Mirage (15 page)

“Oh nothing.
Nothing at all. Just wondering if when you’re packing that overnight bag if I should put some condoms in there for you?” Kylee asked, her smile growing even bigger.

“How did you know? I just found out a few hours ago,” I said really confused.

“Do you think that Danny would really ask you to go away for a weekend without clearing it with your best friend and roommate?”

“Well I guess that makes sense and no I won’t need you to plant any
contraceptivse in my bag, Ms. I Own Every Brand Of Every Condom Ever Made.”

“Oh that’s right, our Virgin Mary has been on the pill since we were fourteen,” Kylee said dodging the pillow I threw at her face.

After a miniature pillow fight with my best friend; not the kind you see in porn where the college girls are dressed in thongs and nothing else, kindly tossing pillows where the down feathers are flying all around creating a great atmosphere for some girl on girl action. More of the kind of pillow fight where I grab my pillow and wrap the excess pillow case around my fist, compressing the soft pillow into a firm cushion to inflict pain to Kylee’s face, I grab my bag to meet Danny in the parking lot.

“We’re taking the bike?” I asked looking confused. How can we go away for the weekend on the back of a bike?

“Yep. Give me your bag, Pea,” Danny says reaching for my bag and placing it in one of the saddle bags on the side of the bike.

I have been on Danny’s bike before, but it wasn’t this one. This was a larger cruiser that looked comfortable to ride on. All black, again, with chrome details throughout. This was one sexy ass bike and the sounds it made when Danny started it almost dropped me to my knees, in more ways than one.

Danny told me before leaving that we were going to the dunes on the west side of the state. I had gone there a few times as a kid and remembered what a beautiful place it was. Feeling giddy, I climbed on the back of the enormous bike, buckling the half shelled helmet on my head, letting my low ponytail hang loosely out of the back. I probably will regret all of the tangles in my hair when we get to our destination, but oh well. I’m going for the full experience.

About an hour into our trip, I was thoroughly enjoying the ride and the vibrations coming from under the seat. Every hit of the throttle was shooting straight to the cluster of nerves between my thighs.
Every single time. I was on the brink of an orgasm when I clutched onto Danny’s shirt and pulled it tight across his stomach. He reached one of his hands from the clutch side of the handle bar and rubbed the outside of my knee while hitting the accelerator with the other hand. That’s all that I needed to push me into oblivion. Riding out the last wave of my orgasm, I laid a soft kiss to Danny’s back. He squeezed my knee, acknowledging what a memorable ride this has become.

We reached the dunes as the sun was getting ready to set. Danny chose a restaurant on the lake so we could watch the sunset over the vast body of water. I have never,
til this day, seen anything so beautiful and breathtaking.

Danny took his time to inform me that we were going to be camping on the beach. I have never been camping before.
Probably because I enjoy the finer things in life. You know, like running water and a bed. Danny picked an abandoned area of the beach that he could pull his motorcycle up to. The Department of Natural Resources usually frown upon people driving on the dunes with cars, but this area was so secluded and it was getting dark, I doubt that anyone would notice.

Danny aimed the nose of his bike towards our makeshift campsite and turned on the headlight. Surprisingly the bike had a radio and Danny turned it on. Almost as if fate was on his side, one of my favorite songs was playing. Christina Perri was singing the song from Twilight. Granted, I never saw any of the movies, but the song brought tears to my eyes every time I heard it.

Danny wrapped his arms around me and started to sway back and forth. I realized he wanted to dance with me, on the beach, in a romantic setting, to one of my favorite songs. The love I felt for him in this moment, could last a lifetime. I would never feel more special than I do when I’m in his arms. At that exact moment, I finally figured out that if I’m going to give my virginity to someone, it’s going to be someone who can make my heart
skip a beat. Someone who will love me with everything they have in them. A man that can bring me to orgasm on the back of a motorcycle is wonderful, but a man that can show you what a real love is and embrace it with you, that’s a man you hold on to.

I angled my head upwards to meet Danny’s eyes and I had no further doubts. I saw the love he had for me reflected in his brown eyes. He loved me and I loved him. I kissed him with so much passion, I felt like I was transported to a different time. I was so lost in our kiss; I didn’t even realize that Danny had moved our half naked bodies on a blanket he laid in the sand for us. I was stripped bare, except for my underwear and Danny in his boxers.

“Mira, I love you so much. I never thought I would meet the person that I wanted for the rest of my life when I was 19. You are all I ever want. You are the smartest, kindest, and most beautiful woman I have ever seen. If you’re not ready, Pea, I can wait. I just want you to know that I am mesmerized by you and knowing one day that you will be mine, in all aspects, is enough to keep me patient.”

That was all I needed. It wasn’t that he just opened his heart completely to me, but the fact that he didn’t describe me by my physical attributes first. That melted my heart. He acknowledged the person I am on the inside before the person I am on the outside.

Pushing him backwards until he was no longer hovering over my body on his forearms, I slipped my panties from my body. Danny stood, taking his time, removing his boxers from his body. Setting them near my recently discarded panties, he laid back on the blanket, nestled between my legs and resting on his forearms. He wrapped the excess blanket around our bodies to protect us from late night chill in the air.

In that moment, it was just he and I. We were one. He made me his that night, on the beaches of Lake
Michiga, on a blanket. I couldn’t have asked for a more memorable first time. I bet most girls would kill for a first time like this then in the back of a car or in their parent’s bed.

Waking up the next morning, naked with the man of my dreams, was such a wonderful experience. After we got up, we were dressed quickly and Danny walked to the bike and pulled out a few energy drinks and gave me one. We sat together, lost in the moment. As I thought about all of the things I would always remember, I knew that this night was at the top of the list. Leaning against Danny, I sighed, completely content on how my life was shaping up.

The rest of the weekend was spent in a nearby hotel room exploring each other and finding new ways to love one another.

Sometimes I really hate when memories of Danny seep into my mind when I’m with Skylar. I guess a part of it is that our lives were so intertwined. Without even realizing it, Skylar had become one of my best friends over the years. Skylar has not just seeped into my mind, he’s also in my heart and I loved him. For the longest time, I didn’t realize what that love meant, but being here in this moment, content, much like I was that night with Danny, I know I’m where I’m supposed to be. It might take us a while to get to the point of unconditional love, but this was a start. Now I just need to find a way to open myself back up to Skylar.

It seems that Skylar and I have a love and hate relationship. I love him and he hates me. At least this long ass ride is giving me time to clear my mind. I see why the boys always went for rides when they needed to clear their heads. This is not just exciting; it’s mind freeing.

Skylar inches toward the upcoming exit ramp on our right. Pulling off the highway, he maneuveres his bike into a parking lot of a gas station. Killing the engine, he motiones for me to get off the bike.

“I’m going to grab a soda, do you want anything?” Skylar asks me as I’m pulling the helmet off my head.

“Uh, I guess. A can of pop, please.”

I don’t know if I have ever been this confused. He basically kidnapped me from his clubhouse to take me to a gas station to get soda? I wish I could read his mind. Ok, maybe not. He’s pretty pissed at me and the things he’s probably thinking of saying or doing to me, I would rather be left unheard. Just the thought of what he was going to say sends a shiver of fear straight down my spine.

Skylar comes out of the gas station and hands me a can of Wild Cherry Pepsi and a straw. He remembered that I hate to drink of out the tin but can’t stand the taste of the soda when it’s sitting in the plastic bottles. I take a few sips and then move towards a parking block to sit down and stretch out my legs. I’m looking at my feet, rolling my ankles around, to regain feeling from being attached to the pegs for so long when Skylar starts to speak.

“I’m sorry for how I acted tonight Mira. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and scared you.”

“I understand why you’re upset Skylar. I never thought you would react like that, but I understand. I really do hope we can move past it and become friends again.”

“I really don’t know how to be friends with you Mira. I have always been confident and sure of myself, but you seem to bring out the bad in me. I really would like to be your friend, but knowing that we made a child together, you lost it -- and didn’t tell me. I just don’t know how to process that right now. Maybe eventually we can become friends again, but I really don’t see that happening any time soon.”

Tears well in my eyes. My revelation of my love for Skylar and his hatred towards me was confirmed in a few minutes. I felt like my heart was literally breaking into tiny pieces with every word and every look. I was willing to forgive Skylar for all the hurt that he had caused me and he couldn’t forgive me?

“Sky, you said you didn’t sleep with that Heather girl. Was that the truth or were you just trying to make me feel better?” I ask, looking for a reason to be mad at him again. I needed to feel something other than the pain I was in.

“I swear to you Mira, I never slept with that girl. I wanted you to think I did. When you said Danny’s name instead of mine, that hurt. Until a few hours ago, I didn’t know that anything could hurt worse. I remember that night like it was yesterday, Mira,” Skylar says as I put my head down in shame. When he puts his fingers under my chin to angle my face to look back into his eyes he says, “I remember asking you to open your eyes while I was buried balls deep inside of you. I needed to know that you were in that moment with me, and not a memory of your past. I needed you to know that it was me making you come. I saw your eyes, Mira. You were with me. What happened in those last few moments will plague me the rest of my life. I was with you and nobody else. You were with a ghost. I can’t compete with a ghost.”

The dam burst and the tears start flowing freely. I put my head in my hands and continue to sob. There was nothing I could say to that. I lost him and he was never coming back to me.

“I’m sorry, Sky. You will never understand exactly how sorry I am. I was with you and you alone. Danny was the only man I had ever been with. He was the only one I gave my heart to, gave myself to. I wanted you, Sky. I didn’t want a ghost or a memory. It was you. It was probably always …” I stopped myself. I couldn’t even complete that sentence without feeling guilty.

I had loved Danny unconditionally, but it was Skylar that had a piece of me that Danny never did. The guilt was coming over me, making me sob even harder that I couldn’t catch my breath. This is too much for tonight. My brain was probably still clouded by the mass amounts of whiskey swishing through me. Oh my gosh, I am in love with Skylar and have been for a long time. Probably before Danny died.

Skylar grabs my arms and pulls me into a hug to try to calm me. He walks back to the bike and puts the helmet on me.

“I should get you home. I’m sorry Mira, I didn’t mean to upset you more. I really needed to get that out. I wanted to tell you the next morning, but you left so fast I didn’t get a chance. Hop on,” he says climbing on the bike.

I slowly get on behind him. The bike roars to life and he pulls out of the parking lot and back to the highway. I hold onto him so tight, I’m surprised he allows it. He pulls up to my parent's house and Kylee’s car is already here. I climb off the back. Skylar turns the bike off but doesn’t follow me off to walk me to the door. I try to hand him back the helmet I was wearing.

“Just hold on to it, I’ll grab it another time. I don’t have anywhere to put it right now,” he says turning his head back to the road.

This was it. This was the end of Skyler and me. The end before it even really began. More tears well in my eyes and I throw myself on him in the tightest hug I had ever given anyone. Knowing that I won’t be able to hold onto him again set the tears free. I take a deep breath to remember the smell of this night. Skylar’s cologne mixed with the fumes of the bike will be permanently etched into my memory.

“Good night Skylar,” I say letting him free of my death grip.

“Goodnight Mira. Sleep well, okay,” he says as he fires the bike to life.

I stand in the street and watch Skylar pull off into the darkness. Once his taillights are out of sight, I walk slowly towards the house. I could hear him pull off the street and when I no longer heard the purr of Skylar’s bike, I walk through the front door.

Shutting the door behind me, I lean against the frame and slide down the wall and sit there and cry. Kylee comes down the stairs to find me in my misery. She comes and sits down next to me with her back to the door as well. She puts her arm around my shoulder and pulls me down to lean against her while she strokes my hair, trying to calm me from my hysterical crying fit.