Making the Connection: Strategies to Build Effective Personal Relationships (Collection) (39 page)

Step 5: Share What You Learn from the Rebuilding Process

No matter what, we learn from the process of rebuilding personal credibility. Whenever you can, share your story about how you lost credibility and worked at rebuilding it. Help others see that admitting and owning mistakes is possible—and often leads to amazing results. Be open in talking about your own human mistakes and failures and how taking ownership is the best way to lighten the weight of the baggage these mistakes or failures leave behind! One of the most powerful and effective ways we have to leave a positive impact on others is in sharing our mistakes and what we learned from them.

Starting Over...Every Day

Personal credibility is built, lost, and then rebuilt by most of us on a daily basis. The reality is that no one is ever 100% constantly and totally a credible human being. We are human, with imperfections and failures. When we honestly assess ourselves, our actions, and make decisions to work on changing actions that impact our credibility, we begin immediately tapping into the amazing exponential power of our personal credibility factor. The tough part is that the work really never ends. But, again, neither do the rewards! So, what do we really need to do to get going? Well, we need to start over!

Starting over begins with making a decision to learn from your past mistakes, but also to forgive your own past.

Nothing is accomplished from getting hung up on how “dumb” we have been, or how “horrible” our actions were. The only thing that can be done about the past is to work in the present to change the future. Instead of being hung up, simply ask: What have I learned? What will I change? Then, begin the change process.

Tapping Into the Power of the Three Secrets to Personal Credibility

Learning secrets to gaining personal credibility is helpful. However, it is what we
do
with the knowledge of these secrets that will determine their value on our lives and others around us. As you review the following secrets, take advantage of the opportunity to be completely honest with yourself. Look for opportunities to use these secrets to enhance your personal credibility factor.

Secret #1: Forget Power, Position, Status, and Other Such Nonsense

How important is power, position, and status to you? How much do you over-rely on “because I said so” to accomplish results? How likely are you to give respect to others regardless of their power or position? Where and with whom do you need to focus your actions?

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Secret #2: I Can See Right Through You

How totally authentic are you when interacting with others? Are you comfortable in your own skin and allow those around you to see and know the person you really are? Or, do you only allow others to see and know the person you want others to believe you are? How frequently do you activate your “invisible fence” and why do you do it? How might you totally deactivate that invisible fence?

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Secret #3: The Decision to Suspend Judgment

How capable are you of putting your own thoughts “on hold” while you consider what you are hearing or learning from others? How capable are you of remaining quiet, open minded, and objective while considering another person’s point of view? With whom and when might you most benefit from making the decision to suspend judgment?

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Stepping Up with Credibility: Seven Steps Everyone Can Take to Increase Personal Credibility and Impact

You should be ready at this point to get very specific about your Personal Credibility Factor Action Plan. For best results, go back and reflect on your notes in previous chapters. Review your observations about your opportunities with tapping into the Three Secrets. You are now ready to prepare for action!

In the spaces provided in the following sections, list at least one action step that you will take to increase your personal credibility. There are spaces provided for two specific actions in each step. Caution: Don’t overwhelm yourself. Start by deciding which of the seven steps are more challenging for you and where your actions would create the most positive impact on your personal credibility. Work first on those areas, and then revisit your list on occasion, perhaps monthly. Remember to set expectations for yourself and others realistically. Always remember, we get to start over every day!

Step #1: Know Your “Stuff”

1. I will:

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2. I will:

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Step #2: Keep Commitments

1. I will:

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2. I will:

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Step #3: Honor Confidences and Avoid Gossip

1. I will:

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2. I will:

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Step #4: Know Yourself—the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!

1. I will:

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2. I will:

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Step #5: Choose to Value Others—the Good, and Yes, Even the Bad and the Ugly!

1. I will:

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2. I will:

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Step #6: Ask More and Listen Most

1. I will:

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2. I will:

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Step #7: Create Credible Interactions

1. I will:

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2. I will:

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FT Press

FT Press

The Art of Asking: Ask Better Questions, Get Better Answers

Terry J. Fadem

0137144245 / 9780137144242 Available now

Read the following excerpt from
The Art of Asking to...

It’s not enough to ask questions; you must ask the right questions in the best way possible. Use questions to promote innovation, drive change, identify hidden problems, and get failing projects back on track.

That means asking the
right
questions in the
right
ways. This book will teach you how to do precisely that. Terry J. Fadem shows how to choose the right questions and avoid questions that guarantee obvious, useless answers...how to help people give you the information you need...how to use body language to ask questions more effectively...how to ask the innovative or neglected questions that uncover real issues and solutions.

You’ll learn how to adopt the attributes of a good questioner...set a goal for every question...use your personal style more effectively...ask tough questions, elicit dissent, react to surprises, overcome evasions, and more. Becoming a better questioner may be the most powerful thing you can do right now to improve your managerial effectiveness—and this book gives you all the insights, tools, and techniques you’ll need to get there.

Introduction: Questioning Is the Skill of Management

1. Is There a Basic Set of Management Questions?

Yes.

All managers can use a basic set of questions, at any level in any organization, in any situation, anywhere in the world, and in any language. These questions are tools that should be issued to each manager when he or she joins the profession. Most professionals have a basic set of implements to use in their craft. Carpenters have hammers, dentists have picks, and physicians have stethoscopes. It is hard to envision any of these people working in their chosen fields without their basic set of tools. Managers, too, have a basic set of tools:
questions
. And nothing is as simple, or as complex, for a manager, or for any person in any position of authority and responsibility, than asking questions.

Some of us are very good at it. We always seem to ask the right question at the right time. Others of us are less well prepared, and our questions often do not yield the kinds of results we want or that the business needs. Even the best among us are subject to a number of common errors. So, all of us managers share the need to improve our skills. Before we start discussing the details of common questioning errors, a quick review of the basic tools of management is provided.