Maybe Yes (11 page)

I nod, and then she slips out of my room.
 

I grab my purse, so I can get out of here as soon as I deal with my mother. I take the stairs down two at a time and find my mother in the kitchen.
 

She’s slumped over the bar. She’s not crying, but she doesn’t exactly look her best in my father’s old robe. Her hair is matted on her head. She’s a mess, but at least she left her room.
 

“Morning, Mom,” I say as I open the pantry to find a granola bar.

“Where’s the alcohol?”
 

I take a deep breath before answering, “What do you mean?”
 

“The alcohol that we always keep in the bar. Where is it?”
 

I shrug. “I don’t know, Mom. I think everybody drank it all after the funeral.” That’s not true. I know exactly where the alcohol is because I’m the one who took it.
 

It’s been years since my mother relapsed. She’s been sober for almost five years now since I made the biggest mistake of my life that almost destroyed the family.
 

Dad dying must have pushed her back to the alcohol. I don’t blame her. We all miss Dad. And we all deal with missing him in different ways. I just can’t handle the way she has chosen to deal with his death.
 

I glance at my phone. Her old therapist and AA sponsor should be here soon to help her since I can’t. I know from experience. I don’t have the patience to help her.
 

“I need the alcohol, damn it!”
 

I calmly walk over to my mother. “I’ll make sure to have someone pick you up some alcohol on their way in today. But, right now, I think you need to eat. Can I make you something?”
 

She grabs the closest vase of flowers and slams it to the floor. I jump at the sound of the glass breaking on the floor. I don’t react to her tantrum. Even though I’ve wanted to do the same thing to the stupid vases of flowers, I can’t show her that it’s okay.
 

“Hi, Mrs. Felton. Let me make you some breakfast,” Samantha, one of our cooks, says as she enters the kitchen, seeing the mess.
 

I go over and clean up the glass while Samantha has my mother’s attention.
 

When I’m finished, I whisper to Samantha, “Just keep an eye on her until Dennis and Kirsten get her. Half hour, max.”
 

She nods and smiles before going back to cooking my mother some pancakes. I walk out of the kitchen to the front door. I need to move out of here. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.
 

“Where are you going?” Granddad asks as I try to leave.
 

“To the Felton Grand.”

He curiously looks at me even though it’s not that strange for me to go to the casino. I used to go all the time
 
before I went off to college. It should be understandable that I would want to go mourn my father there.
 

“I’m sorry,” he says as he looks at me. For the first time since the funeral, I see tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry for blaming you. It’s not your fault. I need you to know that.”
 

I walk over and hug him. I know he needs me to forgive him for blaming me just as much as I need to stop blaming myself for my father’s death. But I’m not sure I can do either of those things yet. I’m not ready to forgive.
 

“I miss him,” is what I say instead.
 

“Me, too, sweetie. Me, too.” He gently rubs my back, like a grandfather should. “Do you want some company?”

“No, I just want to spend some time by myself,” I lie.
 

I try not to look him in the eyes, so he won’t know that I’m lying, but somehow, he does. Everyone can always tell when I’m lying. It’s one of the reasons I would make a terrible actress.
 

I don’t want him to come with me though. I need some time to interact with everyone at the casino, to begin to form real relationships with them, to begin to understand how the business runs. That way, when I tell him that I want to run the company, I will have some ammunition to do it with.
 

Then, Granddad smiles, like he just realized something. I stare at him with a blank expression.
 

“Ah, you’re going to see Killian. That’s why you don’t want me to come with you.”
 

I blush at his words, bringing more truth to them in his eyes.
 

He smiles wider. “Have you fallen for that boy already?”
 

“No, Granddad. I just need some time to myself.”
 

He nods knowingly. “Just let me know when he’s wrapped around your finger, so I can set the date.”
 

“Granddad!”
 

He just winks at me before heading into the kitchen to be with my mother. I sigh. But, at least, if he thinks I’m into Killian, he won’t think anything of me spending time at the casino in the upcoming days, which will come in handy since I plan on spending lots of time there. It’ll be enough time to make up my mind.
 

The only problem is, I haven’t been able to get Killian out of my head. Anytime I’m not missing my dad, I’m lusting after Killian. I miss the taste of his lips. I miss his hands on my body. I miss his tongue on my clit. I miss screaming his name when I come. Most of all, I miss that I never got to feel him inside me. And, now, I’m never going to.

I’ve spent the last three hours sitting behind my father’s desk, reading anything that I can find that will catch me up on the direction of the company. The only problem is, I haven’t learned much. Most of the files that would be of any importance are locked away or on his computer, which is also locked.
 

There are a couple of reports that show decreasing sales in two casinos, but when I look at the numbers, it’s easy to see the wrong figures have been plotted. With just a few changes, the reports would show that the casinos had been increasing in sales from month to month. At least, that’s what makes sense to me, but maybe I’m missing something.
 

I sigh when I look through the last piece of paper that has anything to do with the company. I just wasted three hours and am no better off for it. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do this, not unless I find the key to my father’s filing cabinets or his password for his computer.

Granddad would know, but I can’t ask him. I guess I’ll just have to learn about the company elsewhere. I just don’t know how. That’s probably why I’ve been hiding out in my father’s office for the last few hours.
 

I get up from the desk and poke my head into the hallway. It seems relatively empty for a Thursday. I’m surprised no one has come into my father’s office all morning. It’s probably because everyone is too sad to think of him as gone. I know everyone loved him. He was a great boss, a great friend, a great husband, and a great father. At least, that’s what the minister said at his funeral. I choose to believe that.
 

I step into the hallway and start walking. I don’t know where I’m going. I just go.
 

“Hi, Ms. Felton.”
 

“Tony,” I say before hugging the man who is practically a member of the family. He always seemed like a brother to my father.
 

“How are you doing?” he asks the token question.
 

“I’m holding up.”
 

“You visiting your father’s office?” He nods in the direction of the office.
 

I nod.

“I haven’t built up the courage to go in there yet. When I do, I know I’ll end up crying like a weepy old man.”
 

I smile. “We can’t have that.”
 

“I should get back to work. I hope to see more of you around, Ms. Felton.”
 

I smile and start walking again. “Wait,” I say, turning around. “Do you mind if I hang out with you today? I just want to be around people who knew my father. It feels like home here, not like at the house.”
 

Tony looks at me with confusion. “Are you sure? It’s going to be pretty boring. I have some phone conferences, and then I really need to get the numbers ready for the expansion Mr. Browne asked for.”
 

I smile. Tony has already given me more information about the company than I have had all morning.
 

“Yes, I’m sure.” I take his arm and walk with him to his office. “And call me Kinsley, Tony. We are practically family.”

***

Oh my God! This office is a mess.
It looks like a tornado came in here and blew papers into disastrous piles all around the room.
 

Tony, on the other hand, walks into his office with no surprise on his face. He doesn’t look like someone just came in here and ransacked his office. He actually seems to relax when he enters his office.

I walk over to his desk as Tony takes a seat behind it.
 

“I have to take a quick phone call, but make yourself at home. Then, I can show you some of the stuff your father and I were working on,” he says.
 

I nod and do my best to smile as I glance around the smaller-size office, but I’m afraid it comes across as a frown or a horribly disgusted grimace. I cover my mouth with my hand, hoping he didn’t see. He brightly smiles back at me. I guess he didn’t.
 

He begins dialing his phone. I wait until I hear him jabbering away at someone, paying me no attention, before I take a seat on the floor in front of piles of paper.
 

I feel bad for Tony. He’s my father’s age. He’s worked for the company almost as long as my father, but he will never become CEO, never even be given a chance. Instead, he will always be just the Assistant to the VP of Operations. He’s Killian’s assistant, I realize, even though Killian has only worked for the company for five years, and Tony has worked for the company for thirty. To a company this big, it doesn’t matter though who is more loyal. It matters who is more likely to get results. And after I look around this office, I know why Tony will never reach a higher position. His office is a mess. There is no way he can be organized in a mess like this.
 

I still feel sorry for him though. Even though I know Tony gets paid generously to do this job, I still feel sad. I have a better chance of becoming CEO than Tony ever will.
 

And if I am CEO, I will have to make tough decisions, like promoting a less experienced younger employee over a loyal and mature employee. That is probably an easy decision compared with the decisions my dad made on a daily basis. I’m not sure I could do it.
 

I swallow hard and push the thoughts out of my head. I’m not here to think about if I can make the tough decisions required of the job right now. I’m here to learn as much as I can about the company and the job. Then, I can make decisions about my future.
 

I dig into the pile, trying to figure out what I’m looking at. There are hundreds and hundreds of more charts and graphs with the same incorrect information on them as the ones in my father’s office.
Shit
. I hope my dad wasn’t relying on them to make decisions about the company. I hope Killian isn’t either.
 

I look at the name on them, trying to figure out who made the graphs and who wrote the reports, so I can tell Killian he needs to fire them. Then, I see it. It’s Tony. He created these graphs. If anybody ever found out, he’d be fired. My dad was the only one who would care if Tony still worked for the company or not.
 

I sigh. Now, not only do I have to learn about the company, I also have to find a way to make sure Tony gets better at making graphs so that he doesn’t get fired.
 

I give up sorting the mess of papers when I hear Tony end the call. I stand and walk over to his desk with a smile on my face. He looks stressed as he shuffles papers around on his desk before switching on his computer.
 

“Mr. Browne and Mr. Felton wanted to expand this hotel and casino to allow for more high-roller rooms.”
 

I nod as I walk over to stand behind him. “Makes sense. So, what’s the problem?”
 

Tony sighs as his elbow knocks the papers off his desk. He watches them scatter onto the floor of his office, but he doesn’t bother to pick them up. He just turns to his computer instead. “The numbers don’t support doing an expansion.”
 

“Do you mind if I take a look at them?” I bat my eyes and smile as sweetly as possible at him.
 

“Be my guest,” he says, getting up from his chair.
 

I take his seat, but I don’t want him here when I change everything. I don’t want him to know how badly he screwed up. I need to find a way to teach him. But that isn’t right now. Right now, I just need to fix this before he passes it along to Killian or anyone else who might fire him.
 

“Tony, do you mind getting me a coffee?” I ask. I yawn, bringing more credibility to my lie.
It isn’t really a lie
, I reason with myself. I could use a coffee. I didn’t sleep much last night, and I woke up earlier than I’m used to in order to have a full day here.
 

He smiles and nods. “I’ll be right back.”
 

As soon as he leaves, I turn my attention back to the screen. Everything is a mess. Everything is wrong. I pull up a new spreadsheet to just start over because it’s not worth fixing what he’s already done.
 

I let my fingers fly over the keys as I type in every figure that I can find into the new data points. I love the rush I get as I enter in all the figures. I love how it feels to use my brain for something other than deciding what my next pose should be. When I’m finally done, I press Enter and watch the numbers turn from just numbers on the page into pretty graphs.
 

I lean back in the chair with a large smile on my face as the graphs now represent a need for expansion of the casino and hotel. In less than twenty minutes, I just did what would take most people several hours to do.