Moment of Weakness - The Esquire Girls Series - Hailey (Book 1) (7 page)

Chapter 19

The tension has been building up in my body.

It’s that tension that rears its ugly head when a woman craves to be touched by a man. It’s starting to feel like a damn long time since I’ve had a man’s hands on me and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.

“Hailey,” I’m snapped out of my thoughts by a rough, masculine voice. I look up and find Matt standing near my desk.

He casually slips one hand into his pocket and leans against the edge of my cubicle. He dips his mouth close to my ear and says in a low suggestive voice, “I need you to work late tonight.”

I feel vitriol bubbling in the pit of my stomach as he leans back with a smirk on his lips and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

He thinks I’ll have sex with him.

After everything. After he fucked me and discarded me. After I walked in on him banging his secretary. He still thinks I’d have sex with him.

What an
asshole
!

I give him an incredulous look before saying loudly, “Matt, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think that real estate law is my strong suit. Maybe I should give the opportunity to someone else. Someone who’s interested in practicing real estate law.”

“Hailey, what are you doing?” Matt asks angrily as he leans close to me again. 

I ignore him. “How about Luke?” I motion to my coworker who is working at his desk a few feet away.

Luke’s head shoots up upon hearing his name. He looks excited at the idea of being involved in one of Matt’s multi-million dollar real estate deals. “Yes, I’m very interested in working with you, Mr. Moretti,” Luke says politely trying to downplay his excitement. Luke is an excellent worker and he’d be a tremendous asset to Matt working on this file.

But Matt isn’t looking for help on his file.

He’s looking for some ass.

But it damn sure won’t be mine.

Matt gives Luke a searing gaze before settling his venomous stare on me. “Never mind,” he says under his breath as he turns and strolls towards his office.

I fight hard to suppress my laugh. That dirty dog thought he could play me and I’d come running at his beck and call. No – that’s not how it works. I may be fat but I have
some
dignity.

Asshole
.

Dissing Matt felt good, but it still didn’t resolve my biggest problem.

I’m horny.

And seeing Matt show himself for the gigantic douchebag that he is only makes me want to Jackson even more. Although I can’t fully gage his intentions, Jackson’s always been respectful of me.

Maybe that’s enough.

I think back to how delicious he looked when I walked into the building this morning. He’d just started his shift. We had both looked at each other without saying a word as I had walked by. The expression on his face had been one of resignation – he’s accepting my decision not to give my body to him…but he still wants me with a fierce passion.

And, I want him too, dammit.

Chapter 20

“I hate always being stuck at the single people’s table,” Nadia groans as she sinks into the white satin-covered chair next to me. She sets a glass of water down in front of me and holds tightly to her Long Island Iced Tea.

“Nadia, this isn’t the single people’s table – it’s the bride’s maid’s table,” I say with a small laugh.

“Same shit,” she says with a grunt as she takes a greedy gulp of her drink.

“Slow down there, Nadia,” I say resting my hand down on top of hers. “I don’t plan on holding your hair back while you puke the night away so you’d better start pacing your drinks.”

She rolls her eyes at me before gulping again.

I shake my head and bring my eyes to the dance floor. Amber looks so completely in love. I’ve never seen her grin so wide as she looks up into the eyes of her new husband. I see the same joy reflected in Spencer’s eyes. They make such a good-looking pair as they dance the night away at their winter wonderland wedding.

I want to love like that.

I want someone to look at me the way Spencer is looking at Amber right now. A part of me feels like that will never happen. I mean, I’m a
big girl
– my thighs are too thick, my arms are too big – big girls don’t often get ‘happily ever after’. At least that’s what my mom used to say as I scarfed down burgers back on the ranch. I was young then. I wouldn’t listen to her. I didn’t care about love. And food was the only thing that made me feel good after my daddy died and my mom married her alcoholic deadbeat second husband. Now, I regret my relationship with food. I wish I could change things but it seems like my body is permanently scarred from the way I treated it when I was younger. No matter how ‘vegan’ I get or how many detoxes I take, I’m fat. And I’ll probably always be fat.

And unloveable.

Jackson is pursuing me relentlessly but I have a hard time believing that he’s genuinely interested in me. Like Matt, he only wants my body and then he’ll discard me once he’s done with me. If I give in to him, if I succumb and have sex with him, I’ll have to face this harsh reality. I don’t know if I can deal with the sting of yet another rejection at the hands of a man.

“I think I’m gonna sleep with Luke tonight,” Nadia announces as she rises to her feet. I follow her gaze to the dance floor where Luke is dancing with a dateless Ruthie. Apparently, she and Michael had a fight a few days ago so she’s hanging out at with the ‘single people’ crew tonight. I’m not concerned that Ruthie will do something stupid, though. The dance looks very platonic with my frigging supermodel-looking roommate towering over Luke.

Luke started his internship at CMS at the same time that we did. We always make fun of him because he looks so young and scrawny. Now, in her moment of weakness, Nadia has decided to take him for a ride in the hay.

“Nadia – you can’t sleep with Luke,” I say, amusement brightening up my mood just thinking about it.

“Watch me!” Nadia says challengingly as she staggers her way to the dance floor. “Time to work my seductive charm!”

I can’t help but laugh. I’ll let her have some fun with Luke for now. But if things start getting out of hand, I’ll have to intervene. She would kill me if she ever woke up in Luke’s bed.

Chapter 21

It’s been way too long since I’ve been to the gym. At this time of year, things just sort of fall off track. With all the holiday parties to attend, it seems like the less time you have to exercise, the more food is available to eat.

All the girls have plans tonight so I’m on my own. I won’t let that discourage me. I’m going to work out anyway.

I yank my gym bag over my shoulder as I step off of the elevator. Instinctively, my eyes go to the security desk. Jackson is there talking and laughing with two other guards. He glances up at me and smiles softly but he doesn’t say anything before turning away.

Wow – has he lost interest in me already?

Maybe he found someone else he’s more attracted to.

Or he’s just realized that I’m not as special as he mistakenly believed I was.

These are the thoughts running through my head as I make my way to the door. I step out from under the building’s overhang and lazy snowflakes fall into my hair. The cold bites at my nose. I stand there for just a second to gather myself up from beneath the crushing realization that Jackson has moved on.

But then I feel a strong touch at my elbow. I turn quickly and see Jackson standing right next to me.

“Hi…” he says with a small grin.

“Hi.” I feel my heart pounding in my chest. He’s impossibly handsome, even when he’s standing this close.

“How was your Christmas?” he asks.

“Good…How was yours?”

He sort of shrugs. “Okay, I guess.”

An awkward silence settles over us.

Finally, I say, “Well, I was on my way to the gym so I’d better get going.” I pivot slowly to leave.

His hand leaps back to my elbow. “Wait.”

I look up at him. “Yes?”

“I’ll go with you,” he says taking an eager step forward.

“You will?” I feel my neck heat up at the idea of seeing his hot body all flexed and sweaty.

“Yeah, sure.” He glances at his watch. “My shift ended half an hour ago but I don’t really have anything planned for tonight so I was just lingering around…hoping I might see you.”

My heart speeds up and my body is instantly aching for him again.

“Let me go get my stuff,” he says as he turns and jogs up the stairs leading back to the building.

I watch him go.

Just before he steps into the building, he turns back to me and says. “If I leave you there, can I trust that you’ll be there when I get back?”

I can’t help but smile. I’ve spent the last few weeks running away from him in almost every way imaginable. I’ve been scared. Scared that he’d realize that he doesn’t like me as much as he thinks he does. But right now, I don’t want to run.

“I’ll be here,” I promise.

He flashes me his best smile and then he disappears into the building.

Chapter 22

Twenty minutes later, we enter the gym side by side. I feel the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach, not just because I generally get nervous being around Jackson, but because this is the first time he’ll really get to see my body – the extra weight in my thighs, the true width of my hips, the excess heft in my stomach. 

I didn’t think this through.

I should have never agreed to let him tag along with me. I glance at all the beautiful women around me with their tight waists and sculpted abs. I don’t stand a chance with him now that he’s free to compare me to them.

Jackson leaves me near the elliptical machines and heads straight to the weight machines. I climb onto an elliptical and try to find my stride but it’s difficult not to get distracted by the string of women who pass by throwing smiles and winks at Jackson while he works out.

I can’t blame them.

He looks good.
Real
good.

His superbly masculine shoulders and powerfully toned biceps flex and contract as he pulls the heaviest weights. Beads of sweat roll down his temples as he devotes all of his concentration to the activity, making faces that force me to imagine what he’d look like giving his all to me in my bed. I can tell from their facial expressions that the other women around are thinking along the same lines.

When I’ve had enough of feeling inadequate, I move to the free weights and start working on my bicep curls. I struggle with the ten-pound weights as I usually do. I hate bicep curls. Ruthie always forces me to push harder but she’s not here and seeing all the attention that Jackson is getting is starting to make me feel pissy.

Just as I’m about to give up, I feel a presence over me. It’s Jackson in all his sexy, sweaty glory.

“Your position is all wrong,” he says as he stands beside me.

I frown at him. “What do you mean?” I’m already mad at him for attracting so much attention. I don’t need him being a know-it-all too.

He doesn’t seem to pick up on my mood. He puts his hands on my shoulders to position me in front of the mirror and I feel electricity race across the surface of my skin. He feels it, too. I can see it by the look in his eyes and by the way his breathing accelerates. Our eyes lock for a fraction of a second before he brings his attention back to the weights.

“Your problem is that you keep moving your elbows when you lift the weights. You’ve gotta keep your elbows at your sides and lift the weights using only the strength in your arms.” He stands behind me and holds my elbow firmly by my side. “Lift,” he commands.

I try to lift the weight but halfway up, I start to strain. I feel the burn in my muscles. “Ouch,” I groan.

“You can do it,” Jackson prods as he leans closer to me.

“No, I can’t,” I whine as my arm slumps down by my side.

“C’mon. Try again.”

I make another half-ass attempt and give up again. I bend forward and drop the weight down onto the floor. My butt grazes lightly against Jackson’s semi-erection. We both notice but don’t say a word.

“You can do it, y’know. If you tried a little harder,” Jackson says as he watches me in the mirror.

I scowl at my reflection. “Maybe I just need liposuction,” I sigh in frustration tugging at the excess flesh sitting around my waist.

He takes a step closer to me. Now, his body is pressing into mine. He swats my hand away from my waist and brings his lips close to my ear. “Maybe you just need someone who wants you…just the way you are.” I look at his face in the mirror. I see the veil of desire covering his features. His lust-hooded eyes. His red, parted lips. And just in case I wasn’t sure what his words meant, he says, “
I
want you the way you are.”

He slowly turns me around to face him. His lips come to mine. Soft and tentative. Almost asking for permission. When I press my lips to his, he pulls me closer still. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and I feel a spark in the pit of my stomach. He holds the back of my head as he deepens the kiss and I find my fingers working their way under his shirt. His body is firm and strong and carved with muscle. It’s almost as if everyone else in the gym has faded away.

“I wanna go home with you tonight,” he whispers against my lips.

I feel heady. “I want that too, Jackson.”