Major Karnage (8 page)

“They been talkin’ about me, have they?”

“It’s all anyone’s been able to talk about for days. ‘Where is he?
How do we get him? What do we do when we’ve got him? Do we even
want to catch him?’ They prepared that cell especially for you, you
know. It’s been quite a show.”

“Sounds like you’ve been enjoying it.”

“You’re damn right I have. In case you haven’t noticed, there’s not
a lot to do for fun around here. I take my amusement where I can get
it. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, that Riggs fella
showed up and threw a monkey wrench into everything.”

Karnage’s pulse quickened at the mention of the name. “What do
you know about Riggs? What can you tell me about him?”

“Not too much. Just what I’ve heard through the grapevine.
Apparently he was brought in by the brass to take care of you
personally.”

Karnage scowled. “Oh he was, was he?”

“He’s been talking up a storm about how easy you’ll be for him to
take down. Apparently you’re nothing he can’t handle.”

Karnage cracked his knuckles. “I look forward to proving him
wrong.”

“You’re going to have to get in line. Nobody here likes him much.
Especially Sydney.”

“Who’s Sydney?”

“The former captain of this precinct. Sydney got pushed aside
when they brought Riggs in. There aren’t many people here pleased
about that, least of all Sydney.”

A door opened in the distance. Karnage looked down the hall.
Riggs came striding into the room. He smiled at Karnage. “Good. I’m
glad to see that you’re—” Riggs’s eyes darted to the screen behind
Karnage’s head. His features darkened and he turned to Stumpton.
“Did you do this?”

Stumpton’s eyes went wide. “How could I? I’m locked up.”

“Disseminating information on circumventing systems security
is a class five felony under the Dabney Intellectual Property
Ordinance.”

“You make one hell of a bureaucrat, Roach.”

Riggs winced at his nickname. He turned to Karnage and smiled.
“Nobody calls me that anymore, John.”

“Oh yeah? Why not? Looks to me like it’s still true. Things go
to shit and you come out smellin’ okay. Just like old times, isn’t it,
Roach? Oh, except for the part where you stabbed us in the back.”

“I didn’t stab anyone in the back, John.”

“No. You just dropped your dog tags and ran.”

“It’s a lot more complicated than that, John.”

“How complicated can it be, Roach? You’re here. You’re alive. You
ran. End of story.”

“I would have been killed!”

“You don’t deserve life, Roach. And one day, I’m going to make
that happen for you.”

“Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Lemon Breeze. Please refrain
from violent behaviour.”

“John, please.” Riggs sighed. “Look, you’ve been through a lot. I
understand that. And I’m sure you had your reasons for doing what
you did.”

“Doing what I did? What the hell are you—? Oh, I get it. You
think I blew up the asylum.”

“I didn’t say that, John.”

“You think I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy,” Riggs said. “You just need help. There are some
very angry people out there who want your head.”

“There’s a very angry fella in here who wants yours.”

“These are some very powerful people, John. Some very powerful
people. I’m doing everything I can to help. All you need to do is sign
a few forms for me, and we can get you out of here.”

“What kind of a slow-witted bohunk do you take me for?”

“I’m just trying to help you here, John.”

“Fuck you and your help, Roach.”

Riggs shrugged. “All right. If that’s the way you feel about it. I’ll
stop in tomorrow. See how you’re doing. Let me know if you change
your mind.”

Riggs turned and headed for the door. Karnage tried to glare
him to death as he walked out. It didn’t work. “I’m gonna kill that
asshole.”

Karnage’s neck buzzed. “Warning Sanity Level upgraded to
Daffodil. Please refrain from violent behaviour.”

“What’s that voice in the back of your neck about?” Stumpton
said.

“It’s nothin’.” Karnage examined the cell door. “What are these
bars made of?”

“E-nium,” Stumpton said.

“E-nium? What the hell is E-nium?”

“It’s a reconstituted alloy. Made from the shavings of scrap metal.
They mash it up into a kind of polymer. Supposed to be stronger
than titanium. It’s one of those E-friendly products.”

“What the hell is an E-friendly product?”

“It’s one with a big ‘E’ sticker on it.”

Karnage jerked a thumb at the monitor in his cell. “What about
these computers? Can we use ’em to get out?”

Stumpton shook his head. “They’re not tied to any of the main
systems. Just the food and lavatory stuff.”

“That food’s got to come from somewhere, and that shit’s got to
go someplace else.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Might be a closed-circuit system.”

“You mean shit gets recycled into food?”

“Might be.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Wait ’til you taste it.”

“I don’t plan to be here that long.” Karnage ran his fingers along
the corner of the tray jutting out from the wall. “What’s behind
these panels?“

“I don’t know. I haven’t been able to get behind them.”

“Maybe I can.” Karnage slipped his fingers into the gap between
the tray and the wall. He pulled on the tray. He could feel the
resistance of the bent fork pushing against the inside of the wall.
Karnage pulled harder. He heard the creak of metal as the fork bent
inside the wall. Something snapped, and the tray popped out. The
mangled fork dangled from the cable, its head sheared off. Karnage
looked up at the monitor. The red kitties of death were still on the
screen. Karnage’s neck buzzed. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to
Citrus Blast. Please refrain from violent behaviour.”

“Looks like the system has to be reset manually,” Stumpton said.

“Looks like.” Karnage picked up the fork and gave it a solid yank.

“You’re wasting your time with that,” Stumpton said. “That
carbon nanotube stuff doesn’t break.”

“I don’t expect it to.” Karnage wrapped the fork’s wire around his
fist. He braced his foot against the wall and pulled hard.

Metal groaned. Something inside the wall snapped. The tray fell
halfway out of the wall.

Karnage braced himself against the wall and gave another pull.
There was another screech of metal and the tray broke free. It landed
with a heavy thud on the floor. The Sanity Patch buzzed.

“Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Peachy Keen. Please refrain
from violent behaviour.”

Stumpton whistled. “What are you going to do with that?”

“I’m gonna pick the lock.” Karnage unwrapped the cable from his
hand and grabbed the fork by its handle. He stood in the middle
of the cell and started swinging the tray around in a circle, like an
athlete prepping for a hammer throw. After a few spins, he let the
cable loose, and the tray slammed into the bars.

Sparks exploded. Electricity crackled and buzzed. The bars bent
outwards.

Karnage’s neck buzzed. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to
Tangy Orange. Please refrain from—”

“How do you like that,” Karnage said. “E-nium’s stronger than
titanium just like biometric scanners are tamper proof.”

“How did you know?” Stumpton said.

“I didn’t.” Karnage kicked the tray clear of the sparking bars. “But
if this stuff is so strong, then why go to all the trouble of electrifying
it?”

Karnage swung the tray over his head again and lobbed it into the
mangled bars. The Sanity Patch upgraded to Coral Essence. Karnage
didn’t pay much attention to it. He was more worried about the
tray. The bars had bent so far in that the tray was wedged inside the
bulge. Karnage gave the tray an experimental kick. It was stuck fast.
“You don’t suppose these trays are conductive, do you, Corporal?”

“I . . . I don’t know. . . .”

“Best guess?”

“I’d guess not.”

“Good enough for me.” Karnage launched himself across the cell
and slammed his shoulder into the tray. The bars twisted farther
out. A corner of the tray pushed clear of the bars. The Sanity Patch
chirruped again. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Frosty Pink.
Please—”

“Guess you’re right,” Karnage said. “I didn’t get fried.”

Karnage threw himself into the tray again. The entire rear of the
tray pushed clear. “One more oughta do it.”

“—upgraded to Strawberry Shortcake. Please refrain from
violent behaviour.”

Karnage froze. He looked at Stumpton.

“Come on, Major,” Stumpton said, “one more shot and you’re
through!”

Karnage pointed at his neck. “Did that thing say what I think it
said?”

“What?”

“Strawberry shortcake.”

“Yeah, I guess so. What does that matter?”

“Shit.” Karnage moved to punch the tray in frustration. He
stopped himself mid-swing. “Shit-shit
shit!
”

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do it,” Karnage said.

“Sure you can! It’s just gonna take one more hit! Hell, if you’ve
done something to your shoulder, just give it a good solid kick.
That’s all it’ll—”

“I can’t!”

A door burst open in the distance. Boots marched down the hall.
A pair of extra large Dabneycops emerged from the darkness. The
beefier of the two looked from Karnage to Stumpton, then back to
Karnage.

“Which one of you knuckleheads is Karnage?”

A high-pitched voice piped up from behind them. “It’s the one
who still has both his hands, you idiot!”

The beefy one looked at Karnage suspiciously. “You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure! Now get the hell out of my way before I make
you sad tossers regret it!”

“Sorry, Sydney.” The two brutes jumped to either side as if they’d
been bit. Standing behind them was a third Dabneycop who barely
came up to their waists. She removed her helmet, revealing spiky
strawberry blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that stared cold and
hard at Karnage.

“So,” she said. “You’re Karnage.”

“So,” Karnage said. “You’re Sydney.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” she looked Karnage up and down.
“Can’t say you live up to the hype.”

“Feeling’s kinda mutual,” Karnage said.

“Oh yeah?” Sydney smirked. “Expecting someone a bit more
manly, were you?”

“Nah,” Karnage said. “Just a little taller.”

Sydney scowled. She poked at the tray jutting out of the cell.
“Trying to escape, I see?”

“You noticed that, huh?”

“I’ve got a good eye.” She pointed a finger at Karnage. “You cost
me my command.”

“You shoulda done more to hold on to it.”

Sydney smiled. “You got a mouth on you.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“You got the goods to back it up?”

“You lookin’ to find out?”

“I am.” She motioned to the beefier of her two associates. “Tiny.
Open the cage.”

“But Riggs said—”

Tiny buckled. Karnage hadn’t seen Sydney move, but her left
pinky finger was now pressed against Tiny’s knee. Tiny whimpered
and gasped. Sydney never broke eye contact with Karnage.

“Sorry, Tiny. Didn’t quite catch that. Try again?”

Tiny squeaked. Sydney poked a smidgeon harder. Tiny’s eyes
started watering. “I’m afraid you’ll have to speak up, Tiny,” she said.
“Funny thing. Y’see, I thought I heard you mention the name ‘Riggs’
to me. You wouldn’t do anything that stupid, would you, Tiny?”

Tiny shook his head.

“Good. Now be a good lad and open up the cage. Okay, Tiny?”
Sydney curled her finger away from Tiny’s knee. Tiny fell to the
floor, gasping.

“Whenever you’re ready, mate,” Sydney said.

Tiny caught his breath. He stood up and wiped the tears from
his eyes. Giving Sydney a wide berth, he placed his palm on the
biometric scanner. It beeped, and the mangled cell door swung
open. Sydney pulled a pistol on Karnage.

“This here’s the real thing. None of that goober stuff. Spragmos
Industries Max Atom-17. Explosive-tipped bullets. Any funny stuff,
and I blow your head clean off. You get me?”

“Any funny stuff and my head blows clean off,” Karnage said.

“Glad to hear we understand each other. Cuff him, Chuckles.”

Chuckles did. Karnage didn’t resist.

“Guess you’re not so hard to handle after all,” Chuckles said.

“Not under the right circumstances,” Karnage said.

“You sucking up to me?” Sydney said.

“Nope.”

“Good. I hate suck-ups. Isn’t that right, Tiny?”

Tiny jumped and whimpered. He favoured his right leg.

“Right. What say we go for a little walkabout then?”

“You’re in charge,” Karnage said.

“That’s right. I am.” Sydney flicked a salute at Stumpton. “Cheers,
mate.”

Bewildered, Stumpton watched as they effortlessly led Karnage
away.

They took Karnage down through a series of corridors and several
flights of stairs. They stopped for a bit in a stairwell while Sydney
grabbed a heavy duffel bag from a utility closet.

“What’s in the bag?“ Karnage said.

“Emergency supplies,” Sydney said. “You know, just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“In case you get out of line.”

“The gun ain’t enough?”

“Not if I still want you alive.”

They led Karnage down several more flights of stairs. Karnage noted every twist and turn, committing it all to memory. He’d be
able to find his way back blindfolded if need be. No matter what
happened, no matter how things went down, he’d do his damnedest
to make sure he got Stumpton out of there. He was one of his soldiers
now. The only way he’d leave him was under pain of death.