Marked by Grief (6 page)

I thought he was going to finish the rest of the bag before we even got home. I was afraid he'd turn around and get another because he was eating them so fast."

Jason nodded. He remembered Bear's weird craving for sweets. He took a chance and moved forward. Kit came with him. "Did you get anything?"

Kit shook his head. "I didn't want anything. Just wanted to get out of the house and spend time with Bear. We were going to watch a Monty Python movie."

Jason smiled. He stil had the entire colection Bear bought him one year for his birthday. "And then what?"

Kit shook his head and his forehead creased.

He started to tremble under Jason's hand. A moment later tears began to leak from Kit's closed eyes and Jason puled him close against his side, wrapping his arms around him and resting Kit's head against his shoulder.

He'd pushed far enough, bringing Kit right up to the moment he knew the truck had hit them. "Breathe for me, Kit," he commanded lightly. "You're safe. We aren't going to go further than that today. You did great.

I'm very proud of you." He kissed Kit's forehead, then his temple. "Open your eyes. I'm right here."

Kit blinked up into the bright sunlight and Jason smiled at him. He held him for another moment, letting Kit share in his strength until the younger man took a step away from him. "Your truck is red." Jason nodded, knowing where he was going with this and letting him lead. "The man that murdered Bear was driving a blue truck."

Jason nodded. "Faded blue with white pinstripes. I saw the pictures."

Kit took a step forward and Jason went with him, keeping contact with the younger man in case he needed him again. Kit led him to the front of the truck and pointed at the closest light. "There was a dent there, on the hood. There was rust on it, like it'd been there for a while. I could see it in the street light above my head when the truck…" He shuddered and Jason nodded, letting him know it was okay to stop for today.

"I'm shit," Kit muttered darkly. "Bear saved my life and I can't even get in a fucking truck." He wrapped his arms around himself.

Jason added his arms in as wel, holding Kit tightly to him. "You're not shit, what you're dealing with is. And you can get in the truck. I'm right here with you and we'l go slow. Now take a step forward." Kit obeyed him, though his arms never dropped. "Good.

Now, my truck is red. I don't have ugly pin striping and I sure as hel don't have any rust on my beauty. Right?"

Kit nodded. "Is my truck the same truck that kiled Bear?" Kit hesitated, but the answer came a moment later as he shook his head. "That's right. It's not. I want you to reach your hand out and touch my truck. My bright red, shiny as an apple, truck your brother Bear helped pick out."

Kit stubbornly shook his head no but Jason moved his hands under Kit's arms anyway, forcing him to break the hold he had on himself. His arms came down as Jason's tightened on him, holding him close from behind. "Touch my truck, Kit. It's just an inanimate object. Steel body, rubber tires, leather seats. There's nothing evil or dangerous about it. This truck is not going to hurt you." Again Kit started to refuse but Jason used his much larger body to push him forward. He moved one of his hands under the hem of Kit's T-shirt and began to run his finger along the top of his jeans.

Kit had always been ticklish and the distraction seemed to help as he tried not to laugh.

"Touch the truck, Kit," Jason told him again, making sure to keep his fingers on the smooth skin of Kit's bely. When Kit hesitated, Jason puled his hand away.

Kit made a little moue of disappointment. "I like when you touch me," he said quietly, his gaze stil locked on the truck.

Jason nodded and smiled. He kissed the back of Kit's head. "And I like touching you. But I'm not going to reward you with something you like when you keep disobeying me."

Kit pursed his lips. "So I have to touch the truck to get you to touch me?"

"Yes, though not always. But when I've asked you to do something and you refuse, that is how it wil work." Jason took a breath. "You wil be getting in the truck, going for a ride with me to Happy Clucker on the way home, and then getting out of the truck once we reach my apartment. That wil al happen this afternoon.

While we are in my apartment you wil be rewarded.

How nice of a reward you get al depends on how good you are right now."

Kit closed his eyes and nodded. When he opened them again Jason could see he had focused.

"Touch the truck, get in the truck, get out of the truck, get reward?" Jason nodded. "Okay." His fingers flexed at his side. "Touch the truck."

The moment his hand started to rise from his side, Jason pressed his palm back against Kit's bely.

When he lifted his hand higher, Jason raised his hand to stroke Kit's sternum. And when Kit's hand brushed the truck's shiny hood, Jason's fingers found and teased Kit's left nipple. Kit instantly let his hand drop away from the truck's surface, but Jason kept his fingers on his nipple. He brought his mouth to the curve of Kit's ear, sucking on the tender skin as Kit trembled against him.

"Good," Jason said as he brought his head back up and let his hand drop down to Kit's navel. "Now get in the truck."

Kit looked back at him and frowned. "That's a pretty big step up from just touching it."

He nodded. Jason knew what he was asking of the younger man. "I know you can. And more than that, I know that you'l do what I want."

Kit gave him a light, teasing smile. "Oh, yeah?

Why's that?"

Jason was glad to see the old Kit shining through a little in that smile. He dropped his hand to the front of Kit's jeans and pressed back against the hard length there. Kit gasped and closed his eyes. Jason felt him move toward his hand and quickly puled away, putting his hand back on Kit's stomach.

"Why?" Jason teased him. "Because I know you want me too. And you are the only one delaying that. So get in the truck."

Kit shook his head but managed to walk a few feet around the side of the truck, keeping distance between himself and the vehicle. "Sex is a dirty, dirty tactic, Jason."

Jason shrugged. He'd use whatever means necessary to help Kit. This one happened to be the most beneficial to them both. He harbored no ilusions and had no expectations of the younger man. Al he would demand that night is that Kit trust him and let himself feel something other than grief for a few hours.

The rest was inconsequential right then. "Sex is only dirty if you're doing it right," Jason joked. "Now put your hand on the door."

Kit hesitated for a moment but quickly obeyed when the warmth of Jason's hand went away from his bely. "Very good. Now get into the truck." Jason knew this part would be hard for him so he let Kit take his time. He didn't push but stayed right there with him as Kit slowly climbed in the truck. Once he was in the seat, Jason put the seat belt on him and went around to the other side.

"Close the door, Kit," he said once he started the truck. Kit puled the door closed and flinched as the lock clicked. "Now." Jason turned toward him. "You've done very wel. Would you like a reward?" Kit's lips turned up into a little smile and gave him the slightest nod. "You'l answer me with words when you are able.

Let's try that again. Would you like a reward?"

Kit's eyes flashed as he quietly answered, "Yes, sir," in clipped tones.

Jason ruffled his hair. "The sir is unnecessary."

Kit gave him a quick smile right before Jason took his mouth in a kiss. This was a far cry from the gently exploring kiss they had shared in the shop. Jason took control of Kit's mouth, bruising his lips as he slid his tongue between the younger man's teeth, his fingers holding the back of Kit's hair. He held him for a moment longer, loving the way Kit responded to him and enjoying the muffled moans he made before puling back just enough for them to breathe.

"Do you want to date me?" Kit whispered, his voice hopeful as he looked up at Jason.

Shit. Jason sat back. He realy hadn't thought this through very wel. Of course Kit would ask that.

He'd dated only one guy Jason knew of and so had none of the experience the guys Jason usualy brought home did. They knew there wasn't going to be anything serious between them. Hel, they expected that and most of the time were getting their clothes on before Jason even mentioned them leaving. But Kit… Jason glanced over to the man beside him. Kit hadn't moved as he continued watching him with wide eyes and bruised lips.

"You wouldn't have kissed me if you didn't, right?" Kit pressed.

Jason took a breath and slowly blew it out.

"Kit, you see, I—" He aborted that train of thought instantly as Kit's face started to crumble. Jason watched as he brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them, protecting his smal body the best as he could as he turned and looked out the window.

"Fuck," Jason muttered. Dammit. By helping Kit he'd only served to hurt him further. He backed out of the parking lot and turned the truck down the town's only busy street. "Look, Kit, I'm not sure how to—"

"Stop. It's okay. Stupid of me," Kit interrupted, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. Jason heard him sniffle and watched him wipe his eyes. He reached his hand out and rested it against Kit's arm. At first Kit flinched away but he quickly returned, letting Jason's hand lay where it was.

Jason shook his head and sighed. He'd royaly fucked up. He was stil cursing himself as he puled up to the order window of the burger place.

"Helo and welcome to Happy Clucker. What can I happily make for you today?"

The perky girl in the speaker irritated Jason but he tried to remember the shit jobs he'd had as a teenager and took pity on her as he ordered for them both. "I'l take two vanila milkshakes, two double cheeseburgers with extra cheese and an order of onion rings."

"Would you like some Happy Sauce to go with your Happy Rings?"

Kit snorted beside him. Good, at least someone else thought it was funny. And what the hel was Happy Sauce supposed to be anyway? "Uh. No thanks."

"Al right, so your total wil be twelve dolars and sixty-two cents. Please pul forward to the Happy Window."

Jason roled his eyes. He'd been going there for years and had never heard anyone use the word happy so many times in so few minutes.

"She's realy happy," Kit said with a smal smile as he unfolded himself. Jason nodded, fuly agreeing with him as he puled up to the first window. A bored looking teenager took his cash and silently handed him back his change.

"Have a Happy day," the kid said as he handed Jason their food.

"You too." Jason handed Kit the bag of food and put their milkshakes in the drink holders between them before puling back onto the road. His apartment was only two blocks away and the anticipation was nearly painful as he reached down to adjust himself.

Unfortunately he caught Kit watching him a second too late, a blush already darkening his cheeks.

"I like Happy Clucker too. I haven't been since the last time Bear took me. Though, I've never actualy tried their chicken. I always get their burgers," Kit said as he took a sniff. "Smels good."

"It's good. I've tried the chicken but I prefer their burgers. They stil have that picture of Bear up by the registers. The one from after he took their chalenge and beat it. Remember?" Jason asked him as he puled into the parking lot of his apartment building.

Kit nodded. "Bear ate ten of their Insanely Happy spicy chicken sandwiches in under fifteen minutes. He was disappointed they didn't give him fries too."

Jason laughed. The sight of Bear gorging himself made Jason sick but he'd stayed right by Kit, cheering Bear on until the fifteen minute buzzer sounded. He also stuck around to hold his friend's long hair as he puked it al up in an aley half an hour later. He resisted touching Kit's much shorter strands. They both had fine blonde hair, much like their mother. Today Kit's was nearly wispy. Bear complained about his often. He didn't have the head to wear it shaved so he'd decided to let it grow long. Though he bitched about the hassle of that too.

Jason opened his door first and grabbed their milkshakes. Kit folowed closely behind him with the food. It'd been nearly a year since he'd had them over.

Jason had preferred to be at their house where there was room to stretch out. He loved his apartment but a one bedroom wasn't big enough for multiple guys to realy get comfortable.

He led the way up the short flight of stairs to his second floor apartment. He'd chosen it for the smal balcony it'd come with. He and Bear had spent a few warm nights sitting out there, drinking beer and laughing.

In his fridge he stil had four of the six beers Bear had brought over before Christmas. He unlocked the door and flicked on the light. Silently Kit folowed in behind him, his feet only making the slightest sound on Jason's linoleum entry way.

"Take a seat on the couch. I'l be back in a second." Jason put the milkshakes on the coffee table and then went to the bedroom to get changed.

Kit took a seat on the soft brown couch that was Jason's largest piece of furniture. Across from him a large TV was mounted to the wal and to his right were the wide doors that opened to the balcony. It'd been over a year since he and Bear had spent any time in the apartment. And the smal space hadn't changed much. It was stil neat, organized, and neutral with its browns and creams. But Jason had changed. Or maybe he'd always liked teling guys what to do. Maybe that's what made him a good boss. He didn't know for himself, but the guys at the shop sure loved working for him.