Midnight Snack and Other Fairy Tales (33 page)

JOY

Give yourself a break. You did the best you could! Better than I would have, probably.

GUNTER

I doubt that. But I did better than I have done for a long time. As I told you, we can do nothing new… usually.

They exchange a look. Joy breaks it first.

JOY

So you’re telling me all we have to do is dump some steel in the middle of this thing?

GUNTER

Enough to make it short out. And we must destroy the pentagram so it cannot be used again.

ND DEAD MAN

So we all need something made of iron or steel.

DORIS

All our flatware is stainless steel.

GUNTER

Then let us arm ourselves.

ELIZABETH I

And attack today. Surprise has won many a fight. And why give them a chance to become better prepared?

JOY

Let’s go.

INT. COMPUTER SHOW—DAY

Harry is off to one side of the sales area, ostensibly having a coffee break. He’s about to change a pocket calculator’s batteries. On the table nearby is a STEEL BALLPOINT pen.

Harry looks unhappily at the calculator as he pulls the battery cover off, replaces the  batteries, checks the front: the calculator’s running. Then he lifts the rest of the back off the calculator, gazes at the revealed Erickson chip. The other salesman, Nigel, passes by on his way to doing something else.

HARRY

Nigel? You ever have one of these chips short out?

NIGEL

Occasionally. You lose a screw down them, that’ll do it. Get it out, the chip comes right back up.

HARRY

Right. Thanks.

Nigel goes off.

POCKET P.A. “VOICE”

I have a message for you.

Harry looks at it, then at the calculator. He picks up the pen, retracts its point, lays it ACROSS THE CHIP.

A tiny FIZZ, a few sparks. Harry turns the calculator over: the display’s blank… then comes up again. One word: PLEASE.

Then that’s gone too. The calculator resets itself to zero. Harry picks it up, shakes it gently. Nothing.

POCKET P.A. “VOICE” (CONT’D)

I have a message for you.

HARRY

Show it.

The secretary displays it on its little screen. JOY CALLED AT ELEVEN THIRTY ONE. MESSAGE: WE’RE MOVING. LOVE YOU. B.

Harry sits. A long moment of decision. He gets up, EXITS.

EXT. STREET OUTSIDE ORMONDE HOTEL—DAY

Little GROUPS of three and four, some very oddly dressed, come out of it and hail cabs, get into them and LEAVE. The last to leave together are Joy, Elizabeth, Gunter and Doris.

INT. ERICKSON COMPUTERS—DAY

Through the floor-to-ceiling glass walls, several cabs DRIVE PAST and out of sight. Then Joy and Elizabeth WALK IN through the front door, into the lobby (past the entry to a SECURITY ROOM) and up to the RECEPTION DESK. As they talk to the guards there, Joy NOTES that one has a large set of keys sitting in front of him.                                                            

JOY

Hi, we’re from City Temps, we’re for the data manager’s office on the fourth floor.

GUY AT THE DESK

What name, please?

JOY

Erickson.

GUY AT THE DESK

I mean, who called you?

JOY

Sorry, it was just someone on the fourth floor.

GUY AT THE DESK

I’ll check for you.

JOY

Thanks. Is there a ladies’ room down here?

GUY AT THE DESK

Over there, right-hand door.

He picks up the phone as Joy and Elizabeth head that way.

Elizabeth slips around a corner, VANISHES THROUGH a wall. Joy waits near the elevators, looking twitchy. She pushes one button for each elevator, impatient. The watching guard rolls his eyes, looks away.

Elizabeth meanwhile PASSES INTO a room behind. It’s a MAIL ROOM with sorting bins, xerox machines, etc. Elizabeth WALKS THROUGH cabinets, shelves, etc., looking over the people working there. Some of these SCREAM or FAINT as she walks through things near them. Elizabeth goes to one woman and UNCLIPS her ID badge, then makes for the door, ignoring the hysteria in her wake. In passing she PULLS OFF another woman’s badge, then OPENS THE DOOR NORMALLY and walks out.

Joy FIDGETS by the elevators. The Security Guard, on the phone, looks at her suspiciously. Joy smiles nervously. DING! The first elevator arrives and its DOOR OPENS.

In the security office near the front door, a JACOBEAN DEAD PERSON in flowing wig and lace-cuffed coat leans THROUGH THE WALL at the two SECURITY PEOPLE working there, one male, one female. The guy’s HOLDING HIS BLEEDING HEAD in the crook of one arm.

JACOBEAN DEAD GUY

Excuse me…

They STARE.

JACOBEAN DEAD GUY (CONT’D)

Do either of you good people know where I might find a barber?

The female security guard FREEZES. The male one opens his mouth and lets out a really impressive SCREAM.

JACOBEAN DEAD GUY (CONT’D)

(mild reproach)

Well, really. I only need a little off the top.

In the lobby, the desk security guard REACTS to the scream, runs out from behind the desk to help—but only after DROPPING THE KEYS in a drawer and SLAMMING it shut and locked.

Joy hits the first elevator’s button again to keep it there, then RUNS to the desk. DING! The second elevator arrives. Elizabeth joins Joy, hands her one of the ID badges. Joy yanks WITHOUT RESULT at the locked desk drawer.

JOY

Shit!

ELIZABETH I

Indeed.

Elizabeth PUTS HER HAND THROUGH the front of the drawer, FIDDLES with it. The drawer OPENS. Joy snatches the keys out, points at the switchboard, then RUNS for the elevators. Elizabeth THRUSTS A HAND INTO the mini-switchboard there,  gives the innards a pull. The switchboard lights GO DEAD.

Joy dives into one elevator. Elizabeth heads into the other, reaches through its instrument panel and KILLS ITS CONTROLS  as well. Joy leans out the door of the first elevator.

JOY

(whispering fiercely)

Your Majesty! Get a move on!

(beat)

Elizabeth?

(beat)

Yo!
Liz!!

The Queen dives into Joy’s elevator: its doors close.

INT. ELEVATOR—DAY

Joy’s PANTING with excitement. Elizabeth is calmer.

ELIZABETH I

Your manners are odd. The rulers of your land—what do you call them?

JOY

Presidents.

ELIZABETH I

And they let you call them by their names?

JOY

They’re lucky if that’s
all
we call them. Come on!

The door opens. With the keys Joy LOCKS the elevator in place. She and Elizabeth EXIT.

INT. ERICKSON BUILDING, EMPLOYEES’ ENTRANCE—DAY

An EDWARDIAN DEAD GUY and a VERY ROTTEN DEAD LADY walk in THROUGH THE WALL. Reacting to how they enter and how the Dead Lady looks, ND EMPLOYEES flee SCREAMING in various directions.

ROTTEN DEAD LADY

What a bleedin’ racket.

EDWARDIAN DEAD GUY

Well, look at how you’ve let yourself go!

Coarse East-London laughter from both of them as the Rotten Dead Lady tidies herself up and the two of them HEAD THROUGH  the area, SABOTAGING PHONES AND CIRCUITS as they go. Behind them comes Doris, looking determined.

EXT. ERICKSON DRIVEWAY—DAY

Several vans are lined up in the “driveway” entrance to the downstairs loading area. Inside one the two TECHS are sitting in the front, chatting inconsequential ND DIALOGUE. Behind them, Pario STEPS THROUGH the van’s side, PICKS UP a wrench from one of their tool kits and turns his attention to the guys in the front seat. In the rear view mirror they NOTICE HIM. One opens his mouth —

From outside the van GRUNTS and ARGHS uar audible. The van ahead of Pario’s DRIVES AHEAD. Slowly, the one he got into ROLLS FORWARD. The unconscious driver is slumped in the seat: Pario’s hands (pushed right through his chest) are on the wheel, guiding the van into the loading area.

INT. ERICKSON LOADING AREA—DAY

Various vans UNLOAD. Pario’s van STOPS beside the others.

Inside, Pario moves back to the portable pentagram, produces a smaller steel TOOL from the tool kit, removes the pentagram’s protective cover, DROPS the steel tool on it. Brief bright FIZZ OF SPARKS and a small EXPLOSION of light.

The van’s back door of the van OPENS. Other (unloading) van drivers aren’t surprised to see Pario get out, but do react on seeing another ND DEAD PERSON EXIT the van, and ANOTHER, and ANOTHER, etc.—the old “how many people can fit in that car?” joke. Some of the Dead People exit EXIT THROUGH THE VAN’S SIDES: other van drivers, seeing this, FREAK. While one of the ND DEAD FIDDLES with the insides of the security slot-card reader at the inner “garage door” (so that other vans are STUCK outside), one SCARED DRIVER GRABS A PHONE as the roll-down door starts CLOSING.

SCARED DRIVER

Hello? Hello!

EXT. ERICKSON BLDG. MAIN ENTRANCE—DAY

Outside the entrance, Harry hurls himself from a cab, throws money at the cabbie, runs in the front door.

INT. ERICKSON BLDG. MAIN ENTRANCE—CONTINUOUS

Security is in chaos. Harry spots the stuck elevators,  guesses what’s happening, heads for the STAIRS and VANISHES down them.

INT. ERICKSON BLDG. CLEAN ROOM—DAY

The main group of dead people now MEETS in the clean room. Some run to the TECHNICIANS handling the machinery and (by their clothes, which they can touch) drag them away: the dead have force of numbers (and shock) on their side. Others pull away any people who’re near the pentagram. Any dead person who gets too near the pentagram is SUCKED TOWARD IT and must struggle to stay clear. Those who’re armed MOVE IN, ready to do something about it.

INT. ERICKSON BUILDING HALLWAY—DAY

Elizabeth and Joy hurry down it from the elevator.

JOY

Which way now?

Gunter SLIDES out of a wall ahead of them, GESTURES at it.

GUNTER (O.S.)

This way, ladies.

JOY

Oh, yeah, sure.

Gunter INDICATES a spot just past where he’s standing.

GUNTER

And for the ectoplasmically challenged among us, a door.

But another door SLAMS down the hallway. All three REACT nervously… and then see it’s Harry.

HARRY

Joy! Gunter.

GUNTER

Gruss Gott
, Harry! So far, so good.

HARRY

This is good? Let’s try real hard for better.

(to Joy)

You all right?

JOY

I’m fine.

HARRY

We need iron or steel to short it out.

GUNTER

We know. Come on.

Elizabeth goes through the wall. The nearby door OPENS for the live members of the party.

JOY

Gunter, one question.

GUNTER

Ja?

JOY

How do we get
out?

Gunter considers, but plainly hasn’t reached that point in his planning yet.

GUNTER / JOY

…We will / Yeah, yeah, we’ll

(both)

Burn that bridge when we come to it.

HARRY

I’ve done a fair amount of that already. If they catch me here…

Joy hugs him. Gunter nods, understanding.

GUNTER

Not all the heroes are dead,
mein freund.

HARRY

Let’s keep it that way.

INT. ERICKSON CLEAN ROOM—DAY

As the four ENTER. Doris, seeing Harry and Joy, hurries to them. Elizabeth moves out into the situation as if she runs it. She looks at the pentagram and nods in recognition.

ELIZABETH I

‘Tis much as my court magician drew it. But when it had served its purpose, he destroyed it, for fear what merely frightened away the dead might then be used to bind them.

(to the dead around)

Swiftly! Use what you have brought!

The dead THROW the pieces of steel they’ve brought onto the pentagram, one piece after another.

But every piece FALLS onto the pentacle WITHOUT EFFECT. The attack team, living and dead, STARE in horror.

ELIZABETH I (CONT’D)

There must not be enough! More —

More of the dead THROW what they have. No effect!

Then SECURITY GUARDS APPEAR and GRAB Joy, Harry and Doris.

A wall of RAINBOW LIGHT springs up around the outer walls, floor to ceiling. A separate light-wall, the FORCE FIELD seen earlier, APPEARS around the pentagram. Some of the Dead run for the outer wall, but the outer force field BLAZES with power and they’re FROZEN in place. The living Erickson staff BREAK FREE.

ERICKSON (O.S.)

Throw everything you’ve got. It won’t work.

Erickson walks out among the Dead, accompanied by a group of armed SECURITY GUARDS.

ERICKSON (CONT’D)

(to the Dead)

By holding the metal long enough to make it solid-permeable, you’ve also made it non-conductive. It takes a minute and forty seconds. After that, you might as well throw tomatoes.

(to one of his people)

Clean that hardware up before the effect wears off.

(to the Senior Technician, by the main power console)

Contract the outer barrier when they’re clear.

The guards pick up the flatware, dumping it on the floor outside the pentagram. The outer force field CONTRACTS inward, SWEEPING the Dead with it until they’re all on the pentagram. (It has no effect on the living people it passes over.) Once the boundary stabilizes again, the Dead THROW THEMSELVES at the forcefield, trying to escape, but they’re trapped.

ERICKSON (CONT’D)

It’s an interesting anomaly. I ran into it with the first residual I caught. Tired old boy named Dee.

(To the guards)

Search the other three.

Joy shakes free of the Guard holding her and PULLS OUT her piece of flatware, looking for a way to dodge past the guards.

JOY

Look out! I have a knife!

ERICKSON

It’s a butterknife.

JOY

It wasn’t very lucky for the butter. How lucky do
you
feel, punk?

Erickson gestures to two Guards, who DRAW GUNS and cover Joy, Harry and Doris. A Guard takes the knife from Joy. Others grab Doris and Harry. They’re all roughly SEARCHED.

HARRY

You sons of bitches, get your hands off my wife!