Making the Cut (47 page)

“After our fight I was pissed. Pissed with you, pissed with myself. I was angry with you because you were right. I don’t regret that he is dead, especially when we are going to have a little girl, I don’t want her walking the same earth as him.” His eyes blazed with protection for our unborn daughter. Something warm settled in my gut.

“But I know how you feel, what you meant. I want our child to be proud of me. I will protect you both with my last breath, won’t let anything hurt you. But I won’t let the taint of what I have done enter our house. Our family. I promise you that. Anyway, I got drunk. The club was having a party, but I stayed away and chose a bottle of Jack for company. I sat for hours thinking of everything, wanting to go back to you, but I was too fucking proud. Baby it has haunted my dreams for 63 days that I didn’t go back to you, I’ll never forgive myself. I dragged my sorry and drunk ass to bed. I did that alone Gwen. I swear to you.” His face was right in front of mine, eyes not wavering. I believed him, with every inch of me I believed him. I opened my mouth to tell him that but he put his hand to my lips.

“Let me finish baby. The next thing I know I was waking up to my beautiful girl telling me the best news I have every heard and making me the happiest son of a bitch on earth. Then the whore skulked out from the bathroom. The look on your face Gwen, I swear to god I’ll never forget it. You broke. Right there in front of me. Later on I found out the fuckin slut walked in not long before you arrived. Bull told me. Saw her sneak in, drew the wrong conclusions. But she must’ve picked my tee of the floor, used the bathroom then stayed in there, chose her moment when you got there.” His words were laced with fury and I could tell even now, two months later his anger with still blazing.

“Never wanted to lay a hand on a woman so much my entire life. Wanted to fucking kill the bitch.” He spat.

“But you didn’t.” It wasn’t a question. I knew he wouldn’t.

“No. As much as I wanted to, I handed her over to Rosie and Evie instead.” He smiled without humor.

I raised a brow but said nothing, I would so be ringing Rosie tomorrow.

Cade tightened his arms around me then kept going. “Then I saw you baby, you collapsing in my arms, hearing you fall apart, thinking I was watching you lose our child.” He shuddered. “Thought I had died and gone to hell. Got a respite when I heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. That was until I saw nothing on your face. Heard the lack of emotion in your voice. You are the most vibrant person I know, and that just disappeared. You disappeared. You were a shell Gwen. Scared the shit out of me. You leaving me outside that hospital damn near ruined me. Wanted to kill my brothers, myself. Anyone that was responsible for me not being by your fucking side when you put your brother in the ground.” His words bit through me and the pain was so sharp it surprised me. I couldn’t have this.

“Cade.” I whispered softly, brokenly.

“No baby. I will never forgive myself for the fact you had to do this without me, I couldn’t be there to shield you protect you best I could. Watch you grow with my baby in you. It’s all on me. And the decisions and the club that led me here.”

“Stop.” I commanded firmly. “Stop doing that, blaming yourself. The club. They are your family. And just like any family they have their downfalls, but no matter what they love you. Things are going in a different direction now right?” Cade said nothing just nodded stiffly.

“We can’t change the past.” I said quietly. “I would give
anything
to have that ability. But I can’t. We just have to live every day in the present. I love you. I don’t blame you for anything. You are the reason I’m not falling into a thousand little pieces right now, you are holding me together.”

“You are the one doing that babe. I’m in fuckin awe of you.” Cade’s mouth covered mine and he was inside me the next moment. We didn’t say another word for the rest of the night.

Chapter 19

I was humming contentedly the next morning, pouring pancake batter into the pan, sneaking glances at Cade who was sipping coffee and reading the paper. It was such a domestic situation, one that I never saw myself in, but one that felt completely natural. Grey eyes met mine. “Concentrate on the pancakes Gwen, I don’t want you burning yourself. Or my breakfast.” He teased.

“Stop distracting me then.” I snapped.

“I’m readin the paper how is that distracting?”

“You’re just being all sexy and irresistible and its distracting okay?” I declared, my hormones telling me to jump him on my parent’s kitchen table.

His eyes darkened as he read the desire in mine.

“Pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen Gwen? I’d never thought I’d see the day.” Amy walked into the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee, smirking between Cade and I.

“You watch you mouth if you want pancakes Abrams.” I pointed my spatula at her warningly as she walked over to me, handing the cup of the sweet sweet nectar into my free hand. I brought it up to my face and Cade’s angry voice stopped me.

“You’re not allowed coffee Gwen!” He growled, looking as if he was going to waltz up and snatch my precious away from me.

I cradled it protectively to my chest. “I know.” I glared at him until I was sure he was staying put. “I just like to smell it.”

I took a huge inhale and let the scent dance into my nostrils before Amy snatched the cup away from me and sat at the table.

“Seriously Mouse, I don’t know why you torture yourself with that every morning. You can be a weird kid sometimes. Just drink decaf if you are that addicted to the stuff.” Dad entered the room smiling, kissing me on the forehead.

“I’ll drink decaf when you drink non alcoholic beer.” I told him, turning back to my pancakes.

“The day I drink that horseshit is the day hell freezes over.” My father proclaimed with ferocity, before pouring his own coffee, as if to taunt me.

“Decaf.” I muttered to the pan in disgust. I flipped a pancake onto a plate and was preparing to pour another one when I felt it. I grabbed my stomach, the glass jug slipped from my hands and shattered on the floor. Cade was by my side in a second, Dad was on his feet phone in hand. I was impressed with their reflexes.

“What’s wrong Gwen?” Cade looked terrified with his eyes glued at my stomach.

“I’m calling the doctor.” Dad declared.

I smiled, catching them both off guard. “I’m fine both of your calm down, Dad hang up the phone.” I grasped Cade’s hand and put in over my belly. His eyes widened. “She just caught me by surprise that’s all.” I said softly relishing the feeling of my baby kicking at Cade’s hand.

Cade seemed hypnotized for a second then he shook his head, he didn’t move his hand from my belly but he put the other under my legs and carried me to the table.

“I don’t want you cutting yourself.” He explained, a twinkle in his eye, I knew he was remembering back to a time not so different than this, apart from the fact I was carrying his spawn now. Our moment was broken when Dad and Amy rushed over.

“Supes kicking let me feel!” Amy demanded placing her hand beside Cade’s.

“Gotta know if my grandkid’s gonna be an All Black.” Dad put his hand there too.

Three heads looked up at me smirking before they released their hands, well actually two did. One very masculine, tattooed hand stayed sprawled over my swollen belly. I covered it with my own, looking into the grey eyes of my man, his expression sending a warm feeling to my toes. We stayed like that, staring at each other silently enforcing a bond that would keep us connected forever. The little person inside me that we both created out of love, the baby that will forever be ours and would be loved by countless people. Cade framed my face and pressed a firm but chaste kiss on my lips.

My father, bless him, broke the moment. “What are you two lovebirds up to today?” He asked his tone light, and happy. Not that fake cheerfulness that he had ben putting on for two months, protecting his girls from the depths of his grief, being strong for us. No, this was genuine, the warm feeling continued to sneak its way into my heart, then I did something I hadn’t genuinely done for two months. I smiled. “Well father, I thought I could show Cade around town, then go for a drive up to Malcom’s peak.” I informed him, turning to Cade I continued. “Let’s see how you handle New Zealand life my hunky American.”

“Nice meeting you Cade, you’re not a bad bloke…for a Yank. You take care of this girl.” Gray barked at Cade gruffly, giving him a firm handshake. His eyes softened towards me and then to my belly.

“This baby comes home with an accent, we got problems.” He roughly kissed my head then sauntered off to his table. I giggled and looked over to Cade, who just shook his head and took a pull of his beer.

It had been an eventful day, showing Cade ‘around town’ didn’t take long considering our town consisted of one main street, a handful of shops and three cafes. That didn’t mean we weren’t busy. We stopped off for a coffee, and as was per usual in a small town such as ours, we bumped into a thousand people I knew. This normally didn’t bother me too much, considering I didn’t make it home often and I genuinely liked most of the people. But this was one of the first times I had been out and about since the funeral. I hated the sympathetic glances, the hand squeezing, the ‘how are you holding ups?’ everyone meant well but it was suffocating. Thankfully I had a hunky biker who distracted most of the well meaning locals away from their pity party and into a full scale interrogation. With some overly friendly arm touches and eye fucking from the younger, female, generation. I had narrowed my eyes at this and stuck my belly out rubbing it in front of them, communicating that I was
pregnant with his child.
Some people. Thankfully we escaped unscathed and spent the rest of the day driving around the countryside, even Cade’s usual hard exterior cracked taking in the beauty of home. I could tell he liked ‘Malcolm’s Point’ considering he stood taking in the view of our little valley silently for a good five minutes before jumping me and making love to me on the bonnet of my Dad’s truck. It was amazing. Apart from the fact I was slightly worried my fat pregnant ass would make a huge dint that would be hard to explain.

After those activities I figured Cade would be thirsty so I took him to our local pub. On arrival we were swamped down with greetings, hugs (for me), firm handshakes and back slaps (for Cade). The reception was slightly different from that of the café, as the patrons here tended to be old, gruff, farmers and laborers who didn’t drool all over my drool worthy man and hand out condolences. Instead they gave Cade wary looks, glancing at his attire and tattoos’ with speculation, and more than a little protectiveness. A lot of these men knew and respected not only my father but also my…Ian. Which meant they took it upon themselves to be secondary protectors of my honor. Sweet but also annoying. Especially when your 15 and hanging out at the only 24 hour fast food joint at 3 in the morning, more than a little tipsy, and one of the men happen upon you then take it upon themselves to drag you home.

But when I was 25, knocked up, and devastated from loss I found it comforting. I was worried for a split second they would take him outside and try and rough him up a little, considering they all knew he had been MIA for two months, no matter it was not his fault. But thankfully they hadn’t. Another thing that I was thankful for was the fact they didn’t treat me like some victim of loss that needed to be handled like glass. They shot they shit, some giving Cade withering looks, most giving him shit (that he took remarkably well), and then they raised a glass, “To the best brother son, and rugby Forward we knew.” I choked up a bit on that one, but raised my lemonade and bit back the tears.

“Anyone else going to approach the table trying to kill me with a scowl then try and crush me bones with a handshake?” Cade asked evenly.

“Oh probably, it’s not even happy hour yet.” I told him sweetly.

He smirked, rubbing his hand on my thigh. “I like this for you baby. That you got so many people who obviously care about you, respect you, got your back. It’s special, this whole damn place is spectacular.”

I scrutinized the pub with fake interest, taking in the dated stools and tables, the slightly stained carpet and the faded yellow paint.

“Well spectacular isn’t the word I’d use for this particular establishment, I’m glad you like it all the same.”

Cade grinned outright, and what a sight to behold that was. “Fuck I’ve missed your smart mouth.” His hand moved from my thigh to brush my belly lightly.

“This town, this country. It’s freaking amazing babe, I see how you love it so much.” He regarded like there was something else moving in his mind.

I didn’t have time to ask him what because hurricane Amy strolled through the door. I swear conversation stopped and every head turned to look at my best friend. Granted, in a small town pub in New Zealand, strangers stuck out like a sore thumb. But this way something else, a drop dead gorgeous girl like Amy strolling into this place was like a fish jumping out of water and walking around on two legs. It also didn’t help she was dressed like she was about to head off to a five star dinner, not indulge in some hearty, honest, pub food.