Marks on My Skin (Love & Ink #1) (10 page)

“It was you.”

My movements stilled. I stared at her in a mixture of confusion and lust as I processed her words.

“It was you.” She repeated. “Yesterday. It was you I was thinking about.”

Realization slammed into me and I crushed my lips against hers, my tongue desperate, searching for hers.
No, still not enough.
I pushed her forward with my body and bent her over the stereo system—the closest thing to us. Shayne glanced back at me, wide-eyed and panting. I pulled my shirt off, undid my belt, and slid my pants and boxers down my hips. She hastily tugged her knickers down around her thighs, giving me a clear view of the marks Darren had left on her. I groaned and my cock twitched at the sight.

“Say it again.” I swallowed hard and came up behind her, brushing the head of my cock against her. She whimpered and I spread the lips of her warm cleft, teasing her opening. Shayne squeezed her eyes shut and pushed against me, but I couldn’t stop the words from coming again. “Say it, Shayne.”

“It was you.”

I pushed into her and a groan tore from my throat as her warmth surrounded me. I grabbed her hips, thrusting deeper, needing more. Shayne gasped, arching her back and steadying herself against the stereo speaker. I drove into her. Harder. Faster. She cried out and I squeezed her arse in my hands, burying myself inside her over and over until her legs trembled. Her knees buckled beneath her, and I caught her around the waist, pulling her up against me.

“Ya alright?” I asked against her cheek, my voice ragged with exertion.

Her chest heaved and she nodded, barely able to speak herself.

“Don’t. Stop.”

Shayne’s words sent electric jolts through me and I fisted a handful of her hair, plunging into her as deep as I could go. From this position I could see our bodies in the full-length mirror on the other side of her bed and the look of complete esctasy etched across Shayne’s face. Her body tensed in my arms and I pulled her tight against me, sinking my teeth into the soft flesh at the curve of her neck. She came, screaming my name. Her muscles squeezed and spasmed around my cock, and I collapsed with her over the stereo as my own body gave into its release. Wave after wave of pleasure shook through us both, mixing with the bass and treble of the music blaring from the speakers.

Several minutes later we sank to the floor, boneless and spent. I laid flat on my back with her in the crook of my shoulder. Shayne’s breathing was already slowing with the rhythm of sleep and I watched her in amazement before staring up at the ceiling. Out of all the times I’d made love to Kendall, it had
never
been like that. It had never been that powerful, that intense. Small tremors still moved through me in the wake of it all. Rather trite as the phrase was, the only words I could think of to describe what I’d just done with Shayne was utterly mind-blowing. I hadn’t ever lost myself so completely before. Maybe I didn’t have a lot to compare it to, aside from my wife and the one girlfriend I’d had on and off during high school. But why, with Shayne, was it so different? I glanced at her again, still filled with disbelief. Her features were relaxed with sleep, exhaustion from the day finally settled in. Just like her though, I was exhausted and my mind refused to think on it further. I fell asleep then, with Shayne’s naked warmth curled against mine.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I’m Not Broken

It was early evening, I realized as I awoke. I also realized quite quickly that I was on the floor of my apartment, next to Kieran. Both of us in various states of undress. His chest rose and fell as he slept, his pants still around his ankles. I studied him in repose, from the shape of his lips, his jaw, his defined chest, the taut planes of his abdomen…and lower. The earlier events of the day rushed back to me and I swallowed hard, squeezing my thighs together. It only amplified the pleasant soreness between my legs, and I bit back a whimper as tendrils of awareness crept through me. I’d never had an orgasm from just regular, vanilla sex. After everything I’d gone through, I didn’t even think it was possible. Apparently, I was quite wrong.

Kieran shifted against the floor next to me, and I looked back up at his face. His lips stretched into a sleepy grin and heat rose in my cheeks.
Had he seen me checking out his goods?
He put his arms behind his head and stretched, lifting his hips and drawing my attention back down to his crotch.
Yes, he had.

“Hey.” He cleared his throat and pulled up his pants.

“Hey.” A sudden wave of shyness washed over me and I turned away from him, pulling my panties back up and searching for my bra. It left me unsettled. Since when did I care if a man saw me naked after we’d slept together?

“What’s wrong?” His lips brushed my shoulder, sending goose bumps prickling over my skin. I paused, letting out a slow exhale. A mixture of happiness and unease moved through me at his touch, and I found myself wanting to pull away from him but craving more simultaneously.

“Nothing. I should probably get you back. Liam’s already going to throw one of his temper tantrums.”

Shit. Liam.
Guilt assailed me and I slumped down, staring at the floor. He’d asked me not to mess with Kieran. To keep away. Instead I’d done the exact opposite.

“He’ll be alright. Ya sure nothing’s wrong?” His hand trailed down my bare back and I shivered. The fresh memories of the visit with my mother came back and I suddenly felt cold and sick. No, I hadn’t just gone against what I’d promised Liam. I’d done it for my own sake, to erase the venomous words my mother seared into my brain.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” I whispered, not sure if I was saying it to him or myself. Panic settled in my stomach and I started to stand but Kieran pulled me back down next to him.

“Hey, what’s goin’ on? Talk ta me.”

I squeezed my eyes shut as if it would block out my mother’s words, or even him.

“Shayne, look at me.” Kieran slid his arms around my waist and turned me toward him. “Open yer eyes. Look at me.”

I listened, slowly opening my eyes to find his staring back. Kieran’s fingers brushed my cheek and I froze.

“Ya keep doin’ that. When I tried ta talk ta ya earlier ya shut down. Talk ta me.”

“You don’t want to know.” My voice came out small.
Why was he having this effect on me?
If anyone asked about my past, I’d tell them to fuck off— especially a guy.

“I’m not going ta force ya ta tell me but I see that darkness that creeps out sometimes. I can tell there’s something underneath that tough exterior of yers.”

I stared at him in shock.
How in the hell did he see any of that?

Kieran stroked my cheek again, sadness deep in his blue eyes.

“It’s yer mum, the things she said ta ya, isn’t it? What the hell did that woman do ta ya?”

A sudden laugh bubbled up in my throat, taking even me by surprise. “She didn’t do anything. That was the problem.”

“What do ya mean?” Kieran’s hand stroked my shoulder and I melted into his touch. Every instinct inside me told me to run. I’d only known Kieran a couple of weeks, and here he was, asking me about things only one other person knew about me. Things I’d prefer no one knew. But something pulled me fast to the spot I was sitting in. Something in Kieran’s eyes forced the words from my lips.

“She was always more concerned about her next fix than me. The only thing she did for me was make me get a botched abortion.” An involuntary shudder ran through me at the memory. “It left me completely infertile. Given the mother she was, I figured that was a blessing in disguise.”

“Ya had an abortion?”

“I was thirteen. She made me get one…It’s a long story.” I averted my eyes. It wasn’t something I was proud of, even if I wasn’t given a choice. “She was never a good mother. My grandmother was the main reason I survived most my childhood, but then she died and the shit hit the fan. I was very developed for my age. My mother would disappear for days, sometimes weeks on end. I didn’t have money for food, for a warm jacket for winter and I didn’t want to get her in trouble. I was afraid of what would happen if she got locked up, so I did what I had to do. With men.”

“Thirteen?” I saw the horror in Kieran’s gaze and my stomach turned with a terrible lurch. But it was out, and I couldn’t stop the rest.

“At first, at least. It was for food, necessities, at times even shelter. But a couple years later, I was with a guy. He promised me one hundred bucks. I could feed myself for weeks on that if my mother disappeared for days on end like she usually did. But he didn’t tell me it would be him and his friends. I got upset and started crying. He wanted me to calm down so he had his friends hold me down and shot heroin in my arm. It felt like nothing you could believe. Then, just like that, I didn’t care about what they were doing to me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted to feel like that forever.” I closed my eyes in recollection and took a deep breath. “I spent the next three years chasing that high, but it never was the same. And like her, I didn’t care about anything else. Including myself.”

“Then what happened?” Kieran’s voice struck me and I saw the hint of tears in the corners of his eyes. The look of pure and utter shock.

“On my eighteenth birthday, my
friends
threw me a party. There were all kinds of drugs around. It’s amazing I didn’t manage to overdose. I was hoping I would. When I didn’t, I thought I’d finish the job off myself.” I laughed. It wasn’t funny but I laughed. “Nobody gave a shit about me. Not the guys at that party, or the girls. They all blurred together. Sweat and skin and body parts that didn’t care who I was. I stumbled into an apartment building. It was the tallest building I could get into. I don’t know how I managed the stairs. I don’t even remember stumbling up them, just coming out onto the roof and staring down at the blurred lights of the city. I was ready, I was just about to step off the edge, when someone yelled. ‘
Don’t
!’ they told me. It startled me and I almost fell, but they caught me. We fell down against the roof and I even tried to get back up. To get away from him. Who the hell was this guy to tell me what I could or couldn’t do? Nobody else fucking cared. But he caught me around the waist and I was no match for a guy his size in my fucked up state. He pinned me down, stared me straight in the eyes, and told me I was not allowed to jump. Not then, not ever.”

“Darren?” Kieran’s voice pulled me out of the memory and I nodded.

“Yeah. I guess you could say it was the first command he ever gave me. He made me get clean. I still smoke obviously, but even that he controls. I only get it from him, and if I go through it too fast, he won’t give me more. Nowadays, I only need it after seeing my mother.”

“I can imagine.” He shook his head then chewed at his lip. Questions sprang up behind his eyes. He moved his lips to speak, but instead kissed me. It was a soft, tender kiss, and it slayed me.
What am I doing?
I barely knew Kieran and I’d bared my soul to him. The air around me thickened, stifling me, and I pulled away.

“Come on. We should get you back to the shop.”

Shayne and I didn’t speak during the drive back to the shop. I wanted to say something comforting or reassuring, but how could anything I say make what she’d gone through any better? I was starting to see why Darren and her were so close though. As much as I hated to admit it, I liked the guy a little more now.

“I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that. I’m not broken.” Shayne’s voice cut into my thoughts. Embarrassed, I looked away.

“I never thought you were.”

I started to say something more, but stopped when I spotted Liam standing outside the back of the shop, scowling at us both.

“The hell happened ta ya two?” He started in on us before we even made it out of the car. “I tried calling the both of ya, but yer phone’s off and she never answered hers.”

I held my hands up as if approaching an angry bear. It really wasn’t much different, considering my brother’s size. “We got held up—”

“Ya two could have feckin’ called!” Liam got inches from my face, features hard in anger, but Shayne quickly wedged her way between us in an attempt to diffuse the situation.

“I had to go see my mother.” She said and Liam’s features immediately relaxed.

“Oh. Sorry. Is everything okay?”

“For now. We were already out by The Dirty Rich Hippie, so Kieran tagged along. Took longer than expected, otherwise I would have called.”

“It’s fine. I was just closing up the shop. Ya ready ta go?” He turned his attention back to me, his gaze still suspicious.

“Ya. I’ll see ya tomorrow, Shayne?”

“Not tomorrow, I’m afraid. I’m off.” She gave me a passive smile and turned back to her car, the ghosts from earlier still lingering in her gaze.

“C’mon, Kier. I’m exhausted.” Liam said after Shayne’s car disappeared down the alley. I nodded and got into his Charger, relaxing against the seat. I was exhausted as well, but for entirely different reasons. I closed my eyes, thinking about Shayne. Despite the horrid details she’d poured out to me, and the anger it lit in me, a warm glow of content still lingered over me. Both from the memory of her body joined with mine and the fact that she’d opened up to me.