Mine to Fear (20 page)

Suddenly, there's a law officer in front of
us. Dandy.

“
What are you doing here?” he
demands.

“
Just going for a walk,” our guard
answers.

Not a good enough excuse at all. Not for the
first time, I wish I could do more in this country.

The law officer circles us both, stopping in
front of me. “Going for a walk, huh? With what appears to be an
Envadi scum.”

I tense, my muscles bunching, though ready
to run or fight, I'm not sure yet.

He grips my chin and forces my face down to
his. “Are you an Envadi scum? Or just a freak who looks like
one?”

I don't answer that. What good answer is
there? Instead, I twitch my hand toward him, ready to zap him with
a hex should it prove necessary.

He lets me go and moves to Nelly. “And what
are you? A freakishly short Envadi?”

“
Leave them alone,” the guard
says.

“
Are you going to make me, Envadi
lover?”

Our guard's hands are clenched into fists,
but he doesn't prod the law officer further.

The law officer chuckles. “That's what I
thought. Now, let's take you in. Walk toward town, and don't try
anything funny. I'll be following you.”

We can't go to the law office. If we do, the
only reason we'll come out again is to be tarnished or buried. Our
guard looks over at me. I nod my head to the law officer. Suddenly
the guard whirls on the law officer, flashing him with a yellow
hex.

The law officer screams with rage, zapping a
midnight-blue spell at our guard. The guard falls to the ground.
The law officer puts his hand up toward Nelly.

I race toward the warlock, throwing a
fireball of anger straight for him. He must sense it coming because
at the last moment, he throws an icy-blue shield up protecting him
for the blast.

Nelly screams. Great way to call more
attention to our situation.

“
Run and get help,” I yell at
her.

The warlock blasts an orange spell at her,
but I block it. He glares at her like he wants to capture her, but
he knows I'm the bigger threat. One of the leaders who have led so
many people to hide from their vicious ways. A barbarian at that.
He zaps a cutting spell at me, slicing into my stomach.

I fling a fuchsia spell at him that sprays
him with sparkles. Gee, why don't I just decorate him to death? He
sends a black-tinged blue spell my way. It looks deadly in its
shine. I throw a bright purple wall up. The blue spell smashes into
it, followed by two more of the same thing. My shield spell
weakens, draining my power.

Help had better arrive soon. I don't know
how long I can hold him off. An orange hex bashes into me, searing
my left arm and chest. I groan in pain even as I fling back a
sliver cutting spell. He blocks it with a wall of green, but lets
his guard down too fast. I zap a sleep spell at him in a soft blue
that's deceiving in its quickness.

It slams into him, but not before he has the
chance to throw out one last spell. I try to bring up a shield
spell, but too late. The gray tinged aqua spell pounds into my
already searing chest. I drop to the ground, light-headed.

I can't pass out now. I force myself to
crawl. Each move agonizing as I near the law officer. When I
finally get there, it's all I can do to see he's knocked out. I
fall to the ground.

Faint voices call my name. Someone puts
their hand on my shoulder while probing my wound. I open my eyes,
but I can't make sense of the scene. Jack is above me, but his eyes
are withered with worry.

“
Hold on. Help is coming,” he says.
“Just hold on.”

“
Is she safe?”

My words are faint, even to my own ears, but
he replies, “She's safe and well. You'll be well soon, too. Please
hold on.”

My eyelids flutter closed. His
slightly scratchy cheek rubs against mine as he whispers in my ear,
but the words no longer have meaning. The nearness of him is
calming. Relaxing. The world goes da
rk
.

S
omething
smells familiar. Warm and comforting. But also kind of aggravating.
Like I need to defend myself from a fight. From hostility. The
mixture of feelings is so confusing. And I hurt. My stomach like it
met brutal punishment. I must groan or make a noise because a male
voice says, “You're fine now, I've got you.”

Instead of feeling fine, I feel riled up. I
just can't remember or think of why. What happened?

Finally, I force my eyes open. Jack is
cradling me on his lap. I jolt up. Or try to anyway, but I collapse
back down with a grown as my head pounds and chest aches. “Ow.”

“
Don't get up yet. You're still not
fully recovered.”

As the memory of the fight, the memory of
almost losing Nelly returns, I groan again. She may not like me,
but I don't want to see her hurt. Of course, now I'm the one in
pain. Those girls need to get better at casting spells.

He brushes his finger across my head. “Take
it easy.”

“
What happened after I blacked
out?”

“
We brought you here. Cynthia will
return soon to assess how you’re progressing.”

“
That doesn't explain why you're
holding me.”

He looks away and surprises me by, instead
of letting go, tightening his grip. “I was worried about you.”

“
You were worried about me?” My
pounding head makes it harder for the words to make sense. “In what
world does that make any sense?”

“
It doesn't.”

“
At least we can be in agreement about
something.” Even if it doesn't make sense, there's still something
there. Something more than just pain. The way he's touching me,
holding me close yet softly like he doesn't want to make my
injuries worse. Something about it is undeniably right.

Cynthia clears her throat. “May I look at
your injury?”

I realize Jack and I have been gazing at
each other. I blush and look at her. “Go ahead. Is it serious?”

“
No. I would have fully finished
healing it already, but I don't have the full skill to know
how.”

The spells she uses is soothing, cooling the
irritated burn on my stomach.

Once she's finished healing me, she asks,
“There are some people who would like to talk to you. Can I let
them in, or would you like some more time to recover?”

“
No. I'm fine now.”

Her eyes flicker to Jack, and I realize I'm
still lying across his lap and in his arms. I try to sit up, but my
stomach is still sore. He gently lifts me, though I'm uncertain how
he manages without hurting me more, and places me on the bed.

“
May I be of service in some
w
ay
?” he asks.

Lands. This is really different. “Um…no,
thank you. I'm well.”

“
I'll leave you for your visitors,
then.” And with that, he leaves the room.

Cynthia hurries over to me, adjusting the
blankets around me. “What was that?”

“
I was hoping you'd have some idea.
Was he with me the entire time?”

She nods. “He was the one that brought you
in. Refused to leave your side even while I healed you.”

“
I knew we'd been less hostile toward
each other lately, but this…” This is something more than I ever
expected. Something nicer than expected.

Cynthia's tucking abruptly stops, and she
sits on the bed next to me. “You like him.”

“
I think I do.” And what dreadful
timing for it. We're in a civil war.

There's the scrapping of someone walking
toward our room.

“
Several people have been anxious to
see you. Must be one of them, but I can send them away if you're
not ready?”

“
No, it's fine.”

She nods, glances over me once to make sure
I'm comfortable, and motions for the person to come in. Chadwick
steps in.

Chadwick. Jack. Za
de
. The men in my life are becoming all too
complicated.

C
hadwick,
fortunately, doesn't stay long, only long enough to determine that
I really am as well as Cynthia said I was. The entire time, I'm
remembering how it felt to be held by Jack and trying not to feel
guilty because of it. Chadwick knows there's nothing between us.
But I know he still hopes that will change. That the path everyone
in Envado thinks we are going to take is the one we are actually
going to go do
wn, to become
engaged
. I used to think it could be, but
now?

After Chadwick's hurried departure, the next
to come visit me leaves me feeling as if I got zapped by another
cutting spell. Why can't I soften the guilt I have surrounding
me?

There's another sound of someone walking to
the small cavern. Cynthia rounds the corner, speaking softly. “What
do you want?”

The reply is too quiet to hear.

“
You will be nice or you will be
forced to leave. She's healing.” She moves out of the way to reveal
Nelly.

I may have saved her life, and wanted to do
so, but I'm not sure I want to see her right now when I'm already
in pain. It hurts enough physically. I don't need to hurt
emotionally as well.

Nelly takes the chair Cynthia had been
sitting in while she leans against the wall, her presence somehow
soothing while I don't know what's to come. How is one supposed to
feel after saving someone's life?

A more awkward silence than I've ever been a
part of follows. What's the point of all this? To torture me more
with her presence? Or is there something more?

When I can't take it anymore, I say, “Is
there something you needed?” So it came out a little harsher than I
meant. I did just have my stomach ripped open.

“
I…” She seems to steel herself, for
what I can't be sure. Not after the way she's treated me, even if I
did just help her. “I wanted to say thank you for saving my
life.”

Another silence follows as I try to digest
what she said. What she means. Before I can form a reply, she
continues.

“
And that I'm sorry. For everything.
The way I've treated you, especially. You haven't deserved any of
it. All my life I've been looked down upon because I'm a woman, and
I despised it. Yet I've looked down on you just because you're an
Envadi.”

“
It does seem a little backward,” I
say, not knowing how else to respond. A thank you I might have
guessed at, but an outright apology? The incident must have scared
her worse than I first thought.

“
So maybe we can be friends
now?”

This just keeps getting a weirder. “Yeah,
maybe.”

“
I really like how you spell your
nails. Do you think you could teach me how to do that?”

I grin at her. “Now we're talking.”

We spend another ten minutes talking
about different spells and things I can teach her and the things we
have in common. It's more than I expected, but it helps that she
has always hated being suppressed. She seems to want freedom any
way she can get it. By the time she leaves, I feel like I finally
may have found a way to connect with another Chardonian
wom
an
.

***

Nelly wasn't the only woman whose
opinion of me changed. All week visitors come, some saying nothing,
others talking on and on about life in the cave. But a few actually
apologize
to me for being so rude. I've never heard
anything like it in all my life. Who knew all it would take to get
people to respect me and be kind was to almost d
ie
?

T
hanks to
magic and time, I heal almost fully in the matter of a few days.
I'm still sore, my stomach aching whenever I move, but I've never
let a little thing like that stop me. Especially not when things
are dire enough that someone almost died.

I gather the core group of leaders together,
determined to set things in the right direction. If we don't do so
now, we'll wax strong in misery and defeat. I look them all over:
Jack, Tawny, Serena, Cynthia, Bethany, Theodore, Annabelle, and
Chadwick. It's quite a group we've got going, but is it enough for
what I think we should do next?

“
This is not good,”
I
say. “We can't have them bringing the fight to us and then barely
surviving.”

“
I'm not sure they are strong enough
to take the fight to the Grand Chancellor yet,” Cynthia
says.

“
Are they ever going to
be?”

“
Eventually.”

“
Zade doesn't have time for
eventually,” Serena shouts.

We all look at her. Raising her voice is so
rare. The pain of having Zade gone is finally getting to her.

“
Sorry,” she says.

I give her a hug. “There's no reason to be
sorry. I agree with you completely. We can't continue to do
nothing.”

“
If we're not strong enough to attack
the Grand Chancellor, but we can't wait, what are we possibly going
to do?” Theodore asks.

“
What do you suggest?” Jack says to
me.

“
While we wait for the others to get
stronger and learn more, it's up to us to stop the Grand Chancellor
and his men from making any more progress. It's time to take the
war to them. Bethany brought news that could help.” I turn to
h
er
.