Missy's Gentle Giant (31 page)

Over breakfast Ben insisted Marco
take Missy and her mother to the hospital saying he really needed to check in
at work and see how things were going.  When Missy worried about him
finding her, he shrugged.  “Honey, you really don’t need to worry. 
All I have to do is look for a herd of six or more guys.”  They all
laughed, including Missy.  He kissed her thoroughly before he left with a
wide smile.

Ben went home first.  He
called his secretary and set up a meeting with his foreman for the
afternoon.   Then he called his father.  They talked for a long
time, ending the conversation on promises Ben would visit as soon as his mall
was finished.  He called his mother next.  There was no doubt she was
glad to hear his voice.  In fact, she cried.  Suddenly it became
imperative for Ben to see them.  He asked his mother if she’d be there the
next day, said he’d fly up if she’d stick around; then he called his father
back and made the same arrangement.  His next call was to Pete for flight
arrangements.  Even though he wanted to take Missy, he knew she’d be busy,
and this was something he needed to do alone.  His last call was to the
doctor.  He set up an appointment for a vasectomy in two weeks.  It
meant he’d have to find some excuse for not making love for a while after the
operation, but he didn’t want Missy to know.  Why should she have to take
pills when it bothered her?  And if they just happened to never have
children?  He could pretend not knowing even have tests showing he was
sterile, and then she’d be able to accept adopting children.

All day Missy sat in the chair in
her father’s room and worried.  What would she do if she was already
pregnant?  It was the last thing Ben wanted.  But she’d never been
late before.  She chewed her thumb.  Just after five she looked up
when she heard the door swish open and saw Ben’s bright smile.

“Brought your mother to take over
for a few hours.”

Missy rose, kissed her mother, went
to kiss her sleeping father and went to Ben.  “I love you.”  She
whispered.  He had such a bright smile on his face; it was like he was
free of some hidden pain.

“I know.”  He mashed his
forehead against hers.  “I love you too.  Come.  I’ll take you
to dinner.”

“Is something wrong?”  An hour
later, she stared into the wine glass and wondered why he’d brought her to such
an exclusive place.

“No, love, everything’s
wonderful.”  He reached out, took the glass from her and rubbed her hand.

“Then why the special dinner here?”

“I just wanted to get you alone and
explain something.”  He looked down at her hand.

Missy stiffened.  “What?”

“I know it’s probably the lousiest
time in the world for you, but I need to go out of town tomorrow.”  The
muscles in his cheeks rippled.

“Something with business?”

“No, it’s personal.  Missy, I
don’t know how to explain, but I called my parents today.  My dad seemed
glad I called.  My mother cried.  I—I told them I’d fly up there
tomorrow—”

“Oh Ben, I think it’s
wonderful.”  Her eyes misted but her dimples showed their deepest.

“Then you’re not angry?  I
wanted you to meet them but—”

“Oh no, I think it’s
wonderful—perfect timing even.  I’ll stay at home with Mama.  Ben give
them a chance.”

“Yeah, I think I will.”  He
swallowed hard.  “Yes, I think I will.”

When Ben took Missy home, new and
different emotions swept through him.  This was their home, their
bedroom.   It had been lonely and empty without her.  But when
she was with him he could see a future.  Wantonly she called for him to
come to her, and he did, forgetting again about protection.  Instead he
tasted her and smelled her freshness, felt her warm assuring breath and reveled
in her tasting him.  Every cell on his body came alive with joining her,
and when he entered, the painful pleasure was too much to bear.  Oh damn,
feeling her depths!  They soared off into timeless space.  Peace came
again.

Chapter Fifteen

Although it wasn’t necessary,
Gonzalo took Ben to the airport and assured him he’d take care of Missy. 
Ben touched the bracelet in his pocket and hefted the picture Missy had given
him with a worried grin when he climbed on the plane.  His smile died as
nervousness grabbed at him the minute the door to the jet closed.  Rather
than sit in the back of the plane, he went up front and listened to Pete’s
banter to keep from thinking too much.  He felt like half of him had
stayed behind, but this was something he must do.

When the plane landed in New York,
Ben was surprised to see both his mother and father waiting for him.  He
hadn’t told them both he planned to see them, so he was surprised they
communicated.  He was shaking when he got off the plane.

“Oh Ben, I’m so glad to see
you!”  His mother reached out and put her arms around him, then glanced
back.  “But I thought you’d bring your wife.”

“Mom.”  Ben hugged her and
kissed her cheek.  “Pop.”  He reached out and shook his father’s
hand.  “I wanted to bring Missy, but her father’s ill and she’s needed
there.”  Ben stared at the ground.  “I guess taking her home to be
with him is what got me to thinking—”

“I’m glad you did, son.  It’s
about time we made peace.”

The drive to the house was silent
while each member in the Spinelli family sat in deep, private thought.  It
had been so many years since he’d been home, Ben was somewhat awed by the size
of the house.  After warm greetings with the servants, Ben begged to
shower before dinner and went up to his room.  When he entered, it was
like walking into the past.  Although he could see it had been cleaned
regularly, nothing was out of place.

“Hope everything’s in order,
sir.  Your mother wanted it kept just as you left it.”

“Why?”  He glanced at the
maid.

“I don’t know.”  The woman
smiled.  “She did the same in Connie’s room when she—”

“I understand.”  He dropped
his suitcase on a chair.  After a quick shower and change, he wandered
down the hall to Connie’s room.  He could feel her presence everywhere as
he looked at her stuffed animal collection, dolls and other toys.  He
opened a drawer in her bureau and saw Connie’s clothes were still in
them.  All these years?

“For a long time I wanted to
believe she’d come back.”  Ben’s mother said from the doorway.  “I
really should do something with all this stuff.  Thought I had lost both
of you really.”  She sat on the bed.  “I didn’t accept her death
until your father got me into therapy four years ago.”

“Into therapy?”  Ben looked
up.

“I was drinking and using
drugs.”  She started shaking nervously.  “Don’t know how you missed
seeing it.”

“I—I thought—”

“You thought she was running around
like I was.”  His father stood in the doorway now.  “Actually she was
buying drugs.  I thought she was having affairs too.”  He walked over
to his wife and put a hand on her shoulder.  “Ben, when you went to work
for the DEA, I thought it was because of Connie’s involvement with drugs. 
It forced me to face what a mess I’d made of everything.  After I started
to get my own head in gear, I realized what I was doing to your mother. 
We both sought help.”

“Then you two are back together?”

“We’re working on it.”

“I wasn’t thinking of Connie when I
went to work for them.  I just—just saw what the drugs did to friends in Iraq—had
a friend die of an overdose.”  Ben glanced around the room and felt his
sister’s warmth, but he no longer felt as if half of him had stayed here. 
His other half was in Texas now.

“We made a mistake, Ben.”  His
mother reached out for his hand.  “When you were small, we ignored you trying
to take care of Connie.  It seemed so easy to send you off to school so we
wouldn’t have to explain things or worry about your care while we took care of
her.”

“Yeah, I can see it now.”

Lunch was friendly and light. 
Ben told them about Missy and her crazy brothers.  Small silences of
thought created lulls in the conversation as things came up and the thinker
hesitated to say them.  Ben was glad he’d come and seen how things were
improving between his parents.  He’d worry about them less now. 
Finally he glanced up at his father.

“Dad, I’d like to borrow one of the
cars.”

“No, I’d like to take you to visit
her, son.”  Again this drive was silent.  Ben got out of the car and
walked slowly up the hill behind his father.  He noticed his father knew
exactly where to go.  He hadn’t been here since the funeral.  It
surprised him to see a large monument for the family.

“Your mother and I want to be
buried here beside her.”  His father waved.  “Mother comes up here
with me monthly.  She didn’t come today because she thought you might not
want—”  His voice cracked.  Ben stared silently at the large
stone.  “I want your mother placed beside her and me beside your
mother.”  His father had tears in his eyes.  Ben glanced up and then
away surprised his father was crying.  “As you can see, the space on
Connie’s left is still—we thought—no hoped you’d let us purchase it—”  His
father could say no more.

Ben’s eyes shot skyward, and the
muscles in his cheeks rippled.  “I always felt like Connie was my other
half.”  His voice was a whisper.  “I didn’t understand you were
taking her to doctors all those years.  I thought you were sending her off
to school like me.”  Ben stared at the ground.  “I felt guilty.”

“Why?”

“I took everything from her, so she
was sick.  It wasn’t fair I should be so healthy and she wasn’t.” 
Tears came to his eyes.  “There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.”

“Then I’m sorry we made you feel
that way, Ben.  Your mother and I were always glad we only had her to
worry about; we were glad you were healthy.”

“It’s not fair she died
though.  I mean if—it should have never happened.”

“Yes, we made many mistakes.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“No listen.”  His father
leaned against a tree.  “When Connie was born, her chances for survival
were already slim.  We spoiled her thinking each year might be her
last.  By the time she was twelve we realized we’d created a monster when
her demands exceeded our abilities.  It wasn’t Connie’s fault; it was
ours, but she became more than we could handle.

“By then she knew she could die at
any time, and she’d remind us constantly when she wanted her way.  We
should have been firm and told her she couldn’t have everything she
wanted.  We should have treated you equally to her as much as possible,
but instead we created a living hell for all of us.

“When you came home from school,
you’d only see part of the world we lived in.  Ironically Connie loved you
so much she’d behave and do everything she could to please you.  Not until
the last did you see how things had really become.  By then we were all at
our worst.

It seemed like a family trait we
become hell bent to destroy ourselves when we’re lonely or weakened.  Even
you inherited it.  I could see it when you ran off to Iraq.  I became
angry hoping to sway you away from danger.  You didn’t understand what I
meant.  It was the same way when you joined the DEA.  I didn’t want
you to destroy yourself.”

“And when I went against your
wishes by becoming an engineer?”  Ben glanced at his father.

“I was disappointed because I hoped
you would come home.  I didn’t realize you were so talented, and I wanted
you to choose something I knew.  Truth is—”  He hesitated.  I
also wanted you here for your stability to try and help me piece things
together—to depend upon you.”

“Why didn’t you say so then?” 
Something like it had never occurred to Ben.

“I figured I was too late; you no
longer wanted a father.”  He smiled.  “In the long run it was
probably better because it forced me to look at what I had become and what I’d
done to your mother.  If you hadn’t gone, we might be the same as when you
saw us last.”

Ben nodded understanding and walked
over to the headstone.  He slid his fingers over Connie’s name. 
“Strange how it takes so long for the reality to sink in.”  He smiled and
changed the subject.  “I used quite a bit of the money you gave me.”

“Yes, I know.”  His father
smiled back.

“I thought you’d call and jump all
over me.”

“I gave it to you to use as you
wish.”

Ben nodded.  “It went to get
myself established in Texas.”

“Then it went to good use.”

Ben smiled.  “Pop, I’m glad I
came.  I’ve let so many things haunt me.”

“Maybe now you’ll be able to start
living then.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a wonderful
wife.”  Ben grinned.  “As soon as her father’s well, I’ll bring her
up to meet you.”

After they walked down the hill and
climbed in the car, Ben looked one last time in the direction of Connie’s
resting place and turned his thoughts to Missy.  She was his other half
now, and she wasn’t just filling an empty space.  Losing Connie was
something different entirely.

Right after they got back to the
house, Ben came downstairs with his luggage and a package under his arm. 
He handed it to his mother.

“Missy gave this to me, but I know
she won’t mind if I give it to you.”

His mother unwrapped the picture of
Connie when she was fourteen.  Ben clenched his jaw to fight tears when he
saw his parents start to cry.  Their words of thanks could barely be
heard.

“And will you be having
grandchildren for us too?” His mother smiled even though she was crying.

Ben shook his head.  “I think
we’ll adopt children.”

“Oh?”  His father’s eyebrows
rose.

“She’s got two sets of twin
brothers.  I worry about the increased possibilities.”  Ben stared at
the floor.  “And Missy is very tiny, just barely five feet tall.”