Mission: Earth "Black Genesis" (17 page)

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Authors: Ron L. Hubbard

Tags: #sf_humor

BOOK: Mission: Earth "Black Genesis"
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"Give th' lady back her money," said Heller.
They stared at him blankly. Then their faces went hard.
"Kid," said Joe, hefting his nightstick, "Ah think you need a lesson!"
Joe raised his club to strike.
Heller's hand was a blur.
Joe's arm broke with a snap just above the elbow!
Heller danced back. The other cop was drawing his gun, bracing himself, two hands on the butt. His eyes were savage with the joy of being able to kill something.
Ordinary cop reaction. I thought, well, Heller, it was nice knowing you.
The blur of a hand. The cop's gun moved back and then up and flew away.
Heller's left hand chopped in against the cop's neck. The eyes went glazed.
Heller danced back and kicked the cop in the stomach before the body had even begun to slump. The cop sailed back and hit a trash can.
With a whirl, Heller was onto Joe again. Joe was trying to draw his gun with his left hand. Heller's foot smashed the fingers against the gun butt.
Heller's other foot rose and caught Joe on the button. The snap of bones followed the impact instantly.
Backing up, Heller looked at them. They were very sprawled. Heller, one after the other, took their guns and sent them spinning out through the front door of the bus station. There was a crash of glass as one of them broke a window in the police car.
The girl had come forward, staring down at the two unconscious cops. "Serves you right, you (bleepards)!"
Heller scooped the money out of their pockets and put it in her purse. He handed it to her.
She looked a little confused. Then she rallied. "Honey, we got to get the hell out of here! The chief will go bananas! That Joe is his son!"
She was hauling hard at Heller, trying to get him to the door.
"Come on!" she was shouting. "I know where we can get a car! Come on, quick! We got to make dust!"
Heller gave her her suitcase. He picked up his own and followed her out. He glanced back once.
The black man was looking down at the smashed cops. "An' Ah jus' cleaned the flooah," he said sadly.
Chapter 3
They were heading to the north of the town. The streets were deserted and dark. Heller was limping along. Soon it became apparent that the girl could not keep up. She sagged down panting, on her suitcase.
"It's my heart," she was gasping. "I got a bad ticker.... I'll be all right in a minute.... I got to be ... They'll be tearing this town apart... to find us."
Heller scooped her up under one arm and put her suitcase under his other, picked up his own and proceeded.
"You're... you're an all right kid. Turn over to the right there—it takes us to the state highway."
Soon, she directed him up the state highway to the edge of town. There was a glare of lights there. It was a filling station and used-car lot combined. The signs said it sold Octopus Gasoline and a big octopus logo was dripping gas at each tentacle. There were colored plastic whirlers around the place, idle from the lack of wind. Then Heller's attention was directed to the back. A sign there, above the used-car lot run apparently in conjunction with the station, said:
HARVEY 'SMASHER1 LEE'S BARGAIN CARS
FOR TRUE VIRGINIANS MONEY BACK SOMETIMES
The place was really run down: the filling station at this time of night was closed, half the twirlers were bent and a third of the light bulbs out.
A man had been standing up on the cab of an old truck, looking off in the direction of the courthouse fire. He saw them and climbed down.
Heller had put Horsey Mary Schmeck down and she sat on her suitcase, tears running down her cheeks. She was perspiring and her nose was running. She let out a huge yawn, one of the symptoms.
The man came up, looking at them. He was plump but big. He was about thirty. He had a weak, flabby face. "Mary?" He wasn't glad to see her. He looked at Heller. "Hey, what you doin', Mary? Robbin' th' cradle?"
"Harv, you've got to get me a fix! Even a nickel bag, Harv. Please, Harv."
"Aw, Mary, you know that new Fed narco dried up this district. And he says he'll keep it dry until he gets fifty percent of ever'body's traffic. There ain't no stuff to be had!"
The girl moaned. "Not even some of your own? Please, Harv."
He shook his head very emphatically.
Then she got hopeful. "Maybe they got some in Lynchburg. Harv, sell this kid a car."
I turned up the gain so I could hear the police cars if they started to come this way. I was sure they would. The longer these stupid idiots fooled around, the less chance they had and the happier I would be.
The idea of selling a car inspired Harvey "Smasher" Lee. Right away he went into his act. "Here's a Datsun! Another man wanted it but if you buy it quick, I can put him off. It's a B210. It only has seventy thousand miles on the clock and it's less than two years old. Only seven thousand dollars! And I'll throw in five gallons of gas."
The car was a beat-up wreck. One wheel was folded under. This salesman was pretty good. That was only double what the car had been worth new. I began to have
hopes for him. Maybe he would run Heller out of money, for Heller only had two thousand.
"Ah think," said Heller, "you got somethin' foah less."
"Oh, well! Of course I have. Now take this Ford pickup. It's a real bargain. It's only been used for hauling fertilizer and we'll wash it all out for you. For five thousand ..."
"Harv," called the girl, "you better hurry up. We'll have to leave any minute!"
Heller had been looking at the row of wrecks. There was a huge one at the end, light gray in color. He approached it. It was covered with dust. "How about this one! It's the right color to be invisible."
"Hey, kid!" called Mary. "You don't want that one. It's a gas hog! It won't get eight miles to the gallon!"
Harv took position quickly to block the girl from Heller's sight. "Now, kid, I see you got a real eye for cars. This here is a Cadillac Brougham Coupe d'Elegance! It's one of the last real cars they made. It's a 1968! Before they clamped down with pollution controls. Why, there's five hundred horses right under that hood." He pointed at it proudly.
"Horses?" said Heller. "You mus' be kiddin' me. Let's see!"
Harvey instantly jumped to the front of the huge gray vehicle and, with some trouble, got the hood up. It was a giant engine. It didn't look too bad.
"She has a 10.5-to-l compression ratio," said Harvey. "A real fire-eater."
"What's it burn?" said Heller.
"Burn? Oh, you mean octanes."
"No. Fuel. What fuel does it burn? You said it was a fire engine. What fuel?"
"What the hell... Gasoline, kid. Petroleum!"
"A chemical engine!" said Heller, suddenly enlightened. "Hello, hello! Is it solid or liquid?"
Harv yelled back at Mary, "Is this kid a kidder or what?"
"Sell him a car!" wailed Mary, staring now down the road to town in anxiety.
"Kid, this car is spotless. It was owned by a little old lady who never drove it at all."
"Harv, stop lying!" Mary yelled. "You know (bleeped) well it was owned by Prayin' Pete, the radio preacher, before they hung him! Sell him the God (bleeped) car! We got to leave!"
"It's only two thousand dollars," said Harvey in desperation.
"Harvey!" screamed the girl. "You told me just last week you couldn't even sell that car to the wholesalers! Kid, quit letting him snow you under! He's had that thing for six months and he only uses it to (bleep) the local talent in because it has draw curtains in the back!"
"Fifteen hundred," said Harv frantically to Heller.
"Two hundred!" screamed the girl.
"Aw, Mary...."
"Two hundred or I'll tell your wife!"
"Two hundred," said Harv sullenly.
Heller fiddled with the money, trying to sort out its unfamiliar colors and numbers.
"Wait," said Harv, grasping at a reprieve. "I can't sell it to him. He's under age!"
"Put it in my name and hurry up!"
Harv snatched the two one-hundred-dollar bills out of Heller's hands and then grabbed enough more for tax and license. He angrily wrote up a sales contract to Mary Schmeck.
I turned up the gain again. (Bleeped) inefficient police. Must be looking in the wrong places as usual.
They certainly would have discovered those two maimed cops by now.
Harv left the hood up. He opened the door and let off the brake. He started to go behind the car to push it and then must have realized it was a hot night. He went to the office and came back with some keys. He slid under the wheel, turned on the ignition. The engine roared into powerful life.
"Hey," he said in amazement, "it started! Must be a Penny battery."
"Fill it up," yelled the girl. "Check its oil, water and tires! Fast!"
Harvey eased the car over to the pumps. He checked the automatic transmission fluid, saw it was all right. He shut off the engine. He topped it up with water. He checked the oil, which, to his disappointment, seemed all right.
"There you are," said Harvey. "I'll file for these plates in the morning."
Heller put the suitcases in the back. The girl got in front. Then the girl reached over and turned on the switch. "Harv! You owe us five gallons of gas! It's empty!"
With no good graces, Harvey unlocked a pump. Then he had a bright idea. "I'm only allowed to sell tankfuls now. It's a new rule!"
"Oh, God," said the girl, looking down the road toward town. "Hurry it up!"
Gas was shortly gurgling into the monstrous tank. The girl said, "You didn't check the tires!"
Harv grudgingly went around and filled the tires up. Then he took the gas nozzle out of the filler pipe and put on the cap. "That'll be forty dollars!" he said. "The price just went up again and we haven't had time to post it on the pumps."
Heller paid him. The girl took the sales receipt. She
scribbled her signature on a power of attorney card for the new license and threw it at Harv. "Now, let's get the hell out of here!"
Heller apparently had seen Harv start it. He turned the ignition key all the way over and the engine blasted into life.
"Hey," said Heller, "so that's the way horses sound."
"Beat it, kid," said Harvey.
"There's just one thing," said Heller. "How do you fly it?"
Harv looked at him bug-eyed. "Can't you drive?"
"Well, no," said Heller. "Not a chemical-engine Cadillac Brougham Coupe d'Elegance," he added, wanting to be exact. "With five hundred horses."
"Jesus," said Harv, softly. Then he brightened. "That's the automatic shift lever. Put it in park when you are through with the car. That N means neutral and to hell with it. The L is low and you won't never need it. The D is drive one. You won't use that. That second D is where you keep it.
"Now, that pedal down there... no, the other one. That's the foot brake and you push it when you want to stop. This other thing to your left is the hand brake and you use that when you park on a hill.
"Now, that thing there on the floor is the accelerator. You push it to speed up."
There was an instant deafening roar as Heller tramped on it.
"Don't rev it up so!" squeaked Harvey. The engine slowed. "And there you are. You got it?"
I caught a distant chortle of police cars.
"Is this the wheelstick?" said Heller, touching the steering wheel.
"Yes! Yes! You turn it to go to the right, you turn it this way to go to the left. Hey, I forgot to show you the
lights. This is the light knob.... Well, turn them ON!"
"Let's get out of here!" wailed the girl.
Harv had his hand on the open window ledge. He bent close. "Kid, this car will do a hundred and thirty. If you get out there and kill yourself, don't come back here complaining!"
"Jesus!" screamed the girl. "The fuzz!"
And there they came! Two of them! The first one bounced over the curb and into the used-car lot. The second saw them at the pumps and swerved toward them.
Heller engaged the Cadillac in drive!
He stamped on the accelerator! He almost tore his own head off.
The Cadillac leaped at a sign.
Heller turned the wheel.
The Cadillac launched itself over a curb!
Heller yanked the wheel. He overcompensated and headed back for the curb. He corrected and got the car going north. He was in the middle of the road.
An ancient truck was coming at him.
"To the right!" screamed the girl.
Heller swerved to the right, hit the gravel, came back on the road.
"Drive on the right side of the road!" screamed the girl.
"Got it," said Heller.
Behind them two police cars had started up in mad pursuit. They had their quarry in sight and their chortling said so for all the world to hear!
I smiled to myself in great satisfaction. Heller was going to be in a box much sooner than I thought! Chiefs of police do not take lightly to having their sons hospitalized. They don't have many cops in such a small town. I didn't need to hear their radios to know the chief was in one of those police cars! Police cars are as fast as
that Cadillac. And that chief was not going to give up. That was for sure!
Chapter 4
Mary Schmeck yelled, "Turn down that side road! It cuts across country. We can get over on U.S. 29. It's a four-lane to Lynchburg!"
The right-angle turn was just ahead. Heller yanked the steering wheel to the left. Tires screamed! A wild skid.
Heller said, as he fought the wheel to point the swerving car straight on the new road, "Ho, ho! Centrifugal momentum about 160 foot-tons per second."
"What?" yelled Mary.
"You have to counteract it ahead of time," said Heller, firing the car down the narrow, two-lane country road.

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