Miles To Go Before I Sleep (38 page)

Three P's of Success

I can always tell when people are serious about going for what they want. They are focused on something and determined to get it. They see themselves as worthy and capable of having already attained their goal. They have a “nothing-can-stop-me” attitude. If you don't, something will stop you. It always does.

Reaching for our goals and dreams is necessary if we want to enjoy life to the fullest. It's the most exciting, energizing, worthwhile thing we can ever do. People who have a goal, or are engaged in a cause, crusade, hobby, or relationship that deeply matters to them are healthier, happier, more resilient, joyful, and alive. Going for our dreams means going with our natural flow, unleashing the energy, talents, abilities, vision, and initiative inside us. Living our purpose gives us greater satisfaction and success in life.

It's so easy to get sidetracked, isn't it? As we make the commitment to living our dreams, it's important to become more aware of how that happens.

One way to stay focused on what's really important to us—on our top priorities, values, and goals—is to write a personal mission or vision statement. It's a concrete expression of the vision we have for our life. A vision statement is a personal road map we can use to stay focused on the things that really count in life. In the midst of the chaos and confusion that can easily overtake us—if we let it—a vision statement gives us guidance and direction. No matter how crazy life gets, we can always return to it to get our bearings. Like a wise teacher, the vision statement reminds us, again, and again, of what we already know to be true.

Here's mine:

Jackie's Vision Statement

• Always tell the truth
  
• Do what it takes to feel at one with God; inner peace
  
• Always keep promises and commitments
  
• Smile a lot
  
• Find the good in everyone and everything
  
• Take time every day to meditate and be silent
  
• Seek first to understand, then be understood
  
• Take time to be with nature
  
• Always ask my Higher Power for guidance
  
• Listen to my heart and act on it
  
• Exercise every day
  
• Set goals and take action to achieve them
  
• Give thanks for what I have and who I am
  
• Take several vacations each year
  
• Surround myself with loving, supportive people
  
• Communicate from my heart
  
• Maintain a positive attitude
  
• Laugh often
  
• Live in the moment
  
• Accept and love others just as they are
  
• Have fun with life
  

Always Tell the Truth

People usually think about telling the truth in obvious terms. I shouldn't tell you I'm going to the movies unless I really am. If you ask me what I did yesterday, and I spent three hours reading, I should tell you that's what I did. But there's more to it. If I ask you if you smoke, and you do but don't want me to know, telling the truth means being honest about it.

Perhaps you say to me, “Jackie, let's go to dinner tomorrow night. I haven't seen you in three weeks, and I need to get together with you.” Let's say, however, that I've already made plans. It's been a tough week and I've been working really hard. My plans for tomorrow night are to cook myself dinner and then take a bath and go to bed. But I don't want to disappoint you. I want you to be my friend. So I will say, “Sure.” I'll go to dinner with you, but all the while I'm thinking,
I don't want to be here.
So I'm not really present. Neither of us is well served when I'm not true to myself.

Always telling the truth is about saying “yes” when you really mean yes and saying “no” when you really mean no. It takes a certain kind of courage. A lot of people have a problem doing this because so many people were brought up to please others. Telling the truth is about taking care of yourself and trusting that people who care about you will understand. It could mean simply saying, “I want to get together with you, but I can't do it tonight. Here's my schedule.”

Do What It Takes to Feel at One with God; Inner Peace

The Bible says we are created in the image and likeness of God. I believe when we slow down and become quiet, we can more easily tap into the divine part of ourselves. I always seek to be open to any messages that my Inner Voice, or God, is trying to send me. The messages come in many forms. I might receive a card or letter in the mail and feel led to call or write someone. I might become aware of needing to make an appointment with my doctor to check something out. The message could come in the form of a feeling: perhaps I'm feeling some stress and need to go work out at the club. I need to constantly pay attention to these messages if I want to maintain the peace and serenity I've worked so hard to attain.

Always Keep Promises and Commitments

I learned about keeping promises and commitments from Stephen Covey's book
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
He says that if you break a promise, you need to go to that person and apologize from your heart—and not just say, “I said I'm sorry!”

As human beings, however, there are times when we have to break commitments. Circumstances can make it impossible for us to keep previous commitments. In these situations, it's important to apologize from the heart.

The best way to consistently keep promises and commitments is to take them seriously. I don't make a commitment unless I know I'm going to follow through on it. I don't make promises unless I know I want to make a promise. It's about being true to myself. It takes a lot of conscious effort to do this. If I'm confused about what I want, I give myself the time I need to decide.

Smile a Lot

I do smile a lot. Sometimes, I don't want to smile. If I'm not feeling good, for example. If I don't want to smile, it's usually because I don't feel good about something in one of my relationships. There's something I need to do to get right with someone. There's something I haven't taken care of. It's about taking care of something that I'm not happy with—so that I can smile again. It's not about the fakey smile, because people can see right through that. Do what it takes so you can smile every day.

Find the Good in Everyone and Everything

I work hard not to judge people but, despite my best efforts, I sometimes do. When I catch myself judging someone or focusing on some negative trait, I ask myself,
Why am I judging?
If I'm having a conflict with someone, I try to hold on to the good parts of that person. The conflict is still there and it needs to be worked out, but finding the good in someone stops me from getting so wrapped up in the conflict.

Take Time Every Day to Meditate and Be Silent

Meditation is also very important for me. To me,
meditation
is just a fancy word for getting away from the world. I do this in a variety of ways. I get away from the world about twenty minutes in the morning and twenty minutes in the evening. I go into a room where I won't be disturbed. I shut the windows and blinds, close the door, and sit in a chair with my hands in my lap. With my feet on the floor and my eyes closed, I focus on my breathing. It's important to breathe in deeply and slowly exhale. If I'm distracted by thoughts or worries, I let them drift past. Sometimes, I listen to guided meditation tapes. These can be very soothing and relaxing, taking me to a mountain retreat or a beach by the ocean.

There are different levels of meditation. The level I try to reach is the alpha level—the level right before you go to sleep. I tell my audiences that if you actually fall asleep, you've gone too far. At the alpha level, the inner peace stays longer. If distracting thoughts come, and they will, just let them go. It takes time and patience, but if you're committed to slowing down and getting quiet, you can more easily hear your Inner Voice talk to you during the day.

My attitude improves when I meditate, and if something negative appears to me, I can handle it more calmly and confidently. I don't get thrown off guard as easily.

Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood

Stephen Covey talks about the notion of seeking first to understand, then be understood in his book
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.
I believe some of the most uncomfortable and painful experiences people have in life come from being misunderstood. Misunderstandings often create confusion, distrust, suspicion, and fear in our relationships. In our deep desire to be understood, we can easily forget that other people also want to be understood.

But there's a problem. Each of us has a slightly different point of view. The way we understand things is based on our very different life experiences. This is where misunderstandings often start.

To truly understand another, we have to be willing to suspend our own point of view and try to look at a situation or event from someone else's standpoint. We have to be willing, for a moment at least, to accept the possibility that our point of view is incomplete or possibly even incorrect. This is hard for many of us to admit or practice. If we want to have deeper relationships, based on honesty and acceptance of our differences, we must make this leap.

I work very hard on doing this in my own life. When a conflict or misunderstanding arises, I do my best to try and see the situation from the other person's point of view before reacting. Doing this helps me have more empathy for other people and broadens my horizons. When I seek first to understand people, I don't waste time defending my point of view and am able to learn from others.

Take Time to Be with Nature

Being out in nature leaves me feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Taking time to enjoy the many miracles of creation renews my spirit in so many ways. I really enjoy going on camping trips or just taking a long drive in the country. I feel more at one with God when I meditate or pray, or spend time with nature. I love taking my dog, Oliver, out for his daily walk in my neighborhood. I do it for him, because he loves it, but I also do it for me: it helps me slow down.

Always Ask My Higher Power for Guidance

Is it going to be easy to bring our gifts into the light of day? No. There is no simple formula, no guarantee of success. One thing I do know is that we can't fulfill our purpose in life all by ourselves. We need to reach out for help.

The Bible says, “Ask and ye shall receive.” I believe this is true. I also believe that the Kingdom of God lies within us. If we don't know where we are going or what step to take next, it's important to ask our Higher Power or Inner Voice for guidance. When we slow down long enough, our Inner Voice may reveal dreams, hopes, insights, or awareness that have long been covered over. One person might decide to start a business or start looking for another job; another may feel led to go back to school or take up a musical instrument or other hobby. Only you and your Higher Power—working together—know what new vistas you may choose to explore!

Listen to My Heart and Act on It

At first, it can be scary to start listening to our hearts. Once we start to get in touch with our hopes and dreams, we have to start dealing with the many obstacles that are blocking us from acting on them. We may have to look at some painful realities, revisit some decision we made a long time ago. Many of us will have to deal with the reality that our dreams were not encouraged by relationships and social systems which pushed us to conform rather than express our unique creativity and purpose.

What do we do once we become aware of our dreams and the barriers to reaching them? Choosing to follow our dreams involves reclaiming and proclaiming that we are truly responsible for our own lives. We are responsible for making the choices we need to make to live out our purpose. It's an exciting—and daunting—responsibility! If we want to unleash our full potential, blaming forces beyond our control won't cut it anymore.

Listening to our hearts is about making a place for passion in our lives. Without passion, I don't think we can move past the edge of our fears. The passion which comes from listening to our hearts and saying “yes” to our dreams emboldens us to energetically follow our purpose.

Exercise Every Day

I do some form of exercise every day. I do heavy exercising five days a week for an hour. During this time, I do aerobics or the StairMaster or exercise bike at my health club. The other two days I walk around the mall, some form of exercise to get my heart pumping. I play softball, basketball, golf. I also walk my dog every day. Even ten or twenty minutes a day is good. This helps me deal with stress and is a way of being good to my body.

Set Goals and Take Action to Achieve Them

Setting goals is about deciding what your dreams are and what you want. I was talking to a woman the other day and she said, “I never set goals.” My thought was
if you don't do that, if you never really decide what you want and take action, you may never get what you want.
Just because you have a dream doesn't mean it's going to come true. You have to do something about it. I think it's important to write them down as if you already have them. You don't have to decide how you're going to get them.

The action step is important. If I have a dream of going to Hawaii, it's important to take the action steps needed to realize the goal: find out how much it costs, save the money, and so on. So many people start off by making excuses for why they can't do it.

I believe that, if your goal or dream is for your higher good, God provides the path to your dream, the opportunity to take you where you need to go. And you can take them or not: the choice is yours. Maybe a job will come up in which you can make enough money to realize your dream of a Hawaiian vacation. I believe that if we're doing what we're supposed to be doing in life—living our purpose—we will always be provided with what we need to help us along. I've seen this principle work in every area of my life.