Missed Connections (26 page)

Nothing had happened between them of course. Austin could barely form a sentence around him. Maybe Halper had noticed that, maybe. In fact, Austin was pretty sure of it. Every time Mr. Halper had handed him a paper all Austin could muster out was "thanks" before he felt sweaty and gross all over again. There's no way anyone could have missed it. Mr. Halper had just been a kind enough man not to make a scene about it. Though in Austin's fantasies he sure wanted Mr. Halper to do something about it.

But Mr. Halper hadn't only brought about intense feelings that made Austin stay up a little too late at night and clean his sheets a little too much. He had also been the first teacher to tell Austin exactly how much they enjoyed his writing. Austin had always dabbled in it, but he'd never thought about it as a career choice. But with the one essay that Austin had to turn in with his time with Mr. Halper, he had exclaimed how well it had been written.

Austin was sitting at his desk, trying to act like he wasn't patiently waiting for Mr. Halper to walk by. He still couldn't stop the shaky grin on his face when Mr. Halper made his way over to him. The way he had handed the paper back in a flawlessly swift motion, with trim, perfect nails and a gorgeous smile. Austin kept on pretending that he wasn't excited just to have Mr. Halper's attention focused on him for the smallest amount of time. He had grabbed the paper with shaky fingers and Mr. Halper's smile had grown bigger.

"Austin, you wrote that? All by yourself? That took some talent." He leaned in closer, a small whispered moment between Austin and him. "You've got something here, don't disappoint me by wasting it, got it kid? You don't want to end up like some of these others." With that he backed away with a short laugh and Austin sat there trembling, holding his paper and trying to keep that feeling of Mr. Halper's breath on his ear
.

Oh god, that had been so many years ago. Austin really wished he had forgotten all about it. Recalling all of it at once was too much for him to handle. Oliver stared at him quizzically, trying to figure out why Austin's demeanor had switched so drastically and so suddenly. Oliver took a loud breath and shrugged at the awkward silence.

"So… once again, sorry about the kid?" Oliver half asked. Austin managed to smile before finding exactly the sentence he was trying to form.

"No problem!" It came out more of a bark and he laughed at himself. It was an awful quirk that Austin did when he was nervous. Oliver chuckled uncomfortably. Great, now Oliver probably thought he was insane. Austin wondered if he should bring their past up. Should he say that he remembered Oliver from nine years ago? Would it be weird to say he thought about him at night as he went to sleep? Maybe a little bit? Yeah, that one he definitely shouldn't say. Austin felt like a fangirl standing before Oliver.

"Is… is Allison a good kid?" Oliver asked. Austin wondered why he was still bothering to talk to him. The conversation felt it should have died out and Austin should be scurrying back to the uncomfortable bench.

"Yeah, she's, you know, she's great." Austin tried giving himself a pep talk in his head. Mostly he tried convincing himself that the fact Oliver didn't recognize him was a good thing. He wouldn't have that idea of Austin being his student in his head. They were adults now; they were equals in the world. Austin paid bills damn it. Nobody was beneath in this scenario. It wasn't like Austin wasn't against being under Oliver… no, his thoughts were derailing somewhere they shouldn't be.

"I'm sorry… this may come off as rude, but are you okay?" Oliver asked suddenly.

"What?"

"You seem umm… well you look rather flushed and." Oliver scratched his head and looked strangely at Austin. "I don't know, you look like you need a rest." Austin laughed and waved his hands quickly.

"No, I'm fine, it's just you see I, ah, how do I say this?" Austin said. "Sun, really hot. Just getting to me a bit, but I'm fine." He placed one hand on his hip and wiped at his forehead with the other. What had started out as a decent conversation had quickly tumbled into madness with cringe-worthy awkward silence.

Austin found himself waiting on edge for Oliver to act cocky or make a sarcastic remark. He wasn't anything like the substitute Austin remembered. Oliver had been loud and brash when he was teaching him. His personality had been goofy and punk-ish. Standing in front of Austin now was a quiet man with glasses who looked nervous to speak his mind. Austin had to recheck that Oliver was the man Austin thought he was. But as Oliver glanced back over, Austin knew he wasn't wrong. Same eyes, same facial structure, just with a little more age here and there.

Austin didn't know how old Oliver was, but he was working it well. Even if he was being timid and polite, he was still downright handsome. He may not have been acting the same, but Austin's heart still thumped with every word Oliver spoke. He was the same man, he had just changed, and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Austin looked over at Allison again. She was happily running around the playground equipment with yells and shouts. Josh had joined her but he didn't look quite as happy.

Austin was glad that Josh wasn't Oliver's kid. Not like it meant anything, Oliver could easily be married without a kid. He could easily be a straight man. Austin laughed a little at the thought, no, he was pretty sure Oliver wasn't. He gave off a vibe and when Austin felt that vibe from someone there was a very good reason for it. He took a deep breath and spoke again, his voice managing not to crack this time around.

"Nice glasses, you wear them for reading?" he asked. He mentally criticized himself for saying what he was sure was the dumbest thing to ever come out of his mouth.

"Oh, actually no. I just happened to leave them on. I'm an idiot. I am an avid reader." Oliver smiled again. "Um, do you mind if I sit by you? I'd rather have someone to talk to while I remain guardian and you seem like you… I don't know, don't mind my company? But are you sure you don't need a doctor, you're still a bit red."

"Totally fine, I swear. And uh yeah, I was chilling on the bench but your spot looks much better. How about I join you there instead?" Austin said quickly.
I can't believe I just said chilling out loud, what am I? Nineteen?
His brain would not stop ridiculing him. Austin ran and grabbed the water bottle he had abandoned previously and brought it with him to sit by Oliver.

Oliver picked up his tablet, which he'd placed on the grass when he yelled at Josh, and began reading again. Austin peeked over his shoulder slightly to see what he had been reading. He felt anxious all at once. Oliver was reading the news, the local news Austin worked for. Against Austin's will it made him think he was back in class with the teacher judging his work.

"I was made fun of a lot in high school for it, reading I mean," Oliver said. "I was a total dork. I guess much hasn't changed since then."

"You were a dork?" Austin asked in surprise. He pictured Oliver the way Austin had first seen him. Front of the class, feet on the desk and grin that stretched from ear to ear. He had oozed confidence and rebellion. How had he ever been a dork? How had he gone from dork, to cool teacher, to Mr. Polite?

"Don't make it sound so shocking, I mean, look at me." Oliver gestured at himself with a free hand. "You can't tell me that I radiate alpha or something like that. I'll admit I'm a bit of loser. I spend too much time reading, that's what I do."

"You can't spend too much time reading," Austin said leaning back against the tree. It felt strange, sitting beside his old substitute under a tree. If he was back in high school he would have passed out and then had dreams where the scenario would continue on a whole different course. He was still a bit nervous. "Reading is… reading is good for the soul. It takes patience, so it proves you have that in you."

"What do you mean it takes patience?" Oliver asked.

"You put yourself into the writing. You have to sit back and focus while at the same time enjoying the words. I can't… I can't explain it right, which is awful. I should be able to explain myself better than this." Austin was sure that Oliver could tell he was freaking out. "To read takes a lot of effort from the reader, more than most forms of entertainment. So, you're patient. You let the stories tell what they're going to tell and you keep on going yourself, seeing if it's worth the ride. It's different than watching a movie or T.V. show. I'm not saying those don't have their own benefits, but it is different."

Austin hadn't felt so giddy in a long time. His high school and college life had been full of guys, some of them he'd sworn he was in love with and now he mostly wanted to bash on the head. But none of them had been able to bring about the pure puppy-love feeling that he got just from being near Oliver.

"Are you just trying to make me feel special for reading?" Oliver asked with a laugh.

"No!" Austin yelled quickly. "I just… I just wanted you to know that I don't think you're a loser or anything for reading. I read too. It's one of my favorite pastimes."

"Ah, okay then. I see, you're trying to make yourself feel better about your hobby through me. That's fine I get it." Oliver smirked as Austin scowled. Allison's laughter made him check on her again real quick and he feared that Oliver would soon become far too distracting for him to watch his niece properly. "I won't get to read long though I have to run to a meeting in a little bit."

"A meeting? For what?"

"I moved from another place and I'm supposed to be starting my new job today. My car broke down and I'm having Frank, Josh's dad, take me. But Josh wanted to stop by the park first so that's why I'm here. My meeting is in like fifteen minutes though. Jesus, what is Frank doing in the bathroom? I bet the asshole is grabbing a soda and candy bar."

"Well, I'm sure your meeting will go well," Austin said with a smile. "You're already hired right? I'm sure you won't screw up from this point on."

"Ha, I hope not. I can't really risk it. You're not just saying that to jinx me are you, because I couldn't watch Josh properly for five minutes?" Oliver asked with a chuckle.

"I'm not trying to do anything like that… I mean it," Austin said. "I just, I don't know I really want you to—" Austin stopped abruptly as his phone rang in his pocket. He fished it out and answered it, his sister's voice loud and high-pitched on the other end. She let out a loud squealing noise that made Austin hold the phone away from his ear and Oliver laugh lightly. "Hey sis, did it go well?"

"What do you think!?" She continued to shout and Austin continued to keep the phone at a safe distance. "It went perfectly! I got hired! Finally an actual paycheck! Thank you so much for watching Allison for me! How's my little girl doing?"

"She's doing great," Austin said cheerfully. "I'm glad to know it's going well on your end. Do you want me to drive to your house or you want to come pick her up from the park?" Oliver had gone quiet and was obviously trying to act like he wasn't listening to the conversation.

"If you don't mind… can you bring her to me? The car's low on gas and… you know, I'm sorry Austin never mind I'll go pick her up you've already done so much. It'll be-"

"No, no I'll drop her off. It's fine Alexis." Austin looked at Oliver's tablet. He was still on the same page and he hadn't moved. "See you in a few minutes okay." Austin sat up and cupped his hands together. "Allison, want to go back to your mom?" In the distance Allison's little head swung up before she nodded excitedly.

"Mommy!" she shouted as she dashed across the dying grass over to Austin. "Let's go back to Mommy!"

"I suppose our conversation has been cut short then, hasn't it?" Oliver asked. "Well, it was nice meeting you Austin. Maybe we'll run into each other again?"

Austin stared at Oliver and realized that Oliver really and truly didn't recognize him. It made him feel strange and uneasy, as if he was keeping something from Oliver.

But why should he ruin his opportunity by letting Oliver know he had once been Austin's substitute? Right now, they were both adult strangers and that left them on equal terms. But Austin couldn't bring himself to hold his knowledge back. He opened his mouth slowly and nervously as he tried to get the words out.

Would Oliver act any differently with the information? Would he remember Austin even when he said when they had previously met? Surely there wasn't any way he still kept memories of the one week at a suburban school in his mind as tightly as Austin had. But Austin still wanted him to know. Oliver was the reason he had finally came to terms with his sexuality. Oliver was the reason he spent late nights typing for a newspaper. It wasn't the most glamorous of jobs, but it was a job Austin enjoyed. While one week may have been nothing in Oliver's life, it meant almost everything to Austin.

"We've met before." The words came out strangely and foreign to Austin. He only knew that he said them because Oliver's gaze became quizzical. Or maybe because Austin's words sounded close to a gargle. Austin wasn't sure.

"What? Where?" Oliver asked. Allison had wrapped herself tightly around Austin and looked at the two men curiously, her eyes were wide and darting back and forth between the two adults. Austin could tell she was trying her best not to interrupt them.

"It was a long time ago," Austin said with a laugh that didn't quite fit the atmosphere. He worried that he sounded like a stalker. "I mean, not
too
long ago, it was just a while. I mean… you are Oliver Halper right?" He watched the look of surprise form in Oliver's gorgeous eyes.

"Yes… yeah that's me. So how do we know each other exactly?" Oliver asked, his voice breaking into a nervousness almost equal to Austin's. Austin realized he was making Oliver uncomfortable.

"You were uh, you were Mr. Halper to me." Austin coughed into his hand and Allison squeezed tighter at his leg. "You were my substitute for a week back in Desmond High School. And even though it was only a week… you were really inspiring to me. You said you liked the way I wrote and no teacher had ever said that to me until that point. You got me sort of into writing. Well you made me more eager to write. That's what I mean." Allison pulled at his leg, wanting to go home to her mother but Austin ignored her for a little while longer. "So I was just thought you should know that. That you being there… even if it was only for a week, I liked you."