Married by Christmas (18 page)

“A girl.” Rebecca squeezed Caleb’s arm, joy for the special couple making her almost giddy.

“How’s Kate?” he demanded, looking more upset than pleased. “And the baby?”

“They’re both fine. Come over and meet her. Not sure if you’ll get to hold her, though. Depends if you can pry her out of her pa’s arms.” He chuckled, clearly thrilled to pieces at the arrival of his first granddaughter.

Some of Caleb’s tension ebbed. He fingered the scruff on his chin. “I need to bathe and shave first.”

“Nah—” Sam waved him off “—as long as your hands are scrubbed clean, I say don’t worry about it.”

Impatient to see the baby, Rebecca grabbed her coat and scarf. “Come on. I’m dying to see who she looks like.”

“Doesn’t have much hair,” Sam said, “much like her pa when he was a babe.”

“What about Caleb? Was he bald, too?” she couldn’t resist asking. He tossed her a startled look.

Sam grinned. “Unlike his brothers, Caleb was born with a shock of black hair. Good-lookin’ kid. Everyone who saw him said so.”

“I’m not surprised,” she murmured, “considering the handsome man he’s grown into.”

Caleb’s throat worked and the tips of his ears went red. “Okay, enough of that.” Turning his back on them, he pulled on his duster and worked quickly to do up the buttons. Sam winked at her.

* * *

A hushed silence cloaked the interior of Josh and Kate’s cabin. They waited in the living room while Sam went upstairs to alert the new parents of their arrival. Beside her, Caleb shifted nervously.

“You’re not frightened of a little baby, are you?” she teased.

He frowned, grooves on either side of his mouth appearing. “Don’t have much experience with them.”

“You’ll be a wonderful uncle, I’m sure of it.”

“I doubt she’ll see that much of me.” He looked at her askance. “Or have you forgotten our agreement?”

The joy leaked out of the moment. Pain replaced it. As Josh descended the stairs with a tiny bundle in his arms, Rebecca watched the emotions skittering across Caleb’s face. Brotherly pride edged with caution. Regret entwined with longing. And when the new father gingerly placed the baby in his brother’s arms, she thought her heart would rend in two. The way he gazed at his niece...

Caleb wants to be a father as much as I want to be a mother.
It was there on his face for anyone to see.

“She’s very quiet. And still. Too still.” He shot Josh a look that bordered on panic. “Is she supposed to be this still?”

Standing at the end of the couch, Josh peered down at his sleeping daughter and smiled, one that encompassed pride and love and wonder. “I’m told this is normal behavior for a newborn.”

“How’s Kate?” Rebecca asked, easing down beside her husband.

“She’s resting. Ma is up there with her.”

“You look strange,” Caleb said darkly. “What aren’t you saying? Was she in danger?”

Josh grimaced. Rebecca belatedly noticed his finger-tousled hair and wrinkled shirt, the shadows beneath his eyes. “I won’t lie. It was...difficult to see her in that much pain. By God’s grace, she made it through. I’m beyond amazed at her strength.” His blue gaze fastened onto Caleb’s. “Perhaps one day you’ll understand what I mean.”

Rebecca’s cheeks burned. As the years passed, people would wonder why she and Caleb didn’t have children. They wouldn’t broach the subject, of course, but they’d assume there were physical problems. They’d never know the real reason. Regret coated her mouth.

Caleb cleared his throat. “Would you like to hold her, Becca?”

Unable to speak, she merely nodded and avoided his piercing scrutiny as he passed the baby to her. Victoria was perfect. Small and pink and weightless as a cloud. Lightly skimming the fine blond hair, Rebecca fought back tears.
I will not feel sorry for myself. I will rejoice with all of my being for Josh and Kate’s blessing.

When the infant stirred, little fingers opening and closing, Rebecca handed her to her father. “She’s beautiful, Josh. Please tell Kate I’m thrilled for you both.”

He smiled, but his gaze was searching. “I will.”

“I’d better go and check on Amy.” Rushing to escape, she was midway through the orchard when Caleb caught up to her.

“Becca, wait.”

“I’m in a hurry.” She kept walking, ducking beneath particularly low branches, disturbing birds. “I want to visit with Amy before I start in on the laundry.”

His hand clamped down on her elbow, and he hauled her around to face him. He looked like the mountain man she’d rescued that day in the snow, wild and untamed and dangerous. Definitely dangerous. The gray, overcast skies above rendered his collar-length hair a richer black, his eyes a more intense brown. Behind him, the naked branches of the apple trees marched along the field of pale green grass. The orchard would be breathtaking in the spring. She wished she could paint it, but by then he’d be gone and she’d be at her place in the cove.

“We need to talk.”

“Can’t it wait?”

“No, it can’t.” He stood so close she had to tilt her head back to meet his gaze. “We never talked about the fact that you want children.”

“We weren’t exactly given the opportunity to discuss it, were we?” She clenched her fists, feeling as if she was dying inside. “Besides, I saw how you looked at that baby. You want children, too.”

He looked grim. “It didn’t cross my mind until I married you.”

She stumbled back, grief slamming into her. How had things gotten so mixed up? How had she wound up here, married to Caleb and wishing for a real marriage with him?

“Why are you telling me this?” she scraped out.

He stood stiff and unmoving, fists clenched at his sides. “If we were able to have a child, you could raise him or her with the help of my family. My father and brothers would provide the proper male influences. You wouldn’t lack for help. You could move into my cabin permanently.”

Rebecca stared, heart thudding painfully against her rib cage. “You would do that?”

A breeze whipped his hair in his eyes, but he didn’t bother to brush it aside. “For you. Because you would be an amazing mother. Because you didn’t ask for this marriage, and I can’t deny you a child of your own.”

“And what about you? You would be content to only see him or her a couple times a year?”

Misery lined his features. “I’m not fit to be a father. You know that.”

“I know nothing of the sort,” she snapped, anger bubbling up inside. “I think it’s unreasonable and even selfish of you to make such an offer. You haven’t considered what your absence would do to a child, have you?”
Or to me,
she thought miserably.

“I’m merely trying to find a way to make you happy,” he growled, ramming unsteady hands through his hair. “You deserved to marry the man of your dreams, to build a family with him.”

“You keep saying I deserve to be happy and you don’t. What makes me better than you? I make mistakes. I have faults. We all do. God alone is perfect. It’s because of His compassion that He doesn’t give us what we truly deserve. He chooses to bless us, to extend mercy and grace, because He loves us. So stop making yourself out to be the villain, because you’re no worse than me or your brothers or anyone else in this town.”

Rebecca marched off, unwilling to stick around for his response. And before she blurted a truth so shocking he’d never believe her—that
he
was shaping up to be the man of her dreams.

Chapter Twenty-Two

T
he first half of January slipped past in a succession of dreary days made more miserable by the wintry standoff between her and Caleb. Since the day she’d left him standing in the orchard, he’d done his best to avoid her. There were no more leisurely breakfasts. By the time she awoke each morning, he was already in the barn milking the cows. Rebecca wasn’t sure what he did for lunch, but she suspected he either took a sandwich or stopped in at the main house. Supper was a strained affair. Their stilted conversations—if they spoke at all—revolved around the weather and farm workings.

There was absolutely no mention of the baby. Rebecca had gone to visit Kate and Victoria every other day, careful not to stay long and tire out the new mother. When she’d learned Caleb hadn’t been back since the baby’s birth, she’d known immediately what he was doing. Guarding his heart. Why get attached when he wasn’t going to be around?

There’d been no more sightings of Samantha and her gang. Shane hadn’t discovered any links between them and the locals, which meant Rebecca hadn’t been off O’Malley land except for Sunday church services. Amy had to be escorted to and from school. She didn’t complain, however, as she was perfectly content living with Sam and Mary. Rebecca suspected that for her sister, the older couple helped fill the gaping hole left by their parents.

Removing a heavy cast-iron skillet of corn bread from the stove, she plunked it on the cooktop and laid the towel aside. Boots thudded on the porch seconds before the door swung open and Caleb’s imposing presence filled the space. What was he doing here in the middle of the day?

Her heart flailed at the sight of him. His black duster hugged his sturdy shoulders, the sides open to reveal a black vest, forest-green shirt underneath and black trousers encasing his long, muscular legs. A black-and-white handkerchief protected his neck from the cold.

Her husband had become a forbidding stranger, and it hurt. Especially when she recalled the tender moments that had passed between them—the way he’d held her hands as they’d exchanged vows, comforted her after Wendell and Samantha’s visit, the expression on his face Christmas morning as he’d watched her open her gifts and the reverence with which he’d slid the gold band onto her finger.

She missed his crooked smile. She missed the heat and admiration in his eyes right before he kissed her—

“Are you busy?”

“I, uh, not really. Do you need something?”

“I need to go to the smithy.” He paused, uncertainty marking his features. “I thought I could drop you off at Clawson’s and afterward we could stop at Plum’s for dessert.”

He was offering to spend time with her? Hope flared. Despite the many problems in their relationship, she’d begun to treasure the reemerging friendship between them. Things would never be easy, but surely they could achieve some level of contentment.

When he’s around, I mean. Don’t forget he’s leaving the moment Samantha’s in custody. Don’t expect more than he’s willing to give.

Recalling the night he’d told her he didn’t want her heart, that he didn’t care if she loved Adam forever, pain lodged in her chest.

Caleb must’ve taken her hesitation for reluctance. “If you’d rather not go—”

“No.” She quickly untied her apron strings. “I want to go. I’m just surprised by the invitation, that’s all.”

Shifting his weight, his gaze landed on the floor. “Figured you needed a change of scenery as much as I do. There haven’t been any sightings of the gang in town since the last time. We should be safe.”

Memories of that last trip to town and the resulting embrace slammed into her. She couldn’t resist a peek at his firm, perfectly shaped mouth. Caleb looked up and caught her staring. Longing darkened his eyes. His hands curled into fists, and he half turned away. “I’ll saddle up a horse for you. Unless you need the wagon?”

They’d stocked up on flour and sugar and other dry goods last week—she’d given Nathan a list of items, which he’d gladly procured for them. Besides, riding close beside him on the narrow seat would only make her want things she shouldn’t. “No, thanks. I’d enjoy the ride.”

Touching the brim of his hat, he closed the door without another word. Hurrying into the bedroom to change, she impulsively chose the dress from Nicole and her sisters.

His stunned expression when she emerged onto the porch made up for his cool distance of the past weeks. His gaze did a slow inspection from the tips of her leather boots—snagging on the snug bodice and waistline—to the matching ribbons in her upswept hair.

He came to assist her into the saddle. “New dress?”

Her mouth went dry when he took hold of her hand. His heated skin seared hers. “It was a wedding present from your cousins.”

“Nicole does good work. Suits you perfectly. In case I haven’t mentioned it, you’ve grown into a beautiful woman, Becca,” he said as he handed her up onto Cocoa’s back. “I’ll be the envy of every man in Gatlinburg.”

Tightening her hands around the reins to keep from burying them in his hair, she stared deep into his eyes. “And I’ll be the envy of the women.”

Shock parted his full lips. Then he surprised her by smiling. “They’ll certainly wonder what you see in me.”

Pushing off, he went to mount the horse he’d borrowed from Josh. By his easy movements, she couldn’t tell he’d been injured at all. The tension had lifted, and the ride into town was pleasant. At Clawson’s, he waited until she had her horse hitched to the post.

“I’ll join you here shortly.”

She stepped onto the crowded boardwalk. With warmer temperatures and the sun shining in a clear blue sky, shoppers were out in droves. “I’ll wait for you.”

Touching a finger to his hat’s brim, Caleb nudged his horse on down the street. Inside the mercantile, shoppers roamed the aisles and lined up to pay for their items. Rebecca spotted Nicole behind the counter helping customers and waved.

“Hi, Rebecca.” Her eyes lit up when she noticed the dress. Pointing to a package she was wrapping, she shrugged and mouthed,
Talk to you later.

Rebecca smiled and strolled to the paper goods section in the middle aisle. She didn’t expect to see anything new—Emmett Moore stocked pretty much the same items from year to year. She wasn’t here to shop, really. Just being in the presence of other people buoyed her spirits. And there was the dessert at Plum’s to look forward to.

“Excuse me.”

Rebecca turned to see an unfamiliar young lady approaching. Petite and smartly dressed with blond ringlets peeking out of her bonnet, her eyes were kind and set in a pleasant face.

“Good afternoon,” Rebecca offered politely, all the while racking her brain for a clue as to her identity. She didn’t resemble anyone of her acquaintance, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t be visiting family in the area.

“I apologize for my rudeness, but I overheard the shop assistant speaking to you a moment ago. Is your name by chance Rebecca Thurston?” Curiosity sparkled in her pale blue eyes.

“That’s me. Although it’s Rebecca O’Malley now.”

The stranger’s resulting smile was blinding. “Oh, you’re married? How wonderful.”

Thoroughly confused, Rebecca openly studied the girl. “Have we met before?”

Clapping a hand over her mouth, she giggled nervously. “Forgive me, you must think I’m a complete ninny.” She thrust out her hand. “I’m Laura Tierney. You don’t know me, but I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Tierney.
Rebecca limply shook Laura’s hand, foreboding settling like cold mist in her bones.

“Laura, sweetheart, I found the—” A voice she hadn’t heard in over a year drifted behind her, a voice that used to call
her
sweetheart. “Rebecca? Is that you?”

Feeling as if she was in a dream, Rebecca slowly swiveled to gaze dazedly at the good-looking man in the wheelchair. “Adam.”

Her former love looked very much the same save for a light beard. His wheat-colored hair was cut short as usual, and he was dressed simply, having never made much of a fuss over clothes, as long as they were clean. Right this moment, his eyes were colored with consternation and regret.

“Rebecca, I had intended to pay you a visit.” His voice carried a note of strain. He cast a glance in Laura’s direction and grimaced. “I hadn’t envisioned us meeting up like this.”

“You mean here in front of everyone?” Already the banker’s wife and another couple had abandoned their shopping to observe this most intriguing meeting between the jilted bride and her replacement. She should be used to this by now, what with Adam’s abandonment and her forced marriage to Caleb.

“What’s a little more gossip?” she quipped, hysteria bubbling to the surface. Turning to address the blonde woman, she said with false brightness, “You must be Adam’s new wife. Welcome to our humble town. How long are you planning to visit?”

Laura’s manner had turned uncertain. “I’m not sure. Adam indicated we may be here a week or two, at least. He hasn’t been home to see his family in quite some time.”

“Rebecca.” Adam rolled the chair closer. “Can we go somewhere more private?”

Around them, chatter had ceased, and it seemed to Rebecca that all eyes were on her and Laura.
What does she give you that I couldn’t?
she wanted to demand of Adam. Slightly nauseous, she clasped her hands tightly together and fought to appear calm.

“Please excuse me.”

“Rebecca, wait—”

Ignoring Adam’s quiet request, she plunged headlong down the aisle intent on escape.

* * *

The bell above the mercantile door dinged as Caleb entered. The unusual hush struck him first. Odd. Clawson’s was full of people conducting business. There should be conversation and the sounds of scoops and weights and paper rustling as Nicole and Emmett assisted customers. Instead, everyone stood frozen, fascinated by something in the middle of the store. Nicole’s mouth was pinched, violet eyes blazing with ill-humor. Something was wrong.

Clipped footsteps registered to his left. The skin on the back of his neck prickling, he turned and observed Becca heading straight for him along this outer aisle. Skin as pale as moonlight, cheeks hollow, she appeared to have suffered a severe shock.

She would’ve barreled right past him out the door if he hadn’t laid a hand on her arm. “Rebecca, what’s wrong?”

Her jade eyes were empty, blank. It was as if she didn’t even recognize him. “I have to go.”

“What’s happened?” he demanded in a low voice, aware that everyone’s attention had swiveled their way.

“Caleb?”

Becca went stiff. Caleb dropped his hand and, heartbeat thundering in his ears, searched out the owner of that voice. Couldn’t be, could it? But there sat his childhood friend. The man he’d condemned to a wheelchair. The man who’d abandoned Becca.

Guilt and anger wrestled for victory, clouding his thinking to the extent he didn’t try and stop her from leaving the store. She was gone in an instant, hurrying to her horse.

“What are you doing here, Adam?” The question came out more sharply than he’d intended, but all he could see was Becca’s face. She was hurting, and Adam was responsible.

“My folks have been asking for us to visit for a while. I couldn’t put them off any longer.”

“Us?” He belatedly noticed the small blonde standing slightly behind Adam’s wheelchair.

His old friend’s smile spoke of true happiness. “This is my wife, Laura. Laura, meet Caleb O’Malley.”

“Pleased to meet you,” she said, keen interest on her face. “You’re Rebecca’s husband?”

Startled, his gaze swerved to Adam’s. But he remained unruffled. “That’s right.”

Hands folded in his lap, Adam said simply, “My parents wrote me about your marriage.”

The door opened behind Caleb as another customer entered. He edged sideways to give the man room to pass. Adam had a wife. No wonder Becca had run out of there as if her skirts were on fire.
She still loves him,
he thought, despair gripping him.
His wife was in love with another man and there was nothing he could do about it.

“You should go and talk to Becca,” Caleb said darkly, even as jealousy reared its ugly head. “She deserves an explanation, don’t you think?”

He nodded in solemn agreement. “You’re right, and I will. But first I’d like to talk to you.”

“Not here.”

Adam agreed. Laura offered to stay behind and finish her shopping. When she bent to kiss her husband’s cheek, the affection she felt for him was plain as day. And while she seemed curious about Caleb, she gave him the impression that she fully trusted Adam and wasn’t bothered by his ex-fiancée’s earlier presence.

On the boardwalk, Adam paused. “I’ll need help getting this contraption down the stairs,” he said with wry humor. “Care to help a friend out?”

Caleb strove to hide his surprise. From his family’s reports after the accident, Adam hadn’t handled his paralysis well. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed the handles and maneuvered the wheels to the dirt street below. Talk about past mistakes slapping him in the face. How could Adam stand to look at him, let alone speak to him?

“Where to now?” Caleb grunted, noticing the stares of passersby.

“I seem to recall a spot behind the mercantile with a fine view of the river.”

He tried not to jostle the man, but the dirt road wasn’t smooth and neither was the grassy expanse near the riverbank.

As if sensing his thoughts, Adam said over his shoulder, “Don’t worry, I’m used to it.”

When they’d reached the bench, Caleb dropped his hands to his sides. Moved around to face Adam.

“There’s something I’ve needed to say to you since the night everything went wrong. I’m sorry. Sorry for daring you to break in. Sorry I couldn’t help you when that stack fell.” Confronted with the result of his reckless behavior, the remorse that had burdened him every day since weighed heavier than ever. He clenched his fists. “I know words won’t change facts, but that’s all I have to offer.”

“My parents told me that you came to see me.” Adam’s gaze was steady, calm. Devoid of accusation. “They also told me how they turned you away. They feel bad about the way they acted, but haven’t known quite how to approach you.”