Manage Me (Toven's Circus #1) (20 page)

"German?" She whispers.

“Yes." I confirm. "Beethoven once wrote a set of three love letters addressed only to his “Meine Unsterbliche Geliebte”, “My Immortal Beloved”. In those pages he laid out his soul to his love. Nell, your music that day harpooned my heart. I fell for you in that moment, as your music sang to my soul. I’m in love with you, Nell, further than the moon and to the farthermost stars, I am completely crazy in love with you.”  When her jaw drops to the floor once again, I laugh wrapping my fingers into her hair and securing my lips to the place that has become a home like no other and Nell kisses me back with increasing fervor that I want to skip dinner, to bury myself in her, to hear my name panted and screamed from her soft lips. If it was any one but my family, I would stripe her of her gifts right here but with regret I slowly pull away, still holding her in my arms.

“Jaden, I…I don’t know what to say. Thank you, I love the gifts. As for your wonderful words. I...I care very deeply for you. The feelings that I have for you are so huge and they scare me…” She pauses and looks deep into my eyes, her fear shining through. “But what if you don’t? What if you just think you do and in a few weeks you realize this was all a huge mistake? We hardly know each other…” her voice peters off as tears escape.

Wanting nothing more than to reassure her, I grab her face tilting it up, so she has to look at me.

“Beauty, please look at me.” I ask brushing my knuckles beneath her jaw bringing her face up to mine. “I know it’s fast, most would say too fast but Beauty, Nell, I know it’s you I’ve been waiting for.” Her eyes are shining again but this time with hope and the love I feel, I see in her eyes even if she doesn’t realize she’s there yet.  “I’ve never said those words to another woman besides my mother. Fuck, I wouldn’t say them to you if it wasn’t everything that I’m feeling. But I get that you need more time and it’s okay.” I brush her tear stained cheeks with my thumbs. My heart aches but I will give her all the time she needs to figure out how crazy she is about me, and no one said anything about playing fare.  Wrapping her in my arms I just hold her, enjoying the view and my girl in my arms before we head back.

******************************************

Nell is sound asleep in my arms. Once back on the bus, we made passionate love until she passed out from exhaustion. I know that she had become upset for some reason tonight at dinner and I had every intention of getting to the bottom of it, but tonight wasn’t the night to do that, so I jumped at her offer of a distraction. Making her body feel good by worshiping it seemed like a great distraction. I hear voices out in the living area of the bus and decided to head out to hang out with my friends for a while.

Slipping slowly out from under Nell’s embrace, I throw on some grey sweats, and sneak out the bedroom door. Entering the living area, Ryker is sitting in his captain’s chair, paper and a pencil sitting on the table, an acoustic guitar in his arms as he fiddles with a song. Finn and Ashton are snuggled up together on the couch playing hockey. I notice the bus has stopped and that we have made it to Seattle already, granted its only four hours from Portland. I didn’t realize I’d laid there for so long thinking after Nell had fallen asleep.

“Beer?” I ask.

“Yup” and “No” come from Finn and Ashton at the same time.

“Didn’t you drink enough at dinner?” Ash ask him.

“What are you, a cop? Why does it fucking matter how much I drink?” He grumbles at her.

“You just seem to be drinking more lately. I’m just keeping an eye out for you.” She says softly.

“I’m fine Ash, Don’t worry about me. I don’t even have a buzz going.” He reassures her and I stand at the fridge, not entirely sure what’s going on but grab him and myself a beer anyway. Ryker doesn’t drink.

While they argue, I hand Ryker a water and catch his eye. “Can we talk?” I ask and he quietly nods his head, getting up to follow me outside.

We both lean against the bus taking in the always damp and chilly Seattle air before verbal vomit takes hold and I spew it all at Ryker’s feet. “Fuck Dude, I’m sorry. I know better. I know you, of all people would never fuck with someone who I was interested in, even if she was just a random hookup. And I know at the time you didn’t know she was more but god damn she is. She’s so much more than anything I’ve even known was possible and I just reacted without thinking.”

Because he is my brother, and because he is a bastard, he stands there in silence allowing my misery to marinade before finally speaking,

“It’s groovy man. I get it, she’s a good chick, hot as fuck. If she didn’t have little hearts in her eyes for you already, I’d have tapped that shit.” He says with an evil grin and despite knowing he is just fucking with me, I let out a growl. “Calm down you pussy.”

“Screw you dick, don’t talk about my future wife like that.” I say.

“Let hope she’s smarter than that nonsense. Are you done licking my asshole? I’m fucking freezing.”

Chuckling I say, “Yeah lets head inside.” And just like that, because we are brothers, it’s done and over with.

******************************************

“Hey, you two bitches squared away?” Finn asks and we both nod, as I sit in the other chair across from Ryker, watching Ashton’s face. She looks upset and I decide that I need to keep a closer eye on Finn, I clearly have been missing something.

“Good. Dinner was fun, yeah? I miss everyone.” Finn says.

“Yeah, I miss them, too. I think after the tour is over, I’d like to take a break before starting the new album. It feels like we have been going non-stop, and I would just like sometime to breath. Nell doesn’t have much of a family relationship and I would like to bring her up here to spend some time with them.”

“A break would be nice.” Ashton chips in and Finn nodes but Ryker’s fingers have stilled.

“I am not talking forever, Dude, just a month-ish. Just enough to get some energy back. It feels like we have been touring since we signed.” Ryker nods his head but still doesn’t say anything. Of the four of us, Ryker is the one that loves to tour the most. When not on tour he doesn’t know what to do with himself when his life isn’t surrounded by the music.

“I want to go to a secluded beach somewhere with a hot chick in a tiny bikini, bringing me whiskey and sucking my cock.” Finn says saluting the air with his beer and adjusting himself, missing the frown that crosses Ashton’s face.

“Yeah, I could go for a beach.” Ryker mutters.

“Fuck, yeah, that sounds fun.” I say thinking of Nell in a little red bikini, my cock with her pretty pink lips wrapped tightly around it.

“We should all meet up somewhere.” Finn suggests.

Making a face Ashton throws out, “Yeah, like I want to see your cock more than I have to. Pass!”

“Aw, come on Ash, we’d miss that sassy mouth of yours.” Finn says grabbing out at her tiny waist with his huge hand, hitting her in just the right spot making her squeal. Ryker and I share a knowing look. Finn and Ashton have been playing this grab ass game for years. She runs her mouth taunting him and he uses that as an excuse to get his hands on her. We both know that she has deep feelings for Finn, going back to high school. But while Finn has had a girlfriend or two over the years, Ashton has always pushed away any guy that’s showed an interest in her. Meanwhile, Finn lives in a happy bubble of oblivion, never noticing the beautiful girl standing right in front of him.

“Meeting up would be awesome, I will talk to Nell and see if she wants to hang out with you smelly assholes some more or if she wants me all to herself.” I say to a nodding Ryker over the wrestling match. Ashton gains some relief when she plants both feet into Finn stomach, effectively launching him off the couch and on to the floor with a loud thud. Instead of jumping back up, Finn remains on the floor, catching his breath.

“How are things going with Nell? The family seemed to love her,” Ashton probes as she pulls her shirt back down over her exposed stomach and she pulls her tousled hair into a mess knot on top of her head.

“I think Mom is filling out the adoption paperwork when she gets home” I say with a snicker unable to contain my elated smile “And we are fucking brilliant.” I could elaborate and gush for days about how insane I am for this woman, though while I am perfectly happy admitting to myself, and even Nell, that I am completely fascinated and smitten with her, I don’t want to deal with the loads of shit from my band.

Unexpectedly Ashton launches herself into my lap, choking my neck in a hug, before grabbing my face up in both hands, and leaning her forehead on to mine.

“I am so happy for you, J.” she whispers, “it’s been way too long since that smile has been on your face and I have missed it.’ She adds then kisses my cheeks and I wrap my arms around her allowing her to cuddle into my chest.

“Thanks, Ash. I am pretty damn happy.” I say hearing the bedroom door pop open, I turn to see my woman appear. My heart rate picks up and my grin spreads even more, just for her. When she frowns, I remember Ashton on my lap, but make no move to push her off. Ashton is my family, the little sister that I never had. We have always been close and despite Nell’s unease with it, I am not acting in any way I never would around my family. She needs to see that this is how an affectionate family is with each other.

“Hey Beauty,” hearing this Ryker and Finn both release disrespectful snorts of amusement, “I hope we didn’t wake you?” I stretch an arm out towards her and she comes forward allowing me to wrap it around her hips.

“No, you guys didn’t wake me up, the cold empty bed next to me did.” She says rubbing my neck and threading her fingers into my hair. My eyes close at her fondling and a deep grumble rumbles in my chest, causing Ashton to jump off my lap quickly.

“Gross…” Ashton mutters from her spot on the couch, while Nell drops down into her place with a laugh.

My face breaks out into a huge smile that Nell returns before I attacked her mouth causing my band to groan in protest. Making us both crack up with laughter.

“Are you two going suck face or can we discuss our vaca?” Finn says from the floor. I quickly fill Nell in on the plan.

“A warm beach sounds divine!” She all but purrs, and I have to shift her ass in my lap, my cock stirring awake.

“Bali is beautiful, I’ve always wanted to go there.” Ashton says.

“Hell yeah, Indonesian chicks are fucking hot!” Finn says jumping up from the floor and heading over to the bar to pour a drink. The excitement on Ashton’s face crashes, a look of sadness replacing it.

“What if we bring the families, too?” I suggest knowing public blowies aren’t going to happen with Finn’s mom staying at the same resort. Finn makes a disgusted face as he plops back down on the couch beside Ashton.

“I’d love to spend more time with your families!” Nell says with excitement.

“Hmm… Maybe we can have a sunset beach wedding while we’re there?” I throw out in a flippant manner but it still causes Nell to gasp.

“Is that how you’re fucking proposing to me?” Oh shit, I blanch and blank on a reply.

“No, I was just joking. Believe me Beauty, when I propose, you’ll know it.” I say lamely. Nell raises an eyebrow at me, giving me a look like,
yeah right
.

“Whatever, it just better be better than that,” she says trying to hide her grin.

“Does that mean your open to the idea of marrying me?” I ask fighting hard not to get my hopes up.

An image pops into my brain of Nell dressed all in white, a lone white anemone flower pinned in her hair, a bundle of red poppies in her hands, and happiness radiating from every pore. She makes her way barefoot towards me, a stunning smile on her face. Then she is in my arms where she belongs. The tension leaving my body, and a happy sigh escapes my mouth.

“Uh…” She gets out, her eyes huge.

“Fuck dude, you’ve been getting your dick wet for a week. Slow your shit down before she leaves a Nell shaped hole in the bus door and you’re left with your dick in your hand.” Finn snaps and my head whips towards him to bite back but Nell interrupts.