Mirage (23 page)

“Mira, you’re killing me here. I have had the same dream for years. Kissing you, making love to you, waking up to you. But that’s all it is, a dream.”

I stopped caressing and grab his cheeks in my hand, “Stop saying it’s a fucking dream. It is real. I know how I feel. I know how you feel. I know what you like and how you like it.”

I let his face go and moved my hands towards the side of his face. “I know that you love when I do this,” I started massaging his ear lobe softly between my thumb and forefinger. “I know that when I caress you and move my fingers lightly over this spot, you shiver,” and just as I move to the soft spot between his ear and his shoulder, he shivers.

Skylar leaps off the bed, staring at me, hard, “How?”

“Because, it’s not a dream, it never was a dream. I loved Danny, but I crave you. You’re so embedded in my soul; I know it’s not a dream. I know that it’s the truth. So what do we do about it?”

“I can’t just decide what to do, Mira. Not after you being awake, what a half hour, opening your heart to me. I can’t just break Danny and ruin him. He’s been here with you; he loves you. You promised yourself to him. I’m going to need more than five minutes to decide if I can ruin a lifelong friendship.”

I know he loves me. I can see it. He’s fighting himself right now. He tells me that Danny is alive, but I grieved the loss of that relationship, awake or not, I know that my heart is where it’s supposed to be. I gave my heart to Skylar and he accepted it. Feeling braver that I ever have, “You need more than five minutes, you have six.”

After six minutes, yes I watched the clock and the minute that second hand hit twelve, his six minutes were up.

“What did you decide?” I ask, praying that he knows what my reality is versus what he thinks. I need him to use his heart and not his head.

Saying exactly what I feared most, Skylar says, “Mira, I can’t do that to Danny. I would never forgive myself for hurting him so badly.”

“What about me? What about my hurt? You said you love me, what about your hurt?” I yell, “Why is his pain and hurt more important than mine or yours. We’re in love, that has to count for something.”

“Mira, I love you but we’re not in love, it was a dream,” Skylar says, eyes looking in my direction but focused on something that wasn’t where he needed to look. I needed him to look in my eyes, into my soul. If he did, then we would be fine. He would see it. The frustration is taking a toll on my body and I know I’m going to lose it.

“Well then fuck this. If what I feel is not real. If everything was just a fucking dream, call that nurse in here to give me something to put me back under. I don’t’ want to live in reality when my dream was so wonderful and I was happy. I had never been happier in my life. You make me happy and I want to be with you. If the only way I can be with you is in a dream, push that fucking button. I want to go back to fucking sleep.”

Skylar walks back to my bed, resuming the position that I need him in. As soon as he is seated, I grab his face and pull it towards mine. I wet my lips as I attempt to show if how much we’re in love, since he won’t listen to my words.

I place a light kiss on his lips and he groans. Taking this as a sign to continue, I slightly open my mouth, capturing his bottom lip between mine. Lingering in this position for a few seconds, I slightly take my tongue and run it across the seam of his lips, requesting permission to go further. Just when I think that he isn’t going to kiss me back, I go to pull away. At that very second, I feel Skylar’s hand in my hair and he kisses me back.

This isn’t one of those fairytale kisses you read about. This was raw and full of pain and emotion. He plunges his tongue into my mouth, massaging the roof of my mouth. I match his tongue and it’s as if we’re wrestling for a position. I needed this; I needed him. I feel the wetness building up between our faces and I don’t know if the tears are only mine.

Skylar pulls out of the kiss and looks at me. Seeing the whites of his eyes, speckled with red lines, I know that mine were not the only tears spilled in that soul-shattering kiss. Skylar puts his fingers up to his mouth, feeling his swollen lips, almost as if he can’t believe that happened, he stares into my soul. Checkmate.

“Do you love me?” Skylar whispers.

“I do love you, but it’s more than love. I need you. I crave you. You’re my forever. Do you love me?” I ask.

“You are the only person I have ever loved. I have always wanted to know what it felt like to kiss you. How I would feel kissing you? Now that I know that feeling, I don’t know if I could ever give it up. I love you more than anything Mira. I always have and I always will.”

Skylar takes me in his arms. He hugs me so tight, but it was full of love. He was right here, in this moment with me. He felt everything I felt.

Pulling back from my body, he looks into my eyes. “We’ll figure it out,” Skylar says as he places another kiss on my lips. This kiss was kind and gentle, the kind of kiss that makes you see fireworks and stars at the same time. A kiss that you want to remember for the rest of your life and tell your grandchildren about. This is a kiss that makes you realize you’re kissing the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Just as Skylar pulls out of the kiss and leans back on the bed, I hear the door open and a familiar voice enters the room.

“Oh my God. Mira, you’re awake? Oh shit. Skylar, she’s awake,” Danny says, dropping both cups in his hands, spilling their contents over the dingy tiles, rushing to my bedside.

“Hi,” I say, eyes darting between Skylar and Danny.

I know exactly where I belong and who I belong with, but seeing Danny’s face, knowing he’s here, I can’t imagine hurting him. If he would have walked in thirty seconds earlier, he would have caught us. Fuck, I can’t even continue that thought. Just thinking of it, makes me want to puke.

“Hi yourself. I can’t believe you’re awake. Bro, why didn’t you call me? How long has she been up? Did you call the nurse or doctor? Mira how are you feeling?” Danny starts firing off questions, talking a mile a minute. I could feel his elation.

“Danny, just breathe, okay man. We’re good, waiting on the doctor to come in, the nurse paged him,” Skylar says.

Danny bends down and kisses my forehead as I glanced towards Skylar, who had gotten up and moved back to the chair on the side of my bed. As Danny’s kisses continued from my forehead, to my cheek and finally my lips, Sky turns his head and cringes.

I didn’t kiss Danny back and it didn’t seem to bother him, but it bothered me and I know it bothered Skylar. Body language is a tricky thing. Even if you don’t verbalize your thoughts, the way your body reacts, speaks a million words. Skylar is sitting in the chair, body turned away from me and he’s staring off in the distance, not saying anything.

“Bro, why aren’t you jumping for joy? Our girl is back. She’s really back. Oh my God. I thought I lost you forever,” Danny says.

“Yeah, man, I know. Your girl is back,” Skylar says. As soon as those words ‘your girl’ left his lips, my head jerked in his direction. How was I back to being Danny’s girl? Skylar loves me and I’m his girl.

“Danny, would you mind going to ask the nurse if I can have something to eat? I’m really hungry,” I ask Danny, wanting another minute or two with Skylar.

“Yeah, Pea, no problem. I’m just so happy you’re awake. God, I missed you. Thank you for fighting and being strong. I love you,” Danny says, kissing my cheek before getting up to walk towards the door. I didn’t respond to his declaration of love. As much as I didn’t want to hurt Danny, the thought of hurting Skylar any further, tore me to shreds.

As Danny reaches the door, before walking out, he glances back at me. “I still can’t believe you’re really awake,” he says with a huge smile on his face, love seeping out of his pours, he turns back and leaves the room.

As soon as the door shuts behind Danny, I glare at Skylar, “His girl?”

“Who are we kidding Mira? You can’t be mine if you’re his, and that’s what you are. His. I don’t know if I can do that to him. That kiss shook me to the core, but how can I, we, hurt him like that. He is my best friend,” Skylar says shaking his head.

“Skylar, do you believe dreams come true? Because my dream is true. More real than anything I have ever known. All you have to do is trust that what I feel is just as real as what you feel, and we’re going to be fine. We’ll figure this out, together. Please, just tell me you love me and know that I love you,” I ask him as Danny walks back in the room with the doctor that finally arrives.

“Sky, do you think that you could step out so the doc can look Mira over?” Danny asks.

With our eyes locked, searing into my heart, Skylar responds. I know he’s answering Danny’s question but more importantly, he’s answering mine.

“I do,” Skylar says with a lone tear drop, sliding down his face.

As Danny sits on my bed holding me, kissing the top of my head, the tears fall freely out of my eyes, knowing that the man that holds the key to my heart is walking out of my room.

“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.”

------- THE END------

Keep an eye out for Awakening, book 2, coming soon!!!

Acknowledgements

BP
– This is your story. This is Danny’s story. Thank you for sharing so many personal details of your life for me to share with the world. Without your love and support, none of this would be possible. You are my rock, my world and my forever!!

There are so many people that loved me and supported me on this journey. If I miss you, I’m so terribly sorry and your support did not go unnoticed. You are all amazing and made this so much easier for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To my girls
--- Here’s to the group chats, the Voxer, the Triple M Book Club, Drunken Book Whores Unite, Panther Shifters, Invaders, Cucumbers, Carter and Bass, Chasing BASSphemous, bottle cap loving book boyfriends, morning sexts and subtext. You girls are my sanity when everything seems to be spiraling out of control. Thank you all so very much for being you and bringing me so much happiness and driving my husband insane. Blurred Lines, Miley Cyrus, Rush Hour Radio, The Ashley and Manda Show and TMAA .. I’m truly indebted to all of you!!

Pam
– You make my life. Most people will never know how big of a supporter you were during this entire journey. You lifted me up when I just knew I was going to fail. The words of support and the late night pep talks will live with me forever. Because of you, I have faith in myself. I’m eternally grateful for you and your awesomness!

Stefani
– How would I have got her with out you? Simple … I wouldn’t have. Our talks, late nights and hours spent on the phone have transformed this story in my head into a novel. I love you and Lue to pieces. This book belongs just as much to Lue as it does Jesse. Not many people can understand the type of loss they went through. Maybe someday Lue and “Evan” will get it together and make you one proud Grandma and me a distant Auntie Ashley! Thank you for sharing all of the stories and inspiring me beyond belief. I love you to pieces and am so thankful to have you in my life!!

Gail
– I know your beta’s said “NOOOOOOO” but I had to go for it. Go big or go home. Thank you for all of the advice and helping me out!! You are so special and I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us next!!

Brooke
– Well, hell. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. You and your words helped me more than you will know. Thanks for being there for me whenever I had a stupid question and letting me bounce plot ideas off you!! I’m so proud to be a part of your Street Team and to be with you on your journey and to have you on mine!!! Here’s to Cleveland when we TEAR. IT. UP!

Eri
– Me and you till the end. All of your kind words and brainstorming helped me immensely. Even the early morning and late night texts asking for more Skylar really motivated me to give you more! You’re pretty amazing and your story will hit NYT BS before you know it. Don’t ever give up writing!! Here’s to you and your bunny!! Love you both!

Hilary
– Where do I even begin. I’m still scared of publishing and you’re hounding me and I LOVE IT!!! You totally make my life. Not only are you the creator of my #1 Book Boyfriend (Taron from In a Heartbeat and Heaven Sent) you are one of my besties!! I would NOT survive without you and your support. MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Riley Rhea (JP)
– My creative partner. There is so much I am thankful for. You’re constant feedback, good or bad, helped mold Mirage into what it is today. I don’t know if I could have gotten all of this out without your help. I absolutely love our conversations, reading dates and plotting our books. I cannot wait for your story and sharing a table with you at a signing. We’re going to take this world by storm!! One chick and a crazie living the dream. I am amazed by your talent and your patience with me. Thank you for being a grammar nazi and helping to guide my story. You truly are the most amazing CP that a girl could ask for. Mira and Skylar would be lost without you and your love!!

Melissa
– My cover designer and so much more. Mirage would be faceless without you. How can one sell a book without a cover?? They always say you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but in this case, I hope they do. You did an amazing job with my characters and designed such a breathtaking cover. You were so much more though. Holding my hand, listening to me vent when Mirage wasn’t going my way, kicking my ass and begging for more!! Those little things turned out to be amazing. You have been such a great friend through all of this and I can’t wait to work on the next book. MG you are wonderful and I’m blessed to have you on my side!!! MGBookCovers for the win!!

For my AMAZING Beta
Readers – YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. It’s one thing to write a story but to get it to where it needs to be is another story. Honest and brutal feedback helped me mold this into something more than just an idea. Manda, Eri, Kim, Candy, Jen, Toski, Melissa, Joni, Tasha, Jodie and JM!!! You guys are my everything right now!! I don’t know where I would be without you!