Master (20 page)

She stopped and began to cry. "He'd only want me.
No one else, just me.
He'd only want me…"

****

"So now we know."

Anna lay on the bed with Athol's arms around her and a soft
blanket keeping her warm. His voice rumbled into her as her head rested on his
chest. It was smooth, nothing like
Cade's
soft pelt.
She sighed. "It seems so, doesn't it?
All that from one
simple command.
I felt threatened. And hell, once I got passed that, oh
shit, did I spill the beans. How did you manage it?"

Athol grinned, moved her head to the pillow, and sat up.
"Practice.
I don't know about you, but I feel like
we've climbed Everest. What say you we go all vanilla and go for a meal in the
pub by the beach?
There's
been enough beans spilled
for the day. Let's go eat some instead."

She laughed as she reckoned he meant her to. "I want
mussels.
And steak.
And maybe some
of their gorgeous gateaux.
In lieu of the horse I feel I could eat. God,
that was cathartic."

 
Athol swung his legs
off the bed and stood up. "Mussels and steak it shall be. Not to mention
the
pud
. But, Anna, love, you know we can't stop
there, don't you? Knowing what's wrong isn't the same as dealing with it. Your
demons may be out in the open, but you've not killed ‘
em
yet. Do you want to?" He held his hand out to help her move.

Anna let herself be pulled to her feet. "I want to go
all coy and ask how. But I have to do it head on and hard, don't I?”

"If you want to move on you do."

And she did want to. Anna knew that. These last weeks had
been hard going. Athol had been a kind but determined taskmaster. For several
days they hadn't mentioned her issues, and then slowly they had started to
talk. Today had been the start of phase two as Athol had called it.

"Storming the castle and winning the war takes time and
planning," he'd said one morning as they walked along the coastal path.
"I'm in no hurry, and I'm a strategist. We'll get there in our own good
time and at the pace best suited to us.
Like now.
As
long as we get to the pub for lunch, we're doing fine." Anna had laughed
and increased her pace. Now Athol had increased it.

On an impulse Anna kissed Athol on the cheek. "Take
that now, because I bet I won't feel like kissing you much for a while."
She turned to walk out of the room. She'd had enough of artificial light. She
wanted sunshine and proper warmth.

"You're probably right. So, before we leave?"

Anna looked round at him.
"Yeah?"

His eyes twinkled with what she could only describe as
wicked mischief—and something deeper than that.
 
It's his Dom look. I've a feeling
I'm not going to like this.

"Ditch the
knicks
.
And the bra.
Wear that
floaty
sundress."

"You what?"
It was one thing wandering
around the house like that when she was with
Cade
,
but here?

"You heard. And hope it's not windy."

It wasn't just the wind she was bothered about. Anna
muttered as she went into her bedroom and did as Athol had demanded. He was
testing her; she knew that, but did she want to be tested? Was it an exam in
her curriculum to get an A in going bare-assed naked in the street? Or was it a
something and nothing that she didn't feel strongly about one way or another?
The sundress was short, and she'd need a lot of grace and decorum to not bare
her all. Since her first session at the waxing salon, Anna had continued to
depilate, but she wasn't sure she wanted the entire village to know that. But,
she reasoned, she liked the feel of no underwear, so why was she standing here
muttering about arrogant
Doms
and bloody men? With a
snigger Anna checked her appearance in the mirror. Yeah, she'd need to remember
good posture, and pray for no errant gusts of wind. That thought sent another
snigger off. She needed to get her mind out of the gutter.

As she slipped her feet into her flip-flops she was thankful
there had been no discussion about footwear. At least in
flatties
there was less chance of her tripping up.

The sun was still warm, but she picked up a
pashmina
for when it went down. If they were going to sit
in the garden, she might need it. As she waited for Athol to appear, Anna
wondered what was going to happen next. Now that the elephant in the closet was
out in the open, she was under no illusions that Athol was prepared to let
things ride. She was right. He wasn't.

"So," he said as they walked down the lane.
"You think that
Cade
shouldn't want to
scene?"

"Yes, no, oh hell."
Anna wiped her clammy hands
over the dress of her skirt. "It's not that exactly. It's more that I
can't understand why he's happy to do stuff when other people can see. I love
him, Athol. He's the core of my world. He can make me fly, and it's perfect.
But it's personal."

"Uh-huh." They'd reached the pub, and Athol opened
the gate to the garden. "Grab that table by the wall and sit facing the
garden. I'll grab some menus." He disappeared inside without saying
anything else. Anna weaved her way through the tables to the one he'd
indicated. It was late in the year for many tourists to be out and about, and
the air held a hint of autumn. However, the pub used patio heaters, and the low
wall around the garden kept the breeze down to an acceptable level. She was
glad of her
pashmina
though. The sundress might be
pretty, but it wasn't exactly a coverall.

Athol came back with two glasses, a bottle of wine in a
cooler, and a menu under his arm. "I ordered your favorite and brought it
out so we can have a drink whilst we decide. Though I'm guessing you already
have?"

Anna nodded. "Yup, I don't need the menu." She
smiled up at the waitress who'd followed Athol with cutlery and condiments.
"Mussels and then steak please, medium rare."

Athol shut the menu. "Can you make that two,
please?"

Once the waitress had gone he poured the wine.
"So no
scening
for you.
Was
that not acceptable to
Cade
?"

Anna swirled the liquid around in her glass. It slid down
the sides and created wavy patterns. "He said it was, but, Athol, he loved
it. The club was his baby. He lit up when he went there. I was such a
disappointment. I felt sick when we got near. I'd be sick when I went inside,
and I'd need to shower after a scene to scrub the scent of the club away. I
felt dirty.
Argh
, that sounds awful. I don't mean
it's bad, but it made me feel as if I'd done something wrong. Coming and
knowing other people saw it. You see one of the things he'd said to me right at
the beginning was my orgasm belonged to him. Well, it didn't, did it?
Because he was sharing it with strangers."

"You gave it to him though. It was a gift, yes?"

"Well, yes." Anna had no idea what he implied.

"So it was his.
To do with as he
chose.
And he chose to share it. Something so beautiful and precious,
that he decided it was unfair to keep it all to
himself
.
You don't give a gift with conditions, Anna. You give it freely."

She'd never thought about it like that.

"But then if you respect and honor your gift, you don't
give it away. In my book that means you don't share it. I gave it to him and
him alone."

Chapter Sixteen

Cade
stood and stretched. His back
ached, and his hands were covered in scratches, but the garden looked tidy, and
the bonfire of leaves and debris was blazing away safely in a corner. After
sitting at his computer for eight hours a day for more days than he could
remember, he'd woken up that morning and decided he needed to do physical work.
Good manual labor. He'd put on his oldest jeans and a disreputable t-shirt that
should have been in the ragbag years ago and headed for the jungle laughingly
called a walled garden. There he got down on his knees and did battle with the
weeds. Now, several hours later, as he looked around at the almost tidy plot,
he felt a great sense of satisfaction. He'd achieved something.
Sadly not to do with his wife, but satisfying nonetheless.

His life had turned upside down, and apart from
the
niggle
of doubt that Anna may
have decided enough was enough, he was enjoying it all.

As he put his tools away in the garden shed and tamped down
the bonfire,
Cade
mused over the previous few weeks.
The handover of the club to Daisy and Marco was almost complete and his office
all but emptied of all the clutter he'd built up over the years. His bag of
toys had been banished to the top shelf of a tall cupboard in the playroom at
home, and to his amazement, the pangs of sorrow he'd felt were lighter and
almost unfelt. He'd even started to dismantle some of his equipment. If—no,
when—Anna returned,
Cade
was determined to show her
what he'd done. And come hell or high water be happy about it. Marco and Daisy
had cautioned him to take his time and think everything through.

"You don't want to regret it later,
Cade
,"
Marco had said. "BDSM is part of you. You can't turn those feelings and
needs off like a tap however much you wish you could. Did you both ever really
speak about why and what you need?"

Cade
had shaken his head. "I
wish, but you can't get through to a closed mind, Marco. Anna had gone past the
point of talking. Hell, she'd gone full stop, before I even noticed we'd got
anywhere near." He grimaced.
"My fault entirely.
When we got back together again, hell, you know what happened as well as I
do
. She was fine one minute and not the next. Before you
ask, there were no signs at all when we played. She's one of the most
responsive people I know. We were even talking about
scening
at the club and," he'd stopped speaking. "Oh fucking
shite
and hell.
Scening
, that's
bloody it." He'd stared at Daisy and Marco. "We talked about
scening
. I said how I enjoyed showing her beautiful body
and her responsiveness. Nothing else and only in general terms, and that must
be the trigger."

Cade
had hit the table in front of
him with a fist. "That's it, that's the catalyst.
Oh
jeez."
And until she opened to him there was nothing he could do
about it. For once instead of mulling it over in his mind and giving himself a
headache, he accepted it was as it was and threw himself into his writing.
  

 
Several days later,
his book was half written, and he'd sent the first three chapters for consideration
to a publisher. The welcome email of ‘yes, please, we are very interested’,
less than a week after had been a complete and very much appreciated surprise.
It had been his spur to do something different for the day before he got stuck
in and finished it. He now almost had a freshly turned vegetable plot and an
ache between his shoulder blades. He'd learned things about himself as he
wrote,
things he hadn't realized he thought. It had made him
take a long, hard look at himself, and
Cade
realized
he wasn't too keen on everything he saw.

After a final look round the garden, he made his way inside.
He pondered on his soul searching over the garden fork. There were a lot of
things that he hoped he would have a chance to share with Anna. However much he
wanted it to be different,
Cade
knew he had to wait
to let her make the first move. As hard as it had been, he'd not tried to find
her and had honored her request to let her sort herself out. It was one of the
most difficult things he'd ever done and went against all his nurturing
instincts.

Once he'd showered away the fruits of his labors,
Cade
made a pot of coffee and wandered into the study. The
room called to him in a way that gave him a quiet sense of satisfaction. Even
though he might have left one part of his life behind, he was hopeful this new
phase would be equally rewarding. He banished the tiny
niggle
of doubt at how ruthlessly he'd cut things. If Anna did come home he wanted to
show her he didn't need the club or what happened within its walls.
 
Or at home?
He ignored the wayward thought. If it took
that to keep Anna, so be it.

He put his mug on a shelf a good distance away from the
computer and looked around. As ever the room worked its magic on his nerves.
Cade
switched on his computer and opened his emails.
Absently he reached for his mug and smelled the rich coffee aroma. He stopped
with the mug halfway to his mouth, and with none of his usual care put it down
next to the keyboard.

Even just seeing her name made his cock
throb.
Oh shit, I still have it bad.
He could
only hope it was more than her usual two words. His fingers slipped off the
mouse as he went to click to open it, and
Cade
swore.
It was stupid, but he couldn't stop the tremble that went through him. Every
time he thought he should be due an email he worried that it wouldn't appear.
Which he acknowledged was stupid, because if he knew anything it was that Anna
kept her word.