Mansfield Ranch (5 page)

How do I get a job without a car?
“Okay.”

“Oh, and Lilly?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time, it’s the horse.”

Princess Buttercup?
My stomach dropped. “Okay. I understand.”

“Think about it. When you’re done, I want you in the kitchen cleaning up. You got that?”

“Y—yes, sir.”

“Good night, Lilly.”

“Good night.”

He was gone. My hands began to shake. Then my elbows and then all the way up to my shoulders. I’d survived, like I always did, but another piece of my heart was gone. That hurt more than anything.

***

An hour later, I was still thinking about what I had done, and it still hurt.

“Knock, knock.”

This time it was Sean. Thank goodness.

“Hey, you. How are you doing?” He pulled out the desk chair and sat on it backwards.

“Fine,” I lied.

He smirked. “Yeah, I can tell. You seem really fine.”

I rolled my eyes and answered sharper than I meant to. “Why did you ask me if you already know the answer?”

Sean studied me awhile before answering. “Wow. It got to you bad today, didn’t it? You’re not usually like this. What happened?”

“Nothing. Everything. Nothing. Can we talk about something else?”

He ignored me and tried another tactic. “So why’d you flip out like that? We could hear you all the way in the living room.”

Oh, my gosh. I’m such an idiot! Talk about completely ruining a party.
I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands so I didn’t have to see him.
No wonder everyone hates me—I hate me. They all heard me chew him out—his parents, his sister, Sean—everyone!
A massive wave of mortifying grief washed over me as I contemplated the scene I must’ve created for them. Their son was a jerk, but that didn’t mean I had to be one too. All at once, I could feel the tears I tried so hard to hold back begin their annoying descent. Angry at myself, I wiped them away and covered my face again.

“Lilly, come on. It wasn’t that bad.” I was surprised to hear Sean so close to me. “Believe me, I was there. Harrison’s mom and dad totally reamed him—you have no idea.”

“What?” It came out a bit muffled, but I raised my head enough to peek into Sean’s eyes. He was kneeling right in front of me.

“They gave him a hard time, asking what he’d done to you—I’m not kidding. They totally blamed him for it.”

Are you kidding me?
“They did?” I lowered my hands and rested my chin on them, with my elbows on my knees. “Are you serious? Harrison’s in trouble?”

“Yeah. I think he is. His reaction wasn’t the best. You should’ve seen his face when he came in to the living room—I’d never seen anyone more amused in my life.”

“What?” I felt a flash of anger course through me. “No way. Harrison was laughing?”

“Well, as close as you can get without actually doing it—yeah. He looked way guilty.”

I shook my head and rubbed my face as I tried to comprehend what Sean was saying. “I can’t believe it. Really? He’s such a jerk!”

He chuckled and crawled up on the bed next to me. “So, are you saying you have no remorse?” he asked as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Urgh. A little.” I sighed. “I wish I hadn’t lost it. That had to have been so embarrassing for you guys—I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He brushed it off like it was nothing. “For adding a bit of excitement? No way—that party was getting too boring. Who wants to hear about Canada all night, anyway? Just think of it this way—you totally livened it up.”

I groaned.

Sean laughed as he tugged me toward his chest and wrapped his other arm around me. “It’s okay, I promise.”

I could feel his strong, steady heartbeat through his shirt, and it calmed me. After a couple of minutes, he pulled back and brushed my hair away from my forehead. His other hand was still on my shoulder. I grinned as I watched his intent look, determined to make my hair stay out of my face. It kept falling back down. After a couple more tries, I giggled. The sound must’ve surprised Sean because he glanced down and then smiled. “Your hair is as stubborn as you are.”

“I know.” I giggled again.

Sean’s dark eyes sparkled quietly into mine as he grinned his crooked grin at me. I loved that grin. I enjoyed the small dimple that only came out when he was truly happy
. Yay—he doesn’t hate me.
When I glanced back up, beaming, Sean’s smile fell halfway and then froze.
What?

All at once, I became aware of his hand on my shoulder and his other hand as it cupped my face. His gaze captured mine.

“Lilly?” he whispered.

The question hung between us.

I watched as his eyes lowered to my mouth and then I could feel his hands as they slowly tugged me toward him. My lashes unconsciously fluttered closed as I allowed the world to slip away in the new and undiscovered moment. His warm breath splayed across my lips and tingled deliciously. With a slight gasp, I waited and wondered what it would feel like to—

Sean muttered something and jerked away. Before I could even open my eyes to see what was wrong, I collided with his chest again. His arms wrapped me up tightly.

“I’m sorry, Lilly! I’m so sorry,” he frantically whispered into my ear while I tried to control the emotions and sensations his deep voice was causing me to feel.

What is wrong with me?

“I don’t know what came over me. Please forgive me, okay?”

I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. His words exploded all sorts of twinkling shivers down one side of my neck to my shoulder and then my back. Never had his whisper done that to me before.

“I . . . uh, don’t think I should have . . . I need to go.”

With a soft shove, Sean disentangled himself from around me and left the room before I could even think to breathe, let alone speak loud enough to tell him to stay.

I ran my hand gingerly over my mouth, my heart racing at the thought of him almost kissing me
. Oh, my gosh.

It was then that it hit me—
I’m in love with Sean Benally.

 I wasn’t sure how long I’d felt that way about him, or how long I was going to be able to hide my attraction, but one thing was for certain—I was scared. I knew there was no way in a million years he’d ever feel the same about me, and I didn’t think I could live next to him knowing I would always be his poor foster sister.

Chapter Six: New Beginning

Later that night as I cleaned up the kitchen, and then the next morning as I got ready for my early ride on Princess Buttercup, I was still marveling at the fact that I was in love with Sean. Honestly, how long had this been going on? Did I just realize I loved him, or had it been slowly growing all along? All I really knew for certain was that something had happened last night that I would never have predicted in a million years. Can you fall in love with your best friend just like that? Is it possible? Especially a best friend you’ve been raised with—I wasn’t sure I could.

I need to ride.

The morning was colder than normal, but it didn’t bother me. In fact, I reveled in the way the crisp air enhanced my senses. Riding was something that brought me the most joy. I wasn’t sure even Sean or his sisters understood how addicted to it I was, and how much I clung to the solitude, clarity, and peace it provided me.

Princess Buttercup was such a sweet horse, too. She was so full of love and life and curiosity that I found myself bonding to her more than any animal I’d ever known.

Or maybe it was because Sean surprised me with her.

Hmm.
With that thought, I pulled on the reins and slowed her canter to a sharp trot while I meditated that reality. It was an odd thing, thinking of my life and realizing that the happy moments I loved might all be connected to Sean Benally. And even weirder was the thought that it always had been that way.

By the time I made it back to the stable, it was nearly ten o’clock in the morning. I hadn’t meant to be out that long, but thoughts of Sean had kept me occupied far longer than I realized.

He was waiting for me as I brought Princess Buttercup in for a rubdown. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn’t help the smile that sprang to my face.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” I called out as I walked the mare into her stall.

“Hey, yourself. I’ve been up since seven. Where have you been?”

I loosened the saddle strap and easily slipped the leather through the buckle before heaving the saddle off the horse’s back. Surprised to find Sean on the other side of the horse, I passed the saddle to him to hang up when he tugged it from my hands.

“Thanks.” I couldn’t stop my silly smile. I guess it was hard to do when you were happy. I removed Buttercup’s blanket and grabbed a towel to rub her down with before I answered him. “I just went for a ride. I wasn’t planning on staying out that long, but you know how it is—once I get going, it’s hard to come back. Especially on a Saturday. Why?”

“Oh.” Sean looked a bit sad, but I couldn’t tell for sure. He turned and grabbed a brush and began to stroke the mare’s side. “I was just hoping to talk to you.”

Uh-oh
. Something wasn’t right in his tone of voice. The last thing I wanted to hear from him was—

“Look, I just wanted to say,” he began ominously. My hands froze. “I’m really sorry I got carried away last night.”

I closed my eyes and began to rub much more vigorously than I needed to. I knelt to dry the horse’s legs.

“And I understand if you totally hate me for it—I’m a little weirded out myself. So, uh, no worries, okay? It won’t happen again.”

I don’t know what I’d expected when I woke up that morning. I knew Sean had issues about the night before. Good grief, it wasn’t like I didn’t see him bolt out of the bedroom, but this—this sort of hurt somehow. This was embarrassing, even more embarrassing than the Harrison episode at school.

“Lilly? Did you hear me?” Sean asked when I didn’t say anything.

I cleared my throat and stood up. “Yeah. Hey, it’s no big deal.” I tossed the towel over my shoulder and turned around, grabbing the brush on the shelf behind me. I spun back and began to curry her. I refused to look at him. “I’m cool.”

“Really? You’re okay?”

I pasted a smile on my face and looked up. “Yeah, I’m great.” As I raised my eyebrows, I willed myself to meet his gaze. “It’s not like anything happened, right? I mean, it’s not like anything
would
happen, anyway.”

“Yeah, those are my thoughts too.” He took a deep breath and stepped back from the horse. “Well, good. I’m glad we’re on the same page, then.”

“Yep. I understand you perfectly.” Plain as day.
You’d rather have anyone else than me.

“So, uh.” Sean cleared his throat a moment and glanced around the stall before bringing his eyes back to mine. “I was talking to Julia last night, and she was telling me she’s never ridden a horse before.”

“Really?” I moved to stroke Princess Buttercup’s neck and behind her ears. She whinnied softly in response.

“Uh, yeah. So, I, uh—”

“Offered to teach her, right?”

“Yes!” Sean seemed relieved.

“That’s nice,” I replied when he didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds. “Did she take you up on it?”

“Yeah, actually, she did. She’ll be over this afternoon.”

My hands stilled. “Oh, well, that’s cool. Which horse were you thinking of using for her? I mean, she doesn’t seem the type who could handle—”

“Well, I was hoping to ask if I could use yours.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, well, you know how gentle Princess Buttercup is and all . . .”

“Sure, no problem.” I smiled and my hands came to life again, stroking the soft hair under her chin. “She’s really the only horse that would work for a beginner anyway, right?”

Sean let out a sigh of relief. “Great. I’m glad you’re okay with it.” All at once, he grinned this enormous grin and my heart flipped over. “You’re the best!”

“Yeah, I know.” I quickly knelt to the front of the horse before he saw my smile waver.

“Okay, well, I’m heading back to the house. I’ve got a lot to get done before Julia comes over. So, thanks again.”

“See ya.”

I stood and peeked over the wall of the stall to watch him leave. There seemed to be a lightness and eagerness in his walk as he left. Just as he stepped out of the stable, I heard him begin to whistle.

With a sigh, I turned back toward Princess Buttercup and willed myself to think positive.
It isn’t Julia’s fault her brother’s a jerk, right? And I’m a big girl. I can share
. One thing I could safely say—
I’m not like Sean’s sisters.

“Come on. We’re going to make you especially pretty today, okay? You’re going to make a new friend. Won’t that be fun?” Buttercup snorted and stepped a few paces to the right, nudging my pocket with her nose. “Oh, no, Your Highness. You’ve already had three carrots and an apple today!” I giggled when she nudged around, snuffling for more. “Okay, fine.” I caved. “Here’s the deal. I promise to give you an extra-special treat once your ride with Julia is over, okay?”
Scoundrel
.

***

Three weeks later, I was beginning to wonder if I wasn’t more like Alexis and Lauren than I thought.
What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like breaking something?
If Julia and Sean entered the stable with my horse at that moment, I’d do bodily damage to at least one of them. It was a toss-up which one. I took a deep breath and walked in the house, afraid they might just come back and I really would lose it. Then I’d lose everything.

I guess looking back, I could see that it’d been my fault anyway. I mean, I had overslept, which wasn’t like me. And there were a whole slew of chores from the night before that I’d put off doing until the next morning when it was lighter outside. So by the time I finished those and got ready to ride Princess Buttercup, Julia and Sean had already taken her.

I glanced at my watch. It was ten o’clock now, which meant they had gotten off to a much-earlier start than normal. After another deep breath and a couple of agitated paces around my bedroom, I realized I was only becoming more upset. I needed to do something to get away and not think about it.