Manipulated: a Rockstar Romantic Comedy (Hammered Book 3) (17 page)

“You think I don’t understand? I know so much of you already and I’m learning more every day, no matter how often you try to close yourself off.”

“We’re only temporary,” I managed, throwing the sheet aside and rolling toward the other side of the bed.

I had to get away from him. Not because I wanted to. I wanted nothing more than to burrow in and stay with him. To forget the rest of the world even existed.

To forget I was so goddamned scared.

“If we are, that’s your choice. I don’t use that word half as much as you do.”

“You set up this agreement.” I searched for my bra and panties and stepped into them hurriedly without looking his way. I grabbed the rest of my clothes, tossing them on haphazardly. “You promised this would be no strings.”

“I did and I meant it, if that was the only way I could get my hands on you. But what if I want them now? What if—”

“Don’t.” My voice slashed out, trembling as badly as my hands as I straightened my clothes. “I’m finally getting back to my photography and back to me after what I went through with my husband. If that all ends now because I couldn’t keep myself from pushing the boundaries, how will I ever look at myself in the mirror again?” I stared at him through the blur of tears. My vow not to cry in front of anyone ever again didn’t apply to Owen Blackwell apparently.

So few of my rules did. He was the exception to them all.

“You think this was about pushing boundaries?” He raked a hand through his hair. “Okay, yes, some of it was, maybe for both of us. But the boundaries you pushed wide open in me aren’t the same ones you’re learning to test. Bunny, I’ve never felt like this before. I definitely didn’t feel like this about Keys.”

Even as I rejoiced inside, the sneaky voice in my head rejected it. He was just placating me. Just trying to make me feel better so he would win the argument. My ex had done that so many times, and where had that gotten me?

“You don’t get it. I’ve always come in second. With my sister, and now here too.” I snatched my purse off the nightstand and dug my phone out of the sheets where I’d dropped it. “I’m sorry, but I need air and space. I need to make this right with Ripper. God, I just need to go. Please.”

Instead of fighting me or offering to drive me anywhere, he opened the top drawer of his nightstand and rooted around until he pulled out a key. “I keep a couple keys up here too. I have them stashed all over the house.” He held it out and closed his fingers around it as his Adam’s apple bobbed. “You don’t have to rush to return it. When you come back to me, I want it to be your decision, not because you have to return my property.”

Shakily, I nodded. If I continued much longer, the sobs I was holding at bay would spring free. I didn’t want to further destroy what had been a beautiful start to the weekend with my histrionics.

It wasn’t his fault that I was so terrified to lose my job I couldn’t be rational. Or that he’d made me fall in lo—

No. One thing at a time.

First, I needed to get out of his spectacular home and away from those smoldering blue eyes that made every decision seem like a good one.

Take nude pictures with a rockstar with a million fans who you’ve only known for a short time? Absolutely!

Have sex on a car hood outside? Why not?

Jump headfirst onto a pile of rocks? Sure!

That would probably be next if I didn’t get myself straightened around again. If I even could at this point.

“Thank you.” I held out my hand. “I really appreciate it. And thank you for this weekend. For…” I gestured toward the bed. The sheets were barely still on the mattress. Unsurprising, considering the way we’d gone at each other. “For all of this. For everything.”

He dropped the key in my hand, reluctance lining his features. The same reluctance made it hard for me to take hold of them.

I wanted to stay far more than I wanted to leave. Only fear was pushing me out the door.

The fear I’d lived with way too fucking long.

“You’re welcome.”

I’d made it to the doorway before he spoke again. “Oh, and just in case you’re wondering, bunny.” I glanced back and our gazes connected. I was amazed lightning didn’t arc between us, the emotions in the room were so potent.

Or maybe that was just more of Owen’s poetic worldview rubbing off on me.

“I will give you your space, because you asked for it. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try everything in my power to convince you to come back to me.”

I held his stare for another minute, and then I fled like the coward I was.

The coward I’d been since the first night we met.

T
he tears subsided
after a few minutes on the road. And I started to secondguess myself.

Had I made a colossal mistake?
Again
?

Driving away from the man’s palatial secret hideaway in his sexy black Jaguar seemed more than a little ridiculous, but I needed space to process everything. What he’d done, all that he’d told me. How it all made me feel.

He understands your need for privacy and room to think. Just like he understands you.

I’d certainly begun to believe that, but after the photo he’d so blithely uploaded to the web, I had my doubts. I’d told him my job meant everything to me. Securing my rep and getting back the joy of taking pictures again was more important than anything in my life.

More important than anything but Owen?

That was the question. I’d taken that extended leave from the restaurant and my boss had stopped answering my calls, so even if I tucked tail between my legs and went back home, I might not have anything to go back to. My boss would only be so nice, no matter what sob story I trotted out. And what exactly could I say?

I had to go on tour with a bunch of sexy rockstars and take pictures of their life. Then I hooked up with their bassist and fell in—

Nothing. I’d fallen in nothing. I’d just been swept up in a whirlwind affair. Of course I’d build it up in my head to something so huge, I couldn’t imagine my life without it.

Without him.

I curled my fingers around the wheel and forced myself to glance out the window at the ocean. That was eternal. The tide, the sun, the moon. Not my little insignificant problems. A year from now, I’d probably barely remember his name.

Right. Sure. Okay, maybe I should change that to ten years. Or fifty. Or when I couldn’t breathe or think anymore. I doubted I’d ever be able to scour his seductive voice or his soft, patient hands or those mischievous blue eyes from my brain.

I’d driven halfway back to where the bus was parked in preparation for Monday night’s concert when my phone trilled in my pocket with a text message.

Keys. Fabulous. Just whom I wanted to hear from right now. I dug out my phone and glanced at the readout.

F
A
: Say, are we still on next week to take those pix we talked about? You know the sexy ones?

I
groaned
and tossed my phone on the passenger seat. Seriously? I’d just had to hear how the guy I lo—cared about—had been in love with this woman, now I’d get to see her lush body all spread out in front of me. Perfect fodder for me to imagine he’d settled with his second choice rather than whom he truly wanted.

He said being with you had shown him that his feelings for Keys weren’t the real deal.

Sure, they were. I believed him and his soulful midnight blue eyes. It would be so easy to, if I didn’t happen to have a pair of my own and a knowledge of the power of history. Keys and Owen had it. He’d wanted her before she’d found someone to love of her own. So a part of him would probably always wonder, what if?

So what? Doesn’t a part of you still wonder what if things had gone better between you and Steven? Even so, you’re not pining for the dude. You definitely wouldn’t run back to him if he showed up and told you he’d changed.

I grabbed the phone. I couldn’t hold Owen’s feelings for Keys against her. It wasn’t her fault men naturally fell for her. Hell, I even understood it. She was beautiful and sweet and talented. I liked her far too much to let my envy eat a hole in our growing friendship.

Besides, I’d been envious before. Toward Ava for one thing. Somehow I’d kept it from affecting our relationship, so I would manage the same with Keys. Even if it was extremely hard right now.

I’d just eat the hard for breakfast. Err, dinner, since it was late afternoon.

Sex-a-thons were hell on a schedule.

I waited until I’d cleared the cliff roads and there was a safe place for me to pull over to reply to her text.

C
T
: Actually, let’s not wait until next week. I’m going to grab a hotel room near the bus and we can do it this evening. Maybe in an hour or so? I’ll text you where I’ve landed.

A
ssuming
I could get a hotel room on such short notice. I just knew I couldn’t go back to those narrow quarters where I’d be surrounded by too many bodies and too many emotions. And Owen. He’d be in Monterey for the weekend if he kept to our plans, but I couldn’t chance he’d come back early. Not that it really mattered. He left an imprint of himself everywhere he went.

K
F
: Don’t worry about grabbing a room. You can crash with us at the Wyndham. We ended up with a suite and there’s a sofa bed, if you don’t mind those.

I
let out a silent scream
. She was so sweet, offering to give up her privacy so I wouldn’t have to search for a room on short notice. And she didn’t even ask me any questions. Owen and I hadn’t formally announced our arrangement, but it was pretty obvious to anyone who was paying attention.

Then again, Hammered was made up mostly of men. To say they observed anything was taking a very large leap. I could probably mount Owen on the couch on the bus and one of them would just stuff chips in his mouth and mosey on by.

God, how could I bunk down with Keys of all people?

Swiftly, I replied and thanked her for her generosity. I typed yes before I could back out. I didn’t want to do the hotel room search thing. Definitely didn’t want to hole up alone. For so long, that had been my MO, but this band was becoming my family. Just because I was worried about what had transpired with the photo and how it would affect my role in the band—or even if it would, since Owen had been certain I was overreacting—as well as Owen’s little love revelations regarding Keys, I didn’t want to go back to my old ways. I’d come too far to regress.

She responded with a bunch of smiley faces and her room number, along with the info that she’d leave a spare key for me at the desk. Quinn was out guarding the world, so if I wasn’t too tired, perhaps we could do the shoot while he was gone.

Sure. Why not? I only had a dented heart and mangled pride and a million other damaged organs for probably silly reasons. I’d also had more than my daily allotment of orgasms, as per usual with Owen, so I was swinging back and forth between too keyed up and wanting nothing more than to sleep until summer.

Maybe then I’d forget my over the top reaction to something so small.

He’d just been happy, for Pete’s sake. As I’d been happy. We’d been sex-drunk and maybe even more drunk that that, if blossoming feelings counted for anything. Impulsive stuff happened. It didn’t have to be the end of the world.

Although a lot of that depended on Lila—and Donovan.

The good thing was I had my equipment with me in the bags I’d fled Owen’s with. Not everything, of course, but I’d taken a few of the essentials because we were spending the weekend in Monterey. The setting was exquisite. But instead of drowning my senses and taking all the pictures I’d wanted, I’d drowned my senses with Owen and run away.

Again.

It was a bad habit of mine, fleeing when stuff got tough. It wasn’t fair to Owen, and it definitely wasn’t fair to me. Now that I was nearly to Keys’ hotel, I was starting to wish I’d just stuck around.

Especially since the first text from Owen had just come through and I really wanted to answer it. More than anything, I wanted to turn the car around and go back to him. To us.

But it wasn’t just our relationship on the line. So was my job. If anyone in the band somehow hadn’t realized we had a thing going on, that picture today would tell a different story. They weren’t the problem. Lila monitored those accounts. She watched every damn thing.

All around, it was probably better that we took a breather. The whole situation was moving way too fast for me, and maybe for Owen too. What had started as temporary forking had turned into some stupid wishful part of me wanting permanent sporking. That wasn’t going to happen. He couldn’t be looking for that too, could he? Not for real, babies and feelings comments aside.

He was a romantic. He said all kinds of things.

Just keep telling yourself that, bunny.

Even if everything he did indicated he might be interested in more, I couldn’t let myself believe in fairytales again. I was firmly rooted in this world. It was the only way I could be sure I wouldn’t be left as roadside wreckage again.

A little while later, I arrived at Keys hotel. It was a swanky place, as was expected, but not so snooty that I felt out of place in my capris and tied off shirt. That I didn’t immediately pull it down to hide my midriff showed Owen’s positive influence on me. Difficult to think you should hide your body when you had an insanely hot rockstar telling you that you were a goddess on a daily basis.

I went up to Keys’ room and she let me in with a grin. “Hey girl. Good to see you. So glad you’re going to hang here with us.”

I had to laugh. “I’m sure. Who wouldn’t want their romantic night interrupted by a friend crashing the party?”

“Romantic night? C’mon now. When Quinn gets back, he’ll be ready to sleep not screw. Besides, we do that all the time. We can skip an evening or two. Makes the reunion sex that much better.” She winked and dragged me into the suite, nudging the door closed behind me. Good thing because my bags had me pretty weighed down, since I’d waved off help from the hotel staff.

“If you say so. Though I have to say, I’m a recent convert to this sex all the time thing and I’m not too thrilled at skipping even one day—” At Keys’ knowing smile, I bit my tongue. Literally. I nearly sawed it in half.

Moron.

“It’s okay,” Keys said, patting my arm. Guess my face was as red as I’d suspected. “It’s just us girls. Nothing wrong with talking about boys.” She held up a finger to her lips. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you.” I blew out a breath and set down my bags. I’d worry about where to stow them after the brushfire that had bloomed under my skin calmed down.

“Gotta say you have excellent taste. He’s as good as they come.”

I ran a finger along my throat. I’d started to sweat in spite of the AC. Awesome. “Just, ah, to clarify, you mean as a person, right? Not sexually or ah, anything.”

Owen would have told me if they’d been lovers. He’d been clear they hadn’t been, and I believed him, but the insecure part of me kept taking over my mouth.

I held up a hand as she sputtered out a laugh. “Me and Owen? God no. Absolutely not. He’s my best friend, other than Quinn. That makes him the second best thing to a brother. I don’t even like to think about him having sex.” She shuddered. “It’s just not our deal.”

All at once, I felt bad for Owen. More than that, I was outraged on his behalf that he’d had a thing for a woman who’d been blind to all his amazing qualities. I was sure Keys saw some of them or they wouldn’t have been so close, but no one could know him as well as I’d come to know him and
not
love him. It just wasn’t physically possible.

“He’s incredible in every way. The best man I’ve ever known by far,” I said quietly. “I understand you never saw him that way, and I’m grateful for that because I wouldn’t have him if you had.”

“What?” She laughed uncertainly but I didn’t regret my slip of the tongue.

“Just saying that you’re gorgeous and so talented. I bet you could have had any man you wanted. I’m just glad you didn’t want him, because I would’ve missed out on the most amazing experience of my life. Knowing him.” I gripped my throat and fought off the wash of tears behind my eyes. “Being with him.”

She reached out and took my hand. “So it’s like that, huh?”

“Yeah.” I sniffled and couldn’t even begrudge myself much for the tears. Once I’d unlocked the floodgates, years of denied emotion were bound to come pouring out. “I guess it is. For me anyway. Despite all his flowery words, Owen can be a hard nut to crack.” At her grin, I backtracked. “I mean—”

“I know what you mean. Let me give you a tip. He’s really about as hard as a marshmallow. All that boy wants is to find someone to love. He’s just been searching in all the wrong places.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m glad he finally bought a clue.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. We just had a pretty big fight.”
About you
. Although Keys hadn’t been the crux of it, just a surface hit. The photo had set us off, but underneath everything had been the undercurrent of fear. At least on my end, and maybe on his too.

We felt so tenuous. This was all so new.
So
new. People couldn’t fall this fast and have it stick. Could they? Obviously, we hadn’t come too far or learned too much if it was so easy for us to have a blowout then retreat to our separate corners.

“Fighting is natural. It only means you have strong emotions. Makeup sex is the best, by the way.”

I tried to smile. “This was big. He put a picture of us up on the band Instagram.”

“So? Wyatt did the same when you guys had your day out together.”

“That was different. This was…more personal.”

I just wasn’t going to think about that picture. Or any of the pictures. Or, oh cripes, the video.

I was torn between never wanting to watch it again and needing to watch it again
right now
.

“Oh. Ohh. Well, hmm. Seems like Owen. He’s a bit impetuous. But what’s the problem? Afraid you’ll get hate mail?” Keys rolled her eyes. “Some of our loudest fans aren’t always the kindest when one of the band members hooks up with someone. God forbid they get married.”

“That’s not a consideration,” I said quickly.

I wasn’t getting married again. Six months ago, I’d been certain of that down to my bones. Now all of my convictions were starting to waver. Probably because I’d begun to realize it wasn’t the institution that was the problem, but the person you chose to marry.

“No, it’s my job. I’m not supposed to fraternize. It sets up an awkward—what?” I asked as Keys bent over laughing.