May the Best Man Win (6 page)

 

 

I ended up sitting in the park until about ten o'clock that night. I had a lot of thinking to do. I left my phone in the car because I did not want to be disturbed. It was my time to myself and I felt like I deserved it. I couldn't keep going this route with the wrong choices in men. It's like I was a bum magnet. If there was a no-job-having, down-low, lowdown brother in the world chances were I dated him and his cousin.

When I finally decided to get my butt home, I walked to my car and got in. I checked my phone to see who called me. I had ten missed calls: eight from Ronald, one from my mom, and the other from my dad. And I even had a text from my sister as well.
Do these people love me or are they just too damn nosy?
I had already come to the conclusion of nosiness, but they would overall say it was love.
Liars!

I called no one back as I made my way home. I had no energy or explanation for Ronald, so I decided to sex him down to keep him quiet. Maybe even give him a couple of dollars. I pulled up to my door and put my car in park. I sat back in my car seat and exhaled and mentally prepared myself for Ronald. Before I exited my car, I prayed that he would be asleep from cleaning the house. Yes, I knew it was a stretch, but, hey, a brother could dream, couldn't he?

I opened the door to soft music playing; it was Luther. Was Ronald one step ahead of me or what? I smelled incense and candles burning. They were all over the place. I softly put my stuff down and walked toward my bedroom. The music was loud enough that he couldn't hear me. I passed my kitchen and I noticed that he had indeed cooked us a meal. I immediately felt bad for not calling him back. I had even noticed he had mopped the floors.
I'm going to have to make it up to him big time.
Maybe there was hope for him yet. Maybe I was not giving him a fair shake.

I softly made my way up my stairs toward the bedroom. He was probably tired from all the cooking and cleaning he did and I didn't want to wake him; at least, not with a lot of noise, that was. As I got to the bedroom I heard what sounded like a porn tape on.

“He must have been bored,” I thought out loud.

I peeked in the door and almost lost my lunch. My eyes were watching Ronald having sex in my bed with another dude. And guess who the other dude was? Darius, the old-man lover from the club. I couldn't believe this shit.
My luck can't be that bad.
My nose flared up instantly. My first impression was to burst in the room and start throwing punches. But, I decided against it. I had a trick up my sleeve that was going to be a long-lasting memory in both their lives.

I crept back down in to my kitchen and quietly put a large pot of water on the stove. The hotter the pot got the hotter I got, so I threw some hot sauce in the pot to make it an even more painful experience for them. I heard somewhere that that was a lethal combination on the skin at those temperatures. I grabbed the pot off the stove with some potholders and made my way up to my bedroom. They surely would remember my name. I set the pot down briefly as I made a quick detour to my office to grab my gun I had stashed in the closet. No one but me knew that I had bought a gun. I was a new homeowner and I lived alone. I felt that it was a necessity.

I stashed the gun in the back of my pants so they wouldn't see it. It was unloaded, but they didn't have to know it. I brought it thinking that I would never actually have to use it.

I picked up the pot of boiled water and hot sauce and crept to the door of my room in hopes that I could still catch them in the act. And sure enough I had made it just in time. Ronald was fucking Darius from behind and as they both climaxed I burst in and threw the boiling water on them. Screams and yelling filled the room as they both jumped out the bed with looks of surprise and shock on their faces as they patted their skin, trying to make the burning feeling go away. I was truly hurting. They were patting their skin as if it were on fire. They looked pitiful.

“Baby, I—” Ronald said after a few seconds of just standing there with fear on his face.

“Save it!” I yelled, cutting him off and pulling the gun from behind my back. “There is no way you can explain this one.” They both stood in the middle of the floor stark naked, dripping dicks and all. I shook my head in disgust.

“How could you?” I said with a broken-down mug. I was on the verge of tears, but I was tired of crying for these sorry-ass fools I encountered.

“It was an accident,” Ronald spoke. I must have been playing the part of the fool so good that he thought that that was going to float with me.

“So you are telling me you accidentally started fucking him?” I said, pointing the gun at Darius. He was quiet as a mouse and could have been mistaken for a mute if I didn't hear him moaning in pleasure minutes ago.

“That's not what I mean,” he said, coming toward me. “Baby, let me explain it.”

“Muthafucka, I'm good with this gun. You take another step and you going to be looking for one of your balls underneath my bed. And you!” I said, now looking at Darius. “How in the hell did you end up here?”

“I memorized your address when you showed me your identification the other night. I was trying to come by and apologize for the other night.”

“So you said, ‘What the hell, let me get a nut since I came all this way,' huh,” I almost yelled.

Ronald chuckled. I couldn't believe this Negro thought this situation was funny. I got even madder.

“This is not a standup show, bastard.” I looked at him with disdain.

He quickly quieted himself.

I shook my head again in disbelief. I didn't think it could have gotten any worse than this.

“Time for y'all to go,” I said, pointing toward the door.

They started picking up their clothes and shoes.

“Hell nah, that shit stays here.”

They both looked at me with surprise on their faces. There was no way I was letting them just walk out of my place with respect when they had just disrespected me.

“Nah, man, you can't do this to me,” Ronald said as he walked by me.

“Bitch, move it,” I said, poking him in the back with the gun. Darius said nothing as he too made his way down the steps and headed toward the door.

Ronald turned around one last time. “Come on, baby, let's sit down and talk about it. Maybe we can even have a threesome or something. I know you like that freaky shit.” He looked at me with a smirk on his face.

“Uhhhhhhh.” I hummed, acting as if I was thinking about it. “Not! Now get outta my shit.” I hated to be ghetto, but liars and cheats brought out the worst in me. I'd had some bad situations but this had to be the worst of them all. “Yeah, lame-ass muthafuckas.”

They slowly walked out the door and onto my stoop with their dicks cupped in their hands. I laughed loud as I headed back into my kitchen. And just for good measure I called the police and told them that I saw two naked men on my block. The police would be in my neighborhood in seconds. I lived in a predominantly white neighborhood. That would serve them just right for messing with me. The blisters on their bodies were damn good reminders as well.

My laughter turned into tears as I walked in the bedroom and replayed the scene in my head once again. But they too would not last long. I was done with men for a while and I meant it this time. No relapses. I immediately cleaned my kitchen and bedroom, and afterward I went online to order me a new mattress set from The Room Store. There was no way I was going to sleep on the one they fucked on. It just wasn't going to happen. I grabbed me some blankets and a pillow from my closet and slept on my living room sofa. Tomorrow would be the beginning of a new way of life for me. A fresh start.

 

 

“What the hell have I done to deserve such loneliness?” I mumbled to myself as I sat inside of a Starbucks. Shit, I didn't have anyone else to talk to and I couldn't have cared less who thought I was crazy right now. A few nosy neighbors at other tables looked at me curiously as I nursed my white mocha chocolate coffee, but all I did was stare at them back until they looked in other directions. I was not for it. I looked around the room at all of the people who were with, I assumed, their dates or significant others, and I sighed in disgust.

I was on my lunch break and all I wanted to do was get out of the office for a few minutes and get my mind off of men. But like drug addicts, men were everywhere. Tall, short, thick, sloppy, muscular, white, black, Asian; I'd fuck any one of them in a bathroom stall if it meant that it would lead to a promising relationship. But I knew that was the thinking that got me in situations I had previously been in and gotten out of.

I guessed all the good men were in jail or straight. And the ones out here all wanted sugar daddies. I wasn't about to father any man. I wanted a man who was readymade, not a Mr. Potato Head I had to put together when I got him. Hell nah!

“Can I sit down here with you?” a strong and masculine voice spoke from above.

I almost looked up and asked, “Is that you, Lord?” but I knew better. “Huh?” I looked up at him, confused and caught in the smell of his bodacious cologne. I knew the scent well; it was The One by Dolce & Gabbana. It was one of my favorites. He was a very good-looking guy. Well dressed, tailored suit. Close-cut hair. Dark, dark chocolate skin. My eyes drifted closed as if I were lulled by a sweet song or dream.

“Excuse me, are you okay?” His voice brought me back.

“Oh, Lord, you must think I'm crazy.” Embarrassment covered my face like a snug blanket in the winter.

“No, for a second I thought you were high. I was about to ease on over to another table and act as if I didn't say anything to you in the first place.” He laughed a little and so did I.

“Yes, you can have a seat.” I watched as he took a seat and scooted close to the table. He had a drink and a scone in his hand. They too smelled good. “I'm sorry about that. It's been a rough day for me.”

“That's no problem at all. We all have rough days. And sometimes Baltimore doesn't make it easier.” I lingered on his every word like a snake being hypnotized by a snake charmer. I even liked the way that he formed his words when he talked. He was a thoroughbred for sure. “Sometimes a quiet moment away from it all is all that is needed to get back some sense of wholeness, even in a crowded room.”

“Yes, that is true.” I still spoke with a little bit of gloom in my voice.

“So what has gotten you sounding so gloomy today?” he asked as he sipped on his coffee. His pinky finger didn't stick out like I hoped it would. It was one of those Gaydar triggers. A Pinky in the air says he just might be sticking his ass in the air. I didn't know why I automatically thought a man wanted me or was gay whenever he paid me the slightest bit of attention. I needed to calm the hell down and just enjoy his company and not have any expectations.

“I don't want to be rude but, why are you asking me about my problem like you really care?” I looked at him sternly. I didn't mean to turn the tables on him or even blindside him. I was just curious about his motives.

“Well, I was genuinely concerned about another human being and I am a therapist for a living. I know the signs of someone in need of help.”

“Oh, okay.” I looked down for a second, embarrassed again because I was always shooting off my mouth without thinking.

“It's all right to be defensive, but it becomes a problem when you choose to stay that way. We all need help in life. We just need to be strong enough to accept that help or ask for help. Many people are crazy out here now because they didn't and wouldn't seek help when the small signs showed up.”

“Yeah, it's some crazies out here now.” I chuckled a little.

“Yes, and now all you have to do when you are alone is ask yourself if you want to go crazy because of pride, or seek the help that you need.” He looked at me seriously.

“I hope you don't think you are getting paid for this session in Starbucks.” I laughed. He did too.

“No, this is on the house. God gave me a gift and pays me for that gift. I am going to share it with anyone paid or unpaid.”

“I do . . .” I spoke.

“Excuse me?” He looked at me, confused.

“I said, ‘I do.'” I laughed.

“I do what?” he asked.

“I was just practicing for my wedding day. . .” I smiled.

“So that is what you are worried about . . . relationships?” he asked.

“Well, yeah. Isn't that what we are all looking for: love and companionship?” I asked.

“You are missing one important ingredient: friendship. All relationships begin with friendship but most start with lust and sex. Following the steps in life is the key to a successful and meaningful relationship, both plutonic and matrimonial,” he answered.

“You really got all of this down don't you?” I sat back in my chair, folded my arms, and waited for his answer.

“No, I'm human just like you, and I know that it is trial and error for each encounter we have with potential mates. But I do follow those guidelines as a way to navigate through life. But I get it wrong, too. I just don't stop there though; I learn from my mistakes and try again. Just like you should when you are looking for a potential mate.”

“So you are saying I should be friends with someone first and then move on gradually in the process? No sex first?”

“That's what I'm saying.” He nodded in agreement.

“So what evidence do you have to back this up?” I asked him.

“Turn toward the door,” he instructed me. I did as I was instructed to do. “That was my reward for patience and starting out friends. She is my life and all I need. Today I am about to propose to her and move forward,” he said as he got up out of his seat to greet her.

“Hey, baby.” She kissed him on his cheek and then looked at me. “Who is this well-dressed young man?”

“Oh, baby, this is . . .”

“Lewis, my name is Lewis.” I stood up and shook her hand. She was statuesque and gorgeous. She was beautiful. She had on a nice business suit that hugged her curves but gave enough room for movement. He had his hand around her waist. They looked like Barack and Michelle Obama standing in front of me.

“Well, Lewis, thank you for keeping Arthur company while he waited on me to get here.”

“No problem at all.” I smiled while jealousy enveloped me. “He is a very knowledgeable and helpful person. It was my pleasure.”

“The pleasure was mine as well.” He reached out to shake my hand.

“Thank you for the help. I will take what you said into consideration. One step at a time.”

“No problem,” he said to me and then turned to his wife-to-be. “Honey, can you find us a table by ourselves while I go to the little boys' room?”

Like magic a table opened up, and she was seated, waiting for him to return. It didn't take long for him to get back to her, and pretty soon she was screaming yes to his proposal to be his wife.

Sitting there watching gave me hope for my future, and now all I had to do was be patient and wait for my future to show up. Just like anyone else though, me and patience didn't get along, but I was willing to try it out again. One more time.