Making It Through (11 page)

A small smile broke on my lips, my body relaxing. “It’s really nothing, I’m fine.”

“Nah, nah, nah. Spill, woman.”

“Something weird just happened to me.”

“Oh, yeah?” He smiled. “What?”

I pointed to the woman walking away. “Do you know her?”

Max peered into the distance for a minute before replying. “Yeah, that looks like Jessica. Why?”

We began walking to the field before I spoke. “Well, she told me to leave you alone. She has the notion that we're dating, and that
I'm
not at all who you need or want. Ridiculous, since we aren’t even dating, I know. Anyway, like I said, it’s nothing. I just thought you'd like to know.”

He halted our progress, stopping in his tracks, and spun me around to face him. Don’t worry about her. I met her at a party during the first week of school, but before the night was over, I knew she was way too much drama. She's probably just jealous that the attention is no longer on her, not that it really ever was.

“You don’t need to explain anything to me,” I told him, though my heart was lighter from hearing it.

“Yes, I do. Mady, babe, I’m crazy about you. I thought it was obvious.”

My eyes shot to his to see if he was kidding. Heat rushed to my face, my heart beating so fast I wasn’t sure if it would explode from my chest. In my head, I started to panic a little bit. Max liked me like that? Sure, we flirted a little, but I didn’t want to hurt him, and I surely would. How could an emotionally destroyed person manage any kind of normal feelings towards a great guy?

“Max, you only signed up to be my tutor. I don’t want you to feel like
you're
obligated to spend more time with me than for studying. I mean, I do consider you my friend, because you really are amazing, and you've put up with so much crazy from me...” I knew I was beginning to ramble. I might have been better off to stop talking before I made a complete fool of myself. My shoulders sank in defeat. “You know, I lack the ability to carry on a normal relationship.”

The heated, angry look Max shot at me halted any further words which may have been on my tongue. “Obligated, Mady? Really? Please don’t insult the time we've spent together. None of that was from obligation. And who says you can’t carry on a relationship? The guy who decided to walk away from you? Well, I’m sorry, but that’s his loss.”

He tucked stray hairs behind my ear.

“Why don’t you look at it this way. Is everything good between us? Do we work well together?” I nodded. “And you enjoy hanging out with me, right?” Again I nodded. “We spend almost every day together. You’ve even been comfortable enough to sleep over when your parents are fighting. And you flirt with me incessantly.”

I smacked him in the chest. “Hey! I do not!”

Max grabbed my wrists and pulled me closer. “I enjoy every minute I have with you, Mady, good and bad. And I’m not exactly immune to your charms. You are beautiful, and funny, and you have a sexy smile. And sleeping with you the other night, with you in those skimpy sleeping clothes, just about made me lose my mind. You can’t blame me for wanting to be with you.”

I was at a loss for words. No man had ever taken the time to explain all the things that he found attractive in me. My heart melted for him. I knew I had some serious feelings growing for him, but I was still afraid.

“It’s okay to feel. You know I won’t run when you have bad days, but that
I'll
be there to encourage and help you.”

Max paused and looked deep into my eyes, before slowly lowering his head. Then his lips were on mine, and it felt like the most perfect place for them to be. My mind—and the fears that had been swimming around up there—dissolved, and sensation took over. His lips were soft, and full, and commanding. His gym bag hit the ground with a thud, and his arms wrapped tightly around my body. The kiss intensified, his tongue darting to lick my lower lip, my tongue peeking out to join in a sensuous dance with his.

Max slowly lowered us onto the field, my body not daring to part from his, our kiss deepening further, his body pressing on top of mine.

Realization set in where we were, and I nudged his chest with my hand. “Max, wait,” I murmured against his lips.

“What is it?” he mumbled back, not moving an inch to break our contact.

I nudged him again. “There might still be people here.”

That forced a breather between us. He quickly looked around, and then his lips were back on mine.

I giggled. “That was quick.”

“No one is around, and we’ve wasted too much time already. I need to taste your sweet lips.” I allowed one more lengthy kiss, before I stopped him again.

“Look, as much as I would like to continue this, maybe we can take it somewhere else?”

Max shook his head and jumped up, pulling me with him. “Sorry, I got a little carried away. Come on, let’s go back to my place.”

I allowed him to lead me to his car, and he sped toward his apartment. He swung open the door wildly, just to be halted in our tracks as two sets of eyes fell on us from the couch.

“Shit,” I heard Max curse under his breath. It was all I could do to stifle a giggle.

“Hey there, roomie!” Jordan grinned widely at us, noticing our hands linked together.

“Hey, guys. I thought you might be out tonight after the game. Don’t you guys ever go on dates or anything?”

Scott piped up. “Nope. Why? Did you two have something planned? Maybe we can tag along?”

Max scowled at them. “No way in hell
that
is going to happen.”

“We were thinking of ordering a pizza. Maybe we can all watch a movie. How about
Sleepless in Seattle
?”

A giggle escaped then, and Max turned and grabbed me. “You think this is funny?” He smashed his lips to mine briefly, sending my head spiraling in a daze, before letting me go and reaching into his jeans for his wallet. He grabbed a couple of bills, walked over, and crumpled them into Jordan’s hand. “Go get pizza somewhere else. Now.”

Sensing that Max meant business, the guys grabbed their coats and were out the door in record time. He locked the door behind them, and then returned his attention to me. He wrapped one arm around my waist, yanking me flush against him, his other hand weaving his fingers into my hair, pulling my head to the side. The trail his lips took, along my shoulder to my jaw, set my skin on fire. My breathing hitched in my chest, and I found myself clawing at him to try and get even closer.

We started to move, Max pushing me up against the wall in the hallway to his room, his lips claiming mine. I brushed my hand against his closely cropped hair, his palm leaving my waist to grab my thigh and pull it up against him, effectively driving his lengthening arousal against my centre. I gasped and reached for his shirt, but he halted my progress with fingers wrapping around my wrist.

“I don’t trust the guys not to come back in here,” he murmured against my lips. “Come.” He took a step back, tugged me through the door of his bedroom, and locked it behind him.

I leaned into him to carry on where we had left off, but Max stopped me, taking several steps away from me. “Look Mady, we don’t have to rush into this right now. I’m relieved to finally have this out in the open, but we can stop any time, and maybe sooner rather than later, because
I'm
teetering pretty close to losing all my self-control.”

My emotions were swirling fiercely within me. On one hand, I doubted my ability to not screw this up, but on the other hand I couldn’t deny the charge that was blazing between us. His lips on mine was ultimately what I needed to feel again. For that to happen, Max was doing far too much talking. I walked toward him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Kiss me.”

He leaned back a little but made no move to separate our bodies. “There is no rush.”

I laughed. “Uh huh, you said that already. You tell me you're into me...”

“I am sooooo into you, babe.”

“Don’t interrupt. You say
you're
into me, and now you want to stop? Are you chickening out on me?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Chickening out?
I'm
trying to not be a caveman, okay? I have been a walking hard-on since we met. There is no way in hell this isn’t happening, it just doesn’t have to be tonight.”

“And I can’t guarantee what
I'll
feel like tomorrow. But I can tell you that what we had going in the hall was pretty sensational. I’d like to continue that, please.”

He looked at me for a minute more before spinning me and backing me toward the bed. We crashed down together, his lean body pressing onto me, his hands finding mine, linking our fingers as he raised them above my head.

“I can’t tell you how many dreams
I've
had about having you beneath me, just like this.”

“You did?” I questioned in surprise.

“You had no idea, did you?” He slid his hands down my arms, grazing the sides of my breasts, and bringing them to the edge of my t-shirt for a moment before sliding them underneath to caress my heated skin. He’d barely touched me, and I was already melting.

He rose, still straddling my legs, pulled his shirt over his head, and then reached for mine. I sat, and as my shirt joined his on the floor, his perfectly sculpted chest landed at eye level. I took the opportunity to slide my tongue along it on a path to his nipple. Grazing my teeth lightly against it, I looked up to see Max with his head tilted back, eyes closed, a hiss escaping his mouth.

He reached around and unclasped my bra, baring me to him. Self-consciousness washed over me, but Max didn’t miss a beat. He lowered us back down to rest against the pillows, and his lips worked their magic on me, leaving me writhing and aching for more.

Our hands roamed, and my inhibitions disappeared as my desire for him grew stronger. He slid down my body, trailing kisses to my hip, slowly pushing my jeans and panties from my legs. He moved to stand near the end of the bed, where he dropped his tight boxer-briefs. I whimpered at the sight of him, hard and long, ready to continue. Max smirked at me before crawling back up my body.

“Do you know that you are every man’s fantasy?” he breathed into my ear. “How lucky am I that I get to be the one with you right now?”

“Please, Max,” I whispered with a shiver.

“What do you want?” he asked as his hand lowered between my legs.

“Oh, God, yes,” I moaned.

He worked his fingers over my clit, my body shuddering, my climax exploding in a few, short moments.

Max nibbled my earlobe. “Mmm, that was hot, babe. Who knew I could make you a two minute girl?”

I laughed as I smacked his shoulder, then reached between us to get a firm grip on his cock. “Why don’t you stop talking and show me what you can do with this?”

With a groan, he grabbed a condom from the bedside table and dropped it between my breasts. “I plan to do just that. You’ve already got a great grip on it, why don’t you do the honors?”

Stroking him, I took my time before tearing the wrapper open between my teeth. I sheathed him, wrapped one leg around his hip, and guided him where I so badly needed to feel him. He eased himself into me and found an exquisite rhythm, rolling his hips to give me every inch.

“Fucking hell, you feel too good,” he muttered under his breath, grabbing both my legs and resting them on his shoulders as he picked up the pace. He was rocking me, my body climbing closer to another climax. His fingers found my clit, and it was enough to send me over the top again. I cried his name, and Max pounded into me one last time, before growling loudly as he came. He collapsed on top of me, our glistening bodies heaving, searching for breath.

“Oh, my God, that was amazing.” He sighed as he gently pulled out of me and disposed of the condom. We both crawled under the comforter, and he gathered me into his arms, kissing my temple gently.

I closed my eyes, and my body relaxed into this wonderful sensation of safety. As I drifted, I thought about the idea of having Max as my own, and my lips formed a contented smile.

I woke in Max’s bed, alone. Panic began to bubble inside me. Had I gotten the wrong impression about what was going on between us? Even as I thought this, I knew, in my heart, it wasn’t true. Max wasn’t that kind of guy. But then the biggest problem came to mind: this was going to completely change the friendship we had built. Would I be able to handle yet another change in my life, when I was struggling with everything already? That wasn’t a question I could answer, and it scared me.

I slipped from the bed to find my clothes, and I had just pulled on my shirt, when the door creaked open, and Max pushed through with two steaming mugs.

“Did I wake you? I tried to be quiet.” He held out one of the mugs for me. “Are you going somewhere?”

He looked amazing in his boxer-briefs, and butterflies started swarming in my stomach.

“I, uh, thought maybe you had gone.” I couldn’t look him in the eye as I said the words. “I was going to get out of your hair.”

“You think I would want you gone? Mady, come here.” He took my mug, placed it on the bedside table beside his, and pulled me back to the bed. His arms, as they wrapped around me, were warm and welcoming, comforting.

“Last night was amazing. Like, really amazing, and I want to have many more occasions just like that. Do you remember me saying that I was crazy about you?”

I nodded silently.

“I meant every word. I know
you're
hurting a lot of the time, babe. But I can see
you
beyond all that. I see a beautiful and smart woman, who has a love for so many things. I’m not going anywhere.
I'll
be here through the dark patches when you need me, because that means I get to have you in the light, as well. You are worth it.”

I flung my arms tightly around his neck as the tears began to fall down my cheeks. “Thank you,” I mumbled into his chest.

We stayed that way until I heard a ding from my phone. I couldn’t believe that I still had any battery left.

“It went off a couple times before you woke. Hope it’s not your parents worried about you.”

I laughed bitterly, reaching for my purse on the floor. “They won’t even notice that
I'm
not home, trust me. Oh, it’s Chloe. I saw them yesterday at the game and promised I would get together with them next week, but it looks like they are meeting for coffee this morning.”

Max smiled. “You should go meet them.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I know how things work with you girls and gossiping. You should go.”

Eyebrows pulling together, I shook my head at him. “I am
not
that kind of girl. But they did see me with you, and they're curious. Plus, we haven’t really hung out in a while.” I quickly typed a note back to Chloe confirming I would be there.

“I should get going. I have to go home and change before I meet them.”

Max stood and pulled on his jeans. “I’ll drive you home. You want to meet up later? Maybe have dinner?”

I nodded shyly. “Sure.”

“You’re pretty cute when you blush like that.”

My cheeks heated further. To avoid his eyes, I turned and walked into the living room. As I was sliding into my boots, Max approached with my coat. He grabbed his keys, and we headed out the door.

When we reached my house, there were no cars in the driveway, and I hoped I'd be lucky enough to avoid any of my family. I was feeling pretty good, and the last thing I wanted was to ruin my mood. I kissed Max goodbye and slipped into the house, rushing to my room to change. Luck was on my side; the house was empty.

As promised, I met the girls at the coffee shop a short time later. Chloe grabbed me in a throat-crushing hug and Meagan embraced me with a little more care.

“It’s so great to see you, Mady. You look... happier,” Meagan whispered in my ear.

“
I'm
starting to be,” I whispered back.

I loved them both, especially for sticking with me through everything; I knew I probably didn’t exactly deserve it, with the way I had distanced myself from them.

Chloe clapped her hands together excitedly. “All right, now spill!”

I giggled at the scene she was making. “Already? I haven’t even had a chance to get a drink yet.”

As if he had been called, a cute barrista approached with a tray of mugs. “Here you go, ladies. Do you need anything else?” he said with a wide smirk.

Chloe grinned back at him. “Thanks Adam, we’re good for now.”

When he had departed, her eyes returned to me. “You were saying?”

“It’s unbelievable how you always get what you want.” I laughed.

“You're avoiding the real conversation here. What is going on with you and the football player?”

Meagan piped up. “Yeah, you two were looking pretty happy last night.”

I decided to draw it out a little bit, mainly to torture Chloe, so I took a long sip from my cup. I could hear her foot tapping on the floor, and her hands were clasped on the table.

“I told you last night that he's a friend, and that we've been studying together.”

“There's more to this story. Stop denying it,” Meagan stated.

I grinned to myself and looked down at the table; I knew what was coming. “Well, that was the whole story... until later last night anyway.”

They both squealed loudly, and the commotion turned the heads of other patrons. I shrugged apologetically at them.

“He told me that he was really into me and that was kind of it. He’s a good guy. I like him.”

“And you met because he was your tutor?”

“Actually, I met him before that. I was on the bridge one day, and he walked by and kept me company. He’s been there for some pretty low moments and didn’t walk away. I hadn’t considered a relationship with him until last night.”

Chloe’s eyes twinkled. “Did you sleep with him?”

“Really, Chloe?” Meagan scolded her.

“I did. And don’t ask me anything else, because I am
not
going to share details.”

“Well,
I'm
glad you've found some happiness,” Chloe said, reaching over to squeeze my arm. She looked down at the watch on her wrist and squealed. “Oh
God
,
I'm
going to be late for class, and the professor hates late-comers. He goes out of his way to make an example of them. I have to jet. Meagan, can you give me a lift?”

She nodded, and they both stood to leave. We gathered for a group hug, and they scooted out the door. I sat back down and pulled out my phone, browsing some emails. My phone dinged with a text.

How is your coffee?

I smiled broadly. Only a short time, and I was thrilled to know he was thinking about me.

My friends had to leave for a class. Was just checking email before heading out.

I’ll pick you up at 6pm. Looking forward to seeing you ;)

I stuffed my phone into my pocket, grabbed my purse, and headed out. I decided to visit Matt.

I arrived at the quiet grounds, my heart aching as it always did. But more than anything, I wished I could tell Matt about Max. I sat cross-legged on the cold ground in front of his stone, my coat pulled up around my neck to fight against the cold wind that was blowing. I stared at the words on the stone for a few moments, trying to keep control.

“You know, Matt, you suck. I mean, really. I want you to be here so I can gush to you, and be silly, and tell you all about this guy, so you can be all macho and tell me that you have to meet him, and tell me to be careful. I wish you could know that, I’m pretty screwed up, and even still, Max wants to spend time with me. That’s his name—Max. He's a football player, like you. He's such a nice person.”

I felt the first of many tears fall. “But I’m scared that, one day, he's going to realize my roller coaster of emotions is too much, and finding someone else would be easier. Maybe I don’t deserve him.”

I shrugged to myself and stared down at my hands in my lap. More tears fell. “I’m ridiculous, because
I'm
sitting here crying, and yet, I really am happy. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about Max. I don’t know if you can hear me, wherever you are, but I hope you can.”

I sat there until the chill in the air began to seep through my coat and into my bones. I stood slowly, my legs stiff. I kissed my fingers and lightly brushed them against his stone, before turning.

“I love you,” I whispered. The wind picked up and I hurried home to get warm.

When I entered the kitchen to make tea for myself, my mother was there. She looked up from her puzzle book. “You haven’t been around much. How is school going?”

“Fine.” I turned my back to her to fill my mug in the sink. I rolled my eyes freely then. There was never any mention of Matt with her. I knew people grieved differently, but I didn’t understand why she couldn’t seem to let me in when it came to that. I wished she could. As it was, I felt completely alienated and alone at home.

I popped my mug in the microwave and heated my tea, choosing to check out a random Chinese food flier on the counter rather than look at her. It was less awkward that way. But my mom didn’t seem to feel the same.

“So, what else is going on?”

I shrugged, not moving my eyes from the flier. “Not much. Trying to keep my mind on school. Studying a lot.”

“Are you still studying with that boy who was assigned to you?”

I sighed under my breath. “Yes.”

My mom made some noise that sounded like a mix between a huff and a sigh. “Do you think you still need the help? I mean,
I'm
sure he has other things to do.”

The microwave beeped and relief swept over me. I hastily added honey and milk before answering. “Max and I are friends, Mom, but it’s not like I've taken him hostage. He can do whatever he wants. Anyway, I’ll be upstairs.”

I grabbed my mug and slipped from the room as quickly as I could, before she had a chance to make further comment. Closing the door to my room, I took a sip of my tea and retrieved my phone from my pocket.

Ran into my mom. She thinks
I'm
forcing you to spend time with me.

No where else I would rather be, babe. Want to stay over tonight?

I bit my lip. Was it too soon to spend multiple nights in a row together? I
sank
to the floor, resting my back against the bed. After a moment, I received another text.

... I can practically hear your gears turning, babe. We don’t have to have a repeat of last night, though I wouldn’t complain, but I liked having you there more than anything.

I smiled at his words, the pressure suddenly off my shoulders.

Okay. Packing a bag. See you later.

I grabbed Matt’s backpack, then threw in a change of clothes and a couple books that would fit. When I was done, I stretched out on my bed, undecided on whether to spend the time studying or to take a nap. A perfectly timed yawn sealed my fate. After setting my alarm, I got cozy underneath my comforter and dozed off.

When the alarm rang a couple hours later, I slipped
from
bed and headed across the hall to the bathroom to refresh myself. I returned to my room and ran a brush lightly through my thick, burgundy hair. After adding a couple more items to my bag, I hurried downstairs. I knew Max was always early, and I wanted to be ready so he had to spend as little time in the house as possible.

“Going somewhere?” I froze at the sound of my mother’s voice, surprised that she was not locked upstairs in her room.

“Yup. Max is coming to get me. I probably won’t be home tonight.”

And then she did it... she tsk’d me. “What are you doing, getting mixed up with someone when you should be focused on school?”

“I’m fine, Mom. I don’t really need advice on my personal life.”