Mistress Minded (5 page)

“You treated me like…your mistress. I didn't appreciate it.”

Adam struggled against what she was saying. Jayne was unique because for so long he'd felt safe with her. Her humor had made it impossible for him to keep his usual distance, and now he wished he had.

“I…”

“I don't like it, Adam. It's one thing for me to pretend to be involved with you, but I'm not cut out to be like one of your women. I won't be dismissed and ignored when business crops up.”

He thrust his hand in his hair again and then realized what he was doing. He reached instead for Jayne, but she flinched when he touched her this time. Protecting himself was coming at too high a cost. And he didn't want Jayne to have to pay it.

He wanted to fight dragons for her. He wanted to protect her. To be her damn white knight. Where the hell had that come from?

He didn't know. But he knew that the feeling was the truest emotion he'd felt in a long time. And he
knew that he couldn't tell Jayne. He'd feel even more foolish—no, vulnerable.

“I don't know any other way to act,” he said.

“What, women only fall into two categories—lover or co-worker?”

“Yes. And don't say it with such disdain. I don't notice a man hanging around in your life.”

“I date.”

“Yes, but you never involve them in your life. They fit neatly into a category, as well.”

“I wouldn't have done what you did. I don't even know how. How do you do it, Adam? How do you turn off your body like that?”

He couldn't. Didn't she realize it was all an act? One he'd fought hard to master a long time ago, when he'd realized that he wasn't immune to the weaknesses his father had. When he'd learned that women wielded a power far greater than any female ever realized. Especially Jayne who was a temptress worthy of her own legend. She had the ability to make him lose control. To lose his focus on work.

“Practice,” he said. He glanced down at his watch and noted they didn't have a lot of time before dinner. He stood, and Jayne rose as well.

“What kind of practice?”

“Believe me, you don't want to know.”

“I need to. I need some explanation. Because if all that before was you scratching an itch…”

He said nothing, just watched the emotions roll
across her face, realizing Jayne had no shield. And he didn't want to teach her to use one.

“It wasn't,” he said. “It meant too damn much, which is why you should be grateful to Sam. I leave nothing but destruction in my path when it comes to personal relationships,” he told her, and walked out of the room.

“A
dam?”

He paused but didn't turn around. It should have made words easier to find, but didn't. She hurried after him and took his arm in her grasp, making him face her. His muscles clenched under her fingers and she wished she'd taken more time earlier to explore his body.

“What?”

“You can't just walk away after saying a thing like that.”

“I have to. Don't get your hopes up,
chère.
”

“What hopes?”

“That what we have here can mean anything once we return to the real world.”

The softest look came across his face and he cupped her jaw with a gentle hand. Tilting her head, he dropped a kiss on her lips. It was feather soft and it confused her. Adam was telling her something with this embrace. But she didn't understand.

It felt like goodbye. Then he dropped his hand and moved past her on the path. She touched her own lips, watching him leave.

A rush of joy flooded her and she knew it was foolish to let his comments mean that much to her. But they did. She steeled her heart and warned herself that the sight of him walking away from her was one she should get used to. But she didn't feel angry anymore.

Instead, she was conflicted with emotions about the complicated man who was so much more than a boss. His words made her ache for the boy he must have been. She'd felt many things for the complex man she was half in love with, but sympathy wasn't one of them until now.

She'd suspected there were dark secrets from his childhood that drove him to be so successful. He spoke little of his parents, and Jayne had imagined he'd had an upbringing like hers. She'd never suspected that he'd experienced the other side of the coin. Because in her heart she suspected his father must have left Adam and his mom for a woman like her mother.

Jayne ached deep inside in the emotional place that
reminded her she wasn't as mature as she wanted to be. The place that made her remember what it felt like to watch her father through a slated-wood closet door. That place that was still recovering from Ben's departure and didn't want to ache again.

She locked the door to the suite and headed toward the main hotel building, where the bar and one of the restaurants was housed. She had to get her focus back on work. It would be nearly impossible to ignore Adam, but that was the only way she was going to be able to survive these two weeks in the Caribbean.

The cobblestone path was lined with verdant bushes that smelled like the inside of a florist shop. She stopped by a hibiscus and plucked a bright red blossom, tucking it behind her ear. She was tired of being one bloom that never opened to the sun. Tired of living her life on the sidelines. Tired of not taking the biggest risk life had to offer.

Mentally she started a to-do list for when she returned to New Orleans. She'd have to find another job and prepare Adam to have a new assistant.

She finally reached the building and crossed the lobby. Standing in the shadows, she observed Adam, who sat alone at the bar. There was a tension in him that she hadn't noticed since the first few days she'd started working for him. She knew he was in a bad space, and that she was partially responsible for that. Ben had told her one time that just looking into her
eyes made him feel guilty. She didn't really understand what he'd meant by that.

But for some reason, her code of morality shone around her, and many people had a difficult time lying to her. She also knew that she'd made things as difficult as possible between herself and Adam earlier. She'd wanted him to feel a little of the pain and indecision that was swamping her.

It looked as if she'd succeeded. He tilted back his head and drained his whiskey glass in one swallow. She knew he was drinking single malt. It was his favorite.

She knew so many superficial things about him that she'd been able to convince herself she loved him. But only now did she realize how much she still had to learn.

“How do you like my island,
amica?
”

Jayne turned to face Ray Angelini. He wore a well-tailored suit and held a cigar loosely in one hand. He appeared much more at ease here than he had on the plane.

His island was turning into her own personal proving grounds, Jayne realized. She had to face herself and make some tough decisions.

“It's very nice. Adam has already started making notes on the resort. He's so excited that you're talking to him about selling it.”

“I know he is, but I don't want your business opinion. How do you like the romance of the island? Didi
thinks some couples need to be pushed along, but I think each relationship has its own timetable.”

Jayne felt as if she was under a spotlight. She knew that if she said the wrong thing she might ruin this deal for Adam. And Perla Negra was important to him. “Adam and I have found that. We worked together for a while before we started our relationship.”

“I can see you two are very close. Let's go join your man.”

Adam wasn't
her
man. Not really, but that didn't stop her pulse from racing as they approached him. Everything solidified in her mind and she wished he would be her man. Nothing would thrill her more. Love was the grand adventure she'd been searching for for a long time. And Adam was just the man to give it to her.

 

Adam watched Jayne like a man with an addiction. He took another swallow of his wine and knew he'd had too much to drink. He'd had three glasses of whiskey before she'd joined him.

And once they'd sat down at dinner he'd continued to drink more than eat. God, she was lovely tonight. She had a red flower tucked behind her ear, and she seemed to glow from within. He wasn't sure where that had come from because when he'd left her she'd seemed shattered and angry.

He felt the weight of that on his shoulders and reached again for his wineglass before realizing that
getting drunk wasn't the solution. He picked up his water glass instead and drained it, signaling the waiter for a refill.

Ray had ordered for them all and they were dining on some of the best seafood Adam had ever tasted. And he'd grown up on the Gulf, so it was hard to impress him. But the resort's chef was first-class and the food was impeccable.

For all that, Adam barely tasted it. His concentration was solely on Jayne. Something had changed in her tonight and he wasn't going to rest until he'd figured out exactly what.

“I looked at the treasure map this afternoon. It's pretty easy to follow,” she told him when silence fell between them.

Jayne had kept the conversation going all evening. Adam wondered bitterly if he should give her some sort of bonus. He felt as if she was showing him what he'd be losing if he didn't stop trying to seduce her. And his guts felt raw and exposed by the lesson.

She's just a woman, he reminded himself. There's an entire sea of them out there. But his soul rebelled. There wasn't another person in the world like Jayne, and something deep inside him knew it.

“There are a few surprises along the way, but for the most part, we want our guests to find it,” Didi said.

There had been a little tension between Didi and Ray at the beginning of the meal, but Jayne had man
aged to put them both at ease. She had real talent for making everyone comfortable and happy.

Except him. The brighter she shone at the dinner table, the worse Adam felt. He knew he'd acted like a bastard earlier and he knew that a better man would have apologized. But he wasn't going to.

“So,
compare,
what is it you want more than anything else?” Ray asked him.

Jayne, he thought. But instead he smiled like the salesperson he'd been when he first started out in this business. “Perla Negra.”

Ray laughed. “Nice. Truly, what is it you desire most? We had a couple here last month who wanted nothing but wealth.”

That pissed him off. People always wished for money, as if it was the answer to the world's problems. But the truth Adam had learned as a young man was that unless you worked for the money it was empty, and left a man feeling like a hollow shell.

“Adam?”

He shook his head to clear it and reached again for his water glass. “I'm already a wealthy man. I don't need a ‘treasure' to bring me what I want. I know how to go out and work for it.”

He felt Jayne's hand on his thigh under the table—a small warning pinch—and then she started to pull away. He clasped her hand in his and held it in place. It was the first time she'd even acknowledged he was
at the table. Despite the way she'd sparkled, she'd left him alone in the shadows.

“Allowing that, then Perla Negra will be yours by effort and not treasure hunting. What's the one thing you want but can't have?” Didi asked.

Adam rubbed Jayne's hand against his thigh and glanced over at her. She stared up at him, her wide blue eyes, darker than midnight, watching him with a kind of expectation that made his heart beat faster. “I want Jayne.”

Her sexy mouth parted and her pink tongue darted out to wet her lips. She tilted her head to the side and said nothing, but he could see her pulse wildly beating at the base of her neck. Unable to resist, he touched that pulse with his free hand. Caressed the spot where her life pounded through her body.

Her skin was soft, and gooseflesh spread out from his fingertips, letting him know she was exquisitely sensitive. He made a decision he wasn't aware he'd been mulling over: he was going to have Jayne as his mistress.

“Presumably she's already yours,” Ray said.

The spell was broken and Adam turned his gaze to their other dinner companions. “She's the only unpredictable thing in my life.”

Ray nodded and Didi pursed her lips. “What about you, Jayne? What do you want?”

She shrugged. And Adam realized that while she seemed to be frank and up-front, letting the world see
her as she was, there were a lot of layers to this woman. “I'm not wealthy like you are, honeybun. So money would be nice. That way I could sleep in every morning and get up when I wanted to, but…”

He turned away from Didi and Ray, looking down at Jayne, watching her as she bit her lip and closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them he wasn't sure whether she was going to tell them what she really wanted, or what she thought they would like to hear.

“I've always wanted a real family.”

“Kids?” Adam asked.

She nodded. “I want the whole shebang. Kids, husband, in-laws. I want to be part of a big family.”

“I'm an only child,” Adam said.

Her smile turned so sad that for a minute he felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. But that didn't make sense. Jayne was his assistant, and if he played his cards right, maybe his mistress. Why should he ache because he knew he could never give her the one thing she craved?

“Then you better get busy with the babies,” Ray said.

Didi punched him in the arm and gave him a warning look. “Babe…”

“Never mind. We have a jazz band playing in the lounge later. Will you two join us for dancing?”

“Not tonight. I promised Jayne a walk on the
beach. She likes to be outdoors, since we spend so much time in the office usually.”

Didi nodded and Ray looked pleased with himself. Jayne's hand turned under his and he wrapped his fingers around hers and held them with a desperation he wasn't sure he liked.

 

The night breeze was warm and steady as they walked down the tiki-lit path toward the beach. “It probably would have made more sense to go with the Angelinis to the bar. You could have made more notes.”

“I know what I'm doing,
chère.
I've been running the company for a long time.”

“Sorry. I guess I'm too used to being your assistant. And Ray and Didi both seemed to be buying us as a couple. I was worried about that for a while.”

“I wasn't.”

“Why not? How could you be so confident?”

“You've never let me down.”

She wanted to smile but knew he was being evasive again. “You go from being this dream man to being a cold robot quicker than I can snap my fingers.”

“I'm not cold, not around you.”

“But I am,” she said.

He didn't respond to that. Jayne felt a little of her determination waver. They arrived at the beach. “Still want to go for a walk?”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

Adam sat on a bench to remove his shoes and socks and roll up the bottom of his pants. She slid off her sandals and set them next to his on the bench. The sand under her bare feet felt wonderful, grainy and textured and a little cold.

Then Adam grasped her hand loosely and they started walking down the beach. The only sounds were the roar of the surf and the call of a night bird. It was a Hollywood moment—a couple under a full moon walking along the surf. But in her head Jayne realized that nothing was picture-perfect. Not her, not Adam and not the dreams she'd had as a girl alone in her room.

There was a reason why she had a million to-do lists in her life. And that reason was she had to be in control of everything. Too much of her childhood had been unpredictable.

“Do I really leave you cold?” Adam asked.

“Sometimes. I guess that wasn't very fair. But I'm not feeling myself.”

He tilted his head and looked up at the stars. “I can't give you more.”

“Why not? Powell's fraternization policy?”

“Partly.”

She waited.

“I've seen lives destroyed because of lack of control,
chère.
And I don't want that to happen to you.”

“That's the second time you've mentioned destruc
tion. But you don't destroy anything. In fact, you build some of the most luxurious resorts in the world.”

He stopped, dropping her hand and facing the ocean. “I'm careful in my personal life. You know that. I pick women who don't…”