Mending Fences (24 page)

She respected that about him, the way he always did his best, yet accepted that a game was a game and hey, not everyone can win. Even with that temper she’d seen at work, he’d never be one of those guys who screamed at the referee over his kid’s baseball game.

The afternoon’s storm had left several inches of new snow on the ground, and on the way into Kelli’s house, Jamie scooped up a handful and lobbed it at Curran.

It caught Curran square in the shoulder. She saw the devilish flash in his eyes as he wiped the wet snow from his leather jacket. He leaned down, picked up a clump of snow. Victoria tested the snow, packing it with the toe of her boot. Full of water, perfect for snowballs.

Curran formed a ball in his hands, eyeing Jamie. “You can either apologize, or suffer the consequences.”

Jamie snorted. “Let’s see what you’ve got, Oz-boy.”

He tossed the snowball, catching Jamie in the head, and the fight was on. Victoria joined in, and she and Curran held their own against the other three, until, after a while, she simply couldn’t resist the obvious target of Curran’s back.

She shifted back behind him, forming a snowball. He didn’t seem to notice she had left his side. When he caught Kelli in the leg with a ball, Victoria tossed her snowball at him, nailing him in the back of the neck.

Curran howled as the snowball burst. He brushed at the snow, shook it off, then whirled around. She couldn’t have turned off her grin if she tried.

He stalked toward her. “I thought you were on my side.”

“I’m a double-agent.”

“You’ll pay for that.”

“You have to catch me first.” With that she took off running. She heard Curran’s laughter and the sound of his boots hitting the ground as he sprinted after her. She tore around the house and headed for the barn.

She weaved around, then took a wrong turn and shrieked when she found herself cornered between Curran and the big red feed mixer, with an outbuilding on one side and a bank of plowed snow against the fence on the other. She doubled back, tried to fake him out like a basketball player, dodging right, then whipping back to the left. He threw an arm around her waist and caught her, but tipped in the process, sending them both tumbling into the snow bank. She landed on her back, on top of him.

The snow must have been cold, but she didn’t notice. He warmed her too efficiently. She felt his groin respond to the pressure of her body against his. He nuzzled her hair, and when his mouth pressed against the side of her neck, she gasped and shifted her hips against him.

Oh, hell, what was she doing? She drew a shaky breath, then rolled off him. He growled, but let her go.

Victoria sat up, hating the need she felt to move out of his arms, then glanced sideways at him. Desire and frustration warred for dominance in his expression. “I’m sorry, Curran. I know I’m being unfair to you.”

He pushed up to lean his elbow on the packed snow, his dark gaze pinning her like a butterfly to a specimen board. “I won’t lie to you. At this moment, I’d give everything I own to strip you out of those pants and wrap you around me.”

The image sparked her own bone-deep craving to feel him inside her. She ran her tongue across her dry lips, painfully aware of the way his gaze locked onto her mouth.

He shifted toward her and raised his gloved hand to her mouth, tracing a path along her lower lip with his finger. “It isn’t so much your rules I have a problem with. What is unfair, Victoria, is expecting me to abide by those rules with no explanation.”

He leaned closer, as if he meant to kiss her, then shook himself and pulled back. “You might try telling me why you won’t let me love you sometime.”

Her heart ached to unload, to share the deepest, darkest, worst part of herself. She couldn’t do it. She didn’t dare. He’d realize how wrong he’d been about the goodness in her. And Kelli. If Kelli found out, she’d lose her friend. How could another mother understand her willingness to give up her child?

Curran hung his head and got up from the snow bank. He took her hand, helped her to her feet and led her back to the house.

She had to tell him. It was the one thing still hanging between them. She had to, somehow, because it suddenly dawned on her that if she didn’t, the strain of her secret might push him away regardless.

Where would she find the courage?

* * * *

Later that night, Curran stroked Victoria’s hair as she sat beside him on the couch in Kelli’s great room, watching a romantic movie. Exactly what he needed right now, when the only thing he wanted was a little romance of his own with the woman whose scent tingled in his lungs with every breath he took. The only thing worse than sitting through a “date” movie and itching with anticipation over the loving to come later, was sitting through the same movie, knowing the romantic atmosphere would end at his lady’s front door.

Still, cuddling with her beat the hell out of the alternative. He found lately he missed her every moment they spent apart, and he dreaded being alone.

Halfway through the movie, he noticed Jamie and Kelli get up and leave the room. They’d been rather quiet since Kelli put her son to bed earlier. The tension between them grew all evening, and got so bad he could practically see it hanging in the air now.

After they left, Victoria shifted in his arms and looked at him. “Wonder what’s wrong with them?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Kel isn’t ready for him to leave tomorrow.”

Victoria raised an eyebrow at him. “That was a short trip.”

“He has meetings Monday morning. Weekends are only so long, you know.”

She nodded and laid her head on his chest, turning her attention back to the movie. Over the TV sound, Curran strained to hear what was going on in the front room, but whatever they were discussing, they did it quietly.

At least until he heard the door open and close. A few moments later, Kelli cried out softly. Victoria bolted upright and he vaulted over the back of the couch and ran into the living room.

Kelli sat slumped on the sofa, her head in her hands. Her shoulders shook. Curran sat beside her as Victoria knelt on the floor before her.

Curran rubbed his sister’s shoulder. “Kelli? What happened?”

She sat up, wiped at her tear-streaked face with her sleeve. “I’m okay.”

“The hell you are.” Protectiveness expanded in his chest. “What did he do?”

Kelli shook her head. “Nothing, Curran. That’s exactly the problem.”

He’d tried to tell her not to take Jamie too seriously. He knew she’d get hurt, dammit.

Victoria said, “He’ll be back, Kel.”

“No, he won’t.” Kelli sniffed and Curran reached onto the coffee table for a tissue to give her. She wiped her nose. “I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take him needing me one minute and needing space and time the next. I can’t keep watching him walk away, never knowing if that’s the end of it.”

“Kel, I warned you.” He tried to say it gently, knowing it would sting regardless. “You can’t change Jamie, no one can.”

His sister threw her hands in the air in frustration. “That’s just it. Jamie doesn’t need to change so much as he needs to let go. He’s got himself locked in this shallow, emotionless box he’s afraid to release himself from. I can’t take it. He knows I love him, but I told him until he’s ready to love me back, I don’t want him to come back. Going round in circles with him is tearing me apart.”

Curran and Victoria stayed with Kelli until she unwound. He seriously considered making a visit to Jamie’s hotel room and pounding some sense into him, but realized it would do more harm than good.

For being an evening of fun and games, it was chock full of frustrations. The worst was yet to come. He still had to drive Victoria back to her place, then walk away, alone.

* * * *

After Curran dropped Victoria off at home, she had time to feed Sassy before the doorbell rang. She glanced out the window. Curran’s truck still sat in the driveway.

He prowled into the house when she opened the door, like some wild thing on the hunt. He took her hand, led her to the couch in the great room, then sat, tugging her down beside him. His green eyes were hard, his jaw set.

A chill rippled down her spine. She wasn’t going to like this. “I thought you went home.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “I couldn’t. I won’t get any sleep anyway. Victoria, I am losing my mind over you, and you’re still keeping secrets from me. Something else happened to you, aside from all that with Nate, something that is directly impacting our relationship, and I have had enough. I am not leaving until you explain it to me.”

Victoria tried to swallow but couldn’t get her throat to work. She was finally seeing for herself the side of Curran that cut a swath through the business world and stitched it together in his own image. The sheer power flowing from him stole her breath. A part of her found it amazing that he didn’t frighten her. Instead, the strength and determination radiating from him set her hormones humming.

Hormones that were overridden by the desperate desire not to have this conversation. What if her actions disgusted him? What if he thought her pitiful and weak and wanted nothing more to do with her?

He bracketed her face with his hands, his gaze holding hers captive. Her time for pondering
what if
had run out. “Tell me, Victoria. I can handle anything but the questions and the silence.”

She wasn’t sure her voice would work. She sucked in a breath, then passed beyond the point of no return. “I told you there was no such thing as safe sex, other than no sex.”

He released her, running his hand through his hair. “Don’t dance around, woman. Get to the point. Did he pass a disease on to you or something?” The warmth under the sharp edge in his voice encouraged her to continue.

“I got pregnant.”

His back stiffened. Okay, he clearly hadn’t expected that as a possible answer. She felt herself cresting the top of the roller coaster’s first big drop. It was all downhill from here. God help her.

“You weren’t using protection?” He didn’t sound accusatory. More confused than anything.

“He hated condoms. I was on the pill, but I went through a round of antibiotics with no birth control backup, and it failed.”

He held himself apart from her, still as stone. His jaw ticked and his narrowed eyes bored into hers. “What did you do, Victoria?”

She folded her arms around herself. She felt herself plummeting down the drop, speeding into the double loop. “There was no way I could support a baby. Hell, I can’t support myself half the time.”

“Did you abort it?”

“I couldn’t. He wanted me to, but it wasn’t the baby’s fault it got stuck with me.” When she answered, he blew out a breath and slumped against the couch.

“You gave it up for adoption, then.”

“I found a wonderful couple in Ohio. They adopted my son at birth.”

She couldn’t remember ever being more grateful than when he reached for her, pulled her into his warm, protective arms. She’d never felt emotionally closer to another person in her life. Silence cocooned them for a while as he held her, his fingers combing through her hair.

Her heart weighed at least a ton less. She no longer carried her secrets alone, any of them. “I can’t believe I told you that.”

“I’m glad you did.”

She shifted away from him until she could meet his gaze. “Do you understand? I mean, it seems like the easy way out, but it had to be that way.”

He silenced her with a kiss, a slow, gentle caress that sent warmth spreading into every limb, to the tips of her fingers and toes. When his mouth left hers, he said, “Victoria, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it was to give up a child.”

“Then you see why I can’t take that chance again?”

Hurt glowed in his eyes. “Do you honestly believe you’d be in the same position with me? Dear God, I can think of nothing more wonderful than having a child with you. I would take care of you both for the rest of your lives.”

And there it was. The one thing she both expected and dreaded. The roller-coaster of her heart skidded past the safe stop and plunged off a cliff. He’d support a child. He’d even support her. No marriage. No love. She would be tied to him forever by their mutual creation. Could she watch him go on to other relationships, perhaps even a wife, while parenting a child with him? No. She could never take that chance.

“How old would he be now?”

“He turned two on November fifteenth.”

“Is it an open adoption? Have you seen him at all?”

Victoria shook her head. “They offered to keep me in his life, but they are his parents. Besides, I’ve always feared I would look at him and see Nate staring back at me.” She winced. She should have kept that part of it to herself. What an evil, horrible thing to think about the child that had grown inside her.

She hazarded a glance at Curran, but found no trace of condemnation in his eyes. He drew his fingertips along her cheek. “I see Kelli struggle with that sometimes when Rob is being a terror. I know she wonders if he might have violent tendencies when he gets older, because of Jonas.”

He kissed her again, then settled against the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around her. She sank against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. She was glad he told her how Kelli felt about Rob sometimes. Maybe she would understand, or at least not judge her harshly enough to lose their friendship.