Mistress Minded (12 page)

He chuckled and then wrapped her in a tight embrace. “I intend to. But first…”

He lifted her in his arms and carried her somewhere. She felt the warm sea breeze a minute before he set her in one of the rattan chairs on the balcony. She loved his strength and the fact that he was a toucher. She'd never been petted like this by any man, but Adam was always reaching for her.

“Wait here a minute. I have to take care of a few last-minute details.”

She heard him leave, and leaned her head against the back of the chair, tilting her face up to feel the breeze more fully on her skin. The roar of the surf was a pleasant accompaniment to the wind rustling through the palm trees and bushes.

“Miss me?” Adam asked a moment later, speaking directly into her ear.

Before she could answer, he tugged her to her feet and removed the blindfold. She blinked a few times and realized that all around her candles flickered. Not just on the balcony, in wall sconces and tiki lamps that had been mounted to the railing, but also behind her, in the bedroom.

“Are we celebrating Perla Negra?”

“No,
chère.
I'm celebrating you.”

Oh, God. Her heart started beating so fast she thought it might burst from her chest. She'd hoped and prayed that he might come to care for her, but she'd never expected a gesture this big. This grand. But she should have, because Adam wasn't a man given to subtlety.

“Jayne, I have something important to ask you.”

“Yes?” She could scarcely breathe as he turned toward her. Her heart raced, and for a moment she was afraid to believe the dreams she'd harbored for so long were at long last coming true.

“Will you live with me?”

She shook her head, unsure she'd heard him correctly. Adam gave her the gentlest smile she'd ever seen grace his face.

“
Chère,
we're great partners in the office. I think blending our personal and professional lives is…the perfect solution.”

Jayne was still trying to understand what he'd said. But she didn't doubt his sincerity. Adam was offering her the one thing he'd never offered any other woman. And she wanted to accept. But her own dreams were hard to let go of. “I'd like nothing better,” she said.

“Great. I knew you'd see it my way.”

Sadly, she realized she hadn't been clear. This conversation wasn't something she'd anticipated. She
wished she'd had time to make a plan of action for it. “I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't mean that the way it came out. If we're going to live and work together, why not get married?”

“Marriage is the one risk I won't take.”

“Being your mistress is the one risk I won't take.”

“Dammit, woman, I'm not asking you to be just a mistress.”

Her heart ached for him. And she almost changed her mind and agreed to be his, whatever the terms. But in the end she knew they'd both end up hating each other. Adam watched her and she shook her head at him.

“Dammit, you think this is easy for me? You know how I feel about office romances and yet I'm willing to do this for you.”

“Don't make this about me. What you're offering is designed to give you everything
you
want.”

He took her in his arms. “Don't say it like that. This is the best I can do right now.”

Tipping her chin back, he stared into her eyes. “Please,
chère,
give this a chance. I'm not ruling out marriage forever but I need more time.”

She stared up at him, cupping his jaw in her hands and, standing on tiptoe, kissed him with all the love she had in her body. “I don't need more time, Adam. I already know I love you.”

“And I care deeply for you. I know our relationship can be a successful one.”

“Being your mistress or live-in lover will kill me, Adam. I've spent my entire life, built my entire self-image around not being like my mother. And I have to be honest here—I want kids.” She didn't need a marriage certificate to stay with the man she loved if he was committed to her. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't want them. But she held her breath for his answer.

“No.”

Her heart broke then and she realized that she'd fallen in love not with Adam, but with the man Adam could be if he'd ever let go of the past and start to dream of the future.

She shook her head and pulled out of his arms, backing away from the man that had seemed like her future.

“Oh,
chère
.”

She went to the dresser to find her clothing. Pulling them on carefully, praying she could finish dressing and get out of there before she started crying. She refused to let Adam's last image of her be one with tears running down her face.

“So this is it?” he asked.

“Yes. You'll have my notice on your desk Monday morning.”

“I thought you loved me,” he said, quietly.

She stared at the man she knew. The man who'd carefully crafted a life of loneliness because he be
lieved that was the only safe way of living. She wanted to reach for him. But didn't.

“I do. But that doesn't mean I don't value myself.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” he asked. He grabbed his pants from the floor and shoved his legs into them.

“Nothing. I was being nasty.” And she had been. In fact, she'd hurt herself with the words. She knew that Adam felt more for her than the other women he'd seen. And if she were a different kind of person—one who didn't need order and structure—she might be able to accept the offer he'd made, and hope that some day he'd come around.

He crossed the room, but when he reached for her, she took a step back. She didn't want him to touch her now. She felt as if she might break into a million pieces with very little provocation.

“Please, don't go. I'll give you anything you want if you stay.”

“Anything?” she asked, knowing he wasn't offering his love and that she'd never ask for it.

“Yes. Name it—a new car, a fur, jewelry.
Anything.
”

She knew then that despite the fact that she'd laid her soul bare to him, Adam had never seen the real her. Or he'd know that the trappings of a mistress were the last things that would make her stay with him.

“There's nothing you have that I want,” she said.
And this time she meant it. She had wanted his love, but knew that he didn't have enough in his cold soul to give her.

“You don't mean that.”

“I do. You've surrounded yourself with material objects and status symbols. I need more than that to be happy. Actually, I need a lot less than what you have. What I want doesn't cost anything.”

“No, you just want my soul,” he said.

Until that moment she hadn't realized that she'd asked him for his soul. But she did want it. After all, he already owned hers. “I thought it was an even trade.”

“Well, it's not. I'm not like you, Jayne. I don't look at the world through rosy glasses. I've lived in the real world my entire life and I know what you're looking for is a fairy tale.”

She stalked to the door. She wasn't talking to him anymore. “I'm not giving you two weeks.”

“I'm not giving you a reference.”

“I don't need one from you.”

She took her purse and ran out, slamming the door behind her. She didn't look back, but let the tears run unchecked down her cheeks.

A
dam punched the wall nearest him and cursed savagely. How had things gotten so out of control? His hand throbbed, and as he surveyed the room he realized that he couldn't stay here another minute. Every time he saw those candles and the rose petals he was reminded that his seduction had gone terribly wrong.

Why had the setup that had worked in the past failed him? Probably because Jayne wasn't like every other woman who'd been in his life. She was so damn stubborn.

He knew what she wanted. In fact, if the burning in his gut was any indication, he already loved her. But he wasn't saying the words out loud.

And he wasn't marrying her. He couldn't. He'd tried to make her understand that if she just waited a little longer, gave him time to adjust to having her in his life, he might be able to. But that wasn't good enough for Jayne.

He sank into the armchair, gazing around the hotel suite, which was like so many others. But in the last ten days, Jayne had made this feel like home. She'd given him someone to share not just the business of his life with, but also the other things. The part that no one had ever been interested in before. Jayne actually cared that he loved being on the water, and had arranged for them to go sailing every afternoon, even though she was still afraid of the ocean.

But did that mean she would stay with him? Did that mean that once he married her she wouldn't get bored and move on? And did that mean that he'd always want her in his life?

His fear was not that Jayne would leave him, he acknowledged. His real fear was that someday he'd leave her. And he couldn't stomach the thought of hurting her that way.

Hell, he needed a drink. He grabbed a shirt from his closet and shoved his feet into a pair of loafers, heading out the door and straight for the bar.

His hand still throbbed, but he felt as if he deserved the pain. God knew it was less painful than the feelings deep in his gut, feelings that he refused to acknowledge came from Jayne's leaving.

He ordered a glass of single malt and sat down at one of the deserted tables in the back of the smoky lounge. The band had long since finished their last set and the place was almost empty.

“Eh,
compare,
still celebrating?” Ray sat down across from him.

The waiter brought his drink, and Adam downed half the glass. “Bring me another.”

“Where's Jayne?” Ray asked.

“I have no idea,” he stated. He could guess, though, and the images in his head made him want to get drunk so that he couldn't see them anymore. He didn't want to picture Jayne as he'd last seen her—face pale, tears glistening in her eyes. She'd run from him, and he cursed himself for making her go.

“Women problems?” Ray asked.

Adam sneered at the older man. “Not me. I'm the expert when it comes to relationships.”

Ray leaned back in his chair and reached in his pocket for a cigar. He lit it and then glanced around the room. “Don't get me wrong, pal, but what kind of expert is sitting in a bar an hour before closing time, drinking alone?”

“Not much of one,” Adam said, downing the rest of his drink. He knew nothing when it came to women or relationships, which was probably why he'd lost the one woman he wanted to keep.

“Want to talk about it?” Ray asked, exhaling a thin veil of smoke.

“You really get into that father confessor thing?” Adam said with derision.

“Nah. It's just that I've been there.”

“With Didi?” Adam asked. It would make him feel better to know that he wasn't alone.

“No, not with her. I let someone else slip away because I didn't realize that the love of the right woman can make a man stronger. You know, a better man.”

“Well, Jayne doesn't see that. She can only see…” Adam didn't know what Jayne saw when she looked at him. He suspected it was some romanticized version of him. But he'd bet his business that she didn't any longer.

“What can she see?”

“That I'm not the kind of guy to give her what she wants in order to be happy,” Adam said at last. He toyed with his highball glass, rolling it in his palms.

“Oh, hell.”

“Listen, if you no longer want to sell me the resort, I'll understand. You should know that I was setting you up from the beginning. Jayne was my assistant, not my mistress,” Adam said.

“But that changed.”

“Not for long,” he answered.

“This has nothing to do with the resort. Listen, you go after Jayne and talk to her.”

Adam wished it were that simple. But he wasn't
willing to lay his soul on the line for her. And she'd settle for nothing less. “She won't listen to me.”

“You have to try,” Ray insisted.

“You're taking this father confessor thing too seriously. It's over between Jayne and me. The only thing left to do is move on.”

“
Madon',
why the hell did I think this would be easy?” Ray said, stubbing his cigar out in the ashtray.

“What are you talking about?” Adam asked. What in blazes was he thinking, discussing this with a man who was nothing more to him than a business acquaintance?

“Look,
compare,
I'm not really a resort owner. I'm a matchmaker sent from heaven to make sure that you and Jayne fall in love.”

“Well, you screwed up,” Adam said, not believing what Ray said for a minute.

“You're telling me! But you're not leaving me any options here. If you won't talk to her…”

Ray might be a little bit insane, Adam decided, flinching when the older man took his hand. Then, suddenly, the walls around them were spinning, and when they finally stopped he and Ray were outside a bar in New Orleans.

“This isn't real.”

“Keep telling yourself that,
compare,
” Ray said.

“Why are we here?”

“I don't know. This is the place you brought us to.”

Adam recognized the bar. He hadn't been in there since the night of his divorce, when he'd gotten rip-roaring drunk. “Take me back to Perla Negra.”

“Not yet. Let's go inside.”

Ray nudged him toward the door and Adam went in. He scanned the dimly lit interior and had no trouble finding himself seated at the bar. He looked so damn young and scared.

“Another round?” the bartender asked.

“Keep 'em coming,” the younger Adam said. He downed the glass of cheap whiskey. In those days he hadn't been able to afford the good stuff.

“Here you go,” the bartender said.

“Thanks, man.”

When the bartender turned away, Adam stood and announced to the room in general, “From this moment on, I will not be a victim to women and their emotional traps.”

Glasses were raised in support, and the younger Adam sat back down and finished his drink.

The older Adam stared in shock. He'd built his life around a vow he'd made when he was twenty-one and not sure of himself, he realized at last. He knew what had happened the next day: he'd made a solid business plan and used the impetus of Susan leaving him to start Powell International. He'd worked hard for six months before he met Rhonda, his first mistress. He'd still been too raw to really want more than sex from a woman.

So they'd come up with an arrangement that had worked for both of them. And what had been a temporary stopgap in his relationships had become the norm.

In an instant, Adam found himself back at his table in the lounge at Perla Negra. Ray was nowhere to be seen, and Adam wondered if he hadn't dreamed the entire episode. He rubbed his forehead. The liquor had given him a buzz. And something Jayne said kept echoing in his head.

Just because I love you doesn't mean I don't value myself.

Adam realized that he hadn't been valuing either of them, but letting the past keep him in the dark.

He left the bar, hoping it wasn't too late to find Jayne. The only chance either of them had for happiness was together, he was certain. He loved her, and not saying the words out loud didn't keep him safe, it kept him out of the sunlight that was Jayne.

 

Jayne had asked the bellman to call her a cab. Waiting outside the resort, she refused to cry. She was angry at Adam and at herself. How could she have misjudged him?

But had she? She'd spent her entire life hiding from the men who scared her. She'd been engaged to Ben because he was safe and didn't make her heart beat faster. Only now, looking back, did she acknowledge
that his leaving her didn't hurt as badly as this moment with Adam.

Was a ring really that big of a deal in the big scheme of things? Her heart said no. But having a family was. And not just for herself. Adam needed it, too. He needed to have his own children so he could shower them with that unconditional love that she knew was buried deep inside him.

Was she a coward for leaving like this?

“Jayne, thank God, I caught you.”

“I'm not going to change my mind,” she said softly.

Adam glowered at her and she felt the force of his determination. “Yes, you will. I'm going to convince you.”

“With another practiced seduction?” she asked sarcastically. She still ached from their last encounter, and she wasn't sure she was up for another one.

He shoved his hands in his hair, looking almost frantic. Her heart beat a little faster as she realized that he'd come after her. Adam had never gone after any of his women before. He just moved on.

“No. That was a mistake.”

Her cab pulled up in the driveway and the driver got out. “You called for a taxi?”

“Yes. I'm going to the airport.”

“No, she's not,” Adam stated.

“Yes I am.”

“Listen, it's late, and I don't want to sit here while you two fight it out,” the cabbie said.

Adam took some money from his pocket, shoved it at the cab driver and said, “You're free to go.”

As the man got back in his car and drove away, Jayne glared at Adam. She hated that he thought he could use his money to arrange life to suit him.

“Come with me,” he said to her.

“Not now. When you get home, come to my place and we can talk.”

“Forget that,” he said. Reaching out, he lifted her over his shoulder, then snagged her bag in one hand.

“Put me down!”

“No.”

She struggled and he smacked her butt with the flat of his hand. “Stay still, dammit.”

He stalked through the nearly empty lobby. Jayne stopped struggling and instead fought the urge to wrap her arms around his waist. She didn't want to leave, and it seemed he didn't want her to go.

He set her on her feet once they were in their room. She stared up at him, not recognizing this man. There was something in Adam's eyes she'd never seen before. Something that looked like…love.

He took her face in both of his hands and lowered his head, whispering something against her lips. Tracing them with the tip of his tongue, he deepened the kiss when she opened her mouth. She sighed, lifting her hands to his chest.

She didn't want to live the rest of her life without Adam. Tears started falling, and Adam brushed them away with tender fingertips.

“Don't cry,
chère
. Don't cry.”

He rocked her in his arms, and she knew that she'd stay no matter what he offered this time. And that hurt her deep inside, because she'd always believed that someday she'd meet a man who'd want her for herself and want all of her.

“I love you.”

She stared up at him, sure she hadn't heard him correctly. “I don't need the words.”

“Really? I think you do. And I know you deserve them.”

“Adam, I've only been gone thirty minutes. How can you love me?”

“I saw the light, and it was a scary experience. I'll tell you about it later. I think I've loved you all along, Jayne.”

“I want to believe you,” she said.

“But you don't. Hell, don't leave me again,
chère.
If you go, I'll become the hard shell of a man that you think I am now.

“I need you, Jayne. You make me a better man and I think I make you a better woman. You shouldn't have run away from me.”

“I couldn't stay. I was afraid.”

“Well, you don't have to be anymore. No more hiding for you, Jayne.”

“Do you mean it? Because if you changed your mind—”

“I was afraid of that, too. But I can't change my mind. Woman, you own me heart and soul.”

She swallowed against the tears burning the back of her eyes. This time they were tears of joy, for she knew that Adam didn't say things he didn't mean. If Adam committed himself to her, he'd stay with her.

And there was no mistaking the love shining from his eyes.

“I love you,” she said at last.

“I love you, too. And I always will.”

He lifted her in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. He settled her in the center of the big bed and then reached into the nightstand drawer for something.

It was a long, narrow jeweler's box. “I ordered this for you. It's not traditional, but then, neither are we.”

He piled the pillows against the headboard and sat back against them, then pulled her onto his lap. He held her loosely in his embrace while he removed the sapphire tennis bracelet from the black velvet case. He fastened the clasp around her wrist.

“We're getting married,” he said.

“You're not asking me?”

“Do I really need to?”

“Yes,” she said. She wanted to have a really good story to tell her grandkids one day. Though it'd be
hard to top him carrying her through the lobby over his shoulder.

“Will you marry me?”

She wriggled her eyebrows at him. “Only if I can call you stud muffin.”

He groaned. “Okay.”

Her heart felt incredibly light and she turned on his lap, wrapping her arms around him. “I can't wait to be your wife.”