Mercy F*uck (4 page)

When avoiding him no longer worked and he decided to speak, I tried tuning him out.

At hearing his voice, I realized history may not die, but in this case, I really wished it had.

I also realized my jaw had suddenly developed a tic.

Huh, that’s new
…

“Long time, Drew,” he says appraising me from head to toe.

“Not long enough,” I say trying to go around him but careful not to get too close. My plan was to treat him like the herp; because let’s face it, no one wants that shit since there’s no cure.

“Got a minute to talk?” he counters and dammit, refused to move.

“I’m working,” I mumble pointing out the obvious hoping he’d give up because fuck me, he smelled yummy.

“I’d really like a minute,” he insists as if I had a reason to listen to anything he had to say.

“And I’d really like to dislocate your jaw,” I reply sweetly but I knew my eyes gave me away. “Guess neither of us is getting what we want tonight. Looks like you wasted your time. Buh bye now, Pooh Bear.”

Blocking me again, this time crossing his arms over his chest to prove he wasn’t afraid of me and to show he was serious. Instantly I was frustrated that; A) he morphed into a larger virtually unmovable man. B) I wanted to lick him from sac to sternum. C) I was wet, and D) I needed batteries.

“I need to talk to you, Drew, and I’m sure you’ll remember I’m not real fond of begging.”

He was also not fond of telling the truth or being nutted but I didn’t voice either.

Pushing my chest, to well, not quite his chest, more like his stomach, I felt my blood pressure rise along with years of hatred and hurt battling its way to the surface. When it was obvious he wasn’t going to stand down, I went with controlling the situation and told him, “Meet me out front in five,” then I throw an elbow into his stomach in passing which unfortunately hurt me more than it hurt him. If Axle was a tank before, he was a
fucking
tank now.

Taking a moment to myself in my upstairs bathroom, I splash water on my face and fight to get it together. Emotional bullshit had no place in my life right now, or ever if I was honest. These days I focused on two things: Business and business. As far as my personal life went; I didn’t date, flirt, or waste energy caring about what men wanted. If I found a man worth fucking, that’s what I did. That’s
all
I did. I took his cock and a bit of his time before I discarded him.

On the list of things I didn’t need tonight, a history lesson was at the top.

My history with Axle, as far as I was concerned, needed to stay where it belonged, buried in the past, where my feelings resided.

Realizing that we’ve surrendered our self-esteem to others and choosing to be accountable for our own self-worth would mean absorbing the terrifying fact that we’re always vulnerable to pain and loss.

At four am seven years ago
,
my dad quoted Martha Beck to me in the lobby of the Inn on Ferry Street.

And when he could have yelled or belittled me, he hadn’t. Because my dad knew I was lost and had a fair idea why.

I couldn’t hide what I had been doing. Reeking of sex and alcohol, barely able to stand on my own.

Having him see me with tousled hair, puffy lips and my shirt on backward was a low point for me.

Had I been thinking, I would have remembered that he often took midnight shifts for extra money.

My dad was never supposed to have reason to be disappointed in me.

Not when I lived to make him proud.

This would be the one time, the only time, I would ever admit that I wondered if I’d made a mistake by running.

Being that I could sink no further, I let him see how far the mighty had fallen.

Daddy
, I had whispered.
This wasn’t supposed to be my life. I’m miserable and I miss him. Please tell me what to do
.

With regret and resolve in his eyes, he said,
find your own happiness, without him
.

I took his advice and let Axle and thoughts of forgiveness go.

I would do as my dad said, I would make him proud and find my own happiness.

Though I succeeded with the first, I never managed the second.

Shaking myself of memories best left alone, I looked down at my hands noticing they were trembling.

What in the hell is happening to me?

Splashing water on my face again, I dry off, secure my holster and grab my gun on my way out.

Before opening the door, I look at myself in the mirror and gave myself the best pep talk ever, “Feelings, we don’t do them.” Tucking my gun on my back right side, I descended the steps wondering when I became a liar.

“Okay, Axle,” she said biting her lip seductively. “Let’s play.”

Did she even know what that did to me? Fuck no, she didn’t and that’s what made it so damn sexy. Drew had absolutely no idea how appealing she was. “Ladies first,” I offer moving to the side so she had space. I regretted bringing her here because every guy in the house openly stared at her.  To avoid killing anyone, I brought her into the dining room so I could be alone with her. Bent over, sexy as fuck, she moves slowly and purposefully. Winking at me to take my turn, I do so with much less flare. I didn’t have a choice seeing as I was fighting a stiffy and losing.

When I screwed up my play, thereby setting her up for the win, Drew catches it, puts down her final piece and shouts, “Domino motherfuckers!”

Everything about her was full speed ahead, this had not changed.

She was a bulldozer stuffed inside a curvy frame.

The woman revved me up like no other.

She challenged me then just as she was now.
As if she was compelled to…

Drew was not a woman who withered. Not for any man or any reason. Not even for me. She was utterly fearless and extremely intimidating unless you knew the core of her.

Few knew how sensitive she actually was. Like she wore a cloak to disguise her true nature, she hid behind it.

I was certain Drew was still Drew, just a little bit older and colder now. Let’s not forget, guarded.

The woman had erected a shield a fucking nuclear bomb couldn’t penetrate.

But she didn’t used to be this way
…

Maybe not, I reasoned. But she certainly was now.

My original plan to come in and cuff her fizzled the second I saw the wooden bat in her hand.

Besides being brained, cuffing her in a bar where the crowd clearly loved her would be suicide; and that’s if she didn’t try killing me first. I could hold my own in almost any situation but there were too many unknowns inside
The Hole
.

Hell, this was one bar even I never ventured into. The place was chaos on smack. However, if you paid attention and watched her, you’d see it was a controlled chaos. Now I’m kicking my own ass for never stopping in because if I had, I would have found her sooner and by fate, not court order.

Making my way out front to wait, I exhale hard while favoring my side. Christ, for a small woman she still hit like a Mack truck. It wasn’t that she knew
how
to hit, it was that she knew
where
to hit. The woman inflicted maximum damage with little effort on her part. When the door opens and she steps out, my breath literally caught again because Drew, even after nine years, still stole the air from my lungs. Insanely long, curly, jet black hair, bright green eyes with pouty lips and a thick body that time did not alter. Short for a woman but curvy where it mattered, she was sex on a fucking stick. Sporting a vintage Cash t-shirt that barely held her tits in, because those tits were too glorious to be covered, I openly stared. Levi jeans that were well broken in, molded to her thick frame perfectly with just the right amount of give, made me salivate. Drew used to say Levis were the only kind of jeans she could pull over her ass and she was right. Noticing the boots on her feet, I fought a groan when I saw she still donned her shit kickers.

The woman was a classic.

Lighting a cigarette, she struts over to the restored Impala leaning casually against it.  The same Impala we worked on side-by-side for months. Together, we rebuilt her and had the time of our lives doing it. It was during those times I fell deeper and deeper in love with her. I fell in love with every little fucking thing about her. At twenty-one, I had found my forever and wasn’t letting her go. Where I knew engines and bodywork, Drew could do custom better than anyone I’d ever met and she’d been self-taught.

Hence, why I brought it tonight but the woman didn’t seem to care about the past, the car, or my sudden appearance. It was apparent I was the only one struggling with their feelings because judging by the look on her face, she didn’t have any.

What happened to the girl I remember?

“Talk,” she said sizing me up and was cataloging the changes.

Standing before her was a man twice the size he’d been the last time she’d seen him nine years ago. The one and only time he was inside of her she held onto his shoulders telling him she loved his strength, dug her nails into his back to stake her claim and cried out his name while he loved the fuck out of her.

Forgetting the girl responsible was impossible. No matter how hard I tried I failed and believe me,
I tried
.

Who are you kidding? You still feel her touch to this very day
.

She was fighting it but she remembered too. Even if I wasn’t sure, her rock hard nipples gave her away.

Those pink beauties were always hard around me.
Always
.

“Nine years ago you left me on the ground holding my balls. Mind telling me why?”

“Talk about something else.”

“Why are you still bartending?”

“Next.”

“You’re still gorgeous.”

“No shit,” she said rolling her eyes and I wanted to hug her. “Wrap it up, blue balls, I’m insanely busy.”

“Yeah,” I say getting closer, as close as possible because she smelled so fucking good. I had first-hand knowledge that she tasted even better.
Like vanilla and pear
…“Busting ass with a ball bat. You can’t go around hitting people with a piece of wood, Drew. You’re a lawsuit waiting to happen.” When she rolls her eyes again, instead of putting her over my knee, I go with, “Thought about you every day since you left.”

Looking up at me she shrugs and says, “Wacky, considering until tonight, I hadn’t thought of you at all.”

Liar
! I wanted to shout but went with, “Seems to me you have a lot of aggression for a guy you haven’t thought about.”
Have you missed me?

“What can I say, I’m an aggressive woman,” she said hitting her cigarette and I wanted her mouth on me not that filter. “You obviously came here looking for me. The question is, why?”

Before I could say another word there was gunfire. In a blink, I had us both on the concrete but used my body to cushion the blow. Checking her over for injury was pointless when she palmed my face to push me away. “Stay down,” I order her while trying to keep my hold on her.
Don’t let go!

“Eat a dick,” she said breaking free and sunk her knee into my stomach causing me to grunt in pain.

Coming to her feet, she produces a gun and releases the slide with ease.

Where in the hell had she been keeping that monster?

Firing six rounds across the street was followed up with a man yelling out, “Drew? That you?”

“Yeah, asshole!” she yelled back furiously. “That me!”