Make Me Whole (25 page)

“Not at all. Are you sure that’s what you want?” Nick asked, even as his body screamed yes, to take Galen up on his offer, to hold him down and make him cry out and writhe underneath him. Galen must’ve seen the truth in his face because his uncertainty vanished and he gave Nick a wicked grin.

“Yes, I am, and so are you.” He arched his hips and rubbed his cock against Nick’s thigh. “All those times you held yourself back because we weren’t alone or because you didn’t think you had the right…. I sensed it, I wanted it then, but it wasn’t the right time, and I kept second-guessing myself and the signals you were giving me. This time is right.”

Nick thought his heart was about to beat right out of his chest as all sorts of dizzying possibilities swept through his mind. One thing at a time. He’d start out slow and simple and let Galen dictate how far he wanted to take this. This relationship was new enough that Nick didn’t want to upset the delicate balance they’d found.

“God, I love you,” Nick breathed and dropped a hard kiss on Galen’s lips. He didn’t give Galen a chance to respond to that sudden statement. He didn’t want him to feel obligated to reply or awkward if he couldn’t. The words had been clawing at him to come out for days now, and Nick was tired of fighting them. So he kissed Galen and fumbled for the bottle of lube and the box of condoms in his bedside drawer.

Galen ran his nails down Nick’s back, making him arch with a hiss. Galen chuckled, his eyes wicked as he looked up at Nick. “If I’m going to be at your mercy, I want you to be at mine first.”

“I always have been.” Ever since the first moment he’d laid eyes on Galen, leaning against the bar, laughing at some joke from another patron. Their eyes had caught, the smile on Galen’s face had changed from amusement to speculative, and Nick had to go over to introduce himself. All those endless nights of drinking and dancing followed by amazing sex had only increased Galen’s hold on him.

Nick rolled the condom on and slicked both of them, and after he’d fingered Galen a little, stretching him, Galen shook his head and stopped Nick with a hand on his wrist. “No more, I’m ready for you now.”

“You sure? You said it’s been a while.” Doubt niggled. Maybe Galen hadn’t been entirely honest about how long it had been out of an effort to spare Nick’s feelings. Even if he hadn’t gone clubbing anymore, he was at the museum every day with gay men drifting in and out.

Galen kissed him hard enough to make his lips tingle, ending with a hard little nip that made them start throbbing. “More than sure. Rough and out of control, that’s how I want it.”

Nick flipped Galen over onto his stomach and stopped him from getting up on all fours with a hand between his shoulders. “This is where I want you.” Galen sank right back down, a visible tremor running down his back. Nick pushed Galen’s thighs apart and paused to admire the view, the tension in Galen’s back and buttocks, the flush to his skin.

Galen wanted to be out of control and be at Nick’s mercy? Then they were doing things his way. He got more lube and pushed two fingers into Galen, scissoring them. He was tight, the muscle resisting him and Nick’s doubts disappeared. “Nick!” Galen reached back for him and Nick caught his hands, pinning them to the small of his back.

“Oh no, you wanted to be at my mercy, you’ve got to take what I’m giving you.” He would give Galen rough, but he didn’t want to hurt him. Galen squirmed, trying to get some leverage, and Nick used his knees to push Galen’s thighs wider apart. “You should see the gorgeous sight you make right now.”

“You’re a bitch,” Galen replied, but the laughter and hunger in his voice told Nick that he wasn’t pushing it too far. “I can take it.”

“I know you can. That’s not the point.” Nick continued to finger him while Galen clenched and rocked. His mouth was dry as he watched Galen struggle in the sunlight, thighs straining, ass taut until the resistance faded as desire took over, and Galen began trembling with little whimpered moans and sighs for more.

He released Galen’s wrists, his heart pounding as he guided his cock toward Galen’s entrance. “Please.” Galen started to lift his hips up, and Nick gave one firm cheek a hard smack before palming it with a squeeze. Galen went still and looked over his shoulder at Nick with surprised eyes.

How far did Galen want to take this lack of control? “Hands on either side of your head.” Slowly he obeyed, wetting his lips, his breath coming quicker as his gaze heated. “Don’t move. Don’t try to take me in deeper, or else you’ll have to wait even longer while I play with you more. Okay?”

Galen shuddered and closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, they were so hot, burning right into Nick with his stare. “Okay.”

The acceptance in Galen’s gaze, the need, brought another punch to Nick’s heart. He loved Galen, as maddening as he could be… or maybe because of it. He challenged Nick in so many ways and jerked him out of the rut that had become his life.

Nick smiled at him and gave Galen’s other cheek a smack so he had matching red spots on each side of his ass. Galen squirmed with an “Ooohh,” laying his head back down on the pillow. Another time he would have to see how Galen would react to a real spanking. This wasn’t the only hint he’d had that led him to believe Galen might enjoy it too.

Nick began to push into him, fighting the urge to thrust into him with one stroke. He grabbed Galen’s wrists, holding him down as he pushed deeper inside of him, his weight pinning Galen to the bed. Galen groaned, his body tensing at the invasion after so long. Nick nipped the back of Galen’s neck, hard little bites followed by licks and kisses. With each scrape of his teeth Galen shuddered, and as Nick continued to play with his neck, Galen relaxed until Nick was fully inside of him.

Then it was Nick’s turn to shudder. Galen’s heat grasped him, the muscles tightening and relaxing around his cock. He began with long, deep thrusts instead of the hard and quick way he knew Galen liked. Galen cried out, writhing underneath him, trying to push back and unable to. He circled his hips, clenching around Nick, chanting his name.

Nick toyed with him. He whispered endearments as he brought Galen close to the edge, then pulled back to give them both a chance to calm down, only to start again until both of their bodies were damp with perspiration, and Galen was trembling and pleading, crying out into the pillow with each thrust.

“Please… so close… harder, dammit.” Galen’s voice was raw, aching, and it made Nick crazy inside. Galen was a madness that had sunk into his bones and blood, that elusive spark Nick had finally caught a hold of and wanted to keep by his side forever.

Nick let go of Galen’s hands and slid out of him as he rose to his knees. Galen whimpered and stiffened, but didn’t move other than to give Nick a pleading look over his shoulder. “Stop stopping.”

“I love you.” Nick hauled Galen up by his hips and thrust into him with one hard rock of his hips. Galen cried out, his hands fisting in the sheets.

“Yes. Nick, please.”

Nick pounded into him, the room filling with the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, Galen’s sharp cries for more, and Nick’s groans. Nick’s fingers tightened on Galen’s hips as he stared at the back of Galen’s neck covered in dark red marks. He couldn’t believe he’d done that, much less that Galen had let him. For all that Nick was ostensibly in control, it was really Galen who had the string around his heart.

It didn’t last long enough. Both of them were too close. Galen shifted, stroking his cock with quick jerks until he came with a hoarse shout, his body tensing around Nick’s cock as he tried to rock back on him. Nick’s hands tightened hard enough to bruise as his hips snapped. Feeling Galen contract around him was too much, and the tension shattered. Galen lowered his shoulders, arching his ass up higher in offering as Nick buried himself inside of him, riding the hard, hot waves of his orgasm.

G
ALEN
traced his fingers down Nick’s arm, his body replete and more than content to lie wrapped up with him as his mind kept going.
I love you
. Every time he remembered Nick saying those words he trembled a little inside. It was humbling, the trust Nick showed him even though he’d been hurt in the past, and Galen hoped he was up to that faith. It made him want to show Nick a little of that trust in return.

“You still hungry?” Nick murmured. “There might still be some pizza left.”

“No, I think we pretty much killed it.” They’d spent the entire evening in bed, exploring, learning new things about each other and themselves. Even now the memory made his cock stir. They’d played until hunger drove them to order in, and then they’d taken the pizza to the bed, fed each other, and screwed around some more, letting out weeks of pent-up frustration.

“You seem restless.” Nick rolled onto his stomach and gave Galen an assessing look by the light of the bedside lamp. His expression was neutral, which Galen had come to understand meant what Nick was feeling was far from neutral. “It’s getting late. If you want to head home, I’ll understand.”

Galen shook his head and tangled his fingers with Nick’s. “No, I don’t want to go home. I’d like to stay.” He didn’t want to go back to his cold, empty bed when he could stay right here, warm, content, and aching with the weight of all he wanted to say.

A grin broke out over Nick’s face, transforming the neutral mask, and it made Galen ache even more to see it. He wanted to see that smile for a long time to come. If he only dared to take the next step, to open himself up even more…. He’d made a promise to himself this morning, before everything had gone to hell, that he would tell Nick everything about the accident. “Good, now stop looking so sad, or else I’ll start to think I’ve done something wrong.”

“No, you’ve done everything right, and that’s the problem.” Galen had fallen in love with him, and it was too damn late to turn away and run. He’d tried that, and it hadn’t been enough to get Nick out of his mind. All it had done was hurt him, even if Galen had needed that time.

“What’s bothering you?” Worry crept into Nick’s eyes. “I didn’t take it too far, did I?”

Galen laughed and kissed the corner of Nick’s mouth. “Oh hell no. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if you took it a bit further next time. Though, if you tell anyone that you got me to beg like that, I will retaliate in kind.”

Nick cupped his face, and his thumb brushed across Galen’s lips, silencing him. “What is it? Something’s bugging you. Is it Suzane?”

Galen stared at Nick and drank in his steadying presence. He could do this. He could put his trust in Nick, hoping he would understand why he brought this up tonight. “You asked me once why I avoided relationships, and I said that I wasn’t ready to talk about it.” Nick’s admission of love had changed that. If Galen was going to go forward with their relationship, Nick deserved to know why Galen had closed himself off for so long.

“And you’re ready now?”

“Yeah, but it feels a little weird bringing up Bryan when I’m naked with you. Actually it feels pretty rude and disrespectful. This is something that’s not easy for me to talk about.” Remembering that night, the cold rain lashing through the broken windows, the hot blood between his fingers, chilled him inside and out. Memories should fade after time, but those were still stark and raw. He couldn’t pass an accident on the road without getting that hard, sickening jolt every time.

Nick’s expression became thoughtful. “Are you bringing it up now because you feel safe talking about it now or for another reason?” His hands continued to cradle him, giving Galen the comfort and intimacy he craved.

“I’m saying it because you deserve to know and because I’m so tired of holding onto it. I need to let it go ’cause it ate me up inside for too long. It made me dead and afraid and….” Galen paused, the weight in his chest becoming heavier. It wasn’t the mourning. He’d done that, let Bryan go. It was the fear that held him prisoner. Fear that it could happen all over again. Fear that he would lose someone else too soon.

Nick wrapped his arms around Galen and pulled him close. “Hey, I meant what I said earlier. This is me, not the sex talking. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Galen laid his head on Nick’s shoulder and smiled wistfully. How had he gotten to be so lucky not once, but twice? And this time the difference was Galen was certain what he had with Nick could last until they were old and gray if given the opportunity. “I was in a relationship for four years. I wanted it to be permanent, and Bryan wanted what he wanted, and at the time it was me.”

“You didn’t think he would stick around?” Nick asked, his fingertips skimming down Galen’s back.

“Bryan… didn’t take life seriously; everything was a lark or a game.” Galen lifted his head and looked at Nick, finding comfort in the other man’s steady gaze. “It was raining the night of the accident. I was driving, and we were arguing over his latest scheme. I was pissed because he wasn’t being serious, and he thought I was being oversensitive and wouldn’t listen to my concerns.”

Galen closed his eyes, and every angry word came back to him. “A truck suddenly tried merging into our lane, and I swerved to avoid it and lost control.”

Galen could still hear it, that angry high-pitched drag of the tires trying to find purchase on the road. He still felt the same hot spike of adrenaline as he fought to straighten the car. He remembered how the car skidded, heard Bryan’s shout just before the terrible crash, the silvery cymbal clash of glass breaking and Bryan’s scream.

Nick’s hand touched his cheek, drawing his attention back. “Hey, you’ve gone cold. Come back to me. It’s okay. You’re not there. You’re here.”

Galen drew a shuddering breath. “It happened so fast. There was nothing I could’ve done.” He kept telling himself that, but it didn’t stop him from going over the details again and again. What if his attention hadn’t been half on the argument? Would he have reacted sooner? Would he have seen the truck drifting back and forth in time to know it was a hazard to be avoided?

“It took the emergency workers far too long to get through the mess of backed-up cars on the highway, and by then it was too late. I’d tried to stop the bleeding, but there was so much. He bled out while I held him, and there was nothing I could do. Even knowing that if they’d come sooner it wouldn’t have helped wasn’t a comfort. Knowing that the guy in the truck had been drinking hadn’t helped either. We were mad at each other. Our last words had been angry, and I can’t forgive myself for that.”