Make Me Weak (Make Me #1) (19 page)

When it was time to get ready I changed it up a bit. Straightening my curly hair and instead of putting it in luscious tight curls I opted for long soft curls. It was far more romantic than sex kitten as I even found myself toning down the makeup but I rather enjoyed it. No doubt Maurizio would flip shit tonight, not just about my absence but by my lack of “sex” appeal. No fake lashes, without pounds of eye shadow and eyeliner on. Maurizio’s motto was the more the better but I didn’t give a shit what he thought and I wasn’t going to start caring now.

Before I left I threw on a pair of black yoga pants and my typical black hoodie. Looking at the clock I could see by the time I got there I would be right on time, maybe even a little early. Maybe that will make Maurizio feel a little less stabby—doubtful, but it’s a start. As I left my usual walking pace was immediately foiled by my joints sudden need to run. It was a new therapeutic release for me and was the latest addiction my body craved. I had no intention of denying myself so as soon as my door was locked up tight again—I bolted.

I hated the fact that it was in the direction of the club that I was heading off to but I loved the tension release in my limbs. Any nerves I had about running into either of the Ramsey men or the
irritation I already felt toward Maurizio was gone. The wind, the adrenaline, the pounding of my heart, those were the things I heard. My slip on shoes weren’t typically good for running but it didn’t matter. Better than bare feet like I experienced the other night. As I passed by nightlife, crowded bars, drunken people, and other creeps I didn’t stay around long enough to understand I decided I needed some music. Maybe with this next wad of cash I’d invest in one of those music thingys to give me something better to lose myself in, besides people in the street.

I finally arrived and made my way to the back entrance where one of our blonde, hulk-sized security guard
s stood unmoving. I flashed him a smile, one of the only people that ever saw a genuine one. Me and Lars go way back (yes his name is Lars and I freaking love it) to my first day on the job. I was timid, anxious, excited, and halfway through my first striptease some drunkard made his way onto the stage and grabbed my legs. My scream was loud and shrill but I hadn’t even stopped before Lars had jumped on stage pulled the man off me and landed a massive punch to the side of his face. He took the man away and I scurried back into the dressing room. Lars followed me back with a bottle of water and a shot of whiskey. With his grunt of a voice he told me it was all going to be okay. As long as I was there—none of them were going to hurt me. Honestly, if it hadn’t of been for him, I would have likely left that day and never returned.

“She returns.” Lars grunted out.

“That I have.”

“Boss is pissed at you.”

I flicked my cigarette into the dark parking lot and gave Lars a pat against his chest. “What else is new?”

“You been alright?”

“Alive and kickin’.” I replied as I walked through the door he held open for me.

“Holler for me if Mau tries to change the alive part.”

I snorted as I kept walking. “He doesn’t scare me, Lars.”

“Good girl.”

I turned into the changing room and all at once the girls looked my way. All rolled their eyes, some made a scoffing sound of disgust and I smiled. Maybe it was good to be back after all. Now that the world was back to the way it should be. Cherry was sitting atop her changing station, rolling fishnet tights up her legs. She looked up at me and smirked.

“I was wondering why all the chatter stopped.” She said as I plopped down at my station next to her.

“The wicked witch had arrived.”

“
Maurizio’s pissed.”

I shrugged, yanking my sweatshirt off my head. “It’s more newsworthy if he
isn’t
pissed.”

“Yeah. Well, he’s not expecting you to be here tonight. I am supposed to take the stage in five minutes. If you want to take my spot you can, go shock the hell out of him.”

“Definitely not going to pass up that opportunity.”

“Here I got this new outfit too. Wanna try it out?”

“Sure.”

Cherry flipped through the hangers on her standing wardrobe and handed over a dress. The outfit was black with red hearts on the tutu skirt, the corset had three white panels with three hearts in each section with a red lace bra attached. It came with a matching red cape and black feathers lining the bottom and elbow length gloves. It was definitely hot and I recognized it right away as a queen of hearts outfit. I gave Cherry a smug grin for her choice in sex appeal.

She caught my look and shrugged her shoulders. “What? I got a thing for Alice in Wonderland.”

“I’m not judging,”

Lucky for me my hair and makeup was done, I just needed to finish the look now. I rolled up fishnet thigh highs with bows on the garters, I instantly paired that with a pair of bright red fuck-me-pumps. In a matter of minutes I was ready, Cherry didn’t seem to think so. She grabbed hold of my face and picked up her liquid eyeliner as she made a darker cat-eye look.

“Didn’t like the way I had it?”

“Nah, you look cute but too normal girl. Love the hair though, looks very natural.” I ran my fingers through it giving it a volumizing shake.

“Yeah, wanted to try something different today.”

“Well, better get your ass out there before Mau comes back screaming.”

Without another word I rushed out of the room to the DJ stand
to make sure they didn’t play whatever song Cherry selected. Usually I could dance to almost anything but Cherry’s type of music was dark, heavy metal and usually only she could make the dance sexy.

“I’m dancing now not Cherry. Put on ‘Ride’ by SoMo.”

I didn’t bother worrying if he had access to it or not. Our DJ had the most high tech equipment with two computers, a house phone sized iPod and whatever else. The kid nodded and I went to take my spot. Our DJ was also the announcer and I waited for my cue as his voice echoed over the speakers.

“Get ready for the long awaited return of the sexy and insatiable Kandi!” There was a wild applause from dozens of horny men as my song cued up and I s
trutted my way onto the catwalk. I undid the tie for the cape and felt it slide leisurely down my body and land in a pile around my heels.

My hands brushed down the front of my corset, over the tops of my thighs. My long strides matched to the beat of the song until the pole was in my grasp. I pulled myself up and
spun around once before climbing to the top. As the song beat more powerfully I thrust my pelvis toward the pole over and again. My eyes shut as the bass shook through my veins getting me back into the sexual mindset I hadn’t experienced since Friday night.

As the chorus came to an end I locked my calves tightly around the pole, letting my chest fall back. My fingers extended toward the ground, hooting from the crowd broke the silence. My legs loosened sending me down to the ground but stopping in time for my hands to hold my weight as I flipped off the pole. Slowly I strutted to the front, stopped, and dropped into the splits. My ass bounced, my hips ground down to the stage. Getting onto my stomach I crawled forward to the very end of the catwalk. A hoard of men crowded to get a look down my bra but I always preferred to get eye contact of just one. To my utter shock that one person was Onyx.

His eyes narrowed, anger roiled off his sexy frame but so did the desire from watching me dance. My first instinct was to run far away but I stopped—time to prove I was over it. My hands brushed over his chest, nails digging into his shirt as they dragged down onto his stomach. I wrapped my fingers into his belt buckle and yanked him closer to me. In this dance I usually undid the belt and thrust my breasts into their face for some cash but not this time. For some reason I didn’t undo the belt and instead I trailed slow kisses from the exposed skin below his shirt all the way up to his neck.

He slipped some bills into my bra but I could hardly get myself to part. The deep, intense gaze fixed on me was making me forget where I was and what I was doing. It had only been days since I last looked into those eyes but it felt like years. How had I convinced myself I was over him again?

Someone let out a loud obnoxious cat whistle but it was enough to snap me out of the trance and turn my back on him. I dropped to my knees and slowly crawled back to the pole, tuning out the annoying hollering at the sight of my G-string clad ass. Pulling myself back onto the pole I finished the song high in the air doing twirls, flips, and bends to accentuate the curves and flexibility men fawned over.

As the song ended I gave a bow and gathered my cape on the way off the stage. The sound of cheering faded away as I entered the hallway to head back into the dressing room. Except this time Maurizio was standing there with his beefy arms crossed over his chest waiting for me.

“We need to talk, Princess.” Just as I was about to deliver my witty response something caught my eye. Onyx turned the far corner to enter the same hallway and that look in his eyes told me I was going to be doing a lot of talking this evening.

“What a fucking surprise this is to see you here today. Finally decide we are worthy of your lousy fuckin’ time?”
Wow. He sure was pissed.

“I was busy this weekend.”

“Clearly. You know, we were busy too and
you
were supposed to be here. This is my lively hood, girl.” Maurizio grabbed onto my wrist, his face was growing redder by the second and I felt fear strike a chime within me. I expected anger but I hadn’t expected this.

“Let her go.” A calm but stern voice called out behind Maurizio, reminding me that Onyx was still here. I shot a look over Maurizio’s shoulders an
d saw Onyx moving slowly toward us, his eyes focused on my arm.

Maurizio looked over his shoulder and heaved out a grunt. He released my hand by throwing it off to the side before he wheeled around to stare down Onyx.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Can’t we just wait until our next class reunion to run into each other again? I’m getting real fuckin’ tired of seeing you.”

“As long as you are putting your hands on her, I’ll be here.” Onyx was half the size of Maurizio’s large chubby frame but he was holding his own. Maurizio began breathing heavily, his nose making the sound of a bull before it attacked.

“Why the fuck does this piece of shit matter to you at all?” He looked at me with utter disgust before returning his murderous glare back on Onyx.

Onyx narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. “I’ve already knocked one guy out over her. I’m not afraid to do it again if you don’t back the hell up.”

“This isn’t your concern, Ramsey. She is my employee and took the goddamn weekend off without so much as a word to tell me.”

“Well, you a
re the one who hired her knowing she didn’t have a phone number.”

Maurizio sized Onyx up once more, crossing his arms back over his chest. “So are you suggesting I fire her ass?”

“No!” I yelled, finally butting in. As much as I despised Maurizio and hated the job, I loved the money. I
needed
the money.

Maurizio turned his attention back to me. “If you are so against me letting you go—why did you not come in once for your shifts?”

“I couldn’t. Personal matters. Think of it as vacation time. But I’m back now.”

He looked me up and down before jamming a finger into my face. “You pull that shit again and don’t bother coming back.”

“Fine.”

“I want you to leave with me now, Kandi.” Onyx not calling me Alexandria made me wonder what was going on. Was he finally treating me like the stripper I asked all along?

“Now?” Maurizio asked with an incredulous tone that Onyx would come out of nowhere to request such a thing.

“Yes,” he answered Maurizio but turned his eyes back on me. “You shouldn’t be here, love. Leave with me. Talk to me.”

“Fuck that! I just got my most profitable girl back—she’s not going anywhere!” He seethed beside me.

I looked from Mau to Onyx. “I can’t just leave, Onyx. I need to make money.”

“I’ll pay you for what you’d lose.”

Every beat of my heart was screaming
yes
! My body was beginning to physically ache with the separation between us. It was far easier to cut him from my life when he wasn’t there looking at me with those devastatingly beautiful dark eyes. Here he was, standing up for me again and I was fighting all urges to walk away with him and leave this world behind.

“Fuck that, Onyx! You can’t just barge in here every time she finally shows up and steal her away. If she ain’t seein’ you when she’s not here, what makes you think you’re worth her time?”

His question horrified me. It was true—for Onyx. Onyx had no way of knowing all I went through to try and rid him from my thoughts. And how with a single glance tonight all the progress I had made was undone. It made my stomach churn to think that Mau’s words would hit home for Onyx and make him decide it was time to walk away.

“You don’t need to worry about us, Maurizio. This is between
me and her.”

“Well, as long as she is working here it
does
include me.”

Between these two men there was no way to simply solve this. Testosterone was going to get in the way and if I knew one thing about Maurizio, I knew he didn’t cave that easily to other men. He dealt with me but that was because he had to. Already once now he has let Onyx tell him what to do, I was fairly certain it wasn’t going to happen again.

“How about I go outside for a few minutes, talk with Onyx and then finish out my shift?”

Mau looked from me to Onyx and back again before throwing his hands in the air. “Fine, fifteen minutes
tops!
But when you come back in I better not hear a fuckin’ word about anything. You’ll perform on stage three more times tonight, do a few table dances and you’ll be fuckin’ ecstatic if someone requests you for a private dance. And you,” this time it was Onyx that got Maurizio’s finger in the face. “You will
not
cause problems in my damn club. If so, I don’t care how far back we go—I will throw you out for good.”

Onyx threw his hands in the air in an innocent surrender way. Finally Mau gave a final grunt before stomping away to terrorize someone else’s night. With just me and Onyx standing here now, I knew something had to be said. There was no doubt he was going to ask me what happened this weekend. Why I bailed on him and why I was such a flake.

“I need to take this off. I’ll just change quick and meet you out back.”

Onyx nodded, without taking his eyes off mine. “Please don’t disappear on me this time.”

A knot formed in my throat but I tried to forget about it as I nodded. “I won’t.”

He had yet to move a muscle as he watched me. The way to the dressing room was behind Onyx and he was efficiently blocking my passage. He seemed to be thinking to himself and after another minute of silence I was about to blurt out what his deal was but I didn’t have to. He took a few steps forward, looking down into my face while I looked up to meet him. His hands raised to my shoulders and delicately slid down my arms until my hands were in his.

“You can’t do that to me again, Alexandria.”

Behind those dark eyes were a pained look I hadn’t expected. I anticipated anger and for him to be pissed off and maybe even over me but this was different. Onyx looked hurt above all else and it made my heart burn. It was never my intention to hurt him. Okay—who am I kidding—it must have been. Onyx isn’t just another womanizing fucker at least, I didn’t think so. There was something more meaningful happening between us, of course my disappearance meant something.

Onyx looked me up and down shaking his head slowly back and forth as if he realized just how close to losing me he really was. Gently he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. My eyes slid shut as I let the warmth and comfort from his touch overwhelm my every sense. It was almost unbelievable how much a single touch from him could disarm all my fears and insecurities.

“I’ll meet you outside.” I choked out, needing to be away from him as soon as possible. I pushed past him and made my way down the hall into the changing room without turning back.

I managed to get to my station without many snide remarks and I immediately began getting the outfit off of me. Cherry looked to be putting on the final touch of her look with a coat of lipstick when she saw me struggling.

“Chill, girl.”

I stood still, feeling the corset getting tighter on me just the way it felt like the walls were closing in. I wanted to stop feeling this way but at the same time I was becoming addicted to the sense of meaning something to Onyx. If I shut off all emotions, it would close out that one as well.

Carefully
, Cherry got the corset undone allowing me to pull the outfit off freely. I picked up the hanger for it and fumbled with getting it back in place, my mind elsewhere and my fingers not working. Cherry covered her hands over mine to stop me.

“Go smoke, girl. I got this, don’t worry.”

Cherry knew nothing about me except that I needed to smoke. She never asked what was wrong but she could sense when something was. I had always underestimated my friendship with Cherry, until right now. She really did know me as well as one could know me without knowing anything. She gave me a dopey little smile and nodded me off to finish getting dressed.

I whipped on my hoodie and yanked my yoga pants into place. With a quick pat on my sweatshirt pocket I made sure my cigarettes were in there. As I walked outside to meet Onyx I felt my knees wobble like this was my first time using them. I was downright terrified to see Onyx, not that I didn’t trust him but because I did. Every wall I built up and reinforced did nothing to keep out Onyx. It was crucial for me to live my life with Daisy being the one and only
priority in my life. The second I lost focus I could lose her for good and I would never be able to live with myself.

But the issue was when it came to Onyx I couldn’t focus on other things. He consumed my thoughts, my actions, and every muscle in my body. How was I ever supposed to do what needed to be done when I had the world’s biggest distraction always waiting in the wings for me? It had been wrong of me to disappear without a word, but this was my chance to part from him the way I should have in the first place.

I made my way outside past Lars, he grunted but I was too dazed to interpret. Breathing in deep and blowing it all out made me feel like one of those LaMaz coaches that spent their lives breathing deeply. What was my problem? I was supposed to be brave, daring, and fearless! Not terrified about talking with someone I simply slept with. I was far from innocent but right now, that was the way I felt.

Turning the corner of the building I saw Onyx’s silhouette leaning the brick in the exact moment of that all-consuming
first
second kiss. The cherry from his cigarette dimly lit his face in the night. Letting me see that even though he hadn’t moved a muscle, he was still watching. My fingers shook as I pulled out a smoke from my own pack and held it between my lips.

I fumbled with my lighter suddenly unable to figure out how to work this stupid thing. If I had been watching this play out in a theater I would have left. Immediately. This chick was a complete and utter moron that didn’t deserve this fine ass man. Alas, it wasn’t a movie, it was my life and I had to face it. My legs were moving me mindlessly until I was standing directly in front of Onyx. My fingers still fumbling foolishly with my lighter like I was a damn preteen girl trying to look cool.

I hardly noticed Onyx move but out of nowhere I heard the sound of a match striking against the box. It ignited into a mesmerizing orange and blue flame that danced between us. He cupped his hand around it to keep the wind from blowing it out, holding it up for me. As I inhaled and puffed out I met his eyes for the first time. Those penetrating brown eyes had never faltered from my face and instantly the nerves in my stomach moved to my chest, making my heart beat out of control.

After a few silent drags and eye contact that deserved an award. I finally worked up the courage to speak.

“How did you know I was going to be here tonight?”

“I didn’t know. I’ve been coming here every damn night to catch you.”

A knot caught in my throat my stomach became queasy at the admission. “Why?”

“Why else, love? I need to see you and be around you. Why does it always surprise you that someone cares for you?”

I narrowed my eyes, channeling the cold-hearted bitch I used to be. “You don’t even know me. How could you care for me? I care for myself first and I suggest you do the same.”

Onyx watched my mini rant without saying a word. The way he regarded me was like a parent patiently waiting for their toddler to quit their pointless tantrum.

“I know you, Alexandria. You are a woman with a tough past. You saw the cruelty of the world before most have even stepped out into the world alone. I can see in those breathtaking eyes of yours all that terrifies you and that incredible strength you conjure up every single day. There is something about you that is keeping me from giving up and walking away. I
had
to come back for you, love. Whether you understand that tonight, tomorrow, or even a few months from now just remember it. And I despise the fact that you’re going to spend the next few hours now grinding your ass over other men’s dicks. That you’ll be the epitome of their every fantasy. I want you to leave with me right now. I hate you in this place.”