Matt & Brooklyn: A Standalone in the "Again for the First Time" Family Saga (AFTFT Book 2) (30 page)

I just wished it didn’t have to steal so much of my life.

Dallas followed as I carried a box up to the attic. One side was just about empty while the other was lined with my grandmother’s belongings. Some of her original furniture was still up here; wrapped and stacked neatly in a corner. Several boxes lined the wall along the window sill. I walked that way and Dallas went to explore in the other direction.

I set my items down and read some of the labels on Grandma’s things.
Dishes. Crystal. Hats. Photos (1930-1945). Photos (1946-1960).
I didn’t remember seeing any of these before. I thought, between my grandmother and mother, my sisters and I had seen all of our family’s mementos.

Dallas nearly jumped out of his skin when I dragged one of the boxes of photos across the floor.

“Settle down,” I said, glancing over at him with a laugh. He’d already found something else to distract himself, though—a string from what I could tell.

The tape was already pretty worn, yellowing, so I just pulled it right off. When I finished, I planned to reseal it properly. Inside, the photos were separated by year. The stack I picked up was from the early 60s—when my mother was just a kid. A broad grin stretched across my face when I picked up a picture of her grinning hard for the camera. Her front two teeth were nowhere to be found, but she didn’t care. Toothless or not, she was beautiful and she knew it. Without a doubt, Grandma was responsible for the unbreakable confidence my mother still had today. Two twisted ponytails framed her face—skin the same rich, dark complexion she had now and almost just as youthful.

I moved on to another stack. Mom was a little older in these—maybe twelve or thirteen. She was skinny as a rod and still sporting that big grin.
Had anyone seen these?
They weren’t hidden, but they still looked untouched. I set that box aside and pulled out the one spanning the 1930s to the 1940s. The black and white photos were filled with faces of people I’d never heard of. As open as my grandmother was about her adult life, I can honestly say she didn’t speak much of her childhood. It was possible that those were painful times she cared not to revisit, but I couldn’t be sure. All I had to draw on were the pictures I held in my hands.

They were captioned with names that were mostly unfamiliar. A few here and there rang a bell. Like my great-grandmother, Sophia. There were a few of young kids playing out in a yard, but no description. I flipped through more. There was a city named—my grandmother’s birthplace, Honeywell. Matt had mentioned wanting to know more about my family’s past for his documentary, so I grabbed that box up and carried it back downstairs with me so he could check it out when he came by.

I took the rest of my things up and once Dallas was down, I closed and locked the door behind me. It was almost noon and I figured Matt would be by soon. I straightened the few things I left down and shut the closet door with my packed suitcases inside. I didn’t want to think about that right now. For tonight, Johannesburg didn’t exist. Tonight was about Matt and I spending time with one another and shutting the rest of the world out. I didn’t want to think about L.A.; I didn’t want to think about plane rides or passports or layovers. All I wanted was him… all to myself for the rest of the day and night.

I showered again just because I broke a sweat rushing up and down the attic stairs. I closed my curtains, although it was the middle of the day. Like I said, Matt and I were blocking out the rest of the world for the next twenty-four hours.

I’d just finished brushing my hair into a bun when my doorbell rang. Heat flashed across my cheeks. I hadn’t seen Matt face to face since leaving L.A. four weeks ago. Since then his schedule had been jammed packed. Pete had him in New Mexico most of the time, but when he wasn’t there,
Cliff
had him busy. There was a chance that he shirked off his responsibilities to be in town even now, but I knew he wouldn’t miss being here for anything. Aside from wanting to be here for his brother, tonight was the last night we’d get to spend together for the foreseeable future. There were promises made to visit when time allowed, but there was no telling when that would be. These were the cold, hard facts.

With my heart racing and a smile on my face, I hurried down to let Matt in. I couldn’t get the door unlocked fast enough, but when I did… there weren’t even words. My arms went around his neck and his went around my waist with equal yearning.
This
was what I’d been missing. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and breathed him in, stealing all that I could of his scent.

“I missed you so much,” I freely confessed. There was no hesitation whatsoever.

“I couldn’t get here fast enough,” he answered, making me smile.

After a few moments, I finally released him and let him step inside the rest of the way.

“So, how’d it go with Nick? Is he doing okay?”

Unlike last time we talked about his brother, Matt had a huge smile on his face. “He’s doing
great,
actually. I haven’t seen him with his head this clear in a long time. He really seems hopeful about the changes he’s making.”

Matt didn’t know this, but I’d been doing some research online about the topic. I figured it’d be helpful for one of us to know what to expect, and chances are, he hadn’t had time to research anything himself. Through my digging, I learned that an addiction of
any
sort is a disease and should be treated as such. This road with Nick would likely be a long one, but I believed he would come through this. There would be some trying days ahead of the entire Valente family, but they were a strong bunch. Nick couldn’t have lucked up on a better support system.

“That’s great,” I replied. “He’s there for ninety days?”

Matt nodded. “Yep. And I think I’m gonna try to make time to stay with him for a few days when he gets released. You know… just to help him settle in once he’s back home.”

I smiled up at him when he leaned against the wall in my front hall. His heart was so pure. He genuinely wanted to see those he loved do well and I was glad to be included in that number.

I glanced down at the overnight bag in his hand and invited him upstairs to my bedroom where he could put it down. He followed me to the second floor and looked around, probably shocked by how empty it was. Really, the only thing left other than my bed and dresser, were the candles I had lining it because I planned to light them once it got dark.

Matt set his bag in front of my closet door and then I took his hand, dragging him into the guest room where I placed my grandmother’s things. “Come here. I have something cool to show you.”

He watched as I took a seat on the floor, grabbing a stack of photos from the well-organized box and handing it over to him. The black and white images immediately intrigued him.

“They’re my grandmothers,” I explained.

He flipped through a few more and then joined me on the floor. One of the photos of four beautiful, brown-skinned women stood out to him and he held it, studying the image.

“Are these your grandmother’s sisters?” he asked.

“Nope, check the date,” I said, tapping the picture. “That’s her mom and aunts.”

“Sophia, Arnetta, Quinn, Jeannine,” he said, reading their names aloud. “Do you know anything about them?”

I shook my head. “Unfortunately, no. My grandmother didn’t talk about her childhood much. I just figured these could help you when you start the second documentary.”

He got lost in the history I’d just dropped in his hands. His inner nerd’s wheels were turning no doubt. “Brook, these are incredible. The dates, the names… now I have a starting point,” he paused to grab me, kissing my forehead. “Thank you.”

I smiled. “You’re welcome. I know you don’t have any way to take them with you, so I’ll leave them on the top shelf in the front hall closet. You can have a key so you can come in and get it whenever you’re ready.”

It pained me that I wouldn’t be here to help him piece it all together, but I knew the finished result would be unbelievable and I couldn’t wait to see what he came up with. In a perfect world, I’d be here for the hours of matching names with faces and places, the road trips to wherever the clues led, but… I couldn’t.

When the sadness crept in again, I pushed it back to the far reaches of my mind. Standing abruptly, I moved the box to the bed for now.

“Anyway, I thought you could use them,” I concluded, not wanting to think about all I’d miss.

Matt stood, too. “Definitely! I can’t wait to look through it all. Promise to keep it all organized like she left it.”

I trusted him, so I simply nodded. Instead we moved back to my bedroom. The annulment papers were sitting in an envelope on my dresser. When I spotted them, I took a deep breath.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” I crossed the room and grabbed them, hesitating just a little when I turned to hand them to Matt. A tight smile crossed my face and I couldn’t look him in his eyes. “Can’t leave without these.”

There was a loaded pause that filled the room. Unspoken thoughts and feelings were no doubt weighing on him just like they were on me. This transition we were about to go through was a major one. However, Matt made his argument that, no matter how many miles were between us or how much time passed, we were constant. Unchangeable. Unbreakable.

We didn’t spend our day dwelling on me having to leave in the morning; we spent it like we would’ve spent any other day together—talking, listening to music, laughing until it hurt. At the heart of our relationship, there was still the simplicity of the friendship we established years ago. We would
always
be friends, which I now realized. What I was so afraid of losing with him when things started changing—the simplicity—was still intact and I was grateful for that. I didn’t want to sacrifice my confidant, my counselor, my
friend
… just to have him as a lover. That wasn’t a fair trade, but with Matt… I was able to have it all.

As night fell, it was impossible to keep ignoring what tomorrow would bring. Matt and I lie in bed, too quiet for it to feel normal.  We seemed to run out of things to say. My eyes were fixed on the ceiling as I tried to think about something else,
anything
else, but it didn’t work. My chest was tight as doubt set in. This was really happening, whether I was ready or not.

At the exact moment a tear rolled down my cheek, Matt’s fingers found mine and he squeezed, as if he knew I needed him. At the feel of his hand in mine, my eyes went to him, studying his face. I gripped him tighter and tried to will the fear away and like second nature, my lips gravitated toward his. We kissed like it would be the last time; like it would have to last us forever.

I had a feeling I would relapse right when it was time to leave. Matt had kept me brave until now, but I couldn’t seem to hold it together now. When we separated, my gaze locked with his again.

“What if I change my mind?” I whispered. “What if I… what if I just have my things shipped back here. To hell with Raj. To hell with—”

“You have to go,” Matt answered, smiling just a little.

I backed away another inch and stared into his eyes, wondering if he realized I was dead serious. This was not a hypothetical question. I didn’t want to go, nor did I care how much time, money, and preparation had gone into me leaving. I wasn’t—

“You need this,” Matt said, cutting into my thoughts.

“But I—”

He pressed a finger to my lips and wouldn’t let me finish. “You have to go. Especially, seeing as how the main reason you want to stay is because of me.”

I didn’t have a comeback… because he was right. When he left for L.A. it wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t as heart-wrenching as it was now either. Back then, I was sad my friend was moving away, sure, but I didn’t have the same attachment to him then that I do now. Lately, we’d gotten accustomed to seeing one another pretty often, despite the distance. But that was without an ocean between us. And that was also before Matt’s schedule got crazy busy. He wouldn’t be able to step away as easily and just—

“Stop,” Matt cut in again. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I know you. So stop talking yourself out of this.” He cupped my cheeks and made me look at him. “This move is good for you. It’s the key to getting everything you worked for these past six years. You’ve come too far to give it all up.”

His thumb swiped across my cheek, brushing aside a tear. His touch was so gentle, only making this harder whether he realized it or not.

“Have I ever lied to you, Brook?” The question made me listen harder.

More tears fell when I shook my head. “No. Never.”

He smiled again. It was faint, filled with his
own
sadness, but it was there. “Then trust me when I say you’ll get through this.
We’ll
get through this,” he added. “You know why?”

I shook my head. “Why?” I was desperate to hear his answer. Everything in me wanted to back out despite the consequences.

“Because my girl’s not scared of
anything
,” he finally said, and even crying I smiled at that. He called me
his
girl.

He’d always had a way of restoring whatever I was lacking at any given moment—confidence, sanity, peace of mind.
I moved closer, feeling his heat engulf me when I did. I kissed him again, drawing on his strength because I desperately needed it. I needed
him.