Missy's Gentle Giant (24 page)

“Oh.”  Ben could hardly spell
the word as his eyes lit up.  His fingers kept moving as he slowly sat up
and reached for the comforter.  “All we have to do is push this down to
the bottom.  Of course, you could take off—no forget it.”  He reached
for the light and jumped from the bed.  “I think there are some scissors
somewhere.  We’ll just cut the sleeves and it should—”  Missy tried
to keep her eyes away from the sheet sliding away from him. 

“N—no Ben.”  She didn’t manage
to stifle a gasp at seeing him, but Ben ignored it and whirled around to face
her.

“No, what?”

Gasping again Missy quickly clamped
her eyes shut.  “Ju—just get one of your T-shirts.”

“Oh yeah, quick thinking.”  He
reached to tell her trembling hand, then turned and pulled out a T-shirt and
hopped on the bed on his knees.  “Here, this will cover the top of you at
least.”  He grinned because she refused to open her eyes, so he reached
for her hand to tell her to take the shirt and laid the shirt on his naked
thigh.

Missy felt like her mind had turned
to jelly.  She’d never seen her brothers so naked before!  He was so
beautiful, and he stood there so proudly and unembarrassed.  How could
he?  Sudden heat shot up her arm from the hand he was holding, and she
jerked it away to grab the shirt.  She didn’t open her eyes until she was
off the bed and heading for the bathroom.

Ben lay back with a smile on his
face.  Oh Missy, you’re going to take some time, but it will be worth
it.  Damn, she was shy.  Seeing him had really flustered her no
end.  Covering his hips with a corner of the sheet, he turned to his side
so she’d see his back when she came back to bed.  His heart raced when she
slowly crawled back into bed but didn’t lie down.

Finally she reached out for his
hand lying on his hip.  “Thank you and goodnight.”

“Yes, goodnight, my love.”  He
didn’t let go of her hand as she crawled under the sheet and turned away from
him.  He felt too damn good just touching a part of her.

Less than an hour passed; Ben had
just fallen into a light doze when his eyes jerked open.

“Ben, please—”  She whispered.

Quickly he turned toward her
causing her to roll against him.  “What’s wrong?”  He reached for her
hand, felt it shaking and asked again.

“I’m just afraid.  Lying there
looking out—I was sure I saw—”

“Oh honey, there’s nothing out
there.”  He told her with his hand.  Then he rolled to his back,
pulled the sheet up to cover himself a little more and reached for her. 
“Come on, sleep here in my arms.  You won’t have to look outside, and I’ll
hold you.”  He smiled when he heard her deep shaky sigh.  Slowly she
pulled herself up so her head rested in the crook of his shoulder.  The
sweetness of her breath sent waves of heat through him, causing instant arousal
he’d been fighting all day, and he bent his leg up to hide it.  Missy
carefully pulled the sheet around to ensure skin didn’t touch skin as she
molded her body next to his.  Carefully he held her close but made sure
his hands didn’t touch dangerous places.  This time when she sighed, it
wasn’t shuddered.  He kissed her hair, made sure her hand was folded
against his chest, and smiled as he closed his eyes.

Ben awakened in pain and quickly
saw why.  In the night Missy had twisted in the sheet so much it was wound
up like a rope underneath her, and her naked leg was thrown over his.  He
pretended to be asleep and rolled over on his abdomen.  She shifted too
and turned away against him.  After several moments, Ben raised his head
and saw her curled in a ball, showing tiny lacey V’s for panties and his shirt
dangerously up near her breasts.  He begged for control and turned his
head away.  He might have to stay on his stomach all morning!

It seemed like hours before Missy
woke up.  “Oh, oh,” were her first words.  Ben heard her frantically
trying to cover herself.  “B—Ben?”  She whispered.  He pretended
to be asleep and nearly ruined it with an urge to laugh when he heard her loud
“Whew.”  She fumbled with the sheet for a while more, covered his naked
rear and then turned to him.

“Ben.”  She whispered
again.  Still he pretended to sleep.  Slowly her tiny hand reached up
and touched the scar on his left shoulder, the one from getting Moreno. 
Then she touched the other scars.  Spying the scar down his thigh, she actually
moved the sheet away to trace her fingers along it.  Yep!  He was
going to have to stay on his abdomen all day, but he was glad she was
exploring.  Would she do it if she knew he was awake?  He waited
while she touched him some more, until she ran her forefinger around the
outside of his ear, and then he groaned painfully.  Instantly her hand
jerked away.  She’d heard him.

Slowly he rolled toward her,
careful to hide his arousal, and smiled.  “Good morning, beautiful.” 
Pressing his forefinger to his lips, he touched hers and then touched his own
again.

“Good morning.”  She
smiled.  “I—I was looking at your scars.”

“Mm, ugly aren’t they?”  He raised
to an elbow and put his head in his hand.

“Oh no, I think they make you
beautiful.”  Her eyes showed it was an honest declaration.

“That’s the second time you’ve
referred to my body as beautiful.”  He laughed.  “Women like you are
beautiful, not me.”

“Oh no, you are.”  She glanced
his way.  “Why don’t you believe me?”

He shook his head.  “I would
think a man without scars might be beautiful; that’s all.”

“But you said everyone has some.”

“Yes, I did.”  He shifted
until he was sitting with his feet over the side of the bed.  “Usually the
worst scars never show, or no one ever knows about them.”  He reached for
his briefs.  “Close your eyes if you want, I’m going to get up.” 
Instantly her eyes clamped shut.  He smiled and watched while he put on
his briefs, then went to his suitcase and got some clean cut-offs.  “I’m
going to shower love, go back to sleep if you like.”

When Ben came from the bathroom
several minutes later, Missy was hunched up in bed and frowning.

“What’s wrong?”  He turned
toward her and sat on the bed.

“I don’t have anything to wear.”

“It doesn’t matter to me.”  He
smiled and brushed back her hair.  “Does it bother you I might see
you?”  He watched the color rise in her face.

“I’m not like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Last night when you—you just got
up and walked around like—”

“You think I do this all the time?”

“Well?”

“No, only because out here where I
know no one can see me but you.  You’re the one and only person who has a
right to see me naked because I’m supposed to be a part of you.”  He saw
tears forming behind her eyes.  “Honey, there’s nothing more beautiful
than the human body, and through our wedding we became one which no one else
can share.  Any time you want to touch me, look at me, explore me, you
can.  I want you to know every inch of me.  It’s part of our problem;
don’t you see?”  He reached up and wiped at the tear sliding down her
cheek.  “Look maybe there’s a linen closet around here and you can find a
large towel to wrap in or we can cut a sheet.  I don’t want you feeling
uncomfortable. You’d be beautiful in anything.”  He stood and faced
her.  “I’ll go fix breakfast so you can be free to hunt and poke
around.  Okay?”  Bending, he kissed her nose and left.

Damn!  Maybe he’d said the
wrong things.  Ben cursed himself while he made coffee.  He
practically beat the eggs to death cursing himself even more.  It
surprised him how his omelets turned out so wonderful and fluffy.  He put
everything in the microwave ready to be warmed and sat with a cup of coffee
fully expecting to see her come in the kitchen wrapped in a bed sheet like an
Arab’s wife.  The picture he conjured up made him smile because he
visualized how damn sexy the satin red sheet would make her look.  Maybe
he’d made a mistake and should have packed clothes for a nun.  Again he
grinned.

“What’s so funny?”  Missy
glanced at him suspiciously as she slid into the nook.  She was wearing
her nightgown which had dried overnight.

He shook his head.  “Just
wondered how you’d look wearing my shorts.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s
funny.” 

Ben got up and served her
breakfast.  “Yeah, well I was thinking you’d look beautiful and sexy even
dressed as a nun.”

“I’m not used to seeing people
undressed.”  She smiled and ignored what he said.  “I should be doing
the cooking, not you.”  She munched a strip of bacon.

“You can cook dinner, if you like.”

“I think I’d like.”  She
sipped the coffee.  “What are we going to do today?”

“We’re going to get to know each
other, maybe explore the beach—”

“And talk?”

“If you wish.”

“What you said this morning; did
you mean it?”

“Yes.”  Ben fought reaching
out and touching her.  What did she mean?  He’d said a lot this
morning.  Damn!

“Tell me about the scar going down
your leg.  I thought it was just a cut, but you said you had to come out
here to recover.  Was it an operation?”

“No.”  Ben stiffened.  “A
guy cut me up.”

Missy saw the flicker of pain in Ben’s
eyes, knew he wasn’t telling her everything and changed the subject.  “Is
the water good to swim in here?”

“Come on, I’ll race you and we’ll
see.”  He jumped up and took off running but she didn’t follow. 
Fifty feet from the house, he turned around and saw she wasn’t behind
him.  “Missy, what’s wrong?”  He called the minute he entered the
kitchen.  Their breakfast mess sat there and the kitchen was empty. 
Slowly he made his way to the bedroom.  Missy was sitting in the middle of
the bed hugging her knees in deep thought.

“Ben, if I ask you to do something;
will you?”

“I’ll try.”

“Would you go fishing or swimming
or something and let me be alone for a little while?”

“Why?  Did I do something—say
something to hurt you?”

She swallowed hard. 
“No.”  She looked up at him.  “I just need to do some thinking. 
This morning you said something about scars which couldn’t be seen—”

“As you wish.”  He kissed her
forehead.  “I was thinking about taking a long walk anyway.”  Without
another word, he left the room.  Good for a first step.  He hoped
she’d think things out.

Chapter Twelve

As soon as Ben left, Missy went to
the kitchen to clean up.  She watched him walk away from the house and
relaxed.  So he didn’t want to talk about his scar?  Well, she didn’t
want to talk about scars either.  For some reason she never thought Ben
would have a scar he was unwilling to discuss.  Still, with his scars, he
wasn’t ashamed of his body, of being seen, and she was.  Why was she so
afraid to be seen when her scar wasn’t even visible?  When the kitchen was
clean, nothing was left but to face reality.

She was Mrs. Ben Spinelli, and
couldn’t be his wife because he terrified her.  No, Ben didn’t terrify
her; the sexual act of marriage did.  It didn’t bother any other women in
the world but her.  She’d known girls at school who talked about how
wonderful sex was.  And Ben didn’t even call it sex.  He called it
showing his love or making love.  Did he really consider himself a part of
her?  Then why did he want to hide the truth behind his scar?  And
why did she want to hide when Ben already knew she’d been raped.  No, he
didn’t know what it was like to be abnormal like she was.  He didn’t know
how it felt and what they called her and how they made her feel.  If she
asked him point blank to tell her about his scar, would he tell her?  Or
would he be angry?

For the next several hours Missy
sought answers to her problem.  Sex had been a taboo subject around her
house, so she only knew what she learned from listening to others in school. 
Ignoring the glass walls, she went to the bathroom, undressed and for the first
time in her life looked at herself in the mirror.  It had bothered her knowing
she wasn’t like anyone in her family.  Her mother was heavy and large, the
men in her family were too, but she was half their size.

Her mother had been horror stricken
when Missy was around five and undressed in front of her brothers, yet they
undressed all the time.  Somehow she’d always felt her being different
made her abnormal.  Turning back and forth, she glanced at herself.
 With clothes on she looked pretty much like any other girl—well not as
heavy in the upper half.  But undressed did they look like she did? 
Was her mother like this?  Then why had she been called the horrible names
and told she was abnormal?  If only she could figure out why she was
different.  Always she’d been told she was different—couldn’t do what her
brothers did—couldn’t freely go as they went—because she was different. 
Girls were different, yes, but was she like other girls?  The answer was
no.  She was smaller everywhere.  And Ben, what would he do if he saw
her naked like this and saw how different she was?

He’d practically begged to keep
touching her the last time when his hands had wandered, but then his passion
had cooled.  Had he discovered she was different through her clothes 
Again she turned round and round in front of the mirror.

Her mother had told her some women
never like sex, but they got used to it and endured it.  She also told her
it was something a proper wife must willingly give if she expected to keep her
husband.  Give?  So far Ben hadn’t asked her to do anything. 
Her mother told her even if it hurt the first few times, she should lie there
and pretend it was pleasurable.  Not doing so would make him feel
inadequate and might make him stray.  Besides, her mother told her she’d
get used to it.  Was sex always so terrible?  But Ben didn’t even
call it sex.

No Ben called it love and his
giving, his wanting to make her feel good.  She wanted to make him feel
good too.  Oh, she wanted to make him feel good.  Still naked and
finally ignoring the glass wall, she went through her bag, pulled out lacy
panties and a near sheer nightgown and put them on.  A smile crossed her
lips at the feel of the silky gown against her skin.  Twirling around in
front of the mirror, she saw she was no sexy bombshell, still small breasted
and boyish.  Poor Ben, he’d picked someone hopeless.  Picking up her
brush, she dragged it through her hair and braided it into one long plait down
the middle of her back.  Well it was all she could do.  Maybe she
should see what was in the kitchen for cooking.  If there was something so
terribly physically wrong with her, she was going to need to find alternative
ways of keeping Ben happy.  And tonight she’d force herself to let him
take her body.  If all the other women could live through it, she could
too!  And if she did, would he learn she was abnormal and be sorry he
married her?