Marks on My Skin (Love & Ink #1) (25 page)

I’d gotten what I wanted.

No. I wanted Kieran.

Fuck, what am I doing?

Without further thought, I pulled myself off the bed. My body moved on automatic, my nerves strung tight like a bow. I didn’t want Kieran’s body or Kieran’s domination. I wanted him and I needed to tell him that. Now.

My hair was nearly dry now. The ends were still wet and clinging to my back, but I didn’t have time to dry it. I grabbed a skirt off the floor and scoured my laundry basket for a bra and a shirt before slipping on a pair of boots. I gave myself a hasty appraisal in the mirror and frowned, but I didn’t want to take any more time getting over there.

Grabbing my keys I hurried downstairs to my car. My mind drifted back to last night and the early morning hours. He’d held me, kissed me slow and sweet. Our bodies had moved together in a gentle, fluid motion, both of us weighed down with exhaustion but still wanting. I’d never made love like that. Emotions welled up inside me, and in the dark, I’d pretended they weren’t there. But I was right. Things were much clearer in the light of day. Unfortunately, so were my fears and weaknesses.

I parked in front of Niall’s apartment and flipped the mirror open on my car visor. My terrified brown eyes stared back at me. I put on a little eyeliner and lipstick with shaky hands and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to look a little more presentable. Still, I couldn’t convince myself to get out of the car. I just sat there staring back at my reflection, fists squeezing the steering wheel.

What are you afraid of, Shayne?
Darren’s words echoed in my ears.

Just do this,
I told myself.
Kieran’s a good guy. Quit pushing him away. There’s nothing to be scared of.

I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, but it did nothing to calm the heavy thump in my chest. I needed to do this. After a few more minutes I managed to pry myself out of my Thunderbird and made my way into Niall’s building. I had no idea what I’d say to Kieran when I saw him.

By the time I reached Niall’s apartment door my stomach was doing enough somersaults that I doubted any coherent speech would be possible. I smiled to myself thinking of the last time I was here. When Kieran had slipped and cracked his head open, all because of stupid lube. A nervous giggle escaped me. He really had a lot to learn still, but I wanted to be there with him as he learned it.

Another deep breath and I knocked on the door. I heard footsteps inside and a moment later the door swung open. Kieran stood there, wide-eyed.

“Shayne? What are ya doin’ here?”

“I, um…” My courage faltered and I looked down at my shoes.

“What are you afraid of, Shayne?”

“Nothing.”

Thwack!

“Shayne?” Kieran frowned at me. I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him before I could lose my nerve. I wrapped my arms around him, willing his lips to move with mine. But they didn’t. His whole body was rigid, his shoulders tense.

“Shayne…”

I pulled back from him and that’s when I saw her. A picturesque blond perched on the couch with a long cascade of wavy curls that could only come from a set of hot rollers.

“Who’s that?”

“I’m his wife, now care to say who the fuck you are?” Her cold blue eyes appraised me with a look of disdain before she turned her attention to Kieran. “Well?”

“Shayne’s a…friend.” Kieran gave me an sideways glance. I wanted to feel hurt by that, but what was I to him exactly? I wasn’t his girlfriend…or anything more. I’d made that clear this morning, hadn’t I?

Kendall stood and let out a little huff. “Right. A friend. More like fuck buddy. Sorry about ruining your plans with my sudden appearance but I needed to speak with my husband. If you could just shut the door on your way out that would be great.”

I stepped back but Kieran grabbed my wrist. “Shayne, I didn’t know she’d show up. And as far as I’m concerned she was just leavin’.”

“Wow dear, gotten ballsy since I last saw you. I like it.” Kendall stepped toward us and Kieran pulled me behind him as if she was a venomous snake. That wouldn’t be that far off from the things I’d heard about her.

“Ya need ta leave, Kendall. I’ve got nothin’ else ta say ta ya.”

She blinked, and tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Manipulative didn’t even start to describe her.

“Is she the reason you refuse to talk to me? Found some two-bit slut to run around with and now I’m nothing to you?”

“Don’t feckin’ call her that. Not after what ya did. Just go.”

“No. I needed to talk to you. I made a mistake.”

I rolled my eyes and caught the sharp glance she gave me as Kieran scrubbed a hand over his face in exasperation.

“Ya feckin’ cheated on me. I don’t even know how many times or how many men ya screwed behind my back. What do ya want me ta say? All’s fine? All’s forgiven?”

Her bottom lip trembled, no doubt for added effect, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

“I want you to give me a second chance. I want you to give
us
a second chance. I took you for granted and I’m sorry.”

God, she was so full of shit. Kieran had to see that. At least I hoped he did.

His grip on my wrist tightened and I heard the slow breath blow past his lips before anger exploded in his voice. “Dammit, do ya know how much ya fecked with my head leavin’ like ya did? I loved ya and ya ripped my feckin’ heart out! I don’t want ta go through that again. I won’t.”

She threw herself at him, forcing him to let go of me as he caught her by the arms. “I’m sorry, Kier. I love you.” She sobbed full force against his chest and a small crack in his otherwise stony composure surfaced.

A tight knot swelled in my gut and I fought the urge to interfere. No, this was between them. I couldn’t do that.

“The feck’s she doin’ here?” Niall’s voice came from the open door, a deep scowl—not unlike Kieran’s—etched across his face. Kendall gave him a helpless look then returned her gaze to Kieran for help.

Kieran let go of her elbows and his own scowl softened as he looked at his younger brother. “She came ta talk ta me.”

Niall snorted, giving Kendall a disparaging look. “Feck the cheatin’ bitch, what’s there ta talk about aside from her feckin’ every man in Cali?”

“Fuck you, Niall!” Kendall’s tears came in another uncontrolled wave and Kieran had to hold her back.

“Oh, ya goin’ ta hit me fer callin’ it like I see it? Go on, love! I won’t hit a lady, but since we all know yer certainly not one, I’m willing ta make an exception.”

“Enough!” I jumped, startled by the loud boom of Kieran’s voice and took a step back.

“No, why the feck would ya even waste yer breath on her, Kier? She’s a feckin’ whore—”

Kieran’s hand clamped on his brother’s arm, roughly tugging him toward the front. “Outside! Now!” He growled, and for a moment I thought another scuffle was about to break out. From my vantage point I saw both of them gesturing wildly down by the stairs, their muffled argument unintelligible. I felt Kendall’s gaze boring into me and turned my attention to her, letting my features smooth into an unreadable expression.

“So how long have you been fucking my husband? Hmm? You did know he was still married, didn’t you?”

I clenched my jaw and gave her a faint nod. “And when you fucked five guys, you knew you were still married, didn’t you?”

Her lips twisted with anger and her nostrils flared in a rather unladylike expression. I couldn’t help the small smirk that crossed my lips with the ounce of satisfaction I got from it. She quickly recovered with an undignified huff and pulled herself up straight, crossing her arms over her chest once again as she appraised me with a smug look.

“You do know he’s going to listen to me, don’t you? I know Kieran.”

“And so do I. Probably better than you do.”

She let out a laugh and turned up her nose at me. “Just because you’ve had my husband’s cock inside you doesn’t mean you know him. We’ve been together for over six years. Married for five of those. I know how to make him do whatever I want. I’ve got him wrapped around my finger.”

“So you think being a manipulative bitch is something to be proud of? Do you even really love him, or is it just that you don’t have someone taking care of your pampered ass anymore?”

Kendall smiled at that. A cold-hearted look that gave me my answer.

“It doesn’t matter, does it? All I’ve got to do is turn on the waterworks and he’s mine.”

Disbelief and anger boiled over and before I could stop myself, my fist connected with her jaw, sending her stumbling back. She caught herself on the arm of the couch and swung back around, grabbing my hair, and sending me off balance. I tried to catch myself, but missed. My face caught the corner of the coffee table and split open the skin over my cheekbone with a searing sting, dazing me momentarily. Kendall huffed in satisfaction and I swung back around ready to lunge at her once more.

“Whoa! What the feck is goin’ on in here?” Kieran came between us, hauling me up by the waist to stop me.

“She hit me!” Kendall wailed, holding the side of her face.

“And from the looks of it, ya hit her too!” Kieran ignored her, fuming as he snatched a take-out napkin off the coffee table and pressed it to my bleeding cheek. “Ya alright, Shayne?”

I started to speak, but Kendall let out another little huff.

“She hit me while I’m carrying
your
child!”

Kieran froze, turning his attention to her.

“What?”

“I’m pregnant…and I know it’s yours. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else at that time.”

The color drained from Kieran’s face. His hands dropped away from me and a sinking feeling settled in my gut. I held the napkin to my swelling cheek, glaring at her.

“She’s a liar. What’s it been? Four months? Why isn’t she showing yet?”

Kieran glanced at her stomach, then me, his own war of emotions pulling at his features.

“Why aren’t ya showin’?” He asked.

Kendall huffed and pushed her hair out of her face, glaring at me once more. “Unlike some of us, women don’t always show as fast as others…though I’m sure with your fat ass, you would.”

“You fucking—” Niall’s arms were around my waist, lifting me off the floor so that all I managed was a pitiful flailing of limbs as I lunged for her. She flashed me a satisfied smirk that only set my blood boiling. Then with a poised air of satisfaction, she pulled something out of her purse. An ultrasound.

“There…not lying. That’s your baby. Remember? The child you always talked about wanting, Kier? We were happy once…we could be again. You, me, and
our
baby.”

Kieran took the paper from her and his mouth fell open. His shoulders slumped and I saw the look of defeat move through his eyes. My heart dropped into my stomach. I
was
right. I did know Kieran. He was sweet, loving, and loyal to a fault. But Kendall knew him too, and as she’d said, they had a history. He had a past with this woman and had loved her for years. And if she was pregnant with his child, then he wouldn’t abandon her. The sad, heartbreaking look he gave me only confirmed my suspicions. Just like that, the fight went out of me. I leaned back into Niall for support and he held me tighter as her words struck me hard.

The child you always wanted.

That was one thing I hadn’t known about Kieran…and one thing I could never give him. He’d known that too. Kendall certainly had me there—if she was even really pregnant.

“She’s lying. She has to be.” My voice was weak, more filled with disbelief than outrage this time.

“Excuse me? I’ve got the proof right here.” Kendall snatched the ultrasound out of Kieran’s hand and waved it in my face triumphantly.

“Kendall, stop! Can ya give us a minute?” Kieran caught her wrist and pulled her back.

She smoothed her blouse and smiled at him, before giving me one last scouring stare. “Fine. I’ll just go start packing your things.”

Kieran winced, watching her go down the hall and Niall let go of me, stepping out of the apartment to give us privacy.

“She’s just using you.” I whispered, tears pooling in my own eyes.

“But, she’s pregnant. Ya know I can’t just…”

“Yes, you could. You could stay here with me and…” And what could I offer him? Not a child. Hell the thought of being his girlfriend was terrifying enough, let alone my inability to have a child.

“It’s my child, Shayne. I have ta try.”

I grabbed his hand, pressing it against my uninjured cheek as more tears escaped. “Please, Kieran. She doesn’t love you. She just wants to control you.”

Kieran’s lips pressed together and he brushed his thumb against my cheek, frowning at the injury.

“I’m sorry, Shayne.” His voice broke and tears glistened in his eyes.

I wanted to tell him more. That she didn’t love him, but I did…or I could if he’d just stay. But they lodged in my throat as I drowned in his pale blue eyes.

“Don’t go, Kier.” I pleaded. Kieran let out a sigh, and leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on my forehead before he let go of me.

“I have to go.” He whispered. I went for the door as calmly as possible, ignoring the swelling pain in my cheek and in my chest. The door closed behind me, and all at once the emotions came rushing up. I choked off a sob and shoved past Niall standing next to the stairs. He tried to stop me, but I was halfway down the first flight already. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want comfort. All I wanted was to get to the safety of my car and get as far away from here as possible.

What are you afraid of, Shayne?

That things might be different this time.

But they weren’t.

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

Denial and Dartboards

It had been a week since Kieran left. I went about my life, much like I had been before he walked into it. But I didn’t feel as if I was really there. My brain was on auto-pilot. I smiled and joked with my clients as they came and went, but I didn’t really feel anything. I couldn’t.

If I did, then I’d have to admit how upset I was about Kieran going back to Kendall. And as a result of that, I’d have to admit how idiotic I was for thinking he would stay. The last month with him had been unreal. I’d felt connected somehow. But that’s all it had been. A month. Not years together, not even a relationship. We weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. We weren’t even dating. We were fucking. That was all. There weren’t any stupid, senseless emotions attached. Certainly not love.