before. His work, current address, bank balance. There was even a list of the women he’d dated before remarrying.

And there were family photos, studio shots of him and his wife with their three kids, dressed up and smiling for the camera. So happy, so…complete. While his Kelsey had grown up with she and Amy being shuttled between step-fathers like a disease no one wanted to catch.

It made Jared burn.

Other than being a slime-ball father, however, the guy was squeaky clean. No illegal activities, no affairs. He even paid his traffic tickets promptly. So he wasn’t a bum, but somehow that seemed to make it worse.
Layton
took care of everything but his daughters.

Jared would have enjoyed squeezing him a little. But here he sat, holding the envelope with the guy’s life in it, doing exactly nothing.

Kelsey’s words made him hesitate.
You’ve been nothing but underhanded with me from the beginning.
She was right about that. In the hours between
midnight
and morning, he’d been thinking about his part in all this. He’d pursued her because he’d known somehow that she was the woman for him. But had he acted in a loving manner?

From the beginning, he’d deceived her, hiding his interest, watching and noting her reactions, her concerns, as if she were a business he wanted to merge with rather than a woman he wanted to marry.

In his first marriage, he’d never really invested himself, hadn’t paid his wife enough attention, hadn’t cared enough. This time he cared more than he could believe. Every breath he took without Kelsey hurt. From the first, she’d emblazoned herself on his senses like fireworks on virgin film.

He felt she was a part of him, an indispensable other half. He wanted to be there when she needed him, wanted to take care of her when she was sick. Ached to hear her low laughter in the dark next to him.

He couldn’t imagine living without her, but from the beginning, he’d lied. Failed to be honest with her. It didn’t matter that his reasons sprang from the heart, that he’d pursued her for all the right reasons. In his anxiety to earn her love, he’d forgotten to trust her and hesitated to be trustworthy, in return.

Yes, she was a woman who held men at bay with the greatest of ease. A beautiful woman who withdrew from men only brought out their hunting instincts. Kelsey played a more skilled game. She dated, flirted, smiled, even kissed. Most men probably never knew she was evading them.

None of that excused his behavior because—he was being brutally honest with himself at last—he’d been deceitful out of fear. He’d wanted to win the fair princess without ever risking himself.

Look at the fact that he’d never told her he loved her. Not in the heat of passion, not once during their last argument. He’d said a lot of things, but never the one that would have left him standing stripped in front of her. Never the words that would have given her a loaded gun aimed at his heart.

He was a coward. He’d chastised her for holding back when, all the while, he was failing to trust her with his heart.

Jared stood, tossing the envelope on the chair as he paced the terrace.

He didn’t know what to do. Any step he could take would be specifically designed to get her back. He loved her. But manipulation wasn’t acceptable anymore.

He wanted his wife back and, yet he’d tied his own hands. Even if he apologized for his deceit and then told her he loved her, how likely was she to believe him?

She had to freely choose, he thought again. He had to let her decide to come back.

And he thought it might kill him if she didn’t.

*
**

“Dearly beloved, we come together today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony,” the minister intoned.

Squeezing Amy’s hand in his, Doug sent up a silent prayer of thanks. They were about to take a major step and he’d never felt as confident about anything as he did about marrying Amy.

She stood next to him, beautiful in an off-white suit, a tiny wisp of a veil on her head. Returning his clasp, she tightened her own fingers momentarily, a brilliant smile on her face.

Doug shuddered to think of his life if she’d actually taken Jared up on his offer to give her a job in London. Thank heavens, he’d had the good fortune to be loved by a patient woman.

“Into this holy union,” the minister said, “Doug and Amy now come to be joined….”

What a fool he’d been, Doug thought, to so nearly miss his Amy in his crazy dreams of Kelsey.

Around them in the tiny wedding chapel, stood his family and…surprisingly, Amy’s father with his wife and children. As the minister spoke briefly about the joys and tribulations of marriage, Doug remembered Amy’s uncertainty about inviting her father to the wedding.

But after hearing about Kelsey’s visit with him and his reasons for abandoning them, she’d decided to give the man a chance. Chloe wasn’t the easiest woman in the world to live with, Amy had said. So she’d called her father and been pleased when he’d eagerly accepted her invitation. Her mother had said she couldn’t return to the states for the sudden ceremony, so an awkward meeting of ex’s had been avoided.

Doug was glad his father-in-law came. He was so damned happy at this moment that he wanted every soul in the world to join in with him. Of course, he’d have liked to have started with his best man. But Jared stood next to him, his face blank, his eyes empty.

Remembering his threat to break both Jared’s legs if he hurt Kelsey, Doug couldn’t help thinking his best man was so miserable he might not have noticed the pain. It had to be killing him to be here in this setting with Kelsey standing up for her sister. On the other side of Amy, Kels looked like the cliched reheated death. With hollows under her blue eyes, her face looked drawn and tired.

Never had two people participating in a joyous occasion looked more unhappy. It was ridiculous. They belonged together. Now that he was over his ten-year stupidity, he could see clearly how well suited Kelsey was to Jared.

Why couldn’t she see that? All she could say to Amy was that she couldn’t trust Jared, that he’d been dishonest and manipulative.

That didn’t sound like the Jared Doug knew, but he’d never been married to the man and Kelsey had. Still, there was no question of the two of them being in love.

They just seemed like they couldn’t get a clue, couldn’t coordinate themselves to mutually apologize and get on with their lives. Hell, he wasn’t even sure what the problem was.

Someone was going to have to jump start this thing, Doug thought, turning his eyes back to the preacher. Someone would have to make the first move.

He hoped it would be soon. Neither of them looked like they could take much more.

CHAPTER TWENTY

“Come in and have a seat,” Jared invited as he shook Stewart Black’s hand.

“I was surprised to get your call,” the union representative told him, sitting down. “I thought you had decided you were through talking.”

Jared sat down across from the man. He’d spent the last three weeks with his head up his ass, angry half the time, in a pit of despair the rest of the time. Being without Kelsey was eating him alive. Just seeing her at Doug and Amy’s wedding had left him useless for two days.

He’d been a fool to get himself involved with a woman who couldn’t trust, a woman whose warmth and tenderness came locked up with doubt and fear.

Why couldn’t she see how good it could be between them, he’d asked himself over and over? How good it had been? Her screwed-up family comprised her reality, keeping her from giving him a chance to make it all right.

“Have a seat,” Jared invited again as the other man came into his office.

“Thanks.” Stewart Black seated himself.

Remembering the last time he’d met with the union rep, Jared felt Kelsey’s loss. She’d sat at the table with them, paying more attention than he’d realized. And now she was gone out of his life. Legally his wife, but emotionally as distant as the moon.

The only thing that kept him from total despair was the anger that consumed him, at times. He’d felt rage sweeping over him in waves, succeeded by hopelessness and the conviction that he was losing his mind.

For several days, he tried to argue his way out of any responsibility for his own heartache. So he worked situations sometimes. Did he deserve to be shot for that? What human being didn’t sometimes manipulate a little?

This morning, though, he’d woke with the certainty that he had himself created his misery. Instead of making things right for Kelsey, he’d gone into their marriage playing a game he’d felt he had to win.

She’d said he was manipulative…and he was. When had he been really honest with her? Never had he meant to hurt her, but he’d rejoiced when the situation with Doug and Amy had played Kelsey right into his hands. Without any real effort on his part, she’d fallen into his lap. He’d wanted her and come to realize how much he loved her, but always the game had been played carefully.

It was if he’d known she alone had the potential to wreak havoc on his heart and, knowing that, he’d been careful not to lay himself open for a deathblow. He’d protected himself by keeping his growing love for her to himself. Consummate risk-taker that he was, he’d been afraid to take the risk of letting her see his soul.

Kelsey was right about him. In most areas of his life, he did play a tough game and not always a fair one. That conclusion was what had brought him to this meeting with Stewart Black.

“I’m not surprised you were surprised to hear from me,” Jared said wryly after seating himself. “I’m used to playing hardball in my negotiating. But I’ve recently had my consciousness raised.”

“Really?” Black murmured, his eyebrows rising. He settled into his chair, adjusting his trouser leg, before saying, “I don’t think I mentioned that I ran into your wife a few weeks back.”

“That was one of the reasons I’ve been playing hardball.” Jared told him in even tones. “I don’t like my family to be used for business purposes.”

“Ahhh.” Stewart Black hesitated a moment before saying ruefully, “I can understand that. You’re very lucky. She’s a beautiful woman.”

“Yes,” Jared said without further comment. “Perhaps we can attend to business now.”

“Of course.” Stewart opened his brief case and drew out a sheaf of papers. “We’re glad you’ve decided to reconsider our requests.”

“Some of your requests,” Jared corrected him. “Don’t get your hopes too high. I’m reconsidering, but I’m not stupid. I am prepared to listen to your concerns, however, and find a way we can agree on the important ones.”

“I’m very glad to hear that,” Stewart Black told him. “We very much want to settle this.”

“Good. Let’s get to it,” Jared said, satisfied that he’d gotten his message about Kelsey across.

In truth, their relationship might be irretrievably broken. But Jared couldn’t help wanting to change the flaws she’d seen in him. She might never know of it, but his working with the unions on a more honest basis was a direct result of his decision to be the man Kelsey deserved.

He still didn’t know how to reach her. Having met her father and his family at the wedding, Jared was glad he’d decided not to intervene by blackmailing him.

But he didn’t know how to reach Kelsey, didn’t know what to say. Any move he made toward her, any recommendation he could put forth in his own interest, would have the taint of maneuvering.

His mind never stopped thinking of ways to win her back. But each and every scenario he dreamed up—each one more elaborate than the next—ended with her saying, “You haven’t changed. You’re just trying to manipulate me. I can’t trust you.”

For a week now, he’d felt stuck, unable to act, tied up in his own bad habits, but this morning he’d woke up wondering if the simplest, most straight forward plan was the best.

*
**

Jared walked into Kelsey’s office feeling like he was returning to the scene of the crime. It was here that he’d first offered to be her husband.

Seated behind her desk, just as she’d been the day he’d asked her to marry him, Kelsey looked up, her smooth dark hair swinging against her cheek.

“Jared!” she said, straightening in her chair, her body stiffening.

He closed the door behind him, stealing himself to say what he knew he had to say.

“What are you—“ she stood up, her blue eyes flashing angrily.

“I know I’m intruding. I know you don’t want to see me,” he told her with difficulty, “but I just need you to hear me out.”

She glanced at the closed door. “This isn’t the place!”

“Maybe not,” he conceded grimly, “but I’ve left phone messages and you don’t return them. I’ve gone by your apartment and you don’t answer your bell. So I had to come here to get you to see me.”

The angry tightening of her soft lips confirmed his suspicions that she’d been there in her apartment all the time, ignoring his attempts to see her.

Forging ahead with what he knew he had to confess, Jared forced the words out. “I haven’t been honest with you all this time and I’ve decided to try that approach for once.”