Manipulation (Shadows) (16 page)

TWENTY-EIGHT

Dean

So, Addie’s stashed four thousand dollars, and I’m not supposed to call her Princess.

As close as I’d like to think we are, we’re not. Not yet. We know the big stuff about one another, but it’s the everyday hangout stuff I’m still lost on. I don’t know what she eats, what she watches…

“I’m ready.” She steps out of the bathroom, hair up, bangs down, snug jeans, small tank and bare feet.

I can’t breathe. “You’re stunning.”

She lets out a laugh. “Well, we’re going to have a money problem because I can’t keep using hotel shampoo and that blow dryer was terrible. I also feel naked because all I have is my emergency mascara and lipgloss.”

I’m really wishing I could call her Princess after that remark.

“I’m sure you’ll live.”

“I will.” She breathes in. “It’s actually amazing how little you need, right? But I have no idea what I’m going to do when my two outfits are dirty.”

“You wear your pj’s and go to a Laundromat.”

“What?”

I laugh. “You’ve probably never been to a real Laundromat.”

“Nope.” She frowns almost like in apology.

“Come on.” I’m packed and ready. “Let’s get out of here and—”

“See how far we can go today?”

I smile.

“Dean?” She takes my arm.

“Yeah.” I turn to look at her. She’s so close.

“Thank you.” Her lips touch mine and it’s electricity. In seconds I’m pressed against her slim body and wondering if I’ll ever get enough.

* * *

We’re driving south in a teal green 1993 Subaru station wagon we purchased from an old guy who smelled like cigarettes in front of a Kroger. Going to any kind of dealer would have created a trail. All we hope right now is that our car will run until we get to North Carolina to catch the ferry, meet up with Landon, the goldilocks girl and their boat, Moonshadow. We both feel good about Knotts Island so we’ll be checking there first. We’re probably ahead of Landon and the girl, but the pressure to get as far away from New York as possible weighs on both of us.

“So, we just keep checking the temp, right?” Addie leans from her side of the car.

“Yeah, coolant leak. We’ll be okay unless we get stuck in traffic.”

“Right.”

The car is a piece of crap, but it should get us there. We have a couple hundred miles to D.C. and without her saying anything, I know Addie wants to be somewhere before it gets dark.

She turns up the radio. The day is sunny and if we weren’t running both to and from something, well, and our car was decent, this would be nice.

Wait. “The Beach Boys?” I’m laughing.

Her smile is wide. “My sister and I used to play this as loud as we could next to the pool in the summers. My granddad always brought his music with him. We loved it.”

I reach over and take her hand in mine. It’s better today, less desperate. She can read me when we’re like this so I concentrate on relaxing, on picturing her and her sister by the pool screaming the lyrics of Wouldn’t It Be Nice for a granddad who was probably thrilled that his music got played by his granddaughters. Addie sings out loud to oldies tune after oldies tune and I watch the gas, the temperature and the rearview mirror.

Miles pass. We break out into small bits of countryside, the people who want to say they live near D.C., but don’t want the dirt of the city on them. The people who have houses the size of hotels.

I glance at the clock and the mileage. “Okay, Addie?”

“Yeah?” She turns down the radio but her smile is still intact.

“I think we should stop just north of the city.”

“Already?”

“At this rate, we’ll hit D.C. at rush hour. If we get stuck in traffic, it might take a long time. I’d rather not travel in the dark.” The vision of that person who wasn’t quite a person hits me again and I shudder. I’m immediately angry at myself for not hiding it better when Addie’s smile disappears.

“I hoped we’d get further.” Her mouths pulls into a frown and disappointment pulses off of her.

“We got a late start today with sleeping in and buying this piece of crap car. We’ll get the rest of the way tomorrow if we get up early, but I also think we should sleep a ways off the main freeway.”

“I guess I agree.” She pulls her knees to her chest in the passenger’s seat and leans her head against the window. Her happy mood and oldie songs are over.

“We’re okay, Addie.” I touch her knee.

“Thanks, Dean.”

I hate this. I should have just made the decision on my own and saved her from feeling the way she feels now.

“Annapolis isn’t too far out of the way and there’s a large harbor there. We could check for Landon and the girl.” Maybe that’ll brighten her up.

“Do you think they’re further down?” She’s still frowning, putting things together in her head that I’ve been trying not to think about all day.

“I know nothing about sailing, Addie. I read somewhere online when I was researching, that it takes almost 30 hours to sail from New York to Florida, but that seems way fast. We’ll just check. If they’ve come and gone, we’ll know.” I just need to stay relaxed about it in the meantime.

“If they come into this harbor.”

Right. “Well, there’s more than one.” But I really wish we had more to go on. We’ll probably spend a portion of the night calling all the harbors in the area. It would be really nice to not have to drive this thing all the way to the Carolinas.

* * *

I know we can’t really afford a nice hotel, but I’m doing it anyway, especially if we’re going to do the rest of the trip in one day. It’s not terribly far, but when you’re as stressed as we’ve been, time feels different. It took a thousand bucks as a deposit to not have to give a credit card, and a little touch of convincing from me. But at least there’s still no trail of us after Jersey.

“Are you sure, Dean?” Addie’s smiling as we step into our room. It’s on the water and overlooks what’s one of several harbors.

“Yeah. It’s just one night and I bet they have better shampoo here,” I tease.

She leans up and kisses me on the cheek as we set down our packs.

My first order of business is to start calling harbors. On the fourth, I catch a break.

“I’m looking for the sailing vessel, Moonshadow?”
             

“The young kids?” he asks.

I sit up tall in my chair. Addie’s immediately still next to me, listening.

I have to swallow twice before I can get out the words. “Yeah, them.”

“They left this morning.”

Damn. “Did they say what port they were headed to?”

“Uh, yeah… Let me check.”

We wait, holding our breath.

“Cape Fear, in Wilmington, North Carolina.”

The air is punched out of my lungs. It takes me another moment to find my voice. Cape Fear… “Perfect, and that’s a guy named Landon and the girl’s name I always forget…”

“Micah.”

“Thanks.” I laugh. I keep laughing as I hang up a bit amazed they used their real names. Or maybe Micah and Landon aren’t their real names? Or maybe they want us to find them that bad. And Cape Fear. Maybe they’re trying to tell us something.
But who else will find us if they left information like that?

“They’re as afraid as we are.” Addison’s eyes meet mine.

It sends a chill through me. Is finding them actually moving forward? “Let’s go for a walk and get dinner, while there’s still some light.”

She leans away from me, hesitant.

“Come on, Addie. Stretch our legs. It’ll be nice.” I hold my hand out for her to take.

* * *

The harbor in front of our hotel is quiet. The sun’s starting to go down, but there’s still plenty of light. I know nothing about boats. I don’t care. I’m watching Addie, my hand in hers. We’re walking up the docks, looking at boats, and enjoying time together where we feel like we don’t have to run.

She breathes in deeply. “Doesn’t the salty air just make you feel…alive?”

“I guess.” I’m not feeling it though, not the way she is. Her face looks more peaceful than I’ve ever seen it.

She’s looking around. I’m looking at her.

In ways Addie’s been taking care of herself for a long time. Her parents aren’t around much. She has a little sister she looks out for. But at the same time she’s also been spoiled, sheltered. She’s never used a
Laundromat
.

I think about Chase and how he took the freedom from her that most people our age should have. She spent so much energy on him. It makes me feel guilty for wanting to have something with her. Am I just going to rob her of growing up time? Does she need it? Does she want it?

“Hey, Dean?” She stops us and smiles.

“Yeah?”

Her blue eyes pierce me, even now, and I wonder if I’ll ever get used to them.

“I don’t mean to pull you out of your daydream over there…”

“But?”

“You know I can hear you, right?” Her dimples are a dead giveaway that she’s holding in a smile.

Crap. “I forget.”

“I think that’s a good thing. One point for Dean trusting me.” Her tinkling laugh is back, the one I’ve missed over the past day. Wow. Just a day.

“I just…”

“You don’t have the best relationship record either.” She smirks—I’m sure referring to our late night conversations where I told her about the three girls I’ve made disastrous relationships with, and she told me about Chase.

I open my mouth to speak but really have nothing to defend myself.

“But wouldn’t it be great if we could be together and still give one another the freedom to grow? If we could trust like that? How cool to just do it together?” She takes a step closer.

“I’m falling for you, Addie.” I squeeze her hand as our breath mixes between us.

“Me, too.” She drops my hand and puts her arms around my neck, resting her chin on my shoulder making me love again how close we are to the same height. “But we have time, right? You’re not in a hurry for…”

“I’m not in a hurry for anything.” I rub my hand up and down her back. “I just like time with you.”

She laughs. “Well, that’s good because it looks like we’re going to have a lot of it.” She puts her lips to mine and steps back way too soon. “I need food.”

The sparks that come from nowhere but Addison fly through me and leave me feeling helpless. But helpless in a way that I’m starting to crave. “Let’s eat.”
And go back to our hotel and pretend that everything’s normal.

“Agreed.”

TWENTY-NINE

Addison

Dean and I eat dinner—fish and chips from room service. Scooby Doo comes on and my eyes tear up from missing Ellie. But Dean starts to make fun of it and it gets me laughing and things feel as normal as I guess they’re going to for a while. But it’s a desperate normal. Like we’re both trying a little too hard to make it seem like we’re just hanging out together.

Should this be exciting? This running? Every time I watch a road trip or a couple being chased in a movie, it seems so interesting and fun. This feels suffocating and scary. I have to do something different.

I stand up, leaving Dean alone on the floor. We have two beds, again. Dean trying to be nice, I guess. I begin to tear apart one of the beds, stripping pillows, blankets, and everything but the fitted sheet.

Dean’s watching me from the floor, smiling.

I pull the hotel comforter off of our bed.

“Need help with your project?” His smirk is exactly what I need from him.

“Pillows.” I point. Ellie and I used to pool all our blankets and pillows together when we were little. We’d make a big nest and snuggle up in it and fall asleep to the TV and whatever eighties teen movie was playing. I need it.

Dean grabs the pillows from the floor and hucks them to me with a little more force than necessary.

“Watch it.” I laugh and point.

“Or what?”

“I’ll have to tackle you.” I put my hands on my hips and try to give him a threatening stare.

He gives me a face of mock confusion, his smile is too big to not make fun of me. I’m just waiting for it. “I’m trying to find the downside here.”

I laugh. “
You’re such a guy
. But there
is
a downside for me.”

“What’s that?”

“Lying on top of you instead of being whacked by a pillow.”

“Are you saying that being whacked by a pillow is better than lying…on top of me? Is that right?” His eyebrows go up.

I laugh at this ridiculous face he’s giving me. He grabs my waist, hoists me over his shoulder and throws me on the bed. He jumps on behind me, resting on his stomach and watching my face as I study his.

“Thanks for this.” His fingers slide through mine, and just holding hands puts us in this really intense place because of what we can do.

His hair is messy from our walk on the docks and his eyes are as deep as always. He shaved this morning and his face is still smooth. His lips look soft and before I give myself too much time to think I lean forward and kiss him. I hear the way he likes touching me. His arms slide around my waist, pulling us closer together on our mess of pillows and blankets.

I lose my head when we kiss. There’s so much desire wrapped up in his touch that it clouds my brain. At the same time I want to hear Dean, to know what he’s thinking. Maybe his thoughts are as foggy as mine but there’s no mistaking the urgency in his lips and the way his hands pull on me, his fingers grasping my shirt as our kiss deepens.

My body stiffens in response, just a little. If I could be less real with Dean, less myself, I could do whatever he wanted. But I can’t be less real. Not with him. All I can be is me.

His lips slowly leave mine. His arms relax, but he still keeps me close. I feel lips on my forehead as he rolls onto his back and pulls me with him. I lay my head on his chest, and the relief that this is okay, that lying together is enough, means more than probably anything else he could do. I’ve never been with someone who felt this was enough.

“What are you thinking?” I ask. All I know right now is how he feels, the way he wants me, and the way I can’t do it yet.

“I’m hoping that this is better than being pummeled by pillows and anyway, I figured you’d be a step ahead of me in that department. The ‘what is Dean thinking’ department.” He chuckles and I feel his body move next to me.

“Better than pillows, and I know that you want.” But I can’t say it. I know you want me. Why won’t it come out?

“You.” He rolls onto his side so we can face one another.

I look down. His eyes are too intense.

“Addie, we’re not there yet.”

“But I know how you feel.” And that’s what he wants.

“I’m a guy, Addie. Part of me is just going to feel that when a pretty girl is in the room.” He laughs.

My cheeks heat up and I look down, once again embarrassed with what he’s willing to share.

“So, you’re getting feelings now, too?”

“I don’t know. Everything’s mixed up and fuzzy when we kiss.”

“In a good way I hope?”

I try to hold in a smile, but one of his fingers reaches out and touches my dimple.

“Hey.” His finger touches my under my chin, lifting my face up to see his. “Addie, I’m not ready until you’re ready because the thought of doing anything before you
want to isn’t… It just isn’t wha
t I want.”

“Okay.” I swallow hard. Tingles float through my body reminding me of all the reasons why I love being around Dean, love how safe I feel with him.

“We’re not going to go any further until you’re practically begging me for it.” He chuckles.

My cheeks heat up again, and I have to stuff my face into a pillow. I can feel my body holding in a laugh of nervous anticipation.

“See?” I feel his hand on my hair. “We can’t even talk it about it yet. Neither of us are there, Addie.”

I turn to look at him. “But you’re a guy. I listened to you checking off your list of girls over the phone. Remember?” Those few days we spent apart were probably good—forced us to get to know each other without the distraction of being in the same room.

“At least I was honest.” His hand runs along my forehead and down the side of my face, leaving a trail of warmth. “It feels different now. You feel different.”

“Thank you.”

“Honestly, and I never thought I’d say this, sleeping next to you feels like…” He fights to find words. “Feels better than I thought it would.”

“I love this.” Even six months ago I would have jumped into bed with Dean (without the Chase factor) wanting to prove something or do something to keep him around. Things are different for me now. That’s not enough. Sex isn’t enough. What Dean and I have without that is enough. It’s enough to fill me further than I’ve ever felt.

“I love this, too.” And we’re dealing with so much other stuff. We need to enjoy being together.

Agreed.

Night, Addie.

Night.

He wraps himself around me like the best version of a security blanket and my body immediately feels heavy. I can feel sleep coming in, washing me over, and I relax to let it take me.

* * *

All I can think about is getting to Carolina, Wilmington, and Cape Fear. I think it’s great that they were trying to send us a message, but it really sucks to be heading to Cape Fear.

The front desk lady pulls her brows together. “The desk clerk last night didn’t take a credit card?” She looks up from her computer at Dean.

“I left my wallet in the car,” he explains. “But I left more than enough cash.”

How much?
I ask. Dean checked us in.

A thousand.

A thousand?
I’m not sure why I repeated him. A chill runs through me and I start to panic. I glance over my shoulder looking for the people who jump out of the shadows. My heart’s racing, pounding and I want out, in our car, moving forward.

“I need you to know this is highly suspicious.” She frowns, still staring at her computer.

“And I’d like the rest of my thousand dollars.” Dean’s voice is calm.

I’m clutching his hand as tightly as I can manage, scanning the room for shadows.

I’m going to need your help to get our money,
he says.

But I feel another shock of a chill run through me. I just want to leave. We both know what comes with the shocking wave of cold. Those…things…in the shadows. No, the things that
are
shadows. Dean feels it too. I see him looking around the lobby.

“Sir?”

Dean concentrates, and she starts to look confused.

Make the change,
I try to send it her way, but I still don’t know what I’m doing and I’m scared, which makes it really hard to concentrate.

Another chill passes through me, and I bite my lip trying to keep quiet. How could I possibly not think about what accompanies those chills? I clench my eyes shut and grasp Dean more tightly.

“Let me get your change.” Her voice sounds unsure, this won’t work for long.

I’m relieved, but terrified. I let my eyes open and I can see a form next to the fireplace in the lobby of the hotel, a shadow. There’s an odd half choking, whimper noise.

“Addison?” Dean takes me by the shoulders. “Are you okay?”

Was that me?
Run now.

“But….” He glances over his shoulder at the counter and the lady who’s slowly counting out the seven hundred dollars she owes us after subtracting our room for the night.

I’m shaking, papery thin again. I tighten my eyes closed and hold on to Dean. He’ll keep me safe. Keep me safe. Keep me safe… I don’t want to see them if there are more.

He snatches the money from her hands and we run out. Our behavior is bound to attract some attention.

“Did you feel them?” I choke on the words. “See…?” It. Watching us from the shadows, waiting to strike?

“I tried to ignore it. We need every penny we have.”

He jerks open my car door as he looks around and climbs in his side.

The car squeals to life, and we take off up the road.

I’m shaking again and pull my knees up, clutching them with my arms. “Why can’t we just be left alone?” I don’t mean to scream, but it comes out that way just the same.

Dean’s quiet as his hands clutch the steering wheel.

I reach out for him, for him to calm me.

“Not now, Addie.” His voice is low. I don’t know what to make of it.

I jerk my hands back. Why won’t Dean let me touch him?

“I know you’re looking for something I can’t give you right now.” His jaw is tight and he’s staring out the window.

“What do you mean?” My heart’s still going frantic and all I can think about is how relaxing it was to just touch him and hear his thoughts yesterday. I want it again.

“Because I’m scared as hell and I have no idea what to do, okay?”

“Are you trying to completely freak me out?” Tears start running down my face. Dean can’t lose it. I need for Dean to keep it together.

“Oh. Shit. Addie. I’m sorry.” His shoulders slump down and he lets out a breath. His hand reaches over and touches my leg. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” But I need him to be calm, planning and positive. I glance down at his hand but realize that he probably wants a break from me. I guess I really am helplessly needy.

We pull up the ramp and back out onto the freeway. We’re heading somewhere now. It feels good. But the closer we get, the more we move forward, the more I wonder if we’re actually moving forward or if we’re just heading into some other unknown. If we do find these people will it do us any good?