Misjudged (13 page)

I stagger
backwards a couple of steps and try hard to focus on something, but I’ve already lost my balance and end up on my ass, right in the middle of the sidewalk. I close my eyes, and feel what little energy I have left slowly draining away. I drop my head into my hands. I just want to go home.

“
Fuuuucckkkkk!” I reopen my eyes when I hear Brandon growling again, this time a lot louder than before. The anger and fire that was previously visible in his eyes is replaced by an anguished look, as he stands back up and stares in to the sky. He starts grabbing fistfuls of his hair and pulling it hard, with his breathing loud and heavy.

“Alex?” Neil sits down beside me and wraps his arms around me as Ryan stays close to Brandon. It’s almost as though he’s waiting for him to snap again.

Brandon instantly brings himself out of from his daze, and is practically snarling now. He clenches his fists into tight balls by his sides and begins pacing the pavement in front of us, before focusing his attention back towards the alleyway, where the guy lets out another painful whimper.

“I’m
gonna kill that motherfucker!” He growls. Ryan leaps in front of him and tries to block his path, although I can see the determination in Brandon’s stance. It doesn’t look as though he’s going to take any notice of Ryan, or anyone else right now.

“What the fuck has gotten into you, man?” Ryan is shouting in his face as he tries to keep Brandon where he is. I feel sick. I feel
really fucking sick.

“Step aside, Ryan, or I swear to God
… I’ll beat the fucking shit out of you too!” He hisses through his teeth. I see him lurching forward and my whole body begins to tremble again, because right now, he’s scaring the living shit out of me.

Shaking my head and not knowing how much more of this I can take, both physically and mentally, I focus back on Brandon. “Why were you asking about my drink?”

We hear sirens getting closer so my question remains unanswered for now. “Shit! It’s the cops!” Neil shouts as he abruptly stands, while thrusting his hand out to me and helping me back up on to my feet. I’m glad when he keeps his arms firmly placed around me. I don’t think I’ll be able to manage standing on my own just yet.

“Fuck! Brandon, if they see you
man, they’re gonna drag your ass straight back to jail!” Ryan tries to reason with him. Brandon just glances over to the alleyway, and then turns in our direction, looking defeated.

“Brandon, you’ve got to get outta here!” Neil tries to gain Brandon’s attention again, and this time it seems to be working.

“Listen, we’ll deal with that guy. Take Alexis back to your place, and we’ll call you when we’re done, okay?” Ryan asks, although when I peek up at Neil, his face shows he’s not overly thrilled by the idea, and nor am I. I don’t want to be left alone with him.

Brandon hurries over to my side and begins to push me across the street and away from the chaos.

“Get your hands off of me!” I yell at him while trying to writhe out of his hold, but he ignores my request, and instead, tightens his grip on my waist as he ushers me down a side alley.

“Alexis, we need to get outta here,” he says flatly while his eyes remain focused straight ahead. “Please just—”

“What’s your problem, Brandon? Your girlfriend was busy tonight so you thought you’d settle for poor, innocent, and naïve little Alexis to fill your time?” I snipe, noticing his face fall as he registers what I just said to him.

He p
auses halfway down the alleyway, “Naïve is definitely how I’d describe you right now.” His voice is cold as he hangs his head low.

“You’re right! I am
, because I actually believed every goddamn word that came out of your mouth!” With a little force, I pull away and lean against a building, while trying to catch my breath. “How could I have been so wrong?” I close my eyes and slide down the wall, until I’m sitting again.

“You accepted a drink fr
om a guy you don’t even know!” He shouts angrily while throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “I never thought you would be so…”

“S
tupid? I totally agree! If I’d have just walked away …” My voice is gaining strength again now, as I feel the alcohol beginning to wear off.

I get to my feet and walk slowly over to him.
His eyes narrow and his body tenses when I place my hands on the wall behind him, so my body is encasing his. Fixing my eyes directly on him, I notice the nervousness over his face and in his eyes.

“If I’d only walked away when
you’d offered me the champagne at the ball,” my voice has turned into a low whisper, and his breathing seems erratic. “Then I wouldn’t be standing here right now, wishing that I was the one who was your girlfriend.”

His eyes are searching mine, and I
notice him still when I brush my lips lightly over his. I keep my eyes open and watch him, as my heart begins hammering in my chest.

He pulls back a little, closes his eyes, and
exhales a deep breath before reopening them again. Any sparkle I thought I might have seen just a moment ago has now been replaced by complete hollowness.

“You really don’t know what you’re wishing for, beautiful.” he whispers through clenched teeth. Gripping my waist, he pushes me backwards
, until I’m pinned against the opposite wall. “I wasn’t expecting—”

“It’s all done, we managed to
…” At the sound of Ryan’s voice traveling down the alleyway, Brandon leaps back and turns himself away, so he’s no longer facing me, Neil or Ryan. He lifts his hand up behind his neck and tilts his head back. He’s getting stressed again. “Were you …?” I glance over at Ryan and see him waving his index finger between the two of us, but we both ignore him.
We could have been.

“Guys listen, thanks for helping me out with that,” Brandon says, his tone riddled with anxiety as he walks
towards them. “I … I need to get going.” He places his hands in the back pockets of his pants, walks around them and then heads onto the sidewalk.

Both Neil and Ryan briefly glance over at me, before turning back to Brandon. “But you didn’t
…” Neil calls after him, but he has already disappeared from the alleyway and out of view.

“Alex, did he tell you why he went all crazy ass like that?” Neil turns and questions me. “I haven’t seen him look that angry since, well, since ever!” He shakes his head and furrows his brow
, as he comes over and places his arm around me.

“I thought you guys were going to be ‘just friends’?” Ryan stares at me, with raised eyebrows a
nd his tone rife with suspicion when Neil and I reach him. “You said …”

Shaking my head, I let out a sigh as we head out onto the sidewalk and turn
towards campus. “I don’t know Neil, I really don’t. Maybe he just had a rough night.” I’m not even going to attempt to answer Ryan’s question right now.

Can I handle spending time with him as a friend, knowing he wants me just as much as I want him? He didn’t say it in so many words, but his eyes told me a lot tonight. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it when he goes to see his girlfriend, knowing how tender he can be, and knowing
that he’ll be touching her so delicately. He called me beautiful again and my stomach did cartwheels. I think I’m in it way over my head here.

Neil’s cell phone rings, and interrupts my train of thought. This couldn’t have happened at a better time in my opinion. He suddenly stops walking, and when I turn around, his eyes are wide, and he’s glaring right at me.

He says something into the phone before ending the call. “Alex,” he says with all seriousness in his voice and worry flashing over his face. “The drink. The drink you accepted from …”

“What? What is it?” He’s acting weird. “Neil!” I just about shout, as I try and get his attention back.

He suddenly grabs hold of me and frantically searches my eyes, and I notice that his have dramatically darkened. “Brandon said he saw that guy slipping something into your drink. We need to get you to the hospital, that son of a fucking—”

“
No wait, I didn’t drink it.” It was spiked? My mouth feels dry and nausea begins to creep over me again. “That’s why he—”

“Fuck! No fucking wonder he went crazy ass on us!” I shift my gaze over on Ryan
, and see his equally haunted expression. It resembles the one Brandon had just now. “He thought it was happening all over again.” His voice is raspy as he grabs his cell from his jacket, before walking away from us.

“Neil?” I turn back to Neil and see him looking withdrawn. “Neil, I know you told me he was there the night someone died but
...”

He shakes his head and looks me straight in the eyes, and now all I see is sadness within his. “The person who died that night was Brandon’s girlfriend, Alex.”

Fuck.

Holly.

Neil and I arrived home a little before two o’clock this morning. I couldn’t get to sleep, so we both laid on the couch together and watched old black and white movies until around six, which is when Neil finally decided to head to bed, and so I went to my room.

Ryan walked away from us when he found out the reason why Brandon acted the way he had, and as far as I know, he hasn’t come home yet. He was making a call on
his cell as he left us, so I’m assuming the call he was making was to Brandon.

I want to go and speak with Brandon, call him, or even message him, but I have no clue what I woul
d say. I’m sorry? Sorry doesn’t seem like a strong enough word when I think back to how stupid I was last night. I almost
, almost,
drank the tainted water. He’s right. I was naïve and I feel completely ashamed of myself.

I know I need to thank him. If he hadn’t grabbed the drink away from me, well, I don’t even want to think about what mi
ght have happened. He could’ve been thrown back in jail, but he still took the risk, and he took the risk for me.

When Neil told me it was Brandon’s girlfriend who died from the overdose, I think my heart stopped beating for a moment. I still feel numb as well as physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. During the walk back here, Neil became choked up a couple of times when he spoke about her. He told me they’d all attended high school together
and that Brandon’s girlfriend was in a grade level below them. He said she and Brandon hadn’t gotten together until after they’d graduated from high school, which was around the same time that he and Ryan decided to take time out to travel together.

It’s almost eight o’clock, and as I throw on a pair of jeans and a sweate
r, I hear the front door open. Surprisingly, I don’t have a hangover this morning, but I do feel as though I need to get some air and maybe grab a coffee.

“Alex,
” Ryan greets me grimly as I make my way out of my room. “How are you feeling?” He looks exhausted and is still wearing the same clothes as he had on last night, so he can’t have come home before now.

“Did you speak with him?” I can’t help the sadness in my voice, and then I feel the tears prickling into my eyes again.

He nods and his smile is tight. Is that it? He’s not going to tell me anything else? I have so many questions, so many things I want to know. “I’m gonna go and catch some sleep. You look like you could use some yourself,” he says, while stifling a yawn.

“I’m sorry for
ruining your first official gig last night,” I say sadly, as he takes off his jacket. “I’m sorry ...” I don’t usually get tearful, but under these circumstances it’s impossible to avoid.

“Hey, come on,” he walks over
with concern evident in his eyes, as he puts his arms around me and pulls me in for hug. “We’re just glad you’re okay,” he whispers with a sigh as he rubs my back gently before releasing his hold.

He throws his keys on top of the coffee table, before heading
over to his room.

After leaving the dorm
I walk for a while, and before I know it, I’ve reached Beck Hill. It’s starting to rain and I’m really wishing I’d worn a jacket, although I’m actually finding it quite refreshing and the temperature is pretty mild today.

My mom’s headstone is in the cemetery just around the corner from here. I haven’t been to visit her since before Christmas break, so I decide to pick up some flowers from the florist that’s just on the corner of the street.

We used to live not so far from here before she died. My dad found it too difficult to stay in Seattle once she’d passed, hence the move to Salem a couple of months after her funeral. I need somewhere to gather my thoughts, and there isn’t a more peaceful place than being beside my mom.

Calla l
ilies were her favorite and my face lit up when I saw a nice bouquet of them over by the counter. The little old lady who owns the small store is very sweet and reminds me a lot of my grandma, on my dad’s side of the family.

I don’t keep in touch with any family members on my mom’s side. In fact, I
’ve never met any of them. When my mom told them she was expecting a baby, her mother and father demanded that she wasn’t to go through with the pregnancy. They even went as far as to book her into a private clinic because they thought they could sway her decision.

Not only did my
mom give up her dream of acting so that she could stay at home and raise me, she also gave up the rest of her family that day. My mom was one remarkable woman and I feel so honored to have been her daughter.

Sitting down beside her gravestone, I remove the flowers I’
d placed there before I went to my fathers for the holidays, and replace them with the blooming bouquet I now have in my hands.

A few sobs escape from me when I think back to how stupid I was last night. What the hell was I thinking, accepting a drink from a stranger? I should have known better, my mom was a cop for crying out loud! I’d put myself at risk. Shit, I put Brandon and his freedom in jeopardy from my foolishness.

I hadn’t even realized I’d been talking out loud and find myself repeatedly saying sorry to her for screwing up so bad. I tell her about my father gifting me the theatre tickets and how much I wish she were still here so we could go together. It doesn’t feel right going without her, and so I’ve decided not to use them. After a little while, I tell her about Brandon.

Up until this point, I
didn’t realize just how much I care about him. I knew I was attracted to him, but after seeing the way he was last night and… My thoughts are interrupted by the rain that’s beginning to fall heavier, and I notice the sky is turning the blackest I’ve ever seen it before. I’ve been sitting on the grass by my mom for the last hour. I guess it’s time to head back before the storm sets in.

Hurrying down the pathway and
towards the exit gates, I halt when I catch a glimpse of Brandon to my right. He’s approximately ten feet away from me and sitting on the grass, leaning his head against a bright white headstone with his eyes closed. He’s still wearing the clothes he wore last night. Has he been here all night?

It suddenly occurs to me why he’s
here and who he’s visiting, which makes my stomach roll and my heart bleed for him. I’m not sure whether I should check to see if he’s okay or leave him in peace. He’s bound to be upset with me, and I wouldn’t blame him in the slightest.

As if being wrongly accused of the possession and dealing of illegal drugs, and then being put in jail wasn’t
bad enough, they tried to blame him for his girlfriend’s death on top of all that. My throat constricts and I heave a deep sigh, before deciding that it’s probably best to leave.

Upon approaching the gates, I turn
back one last time and am startled to find he’s now standing and staring right at me. I just want to hold him and tell him everything will be okay, but I realize it won’t help him in any way. I know what it feels like, to lose someone you care about, but he’s been through so much more than I can ever possibly imagine.

He doesn’t seem affected by the current weather conditions as he walks slowly in my direction, with his head hanging
down low. I look to the ground and try to get my breathing under control before he reaches me. His eyes are red and bloodshot, and it’s obvious from the bags under them that he hasn’t slept at all.

“Brandon I
…” I try to tell him how sorry I am, about everything, but he lifts his hand up as if to tell me he doesn’t want to hear it. The rain is dripping from his hair and he looks completely exhausted.

He doesn’t speak, not even a word
, as he comes to stand beside me. Placing his arm around my waist, he turns me around gently and we begin walking back towards the campus together in complete silence. I want to speak to him. I need to speak to him, but he doesn’t seem as though he has the energy for either talking or listening right now. He doesn’t move his arm from my waist once on the way back, and when we reach campus, he keeps it there until we arrive at the steps of his building.

“Alexis
…” His voice is groggy, and his stance somewhat defeated as he turns to face me. “I can’t do this right now.” He can’t do this. I nod as my lips begin to tremble from his words. I feel like I want to cry again, but I understand.

I’m being selfish. I’m thinking of myself when I should be thinking of him and everything he has been
, and still is, going through.

“I understand,
” I let out a small sob and turn to walk away. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for, well, everything.” I keep my eyes away from his and head towards my building without turning back.

***

I was drenched from head to toe when I got back, so much so, that my clothes were sticking to my skin. A nice, long, hot soak in the tub has made me feel a whole lot better, and all I really want to do now is climb into my bed.

Neil and Ryan look a lot better than they did this morning, and seem to have made plans to reside in front of the widescreen for the remainder of the afternoon.

Alyssa called and practically screamed through the phone at me, after having heard about what happened when she’d left last night. After a little while, she apologized for yelling, but there wasn’t any need. She was worried and upset, just like they all were and I’m just glad I have a great group of friends that care about me as much as I care about them.

Walking from the kitchen with a steaming mug of hot cocoa, I see Neil disappearing into his room, with his cell phone pressed to his ear, and Ryan eyeing me
warily from the couch.

“You really like him, don’t you?” he asks, while turning the volume down on the widescreen remote. “I can tell.”

“It doesn’t matter even if I do, Ryan,” I shrug my shoulders as I sit beside him. “But, yeah, I like him.”

He sits a little straighter in his seat, with a look of concentration in his eyes. He turns and studies me, before a bleakness washes over his face. “He likes you, too, you know.” He gives me a small smile
before turning back to watch the rest of a sports show.

Hearing those words should make me feel elated, but they don’t. He’s here to clear his name
and then he’ll be leaving. He lost someone special to him and it doesn’t seem like he’s had enough time to grieve.

“I’m going to lay down,
” I tap Ryan’s shoulder lightly a couple of times and walk over to my room.

Settling on my bed, I grab my cell phone and then place it back down again. I do this a few more times before deciding that it’s no use. I want him to know that I’m here for him
, if he ever needs to talk. If nothing else, I do want to be his friend.

Neil told me. I’m here. Alex. X

He looked exhausted when I saw him earlier, so I don’t expect to get a reply right away, if at all, but it’s up to him now. The balls in his court for when he decides what he wants from me, if anything at all.

I must have drifted off to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wake to the feel of something lightly brushing over my face. I immediately open my heavy eyes and find the room cloaked in complete darkness. I make out the outline of a figure sitting on the side of my bed next to me,
which makes my pulse quicken and my body automatically bolt upright. Hastily, I switch my table lamp on and that’s when I see Brandon sitting there and watching me.

“Hey,” he whispers as he turns himself around
to fully face me. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” His offers a small smile and moves himself closer towards me.

“Wake me, or scare me?” I rub my eyes as I ask. “I didn’t think you would
… I mean, earlier, you said you couldn’t …” I sit myself up against my pillows. “I wasn’t expecting to wake up and see you here. How did you get in?” My voice is a little hoarse from just waking and I’m still half-asleep, so I can’t quite manage to get my words out yet.

He lets out a small chuckle
so I guess my confusion amuses him. “When I said I couldn’t do this, it was because I didn’t know ...” He runs his hands over his face a couple of times and lets out a breath. “Dammit, Alexis! I didn’t know whether I wanted to thank you, scream at you, or fucking grab hold of you and squeeze you so fucking tight out of relief that you’re safe!” He sounds infuriated as he throws his arms in the air.

Thank me? Scream at me? Squeeze me? That’s quite a list of things he wanted to do to me. I feel my mouth hanging open slightly because I certainly have no idea why he would want to thank me.

“But when I went home, I kept thinking about everything and figured that it didn’t matter anyway, because the main thing is you’re here and you’re okay,” his voice is soft as his focus drops away from me and down to the floor.

“I think I’m missing something here because the last thing you
should be doing is thanking me,” I sit forward and move my covers away from me as I kneel on the bed beside him. “After the way you risked being put back in a cell from my stupidity, it should be me thanking you.” My voice is finally sounding normal now.