Manipulation (Shadows) (18 page)

THIRTY-TWO

Dean

I’m such a pansy-ass lightweight.

This is why I never drink.

I step into the shower, letting the hot water run over me. On an empty stomach too. What was I thinking? I’m still buzzed, well, more than buzzed, but things are starting to be clearer as the water continues to run. My hands rest on the side of the shower, and I stare at the water swirling on the floor of the tub. The heat runs over my head and down my face. I wonder if hotels run out of hot water. I wonder how Addie is.

Then I think about her lying in our bed. Alone. After I walked out. Shit. I wonder if I could have screwed with her more if I’d tried. I hit the water off, suddenly disgusted with myself.

It takes me two reaches to get a towel. My body still isn’t working right. I hate drinking. What the hell was I thinking?

I wrap a towel on my waist and suddenly feel desperate to talk to her, right now. I step out of the bathroom. “Addie?” I squint in the lamplight. “Addie?”

Silence.

I step toward the bed. Her eyes are closed and she’s breathing softly under the blankets. She’s dressed again, in a long-sleeved t-shirt and probably back in her pants. I’m such an ass. Why couldn’t I have said, ‘I’m sorry Addie, I’m an ass. I’m a terrible drunk, remember I told you?’ but instead I said… I don’t even remember what I said, which means that it was probably pathetic.

I throw on my shorts and a T-shirt. The room is small. I should probably sleep on the floor, but I’m too damn tired and she’ll probably read too much into anything I do at this point. I crawl in next to her, and as I stare at her back all I want to do is to reach out and touch her, have her lie on me, smile at me.

But I obviously screwed that possibility up, even though my brain is still too fuzzy for specifics. I treated her probably how she’d expect to be treated from someone who didn’t care about her as much. Someone like Chase. Could I really not have stuck around to talk?

The room is still spinning and I’m frustrated with Katy and the stupid bottle of Whiskey. This is Dean, promising himself to never drink again. Ever.

My eyes feel heavy and I drift off next to Addison—the short distance feels like miles.

* * *

When I open my eyes, Addie’s sitting on the far side of the room, staring at me. “I’m ready to go. I’ll wait for you in the lobby.” She stands up and heads for the door.

I beg my mind to clear so I can come up with a response. “Okay.” Shit. She definitely thinks I’m an asshole. She opens the door, and walks out.

I gotta get my crap together. I throw on jeans and the T-shirt I wore the first day—now officially out of clean clothes. I scramble to get my shoes on and my pack over my shoulder. The clock reads five minutes to eleven. Eleven? How is this possible?

My pack is stuffed to the brim. I resist the urge to smash the small whiskey bottle sitting on the nightstand. When I step out the door I see Addie running toward me.

“Dean we gotta go.” Her eyes are wide in a look that I’ve come to dread because it means something’s after us.

“What’s going on?”

“Someone’s rummaging through our car, and I saw two guys nod to them from the hotel across the street. They’re coming here next, I’m sure of it.”

I reach for her hand when she gets close, but she doesn’t take it. Not even now. I’ve really screwed up.

“Come on, Dean.” She continues to run down the hallway toward the door at the opposite end, and I follow.

I step out into the sun and get an instant headache. I have to clear this haze away if I’m going to do anything to protect us today. My stomach’s rolling, I’m hung over, my chest hurts from screwing up with Addison, and I have no idea what to do next.

Addie takes off at a run up the street. I sprint to catch up, but she disappears around a corner, and I almost run into her when I follow.

“Where are we going?” I ask, completely out of breath. We’re still walking fast. Too fast for me to keep up with my head pounding like this.

“Well, we can’t use our car. I thought we’d walk along the beach or on a road near the water and we can stop at harbors as we see them. Try to blend in with the tourists for the day.” She’s determined. Focused.

“Good plan.” I have no idea if it’s a good plan or not. My brain isn’t working, and I feel like shit in a million different ways.

“I had some time to put it together.” Her words come out hard and flat.

Right, because I was sleeping.

“Do you have a hat?”

“What?”

“In your pack, do you have a hat?” Her voice is terse, tired.

I start digging and pull out a black baseball hat. I never wear it, and I’m not sure what prompted me to pack it.

“Thanks.” She pulls her hair up, and stuffs the hat on her head. Her neck’s exposed and small wisps of hair hang around her face, and I’m really wishing I felt okay to touch her.

“Addie, I’m so—”

“I’m not ready to talk yet.” Her lips are tight. “It’s just. If we weren’t in this crazy situation, I’d take the day to be alone, you know? To think. But I can’t do that. So, I just need space.” She rubs her forehead. “I’m sure I’m overreacting, and I messed up and you messed up…” She sighs. “I just need quiet for a while so I can think because I want to be alone, but can’t be. And now I’m rambling and repeating myself.”

She glances around, a little at me, the ground, up the street. I guess she’s right, in that last night wasn’t all my fault, but right now it sort of feels like it is.

“Okay.” I swallow. Bile from my empty stomach is creeping up. There are a lot of ways to feel horrible, and I’m pretty much wearing them all.

* * *

Close to dinner and we haven’t said a word aside from necessities, which she won’t look at me for. I’m not sure if she’s being over-dramatic, or if she just really needs some quiet. Either way, it makes me feel like shit. I’ve eaten a muffin and a bag of Doritos all day. That’s it.

The late afternoon sun is simply a reminder that we’ll need to find somewhere to be soon. It feels like this running and searching will never be over. No one yet has heard of the boat. They should definitely be here by now. Unless they ran into some of the same problems as we did and weren’t able to get away. I get weak at that thought. If I didn’t love Addie so much, I’d just let them take me.

Whoa. I stop, letting her walk further ahead of me.

I love Addie?

I love Addie.

I stare at her as we walk on the sand. There’s a faint smile on her lips as she looks out at the water. Addie in my hat, her hair falling out and around her face is about the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

“Addison, this isn’t how I wanted things between us to be.” I’m about four steps behind her.

“Yeah. It feels weird, and I don’t like it.” She sighs.

“Addison, I’ve been sorry since the minute I realized what an ass I was.” How could she now see this? Not know this? “Do you remember when we talked on graduation night? And I told you I never drink? Last night is why. I don’t want to be that guy, not with you.” I reach out to touch her face, but there’s so much sadness there that I feel like it’s not my place to touch her. My hand drops back to my side.

“But you were and it was the first time around you that I didn’t feel…” She stops and bites her lip. “It was the first time that I felt like just another girl. You’ve never made me feel like just another girl.”

I look down at my feet. “I’m sorry.”

“I was there, too. Messing it up, too.” I can see tears brimming in her eyes. This sucks. “It’s just that after Chase, and things being so different with us, and then it didn’t feel special with you anymore, and I hated that. I also think I’m rambling again.” She pushes out a chuckle.
“
I’m sure you think I’m acting like a spoiled brat or something.”

“No. It’s…” But I don’t know what else to say.

“Just… I know it might be weird, but I need a few more minutes of quiet, okay?” Her voice ends in that horrible whiny voice girls do when they’re trying not to cry.
 

“Okay.” I stand still and let her walk ahead. “We’re taking the ferry across, right up here, right?”

She nods in response.

It feels like I’m being ripped apart from the inside. I don’t want to let her go. I never want to let her go.  Half of me gets why she needs the quiet, and the other half of me is going insane.

THIRTY-THREE

Addison

The warm Carolina wind tears my eyes up. Or maybe I tear my eyes up. I cross my legs on the bench of the ferry as I feel the boat plow through the water. We’re nearing the end of our journey. I’m sure of it. Cape Fear is on the other side of this ride.

Or maybe we’re nearing something that feels like the end but is really the beginning. There’s peace out on the water that I haven’t felt in a long time, and I find myself hoping that we end up on their boat. Whoever they are. Landon and Micah. People with faces and names and the idea that they’ll somehow be able to protect us—or at least give us some answers.

My thoughts wander back to Dean. It’s a horrible sinking that comes with feeling like no one, after feeling like someone for so long. That’s what’s killing me more than anything else. Our day of quiet in the sun, on the beach, has helped me clear my head. How was I any different with him than when I was with Chase? The answer is that I’m guilty too, and I want to make sure it never happens again. I’m so glad, so relieved, that things didn’t go any further than they did. And I’m glad he didn’t just walk away with how crazy I’m sure I seem today.

I see Dean’s shape out of the corner of my eye. He sits as close as he can without touching me. “I’m going crazy here, Addie.”

“How so?” I don’t look at him. I look out at the water. His eyes burn into me though. See through me the way they always do.

“How can you ask that? I’ve screwed up with the only girl that I’ve ever loved. You needing quiet scares me. I wanna fix it.”

My tears spill over. Tears of happiness that he cares so much, of fear, of missing my family… It’s too much.

“I just want you to know how I feel. Will you relax and let me take your hand? I need you to know how I feel right now.” He’s leaning toward me but careful not to get too close.

My eyes close. I start to reach over and he presses our hands together, palm to palm. Just like every time, I feel his thoughts and I let him in. He’s sad, overwhelmed and loves me. No doubt. If I think letting him in makes me vulnerable, I can’t imagine how he feels right now, and now I feel awful for needing quiet all day. What about what Dean needed today? It’s not like any of this is easy for him. He had to leave his brother behind just after finding him. And now I’m crazy and he’s stuck with me.

I lean forward, keeping my eyes closed, keeping my fingers tightly clasped in his. “Start over?”

“Addie…”
I’m sorry.

“I know.”
I’m so sorry, too. It was both of us. And I know it seems like I’m overreacting today, but I’m reacting to everything that’s going on right now, not just you. My life, my dad, my sister, the shadows, everything that happened with Chase, the people we’re trying to find…

I get it.
“Nothing happens between us until you want it to. Nothing.”

I know without opening my eyes, the way he’s looking at me.

“I will do anything, I…”

I open my eyes. “I trust you, Dean.” It’s taken me all day to figure this out. Well, it’s taken me since we met to figure out that he’s worth it. And maybe Dean doesn’t understand that I sometimes need quiet to work things out, but hopefully he’ll trust me to be okay on the days when I do.

“I love you, Addie.” He starts to lean toward me, but stops.

“I’m sorry for today. It won’t happen again.” I lean in the rest of the way, wrap my arms around his back and press our lips together before resting my head on his shoulder. The sun’s going down, which I don’t want to think about and really, it’s pretty ideal. Better than rooftops or New York City streets. Better than anything. “I love you, too.”

*
*
*

We slide our hands together as we walk down the ramp from the ferry. It’s getting dark because we’ve spent all day walking instead of driving. Our change is at the last hotel. If my guess is right, we have just over a thousand left. Maybe. We need to find the boat or find a hotel and we need to do it soon.

“Hey, Bunny?” Dad calls from where he’s standing just at the bottom of the passenger ramp—his hands in his pockets, and shirt-sleeves rolled as always.

My heart stops and I’m shaking, just like that. Dean’s arm comes around me. He’s trying to tell me he’ll protect me, but he doesn’t know Dad. He doesn’t know how powerful my dad is. In everything. All this running and we’ve lost. He has us.

I’m papery again, my body’s threatening to tear apart and blow away. We stop as the other passenger’s from the ferry move and walk around us on the small sidewalk. There’s a railing before the ocean on our left and a parking lot to the right. Where Dad is.

We really have nowhere to go. We’re too close. He starts in sign language.
I love you, two.
He signs. It was a mix-up from when I was a kid. We’d learned sign language for my granddad, the one who loved music and slowly went deaf. My dad used to tease that it was because of the music.

We’d always sign I love you to Granddad and Dad finally asked someone to show him a few things. The lady teaching him thought he meant the number two, not
“
too.
”

My heart warms.

Dad’s about a hundred feet away, standing next to a car. He makes no move to come my direction.

I open my mouth to say something. It takes a few tries to get anything out. “I heard you on the phone.” The memory is so sharp. Me shaking in the kitchen, Ellie’s crying face, my trip through New York for Dean. The horrible feeling of betrayal slides its way to the surface.

Dean’s arm is around me.
We should run.

I can’t.
I know we should run, but Dad’s here.

“I’m so sorry, Bunny.” His eyes don’t leave mine.

“I can’t trust you, Dad.” I shake my head.

“You won’t make it to Micah and Landon if you don’t.” He puts his hands in his pockets. Like to show that he’s not after us. “Well, you might. But I can help you.”

“Why would you help me do that?” My whole body wants to trust him. He’s Dad. It would make everything better. No betrayal, just Dad. Maybe our family could be normal. Maybe he could protect me. There’s a part of me that’s screaming for this.

“Because Landon is the only one who can help you get out of this mess, if that’s what you want.” He looks from me to Dean and back to me again.

I know I shouldn’t believe him, logic tells me that he’s tricking me, that I should run but instead I feel my feet carrying me toward him.

“Addie…” Dean’s moving more slowly that I am, still unsure.

I squeeze his hand. “It’s okay.”

Are you sure?

No. I’m not sure at all.

“I drive.” Dean’s voice is loud next to mine.

“We’re running out of daylight fast.” Dad opens the backdoor of the car and climbs in. “Everyone works better in the dark but you two. We don’t have much time.” He sits down and shuts the door, waiting.

What do we do? Dean asks.

Let’s drive. Only I’m not at all sure if this is what we should do. Is my hope for my dad clouding out everything else?

Okay.

I run around the car to jump in the passenger’s side. Dean climbs in the driver’s seat. Please let me not have just led us into a trap. Please let my dad be good—better than I always thought he was.

“Take a right out of the parking lot here.” Dad points.

The ground is low lying and flat. The grass is tall and still. There’s not a breath of moving air out here.

“Dad, what’s going on?” I’m desperate for answers. Anything. Any information that will feel like my fear and our running has had a purpose.

“How did you know to leave?” he asks back.

“I told you. I heard you on the phone.” I don’t want to think about that night. Not again. Not right now. It wasn’t just my dad’s voice. I just knew. Just like I knew I needed to save money, and like I knew I needed Dean.

He nods. “Landon is a rare talent. He’ll take good care of you.”

“What are you talking about?” The whole thing is a mess, I feel like no part of my world is or was ever part of my world. Like it was all some big joke, game, fake…

“He creates something protective… I don’t understand it, and I’ve never seen anything like it. He’s doing something so we can’t find them, not easily. He probably does other things, too. I’m not sure.” Dad snorts once. “I’m not even sure that he’s aware of it.”

“What does that mean?” We might not have much time but we need information.

“Like your talent, Bunny, and Dean’s.” Dad’s eyes flash from mine to the back of Dean’s head.

“But who’s after us?” I’m half turne
d in my chair. I need something from my dad. Information.

“The Middlemen. It’s like recruitment for…”

“But why ar
e you part of this!” I scream
from the front seat.

Dean’s hand reaches out and rests on my thigh.

“Because my mother worked for them, as someone with Manipulation…like you. And like me. But the thing is… The thing is that they’ve changed, warped over time, and you deserve a choice, and they’re not what they used to be.”

I gasp. Okay, that wasn’t expected. Only the sound of the engine and the tires on the narrow paved road make any noise.

Dad sits in the backseat, his hands in his lap. He looks so calm. He shouldn’t be looking so calm. Every new idea is bursting around inside me and I can’t even formulate what else to ask right now.

Dean continues to drive down a road with nothing but tall grass on both sides. As I spin my head from side to side, I can’t see anything and I’m starting to panic. Where is he taking us? Is it over? What will they do? Who are they?

“Where are we?” My voice is shaking and catch Dad’s eyes. There’s more sorrow there and real emotion than I’ve ever seen. Is it because he’s about to bring us in?

“We’re okay,
”
he says. “But not for much longer.”

And I have to believe him. If I don’t, the few remaining shreds of my world will shatter, crumble, fall apart. “Bunny, talents aren’t always passed down. I joined the Middle Men very young, about sixteen, and requested to work indirectly for them, knowing my abilities would fade. They were warped even then, but I was too excited to see it until it was too late. Remaining with them seemed like the best way to watch out for you, to protect you. It’s not like you can just walk away once they bring you in.”

“And they just take people? With talents?” The knife has settled in my chest, it moves and scrapes as I speak and as realizations slowly start coming in.

“Some work for us very willingly. But it’s not a choice thing. We can offer protection.” He glances around. “Stop here.”

What does he mean, not a choice thing? Protection from what?

“Where are we?” Dean looks around. I bet his heart’s beating as frantic as mine. He’s just way better at hiding it.

“There’s a shortcut to the harbor you need on that path to the left. There are Middle Men everywhere, Addie. You and Dean are valuable, but Landon and Micah… You need to watch yourself. They can protect you, but they’re very sought after.”

Chills run through me, but they’re not the chills of the shadow people, they’re the chills of shock.

“I don’t understand how you could do this to people, Dad. Why didn’t you just quit?” You can’t just go around forcing people to do things for you.

“No quitting. And no more time for explanations, Bunny. Get out.” His voice is the harsh, gruff voice I’m used to when Dad isn’t happy about something.

“What happens to the people who refuse to work for them?” The answers are right in front of me. I just don’t want to see it. “What do you offer protection from?” I suck in a ragged breath.

“Protection from… I’m not sure anymore.”
Dad scratches his head, breaking his stare.

“Addie.” Dean stands up, our packs under his arm. He knows I need answers, but he also knows we need to go.

I climb out and immediately search Dad’s face again.

“I did it to protect you, Bunny.” He pulls out a few small rolls of bills and tosses them to me. Three rolls of hundreds. “Now run. Fast.”

“Addie.” Dean’s on the edge of the trail through the grass, his wide eyes scanning around us frantically. I turn and start toward him but stop.

“Wait. What will happen to you, Dad? What if they find out you helped us get away?” But I know. I already know. An organization as secret as his… If I thought my heart was beating fast before, it’s nothing compared to what it’s doing now. And I feel like I’ll break again, right here.

I run to Dad and throw my arms around him. He holds
me harder
than he ever has. This almost-stranger who’s giving his life for me. “Love you, Bunny. Go.” He lets go of me and half pushes me toward Dean.

He’s in the driver’s seat of the car and gone before I can form another coherent thought. I’m never going to see my father again. My legs almost collapse underneath me. He finally shows interest and the gesture is almost too big for me to comprehend.