Midnight Squad: The Grim (48 page)

           
“Everyone else got to ask something…I want a turn…it‘s
only fair Grim.” Alhambra was taunting me, but I wouldn’t bite. I sucked it up
and hissed, “What?”

           
“Do you think that your Mom always did that, or did she
just learn this recently? I mean is this why you don’t have more siblings?”
Ally’s words caused me to growl in anger. The Jinn was really pushing my
buttons. It was going to be a long day. It only got worse when I felt a large
cockroach crawl up onto my forehead. With Penny, Danika, and Katy draped all
over me, I couldn’t reach up to knock the cockroach away. It took me forever to
go to sleep, and I think the cockroach did a celebratory dance of victory on my
forehead.

           
Penny, Janine, and Katy were lounging by the pool. They
were wearing the skimpiest two pieces I’ve ever seen. It was practically dental
floss. They were rubbing tanning lotion all over one another. I just turned
over to watch them. Life is good. They joked and played. Then Katy leaned in
and kissed Penny passionately.

           
“So you hit that huh?” His voice startled me. I spun
around like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “What?”

           
Jesus walked over to me and pointed at the railing, “The
nail. You hit that nail right. If you leave stuff undone then it can just fall
to pieces when you least expect it.” He sounded serious, but his smirk gave him
away. I looked down. One nail was only half driven in. I felt a heavy weight in
my hand and looked down. There was a hammer. So I did what I do naturally. I
beat the crap out of it.
 

           
“Okay, that’s done. I’m guessing this isn’t just a
friendly visit.” I asked as he moved his way from me, and over to the girls. I
tested the railing to make sure it was secure, and then I followed him
nervously.

           
“Mighty fine work.”
He said
matter-of-factly.

           
“Yeah, I did a good job on that railing.” I said. I felt
proud about the compliment.

           
“Railing?
No, I meant these
three. I did some pretty fine craftsmanship.” Jesus gestured to the three.

           
“About that, well I guess you know how things are going.”
I sat at the edge of the pool and dangled my feet in. Jesus walked over and
stood out on the water in front of me. “Yes, you’ve had a fairly interesting
few hours. Thank you for passing on my message to them.” Jesus sounded
grateful. To think that God might be grateful to me for anything was amazing. I
just froze there stunned. I only regained my composure when my dream version of
Katy and Janine started sucking on Penny’s nipples. “Oh shit! Sorry! Sorry!
Crap! Oh shit she’s gonna go down on…seriously, I’m trying to change the
channel on my dream but it’s just stuck.” I hung my head in shame and looked up
at him sheepishly.

           
Jesus laughed, “Don’t be silly. You’re a man, and they
are all lovely women. Besides, I created sex remember. None of this embarrasses
me. I see all, and I know all remember. Trust me. Your dream isn’t even the
most bizarre thing I’m watching right now.”

           
“Really?”
I didn’t feel quite so
awkward.

           
“Really…right now in Denver there’s a man spanking
himself with a Hotwheels track while he makes passionate love to a can of pork
and beans. He’s doing this while listening to the theme song from G.I. Joe.”
Jesus’ words were oddly comforting, and still creepy. It was like having the
sex talk with your parents to the twentieth power.

           
“Okay, but can you help out here? I feel a little odd
that you’re here, and the girls are doing this.” I pleaded. Jesus laughed,
snapped his fingers, and we were sitting comfortably in two pink fluffy
recliners. I looked around. The whole room was spotless and white, except of
course for the two chairs. “Just curious, but are you going to drop in every
time I go to bed?” I asked nervously.

           
“Why? You don’t like it when I visit.” He said it so
seriously that I started getting nervous. Apparently, he just liked jerking me
around because he saw how nervous I was and started laughing. “No Grim. I’m not
going to drop in very often. I just needed to tell you thank you, and I needed
to give you a warning.”

           
“A warning?”
I suddenly got very
nervous.

           
“Yes. Grim…I want you to be careful. I wanted to warn you
not to rush to judgment with people. I want you to keep your eyes open.
Sometimes your allies are your enemies, and sometimes your enemies are your
friends.” His words were slow, and deliberate. He wanted to make sure I heard
him. When he finished I questioned, “So who should I keep an eye on?” I asked.

           
Jesus shook his head, “I can’t tell you that. If I told
you, then I’d be cheating them out of the opportunity to express their free
will.”

           
“Them?” I questioned nervously.

           
“I’ve said enough already. Just be careful.” Jesus raised
his right hand, waved goodbye, and then snapped his fingers. Immediately the
dream changed back, and Katy was doing something to Penny that I was very glad
my Lord couldn’t see.

           
“I see everything. Especially the stuff you people try to
hide!” Jesus’ voice boomed out. Well Crap.

           
I woke up late in the evening. My body was stiff. Katy
and Danika had been up for awhile by the looks of things. Penny was still out.
She was ice cold, again. “Penny?” I whispered. Nothing happened. “Penny? Wake
up?” Penny groaned and sat up. She yawned and her fangs fully extended. “I’m
hungry.” Penny yawned and looked around.

           
“Okay, but don’t eat too much. We all have to get going,
and we need cash.” Penny latched onto my neck. It wasn’t long. She got enough
for a quick meal, but not so much that I’d be woozy. She pulled back and I
looked at her. Her skin was turning pale. She was conserving her energy. Her
long red hair swept across her breasts. When she pulled her hair back I looked
at her shirt. She had a slight tear in the cloth right above her breast. The
blood had dried into a stain, but her shirt was so dark that you could barely
see it. In fact, if I didn’t know better I’d have said that it was part of the
shirt’s design.

           
We all got up and walked across the street to a local
hamburger place. Penny and Janine both ordered shakes. They didn’t touch them,
but they didn’t want to draw any attention. We counted our money. We had
fourteen dollars total.

           
“We have to get some cash.” I said. The others just
looked back at me. We all knew we needed money, we just didn’t know how to get
it. After finishing our food, we walked out quietly. We kept our eyes open for
anything we could do to earn some cash.

           
Forty minutes later, we saw flashing lights, and walked
towards it like moths to a bug light. We got closer and soon realized that it
was a strip club. We got closer and saw on the marquee that it was an amateur
stripper contest, and they were offering five thousand dollars for the winner.
Between Penny, Katy, Alhambra, and Danika we would have that money easily. I
was sure Penny could win it all on her own, but why not have them all dance and
stack the odds. That was as long as I didn’t get us thrown out for decking the
first person that made eyes at my girls.

           
I turned to face them all, “Okay, so we need money. They
have money. Unless any of you have some other ideas, this looks like it’s our
best chance.” I tried to sound as matter-of-fact as I could.

           
Penny smiled and said, “Oh it’s just perfect.”

           
Alhambra nodded, “Yes, I think we all agree.”

           
Danika grinned evilly, “Oh yeah, definitely the perfect
solution.”

           
Janine snickered, “Perfect, absolutely perfect.”

           
I started to get suspicious, when Katy laughed
maniacally. Turning around I saw the rest of the sign. It said they were
offering five thousand dollars for the best male stripper. “Oh crap.” My
stomach tightened nervously. Penny put an arm around me, “Come on Grim, you’re
a shoe in. You’ve got the body, a little coaching and you’ll win it easy.” Well
we’ve come this far. I nodded and we walked in grimly.

           
It only took me a few minutes to be registered. We had
forty minutes before the show started, but it was already packed. They told me
I could use any costume I wanted, but I had to have my own thong to cover my
naughty bits, as if I was going to use someone else’s funky crotch rotted
thong. Luckily next door was a sex toy shop. The girls all wanted something
different, and it was making it difficult to decide what to do. They kept
offering suggestions, and then would offer something else that went opposite to
what they had just said. They were almost arguing with one another in the store
when I finally put a stop to it. “I’ve got this covered. Go find a seat and
cheer me on
.“
The girls wanted to help me, but I had
to send them away. Finally, I settled on something…special, and a more
traditional thong. Both were on sale, and that was the best selling point. I
tried not to laugh as I carried in the little sack past my very curious girls.
I refused to show them. I wanted them to be as surprised as everyone else.

           
When I got into the changing room, I looked at the
costumes. There were all kinds of clothes. They were clean and washed, but I
still felt a little odd wearing someone else’s clothes. Luckily, there were
actually things that fit me. The manager came back and said, “Okay, the rules
are simple. There are two dances. You do a normal dance first, and then you’ll
give Big Sally a lap dance for your second performance. Then at the end of the
night, the man with the biggest crowd support wins.

           
I looked around at my competition. There were two drunken
frat boys, and a fat dude that probably just wanted to say he did it. There
were also a few scrawny pipsqueaks that would be lucky if they didn’t collapse
from stage fright before we started, and a really old grandfatherly type guy.
He had a potbelly, and a bald spot. All I had to do to win was just not screw
up.

           
All the other men were talking trash and trying to pump
one another up. Meanwhile I made some careful strategic adjustments to my
clothing. The D.J. came back and showed us a list of songs. They were all
picking songs that had hard guitar riffs and pounded testosterone. It was like
a tour through the best of the late eighties and nineties. They were all
arguing over who got what hair band’s song. Two of the men nearly started
fighting over whom would bump and grind to Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar
On
Me”. The D.J. finally came to me. I scanned my eyes
across the list. I felt my lips curl up into a smile. Everyone here was
choosing macho, and manly. They were all the same. I decided to take it down a
different path.

           
We watched as they all took their turn. Then it was my
turn. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was dressed like a seventies style
pimp. The D.J. started the music and said, “Now on the main stage…Joseph… and
the song is “Sex Machine” by James Brown. James’ voice started the song, and I
took that brief moment to calm myself. I reminded myself how badly we needed
the money. Then once I heard James Brown’s voice count, I knew I had this. I
came out and immediately went into a flip and landed in the splits, then slid
my feet back together. James Brown would have been proud. For the next few
minutes I gyrated, pumped, and humped for all I was worth. As I moved, I
slipped the clothing off. First the jacket, and then the shirt fell to the
ground. I kept swaying my hips to the guitar riff, and then just to keep it
interesting, I gave a few pelvic thrusts keep them interested. The pants were
Velcro, and so I spun around twice before going down into the splits. I’d
always made a point to be flexible for the battlefield, and it was going to
really payoff on stage. I yanked at the Velcro, and pants came off as I slid up
onto my feet. The whole audience gasped in arousal, and then a few started
laughing at my thong. It was a fluffy elephant. The best part about the
elephant thong was that you put yourself into the trunk. So if you got excited
then the trunk looked like it was rising up, and I was already getting excited.

           
Katy screamed, “Oh my God…he’s freaking huge! I’ll never
look at Babar the same way again!” That drew howls of laughter. I kept
alternating between my best James Brown dancing, and playful stripping. When I
got to the end of the stage, I moved my hips so that they swirled my penis
around clockwise. I watched as all the women’s heads circled in time with my
penis. Then I stopped and spun it the other way. I did this until I got too
hard to make it do anything more than tick back and forth like a perverted
metronome. The elephant looked like it had allergies because I’d begun to leak
precum
through the material. Ok, so I was having more fun
than I probably should be. I looked out at all the eyes that wouldn’t turn
away. I pumped my hips out into the room, and I began straining against the
trunk’s fabric. The song was nearing the end so I spun one last time and then
turned a flip, landing into the splits. They never designed my thong for that
kind of treatment, and with the few modifications I’d made along the seam it
never had a chance. The material tore, and exposed my pulsing erection to the
world. I got a standing ovation. I could probably skip the second dance if I
wanted and still won. What can I say, I’m an overachiever.