Make-Believe Wife (17 page)

‘Must it?' Luke's gaze narrowed, becoming brooding and thoughtful. ‘I wonder what you would say if I told you what I wish for, Roxanne?' She raised her brows and he shook his head, laughing ruefully. ‘If only I knew, my dear. I fear I am an impossible fellow
and I dare say you are wishing you had never come to my aid that day in the woods.'

‘No,' Roxanne said. ‘I have never wished that, nor shall I. You may have regrets, Luke, but I regret nothing.'

With that she walked away, leaving him to stare after her and wonder what was in her mind.

 

‘Ah, you look better, sir,' Luke said as he saw his grandfather sitting propped up in bed reading the latest newssheet from London. ‘I wanted to see how you were. I have some business to attend in London, but did not wish to leave until you were over the worst.'

‘Running off before the wedding?' The earl looked at him over the small round glasses that he wore perched on the end of his nose for reading. ‘Do you think that entirely fair on Roxanne?'

‘Roxanne will not mind. She does not expect me to dance attendance on her all the time, sir.'

‘No, of course not. She made a bargain with you and she'll stick to it, because she is honest and decent—but there's no cause for you to treat her as if she were a doormat.'

‘I cannot think I have done so,' Luke replied, stung by the accusation. ‘Roxanne has not complained to me—has she said something to you?'

‘She would not complain, but I've had the truth out of her. She told me after that fellow attacked Mr Higgins. The gel doesn't know who she is or where she came from before Sofia found her. She's afraid she stole that wretched ruby, but I don't believe she's a thief.'

‘Roxanne told you all this?' Luke frowned, his mouth thinning. ‘Did she tell you everything?'

‘About the bargain you made to give me something to please me in my last days?' The earl's gaze narrowed. ‘I'd guessed some of it and I made her tell me the rest. Did you imagine I should be fooled, Luke? You haven't been behaving like a man who has fallen head over heels. She's a better actress than you—though I'm not so sure she's acting now. She's a tender-hearted woman, Luke—and I don't want to see her hurt.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘If you're doing this for my sake, perhaps you shouldn't,' the earl said. ‘I know I've pushed you towards marriage, but that girl means something to me. If you don't love her, let her go and stop this masquerade before it's too late. I'll do something for her myself. Indeed, she is welcome to stay with me for the rest of my days if she chooses. You can go back to the life you enjoy. I know now that I was wrong to demand so much of you, Luke. It isn't right to force you into marriage for my sake. I don't want either of you to ruin your life for me. That gel cares about us both and I won't see her hurt. If you marry her, make it a proper marriage and forget this foolish bargain.'

‘I think marriage to Roxanne would suit me well enough. It is no different to many marriages made for position or money. I doubt I shall ever fall in love or want to settle for domesticity. I'm a loner like my father. It wouldn't be fair to make any woman love me, because I should hurt her.'

‘Your father may not have been what you think him,'
the earl said and sighed heavily. ‘This marriage and an heir before I die would make me happy, Luke—but I've been selfish too often in the past. I want both of you to be happy and I'm releasing you from your promise. If you marry her, let it be because it's what you want.'

‘Thank you, sir.' Luke inclined his head stiffly. ‘I shall leave you to rest. You may be certain that I shall give this some thought.'

Luke left his grandfather's bedchamber, striding along the hall and down the stairs. He could feel the anger building inside him. Why hadn't Roxanne told him that the earl knew everything? Why had she allowed him to think that she was still going through the motions of a make-believe marriage?

She was in a plot with his grandfather to trap him into making this a proper marriage. Once his ring was on her finger there would be no going back. Luke could divorce her, but the scandal would be horrendous and he would never be able to face it. Hurting Roxanne would be like inflicting pain on himself. He'd meant it to be a simple arrangement with no ties on either side, but Roxanne had broken the terms of their agreement.

He felt resentful and bitter, because she had taken his grandfather's side against him. He could imagine them smiling over their plot, reeling him in like a fish on a line. How dare she talk about him behind his back?

Luke knew that he was the one who had swept her off on a tide of passion on the night of the ball, but he was struggling to keep his head above water and only by transferring the blame could he justify his own reactions. He'd meant it to be the way it was when he
took a mistress, passion and pleasure but no emotional entanglement. Roxanne had declared her love in the heat of desire and it had sent him running in a panic.

He couldn't handle love. Luke's mouth was dry and his stomach was tying itself in knots. Love hurt too much. It was a black choking sensation that made small boys weep in the darkness and cry out for the mother they had lost. He wasn't in love with Roxanne. He couldn't love anyone. He was like his father. She had lied to him by keeping it secret that the earl knew of their bargain.

Roxanne was in her favourite parlour. She was matching silks against a piece of embroidery she'd found somewhere, a look of such perfect content on her face that his fury broke loose in a torrent of bitter words.

‘How dare you lie to me?' he demanded without preamble, ignoring the look of shock on her face. ‘Have you been plotting together—you and Grandfather? Did you laugh at how easy I was to fool?'

‘I have no idea what you mean? Why should I wish to lie to you—or to make a fool of you?'

She rose slowly to her feet, looking as if he'd struck her. It was the way his mother had looked at his father so many times and it made Luke feel guilty. He struck out blindly, because he could not stand to feel her pain.

‘You did not tell me that you had confessed everything to him.'

Roxanne's cheeks burned. ‘Grandfather made me promise I would not tell you he knew. I could not keep it from him because he guessed a part of the whole and
was angry. I thought he would send me away and I did not wish to leave.'

‘It suits you to live here as a grand lady, I suppose,' Luke thundered, his expression one of fury and disgust. ‘You've been fooling us both, haven't you? Laughing at us all the time. Who are you really? An adventuress out for what you can get? I fell right into your little trap, didn't I? You played me so well, pretending to be reluctant and making me persuade you into marriage and giving me an heir. You must have been laughing at my gullibility all the time.'

Roxanne was deadly white. He saw her hands shaking and knew that she was fighting her desire to weep, but his anger was so intense that he could not control it.

‘Have you nothing to say to me?'

‘I believe you have said it all,' Roxanne murmured between stiff lips. ‘Excuse me. I think I must leave.'

‘I'll save you the bother. I'm going to London.'

Luke strode from the room. His temper carried him as far as the stables and then he suddenly felt all his energy seep away. Leaning against the wall, he discovered that tears were streaming down his cheeks and he could not stop them. A choking sob broke from him as he mumbled, ‘Roxanne, forgive me. Such a fool. I'm so sorry. So very sorry.'

What had he done? He'd said such dreadful things to her. Terrible, cruel, wicked things that she did not deserve. He knew that she was not an adventuress, nor had she planned this for material gain. Yes, she was glad of a settled home, but she was prepared to
give so much in return—all the things that he had lost when his mother died. All the things his soul craved and he feared. He was a craven coward and deserved a horsewhipping for the way he'd spoken to her.

Roxanne would hate him. He had destroyed any feeling she had for him.

She'd said she must leave. In his rage he hadn't listened. Did she mean leave the room—or leave him? Go away for ever?

He might never see her again. The thought sent such a wave of agony lashing through him that Luke groaned. He had not realised what he had and he'd cast it away without a second thought.

Perhaps it wasn't too late. If he went back now and begged her pardon on his knees, perhaps she would stay—if not for his sake, for his grandfather's. She loved the earl. Surely she would not desert him?

Luke strode towards the house. Please let him be in time. If she'd already gone, he would find her. He would find her and bring her back for the earl's sake.

Even now he was in denial. Even now he could not quite admit that he needed her, needed her more than he had ever believed possible.

He had no right to care. He was not worthy of her love. He did not know how to love. She had the right to walk away if she chose, now that she knew him for what he was. His damnable temper and the way he hurt people—how could Roxanne ever love him?

 

Roxanne had left the sealed note on the silver salver in the hall. Mrs Arlet would find it and deliver it to the
earl later. It would hurt him, though she'd promised that she would return to see him if she could one day—one day when Luke was back in London and she would not have to see him or the lashing scorn in his eyes.

How could Luke have said such things to her? Roxanne felt her throat tighten with pain. It hurt so much to know what he truly thought of her. How could he believe that she was pretending to care for the earl? He must know that she loved him. He must know that she loved them both so much that this was tearing her into shreds.

She was carrying one small bundle, very similar in content to that she had taken when she left the camp of the travelling players. She'd had no choice but to take the gown she was wearing, some underclothes and a spare skirt and bodice, but the ring and necklace Luke had given her were left on the dressing table in her room.

She had less money than when she'd fled from Black Bob. She'd had no need of money in the earl's house and none had been offered to her. Instead, Luke or the earl had met all the bills for her clothes and anything else she needed was provided.

She would need to find employment quite soon. Roxanne had packed her things, written her note and left in haste. She had not given a thought to what she would do in the future. Now she realised that she must begin working almost immediately. The ruby had gone and she was without friends. Her dream of becoming an actress must be put to one side for the moment. To
eat and have a roof over her head, she must take any work that was offered.

She could not look for a position too close to the estate. People might know her and gossip and she did not wish to cause a scandal for Luke and the earl. There would naturally be some scandal when it was discovered that the engagement was over, but Luke could explain to his family that he'd been mistaken in her; they would sympathise with him and it would blow over after a few months.

Roxanne recalled that they had passed a staging inn on the way here. That meant that the mail coach would call there on its way to and from London. She might just have enough coins to travel a part of the way to London. She could find an inn or perhaps a farmhouse where they were looking for a girl to help with the chores. It was not the life she would choose for herself, but she must make the best of it until she could earn enough to set up for herself. Perhaps she could become a seamstress. She had some talent for sewing and she would prefer that kind of work.

She had left by a side door in order to avoid being seen and made her escape through the walled garden and out into a lane that led through the earl's estate to the village. Once there she could find her way to the staging inn and then… Roxanne choked back her tears and looked about her.

The lane had come to an end. She must either cross over a stile and a meadow, which appeared to be filled with cows and what she thought might be a bull, or go through the wood. She'd imagined the way across the
field would lead her to the village, but now she knew she was lost. Hesitating, she avoided the meadow and the bull, which was eyeing her in a way that she preferred not to challenge. If she kept walking, the wood must lead somewhere and eventually she would find a main road or a village where she could ask the way.

 

She had been walking in the cool shadow of the wood for some twenty minutes or so when she heard something rustling in the undergrowth and then a stick snapped. Someone was close by. She turned her head, eager to find whoever it was and enquire the way, and then something struck her on the side of the head and everything went black.

‘Fool,' the voice said as a pair of strong arms caught her as she fell. ‘His Highness will be angry if you've harmed her. He gave orders that she was to be taken, but not harmed. May the goddess protect her and keep her from harm.'

Roxanne heard nothing of the argument that ensued, nor was she aware of being carried through the wood to where a closed carriage and four horses awaited. Although she was treated with respect after the first crashing blow, she had no knowledge of what was happening to her, her eyes closed and her face pale as the darkness held her mind.

 

‘What does she say?' Luke asked as he watched the earl open his letter and read its contents. Discovering that no one had seen Roxanne, he had found the letter on the salver in the hall and taken it at once to his
grandfather. ‘Has she gone away? Has she left me? I think she left nothing for me.'

‘What on earth did you say to her?' Hartingdon handed him the letter after skimming its contents. ‘You have a careless tongue, but this was more than a harsh word, Luke. She begs my pardon for breaking her promise and regrets she must leave—though she promises to let me know how she is and to visit often if I wish it. Damn it, why does she need to ask? I did not wish her to leave me.'