Mesmerized (7 page)

Keys in hand, I head over to Ashley’s after our lunch to grab Maci for our walk. Ashley rents a small bungalow-style house, just a few blocks away from my townhouse. It’s an older house, but it’s big on vintage charm and she loves it. As I approach, I can hear Maci howling before I get both feet on the front steps.

This is going to be an adventure. I already know from past experience that you have to be careful to walk Maci, and not let her walk you. She starts scratching at the door as soon as I insert the key, and when the door finally opens, she lunges out and flings herself at me, licking my face as I try to force her back down onto all four paws.

It takes a lot of work, and a little swearing, but about a half an hour later we arrive at the nearby park where I like to go sometimes to think. It has a small green space and a few wooden benches by a long row of flower beds that make up a small community garden. On the other side, there is a basketball hoop and a half-court layout for the junior high- and high school-age kids. There’s also a small playground with a two-seater swing set for the younger ones.

My favorite part has always been the small pond right in the center. I like to come here and watch the ducks and geese. Something about it is very soothing to me.

Maci also likes the pond, but for entirely different reasons. She usually tries to get in the water and splash around.

Today, she has spotted a duck and looks like she is trying to establish some sort of friendship. The duck just sits and watches as Maci barks and whines at it, getting close and then backing off and jumping around. She’s can’t seem to contain herself from trying to make everyone play with her, including water fowl.

I guess she doesn’t realize that in another life, she would be the one sent to fetch dead ducks for her master on a hunting trip.

I laugh as I watch her bounce around but hold tight to her leash. We stand on the bank of the pond for a long time as I let thoughts roll in and out of my mind. Some I keep and ponder on for a while, others I instantly push away. Normally my life is pretty calm, so this drama-filled week has been just about enough to do me in. It’s taking me a long time to process everything and untangle all my emotions.

Eventually, I pull Maci back away from the water’s edge. It’s pretty chilly outside, and I want to get home before it gets dark.

I start to turn away and give a slight tug on the leash, but Maci is still on a mission to get the duck and keeps pulling. I feel my heels sink into the soft ground at the edge of the water, and before I can steady myself she gives another sharp pull. I pitch forward and hit the ground, knees first, and yelp in pain and surprise. I land halfway in the pond and halfway in the mud.

Maci turns at my despair and starts barking at me and licking my face. I curse under my breath and push her off me. My face, hair, hands, and arms are covered in pond water—which probably contains things I don’t even want to think about—and my jeans are covered in patches of mud, especially at the knees. I push off the ground and start to stand, slightly wobbly, when a pair of arms catches me from behind and hauls me the rest of the way out of the muck.

I gasp and turn my head to see Brandon standing behind me.

“Brandon! What are you doing here?” I push away, stabilizing myself. I make a grab for Maci’s leash and hold it tightly, firmly telling her to sit before starting to wipe at my face with my other hand. I can’t see my face, but it feels like I am only managing to spread the gunk further.

Brandon laughs softly. “Saving you from the slow, torturous death of duck poop asphyxiation,” he says. Not even bothering to try and hold back his broad smile.

One can only hope it’s good for the skin. A duck poop facial. I’m sure it’s all the rage somewhere in New York.

In one fluid movement, he takes off his coat and wraps it around my shoulders before removing his button-up, flannel shirt, revealing a tight white T-shirt underneath. Without saying a word he steps closer and starts to use the shirt to wipe the mud from my face.

I can feel the heat of his body, and I can’t bring myself to move. I don’t meet his eyes as he tends to me, but I don’t try to stop him or back up. My eyes are glued to his chest and biceps. Suddenly, I don’t trust myself not to touch him, so I cross my arms and tightly hold the edges of the coat to create a barrier between us and keep the jacket from slipping off my shoulders. He wipes gently, and we don’t speak for what is probably only a few moments, but it feels like hours.

“Well that’s a little better.” He stops wiping but he doesn’t back up. I finally meet his gaze and another wave of heat rushes over me. “Ya know, I don’t remember you being such a catastrophe.” He smiles but there is still an edge of sadness in his eyes that I first saw at the café.

“Well things change, I guess,” I say.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He takes a step back.

There is a moment of chilly silence before he speaks again. “Is she yours?” He nods at Maci, who miraculously, is still sitting at my feet.

“No, she’s Ashley’s. I was just taking her out because Ashley is busy today.”

“Aha.” He nods again. Maci wags her tail as if she knows we are talking about her. “Do you have any pets? A dog?”

We had always talked about getting a dog together, once we were married. Brandon had wanted a German shepherd and I’d wanted a Boxer. Once upon a time, we had our entire future planned out, and thinking about any part of that—no matter how small—is too painful.

I change the subject, unwilling to answer further personal questions. “What are you really doing here? Shouldn’t you be with your family?” I ask.

“I just needed some air, a little time to think,” he says.

I see the flash in his eyes again and know there’s something he isn’t telling me. I know I shouldn’t care, shouldn’t be curious, but I somehow can’t help it.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, starting to regret my harsh tone and sarcasm from before.

He drops his gaze to the ground between us and shakes his head. When he looks back up again there are tears forming in his eyes. “No, not really.”

For a moment I feel like I am out of my body and have no control of my actions. Impulsively, I step forward and gently take his face in my hands. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s my mom, she—she has cancer.” His voice breaks and a tear starts to slide down his cheek.

I gasp softly, take the final step to close the gap between us, and wrap my arms tightly around him. His coat falls from my shoulders as he wraps his arms around me. He holds me so tightly that I feel like I can’t breathe, yet I don’t even care. He starts to shake as his sobs become louder. My own tears fall onto his shirt as I press my cheek into his chest. My fragile heart shatters at the full strength of his emotions.

I don’t know how long we stay intertwined, but neither of us makes a move to separate.

When we do finally part, I take his hand and lead him to the nearby bench. We sit facing each other and I take both of his hands in mine as he starts to explain everything to me.

“I guess she was given the diagnosis a couple of weeks ago, but they didn’t want to tell me then, because I was still on set for my last project. They thought it would distract me from my work or that I would back out of the film. God, how selfish does that make me seem? They should have known this was obviously way more important.”

I listen calmly, not wanting to interrupt in order to reassure him that they know how much he cares.

“So, that’s why they wanted me to come home immediately after it finished. She is going to have a double mastectomy to try and get rid of it, and hopefully eliminate the chance of it coming back again.”

I nod along as he explains, suddenly not really sure what to say. I have never known anyone with cancer. My grandparents are still around and, while aging, they are fairly healthy. It’s hard to imagine the prospect of losing them, let alone one of my parents.

“So, everyone is at my parents’ house to help out and be there for support. I really appreciate that they are all there, but it was feeling a little claustrophobic. I just needed to get out for a while.”

“When is the surgery?” I ask, after a pause.

“Next week.”

“Wow. I’m so sorry that this is happening. You know how much I love your family.” I pause, trying to push away all the memories that are threatening to swallow me whole. “Your mom is strong though. If anyone can make it through this, you know that she can.” I offer a slight smile and a squeeze of his hands.

“Yeah, I know. She will.” He returns my sad smile. “She has to.
The ironic thing is that I left this town, to chase my dreams. I guess that I got everything that I wanted. I have the movie deals, the money,
the
fame. But here I am, and not all the money in the world can give me the things that I
’m finding mean the most.
”

A long silence stretches out, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Brandon is staring off into space, his eyes are dry but red now, and he looks tired. I doubt he has been sleeping well since returning home and dealing with this emotional bomb on top of everything else.

A pit forms in my stomach at the reminder that I’ve been causing him more pain in the middle of this struggle.

I squeeze his hand tighter, as if to wordlessly apologize for adding to his grief. He returns the gesture, and his hands are so warm and comforting that I don’t want to let go.

I realize that while lost in the moment, I’ve dropped Maci’s leash but when I look back towards the pond, I can see her laying at the edge of the water. The ducks seem to have gone back to their nests for the night. The sky is overcast and rapidly getting dark. I have no idea what time Ashley is supposed to get back, but I know I need to get Maci home and try to wash her off a little so that Ashley doesn’t have to deal with a dirty dog when she has a big jewelry project already looming over her.

As if reading my thoughts, Brandon stands and pulls me up from the bench. “Sorry to dump all of that on you. I guess you probably need to get the little troublemaker home.”

He snaps in Maci’s direction and she leaps up to run to his side. He pets her head and scratches her ears.

I smile at the way Maci is relishing the attention.

“Yeah, probably should clean her up a little too,” I say. “What about you? Are you going to go back to your parents?”

He shakes his head. “No, they’re going over to my aunt and uncle’s house for the rest of the night. They have some game night thing they do. My brothers are with them too. They invited me to go, but I said I’d wait and come back over tomorrow. It just feels weird how they can go on like nothing is happening.”

“Well, they’ve had more time to adjust to the news. And I imagine, in some way, it helps to continue to live a normal life,” I say.

Brandon nods. “I guess. I don’t know. I’ll probably get some dinner and go back to my room at the inn. Maybe catch up on the news. Is Little Ricky’s still open?” He asks, referring to a hole in the wall Italian place that we used to go to in the next town over.

The image of him sitting alone in a hotel room, with a plastic container of cold spaghetti, watching the nightly news is more than I can handle. “You can’t go to Little Ricky’s. Do you want to come over to my place? I can make us something.”

The invitation seems to surprise him just as much as it surprises me.

“Really? That would be amazing,” he says. He lights up and gives me a smile that both warms and breaks my heart.

Walking back to Ashley’s, my main mission is to just keep it together and not have a panic attack. Breathe in. Breathe out. There. Simple, right?

In. Out. Right.

Brandon has the leash, and Maci is trotting along after him, quite contentedly. I smile at her, wishing I could feel as relaxed as she looks. I probably look like I’m fine, but everything inside me is like a wind-up jack-in-the-box that could spring at any time.

An awkward silence has settled between us as we walk. I figure he doesn’t want to talk about his mom, and I don’t want to talk about us.

“So, uh, do you like living in California?” I ask. “Must seem pretty gloomy being back here with the cold and all.”

“It’s okay. I think some things are better than I expected, and then other things are worse than expected. It’s nice to be back here though. I’ve missed it, for a lot of different reasons.” He turns his face to meet my gaze, and although I am trying not to read into each word, there is no mistaking what he means by that comment.

I can feel myself start to blush. Unsure of how to respond, I turn my eyes back to watching the ground in front of me.

We walk in silence for another few minutes before we arrive at Ashley’s house. Her car is not in the driveway. I breathe a sigh of relief that she’s not here to find Brandon and me together.

“All right, let me take her in and get her cleaned up a little. Then we can go to my place.” I reach to take Maci from him. “It’s not too far from here.”

Brandon gives me the leash, brushing my fingertips in the process. I almost recoil at his touch, feeling like I had been shocked. Waves of heat ran through my body and I force myself to back up a step.

“Do you want a hand?” he asks

I shake my head. “I’ll be all right.”

“Okay, then I guess I’ll stay here,” he says, taking a seat on the front steps.

I nod in agreement and turn to go inside. I shut the front door behind me and lean back against it, letting out a pent-up sigh. “Get it together, McAdams,” I whisper to myself.

I shake it off and roll my shoulders back before starting to wipe at Maci with the doggy towel Ashley leaves by the front door. Most of the mud is dried on her fur, so there’s not a lot I can remove with the dry towel. With another sigh I decide I’ll need to give her a bath if I want to get her completely cleaned up. I glace at my watch and then nervously look back at the front door. In all reality, Ashley could be home at any minute, and I can only imagine her reaction if she finds Brandon on her front steps.

I really would hate to call the cops on my best friend.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and call Ashley. She answers on the third ring.

“Hey Charity, what’s up?”

“Hey, I just got back from the park with Maci. We had a little mishap and she needs a bath. I just…uh…wanted to see where you keep the doggy shampoo.
””
”
I improvise.

“Tell me it isn’t skunk! I
cannot
deal with that again!” she says.

“No, no, nothing quite that heinous,” I assure her, wrinkling my nose as I remember the skunk fiasco from a couple of years ago. “Just a little muddy.
”
”
”

“Thank God! That shampoo should be in the cupboard under the sink in the bathroom. Did you already look there?” Ashley asks.

“No, not yet. We just got back.”

“Okay, well it should be there, if not, try the laundry room.”

“So, are you still in the city?” I prompt.

“No, I’m heading home.” She sighs. “Traffic was a little crazy but I’m on the highway now. I should be back in the next twenty minutes or so. If you want to wait, I can help you with Maci. She can be a bit of a pain when it comes to bath time.”

“Oh, no!” I exclaim, a little too loudly. “No, I don’t need help. I’ll have her all done before you get back. In fact, you should stop and get a coffee on your way. You’ve had a long day, and it sounds like you’ll have a long night ahead of you.” I fumble as I start to pull at Maci’s collar to drag her upstairs to the bathroom, and end up dropping my phone. There is a loud bang as it hits the floor.

“Shit!” I yelp, grabbing it back up to my ear again.

“Charity, are you okay? What’s going on?” Ashley asks, sounding alarmed.

“I’m fine,” I insist. “Just dropped the phone.
””
”

The front door opens behind me and Maci starts barking and rips out of my grip. The nylon collar burns my hand as it pulls through and I gasp at the pain, holding back another scream.

“Ash, I gotta go, I’ll see ya later!” I yell before shutting off the phone and stuffing it back in my pocket.

“Charity, what is going on in here? Are you all right?” Brandon calls from the entryway.

“Yes, everything is fine. I was just trying to hurry, and dropped my phone.”

“Do you want help?” His expression is something between amusement and concern. I’m sure I make quite the picture. Still mostly covered in dried up mud, my hair is probably all kinds of crazy, and I’m sitting on my knees on the floor, cradling my injured hand while the possessed dog runs around barking at the top of her little doggie lungs.

All I can do is nod. It’s all becoming a bit more than I can handle, and I feel tears starting to well up in my eyes. This frustrates me even more, because I am normally this super-composed person who, at least, appears to have her life together. Since seeing Brandon at the airport, I have transformed into this clumsy mess that can’t do anything without causing complete chaos.

He comes close and squats down next to me. “What happened here?” He asks, taking my injured hand, gently into his own.

“It’s nothing,” I say, not willing to meet his eyes. “It’ll be fine, just stings for a second.”

He takes my good hand and pulls me up from my kneeling position. “Tell me what we need to do.”

“The mud isn’t coming off her fur, so I need to rinse her off in the tub. Ashley said the doggy shampoo is upstairs in the bathroom.”

“Okay.”

A few minutes later we have managed to get Maci upstairs and into the tub. She
did not
go willingly. Ashley wasn’t kidding when she said she could be bit of a pain.

Major understatement.

Brandon turns the water on and starts to rinse her off, while I dig around in the cupboards for the shampoo.

Housekeeping and organization are not two of Ashley’s strong suits. Just going through the cupboards and drawers is making me itch to take over her house for a couple of days and get everything sorted.

I finally give up and tell Brandon I’m going to go check downstairs. After checking what feels like a hundred other places I eventually find the soap under the kitchen sink—not a place Ashley even told me to check!—and run back up the stairs. I round the corner into the bathroom and my breath catches. Brandon has discarded his white T-shirt and is leaning over the edge of the tub with his tan and sculpted back on full display.

Please help me. Someone? Anyone?

He was always in shape when we were dating and engaged, but as an action movie star he has obviously taken his training to the next level. I stand silently and watch him work. His tanned skin is flawless. Watching his back and shoulder muscles sends a shiver—nope, make that, lightning bolt—down my spine, and my body temperature feels like it has risen at least ten degrees in the last five seconds.

I force myself to tear my eyes away and step forward to hand him the bottle of shampoo. After he takes the bottle, I back up a few steps, trying to keep as much distance between us as possible. Brandon seems completely oblivious to the effect he is having on me, as I try to catch my breath. He is too hot, too perfect looking, and too close to me.

As soon as Brandon lets go of her collar to get some shampoo, Maci starts to make a break for it. I squeal and block her path and within the span of a few seconds Brandon has her hauled back in the tub.

“We got a runner! Cherry, you’re gonna have to hold her collar,” he says with a laugh.

I nod and reluctantly sink to the floor next to Brandon, trying very hard to keep my eyes on the dog, and away from his perfect abs. But, my eyes keep sneaking a peek over at his defined stomach, taut and flat, with chiseled indents around his perfectly sectioned abs. I almost lose it over the and the v-line at his hips that is peeking above his low-riding jeans. A line that I could follow with my tongue, all the way down…

Holy crap! Focus!

It only takes a few minutes to scrub and give her a final rinse. Brandon rubs her down with a towel before we release her, laughing as she runs out of the bathroom like she has just been set free from jail.

We clean out the tub and wipe down the counter and mirror, not quite sure how wet dog hair ended up there in the first place. I turn back to gather the pile of wet towels and bump into Brandon. I move to step away and go around him but he puts a hand on my waist and steps closer. His face is just inches from mine and getting closer.

My lips part to offer some sort or protest, but his lips meet mine before I get out a single word. I lift an arm to push him away, but as he deepens the kiss, I reach up to hold the side of his face and pull him closer instead. My other arm wraps around his waist and the feel of his warm skin melts the last remaining shreds of my resolve.

He pushes me backwards until I hit the edge of the counter and then he effortlessly lifts me up to sit on the edge, holding me steady with one arm wrapped firmly around me. I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist and draw him closer. He groans and lowers his mouth to kiss his way down my neck, as his free hand gets tangled in my hair. I drop my head back and exhale sharply as his kisses send another jolt of electricity through my body. I arch back as he reaches for the edge of my T-shirt, sliding his hand along the sensitive skin of my stomach.

He has my shirt raised just about over my head when Maci starts to bark again and the front door slams shut. Ashley’s voice calls up the stairs, “Charity! I’m back. Are you still here?”